I got tricked into cheating and regret it very much!

[Anonymous]

My husband was on a business trip. One of his friends came over one day (he tried to seduce me before) and said he had bad news and couldn't keep it a secret. He told me my husband cheated on me and that I can't let it happen, that I should take revenge. I was so angry and confused and didn't notice him getting closer to me. Then I did the stupidest thing ever: I made a sex tape with him and send it to my husband to get back at him. My husband came home furious and even crying and we started talking. Apparently he never cheated on me and his "friend" just tricked me into sex. We can't contact him on the phone or at his house.

My husband is a wonderful man and decided to forgive me. But now there is a huge scar on or marriage and on our sex lives. My self-esteem is reduced to nothing. what can we do?

[SensAsianalGirl]

This is classic two wrongs doesn't make a right and to find out that your husband wasn't even cheating has to be like a second slap in the face. This could have very easily been prevented simply because if you could send your husband an explicit tape, then you could have called him to confront him about the allegation.

Lets go back to the your husband's friend for a moment. You know he's attracted to you and obviously he considers his friendship with him as expendable and unimportant. He's made passes at you in the past which you declined. He obviously doesn't really care about no one but himself because not only does he not value his friendship to your husband, but he doesn't value or respect your marriage to him. Your husband goes away on business.

While gone his friend tells you that he's cheating, so you get upset and rightfully so, but did you ever stop to tell ask him for any sort off proof to back up his claim? Did you even stop to call him to ask his side of the story? Even if there was a possibility that this was true, you should have told the friend to leave while it all sunk in. From that point you should have called your husband to find out if the story has any potential merit to it. If your husband has a history of being faithful and his friend has a history of hitting on you, then you should at the very least given the benefit of the doubt to your husband based on their histories alone.

Instead, without confirmation, you make a conscious decision to set up a video recorder, then sleep with his friend, who really doesn't appear to be a friend at all and then send the video to your husband. None of these things should have ever happened.

Its good that he forgave you and I seriously hope that the friendship between your husband and his friend has ended, but the scars that your marriage has were by your hands by acting impulsively on emotions and not rationally. From this point, the only thing that can heal your marriage is time.

There is no way to magically erase the pain he's feeling, the betrayal, and the broken trust that comes with infidelity. You will just have to weather the storm until he has healed and you're going to have to build up trust with him again, which will most likely take longer than it did initially. Your self esteem will also take time to heal. While medicine can mask physical pain, there's no pill that can mask the emotional pain you both are suffering. All you can do is talk to and be supportive of one another and weather the storm until such a time comes when you all are healed and can put it past you.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer. I like that you're not really judging me. I understand everything that you say but just lost my mind when I got angry. I do have a lot of trouble when getting emotional and went to a psychiatrist for that a long time ago.

[SensAsianalGirl]

I just gave advice, but you really need to not be so impulsive when you're angry. This was a tragedy in its own right. Your impulsive behavior could have caused you to do much worse and the consequences could be severe. Perhaps you may need to consider anger management, not just for your protection, but his also. This isn't a suggestion to judge or put you down, its something to seriously consider, for both your sake, as well as the children, if you have any.

[franksinatra12345]

so everything everyone else said is garbage because you dont agree with it. Sounds like some stupid millennial crap to me. Meaning that you want to be validated... you want someone to agree with your opinion.. there is no nothing anyone can day o do to help you.. it might have been a mistake.. so what it was still yur fault.. stop trying to get other people to agree with you or see it your way and respond in a way that you want.. You cheated.. you fucked up.. you are dumb to boot.. he said so it must be true... and the excuse.. i was angry.. fucking cry baby.. holy shit.. im mad.. wah.. dont judge me.. why not.. your a cheating whore..

[IndecentExposure]

You were dumb enough to decide revenge was the best way to solve this issue, and you don't trust your husband more than his mate?

You deserve to feel sh*tty, don't feel sorry for yourself, imagine what you did to your husband, because this entire question seems to be about how you were the victim of this and your husband was just collateral damage in your misery.

Sorry but all I can think is its a shame a guy nice enough for forgive cheating is wasted on a cheater instead of a decent woman.

[dudeman]

is that really nice, or lack of a backbone

[Asker]

Well...this isn't helpful for anyone

[IndecentExposure]

What can anyone say to help? You're a terrible wife and person. You don't trust your husband, you were perfectly willing to cheat before you ever spoke to him, and now you're not taking the blame for it, instead you're claiming that you were "tricked" into it, like that makes it better. He forgave you, so you can't improve it anymore, as for your self esteem you deserve it. You don't deserve to feel better.

[1diamond]

Two wrongs never make a right. I don't get why you didn't at least confront him first. Isn't that what a relationship is meant to be about after all.

[Asker]

I know it was a huge mistake but you don't think at a moment like that and that guy had it all planned out how he could get me. Luckily my husband understands.

[1diamond]

Oh if that's how it happened then yes it was obviously a plan. And I thought my ex friends were losers. Man your husband needs to ditch him asap!

[ketfoen]

I have recently learned a new word misogynist, I hope your husband doesn't become one and you don't become a misandrist.

I don't know how to categorize your husband for having a huge heart and having big balls to actually being able to forgive you for something like that or if he's a big p**** and didn't have the balls to dump you.

I guess, I am not one that could forgive something like this and I think so are you, if you would have then you would never had sex with the other douche in the first place.

What you can do for now is accept any decision what your husband is going to make for your marriage. Just don't try to weasel your way out of it and play the victim.

[Anonymous]

You weren't "tricked". You're dumb and stupid, but don't try to fob the responsibility of your own actions onto someone else.

Get therapy for your marriage, and learn to accept that you are god damned moron, and your husband will make all of your important life decisions from now on, because you don't have the common sense of a sea sponge.

[G_GTom]

He tried to seduce you before? Did you tell your husband? This guy obviously isn't his friend and you should have known that. Yet, you still made a horrible decision. I would have left you. You're just going to be "tricked" into sex by someone else if you're that gullible. Your husband deserves better.

[RasmusAiken]

Your husband needs to develop better quality friendships.

Revenge sex . . . .right you are, the stupidest thing ever. You have a ton of work to do to rebuild your husband's trust. He may not let you out of his sight for the rest of your sexually active life. You are extremely blessed to have such a forgiving man. I don't expect that he'll be as forgiving toward this so-called friend. I would not want to be that guy.

[Anonymous]

I'll go ahead and say what no one has said yet. The fact that you decided to make a sex tape with your husband's friend means you were already sexual-behavior attracted to his friend, especially if you never told your husband about his friends sexual-behavior advances.

I mean, for his friend to even have personal access to you while your husband is away is enough proof that his friend's previous advances had already worked in seducing you. And so part of you almost wanted justification to sleep with him. So when he claimed your husband was cheating you didn't need any proof but his word as your excuse.

And now you want to blame the friend for tricking you into sex? Deplorable. So this is the best your marriage can be from now on. You violated the union you pledged to for a moment of pleasure and now you're looking for support by lying to us and yourself.

The best thing you can do for your husband is to set him free to find a good woman.

[dudeman]

you didn't get tricked, you made a decision. take responsibility for you own actions. I hope he divorces you and uses this tape in the divorce court

[Asker]

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word "tricked" but I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't lied to. Luckily my husband is more understanding than you. He won't divorce me. He forgives someone who makes a mistake.

[dudeman]

hes not more understanding, I understand everything you said. he is a bigger p**** then me is what you mean

[dudeman]

hes pretty much a failure as a man if he decides to stay with you

[onlyacrush]

In that situation, a sensible person would have listened, then told the guy friend to leave, and then you should have got on the phone and confront your husband DIRECTLY and PERSONALLY.

You cannot blame anybody. I thought trust was important in a marriage. I understand that everybody has trust issues and in your position, I would have felt hurt and suspicious without any proof - BUT to make a freakin sex tape and to f*** another guy? NO WAY. If I were him I would not forgive you.

[Anonymous]

You can stop being so gullible. Seems like the normal thing to do is to get your husband's side to things before believing the first thing you hear.

[ludorock]

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

You didn't trust your husband and took someone's word without actually seeing him cheat? He should leave you. He obviously can't trust you and you didn't trust him when he didn't even do anything wrong.
Listening to other people and letting them influence your relationship like that is one of the worst things you can do. You've failed as a wife and no matter what you do, or what your husband says to you, he will NEVER feel the same way about you again. He may try to forgive you, but he will never again have complete confidence in your relationship.
What you did isn't fixable.

[Anonymous]

You were tricked? Surely no human being can be that stupid, right? Well, maybe your husband for taking you back.

[Pummel]

So the guy tried to seduce you before and then tells you not only that your husband is cheating on you but that you should take revenge? Did I read that correctly? (Oh I hope not)
Did you ride in the short yellow bus to school?

[Robflerto]

Believe your husband that he chose to forgive you , if he is kind and gentle with you then he really has forgiven you. You don't have to be ashamed because his forgiveness signifies Love and that is the true essence of forgivness.🙏

[EyeAmNiceGirl]

You are one stupid bitch. You are pathetic in every way, and your husband is a total dumbass for accepting that lame story about why you cheated.

[Anonymous]

Hahaja wow you are so immature... Shame on you!! You are disgusting... And one more thing... Your husband is a pu*** for forgiving you... Hahahahahaha..

[nerms123]

What on earth