This isn't a question, is it a vent?

[OverlyConfusedAdult]

I have no where else to put this.

I left my boyfriend of 5 years roughly 2 months ago. It was not an easy decision, but at the end of the day it needed to happen. I was not happy, I had not been happy, & even with the changes he made (albeit small & some even very fleeting) I was still unhappy. I loved him. I still love him. But I'm not happy with him. He definitely wanted different things out of life too. He said he'd do anything for me, but I just know if we had continued down that road we would have both been miserable in the end.

Besides that, my friends hated him to the point where I couldn't even have him around them. Since I lived with him, my friends never came over. Any time my married friend (C) would voice some issues she had been dealing with in her marriage, I would relate to her & the others would immediately attack my ex. The conversation was never about my ex. In fact I had stopped bringing him up entirely to them years ago.

When I left my ex, I only told 1 person the day it happened (my friend H). The others found out 2 weeks afterwards, & I had told them to keep their comments of relief or excitement to themselves. I didn't want to hear it. I still don't want to hear it. Just bc I left him doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

3 weeks after leaving my ex, I found an intimate note from his coworker. That messed with me. Hard. It was vague enough to where it left questions. But today I confirmed it. We still follow each other on social media. He posted a picture of his dash in his car, & a leg showing from the passenger seat. It didn't take too much digging to find out.
Maybe that shouldn't mess with me. Maybe I'm wrong to feel angry & upset about it. But to see someone you thought loved you with their all jump to another girl 3 weeks after you break up hurts. We were together 5 years. Not to mention the 2 years before that we were extremely close. I just feel so... destroyed.

[HollyK21]

You seem to feel more destroyed over him moving on than you did about the breakup itself, to which I’d say to not do that to yourself and try keeping things in perspective. You recognize that you weren’t happy and would only make eachother miserable in the end, so remember that you made the right choice in leaving.


Healing isn’t a linear thing and not everyone does it out loud, so just because you see him having fun with another woman, it doesn’t mean he’s totally over you and moved on. Doesn’t mean they’re in a relationship or in love, at best she’s a distraction right now’s this shouldn’t make you feel relief or feel better because at the end of the day it isn’t your problem anymore. He doesn’t have to showcase if or how he hurts over the breakup for you to feel better about your own process. Just wish him well in whatever he’s doing, block him so that you don’t see anything anymore, and focus on you. This’ll all get better with time.

[OverlyConfusedAdult]

We never post anything on social media. Ever. So the post really threw me. I don't want him to be miserable but it hurt nonetheless. I know it will get better. It's just been one thing after another lately, so it hit me hard.

[HollyK21]

Maybe he’s trying to reinvent himself by getting active on social media again. This isn't uncommon, some people get a new haircut/hairstyle, want a revenge body and start going to the gym, start up a new hobby, go on several dates (even as a distraction). Everyone handles a breakup differently. You may not agree because you feel like you know him, but who knows, maybe things were changing about him long before you realized and it came with the breakup. It’s just hard to know what the catalyst is without being able to speak with him directly.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that you have so much going on right now, a breakup on top of all that doesn’t help. Just try focusing on you and your wins, not him and his. He may not even be winning. You’re gonna go through the motions and hurt, it’s part of the process unfortunately. As you know though it’ll get better with time, just have patience and keep your focus where it needs to be — on yourself.

[Anonymous]

You know journaling is a thing? A vent doesn't need to be seen by others. If you don't have a question, this ain't the place.

Buddy up with another member here who seems to build their entirety around their ex.

10/10 this will be left up by the @GirlsAskGuys team while others get their shit taken down because they've made a mod or two mad.

[Anonymous]

It is incredibly painful to realize that while you were mourning the end of a five-year chapter, he was already opening a new one, but his quick transition is a reflection of his coping mechanisms, not a devaluation of the years you spent together. You made a brave, necessary choice for your long-term peace, and finding out he moved on so fast especially with the lingering questions of that note is a "betrayal of the bond" that justifies every bit of your anger and grief. Don't let his actions make you doubt your decision; someone who jumps into a new situation three weeks after a half-decade relationship is likely running from the very unhappiness you were honest enough to face head-on.

Give yourself permission to feel "destroyed" for a moment, but remember that his inability to be alone doesn't change the fact that you are now free to build a life where you don't have to hide your partner from your friends or settle for fleeting changes

[OverlyConfusedAdult]

Thank you. It definitely felt like I was being kicked while I was down. I know this will all pass, but it's been rough. Really rough, & not just bc of the breakup. So everything's been piling lately.

[CuriousMufuxka]

You left, he moved on. Were you following him on socials hoping that he'd be glum and depressed? Breakups fucking suck, definitely after multiple years in and I've had more than my share but when it's over it's done with. If I can offer any advice it's to cut any contact because that just makes the hurt last even longer.

[HollyK21]

Love how you just got right to the point, far less long-winded than myself and essentially we said the same lol good advice🙏

[CuriousMufuxka]

@HollyK21 Many a year of painful experiences usually leads to great wisdom and less time to bullshit. Your comment is nicely appreciated.

[OverlyConfusedAdult]

I still followed him because neither of us post anything. Ever. So the blatant post was a shock, & it felt like a jab directed at me. Maybe it wasn't though, I'm not going to ask him. It just kicked me while I was down. That's all.

[Mrtcn01]

man always recognoise later his pain.. and we usualy use woman not to feel pain. so you will be recoverd in 6 months and he will be missing you after 6 monthes

[wkhan_87]

Ohh i see