How do I recover from being whipped and then broken up with?

Hey,

So me an my girlfriend have been dating 2 an 1/2 years, we moved in together after 5 months of dating and that was both our first time being independent(I am 24 and she is 22). She was emotional a week ago and I sat her down and asked her what was up, she felt the relationship didn't feel connected, that what I was offering her she couldn't offer it back. Throughout the relationship I think I became whipped, I stopped hanging with friends, going out, seeing my family. Everything she ever wanted to do, I think I've agreed and went with it. We had a break for about a month like 6 months ago, still lived together the whole time and by the end I was starting to move on so she came running back. Now we are either broken up or on another long break, I still don't know, and we still live together with 2 of our friends. She goes throughout her day like nothing is bothering her while I am struggling to make it. I understand the concept behind being whipped and in actuality its less attractive to be like that to a woman even though I think its okay, but I really do love this girl. I know its more attractive from a girls view to be the alpha male, to be strong and confident and to do what I want, and that's obviously why she was firstly attracted to me, but over the period of time its been so long that I can't really remember how to be like that. She is just very untrusting towards me from her past young relationships and she can't communicate without getting extremely emotional. The worst thing is, I was and still think I am that "bad boy" type, I have goals and I do them and I do them cause I want to. I never thought about what people thought, I live for love and I love to live and I know she just wants that back. Will time tell thedifference again?

My questions are:

How do I get her back into my life, if that's possible, and how can I make the future relationship better?

If it isn't always possible, how do I recover and move on in life from being a loving whipped boyfriend to her?

What do I do in the mean time? I feel if I try talking to her about the state of the relationship, she will go insane. Do I just go see friends and not come home? I feel it hard to do this cause every time I've ever went anywhere, she knew where I was.

Thanks guys an girls, really appriciate it.

James

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15

Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear James

    If you love her, I don't know how on earth you can move on.

    Realistically, relationships have different barriers for things like that. I would extend myself to trying 3 times with a girl, then strike out. It very much seems you miscalculated your relationship with her for anything more than a social role playing game for her. It seems she's not into you in the way you are into her. I know what you're thinking...but she moved in with me...she did these things. Doesn't matter...it was out of convenience. So now you're on a break? And just like other posters I don't think even you know what Alpha Male is. Yes in general being alpha does not mean not being "whipped" but for how long and only at certain times. Problem is you did it without your own conscious choice (at the back of your head) and you didn't choose to be whipped for her or give into her wishes. You simply did...that's beta. But at the end of the day if you know you only did it because you truly love her...then it's not exactly NONALPHA is it? An alpha male protects and provides everything for those dear to him. So be careful being an over analyzing alpha/beta prick.

    In essence, I feel her ignoring you is emotionally abusive. That's right. It is. And a long break to a point you can't tell a break up is just abusive. If this is worth it to you, so be it...turn off this PC and go take her silence abuse some more. If not and you want to do something about it...date another girl or find one...see those friends again if you can...and consider yourself single. If she crawls back, tell her no more of this sh*t will you take. Make her SWEAR it to you on punishment of you breaking up with her PERMANENTLY. MEAN YOUR WORDS,

    And as one poster said if she still is a controlling little ass...BURN HER WITH FIRE. Dump her.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Do something for yourself. She seems like she's not bothered or at least she displays that. Take a weekend away from where you both live, go to your parents' house or whatever, or take two nights off and go to a hotel or something. Really relax by yourself. When you go back home, try to have a serious, frank, non-quarrelsome conversation with her. Tell her, listen, I know your past relationships may influence your behavior now, but I'm in this for you babe. I want to make this work. Can we please just communicate with each other and be happy.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Here link

    How do you recover and move on? Date other girls, move out of the house. You say you're a bad boy, well, bad boys don't give a sh*t and fcuk all the girls they like.

    Good luck, bro.

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  • Move on from her.

    Learn to hold on to the core of yourself.

    I could point you at some resources that might help with that, but would prefer to do that via message. PM me if you want.

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  • I have to agree with CaptainJackH, except for one thing: don't take her back. Cut this cancer permanently. She will promise and plead to be taken back, but unless she gets some serious counseling on why she's like this, then it's a no go. However, counseling will only work if she wants to change and is unhappy with the way she is. If she is happy, then bounce, lick your wounds, learn from this and watch for the signs of another girl like this.

    Also, don't call yourself a "bad boy." Real bad boys are deranged criminals, you are what I call a "good guy," not a nice guy.

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  • You're like a patient who wants his cancer back.

    This woman pussified you to the point where she didn't want you any more. And you want her back?

    Burn her with fire.

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