How can I win my ex narcissistic girlfriend back?

[Brandon87]

We was together for 11 months (I was her longest relationship) and broke up because of a few arguments and also she said I wasn't fun enough. So I understand narcissistic people need a "power supply" and I now know I used to be that guy before she found a new guy immediately after our break up within a week she moved on to a new guy and announced her love for this guy on Facebook. This crushed me but I am pretty much over it and have accepted it. I know your thinking why does this guy want a narcissistic girl back? well thing is I love her and want to help her with life and also I have a lot of love for her family and I know they have love for me and I feel as though our relationship wasn't supposed to end like it did. I have went complete NO CONTACT for one week and she just tried to call me but I just keep ignoring her because I know it must be messing her head up and f**king her head up makes me kind of happy. I want her back but she has been in her rebound for close to a month, Another reason I don't answer her calls is because I feel like she wanted our relationship to end so I am in fact giving her what she wants which is me out of her life. So any advice on how I should handle this if I want her back? I know it sounds crazy but she seems like a very confused 22 year old girl that has been pretty cold with me to the point she acts like our 11 month relationship never existed.

[Bella9191]

so you want to be with this narcassistic girl because you love her and you want to help her. true narcissits don't want your help.often every time you get close to helping her or getting to the root of the problem it blows up in your face and your back to the same problem. its a cycle that will never change. until she changes and she can't change until she acknowledges she has a problem. and the problem with narcissists is they don't think or see they have a problem.

they don't want your unconditional love which you keep ennforcing on them. because that means openness, honesty, facing difficult emotions which they refute and refuse to deal with as if its a disease to be avoided at all costs.

because narcissists cannot connect with themselves on a deeper level they can not love themselves truly and therefore cannot offer anyone else love. they are not capable of it. the most love a narcissist feels is in the infatuation stage. they often go into a state of euphoria where they have all these hopes and dreams tied to this person they see as amazing. but when that wheres off you are seen to them as useless. you will constantly be on a rollercoster ride with this person. they do not love you. you need to move on. you can not be in a healthy relationship with someone who does not love you. as much as yuo think they do. if she is a narcissist she does not. it will ruin your mental health and even physical. you need to let go. until she decides to seek counselling and help there is nthing you can do.

[lumos]

Why would you want someone like that back? No seriously, why? If she's narcissistic, chances are she won't be able to change. Ever. It won't be worth it in the long run. If you ever get back together again, she'll just hurt you even more and more. You shouldn't have to take that. And yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just because you don't want someone new YET, it doesn't mean that you won't want to ever. You're in the middle of the breakup process, where you SHOULD stay single and where you SHOULD feel like you don't want to meet anyone new for a while. It's perfectly normal to feel that way. However, the damaging part is thinking that you'll never want anyone else, that you'll never get over her and that the only thing you want to do is get back together. So try to refrain from thinking that. It's the only thing that's keeping you from moving on entirely at this point. She's not worth it, and yes, there are plenty of other girls out there who are. Just give yourself some time to move on. Breakups happen for a reason, and sometimes it takes a long time to get over them completely. There's nothing wrong with that. The only thing that can go wrong is you deliberately trying to keep yourself from moving on by trying to tell yourself that you still want her.

[Brandon87]

this is good advice.. That's kind of how I feel, I spent 11 months with her and I loved her more than she can imagine and I so much want me and her to work but I can see her narcissistic mind has moved her on very quick and she acts like we never even existed together as lovers. She still calls and text me but I have accepted that its nothing more than false hope. thanks for taking the time to write something so insightful

[lumos]

Thank you. :) Yes, it's definitely false hope. Chances are she only wants your attention without having to be in a relationship with you. And no problem, I hope things work out for you.

[cjeanni]

I can relate. I know it's crazy but I have wanted my narc ex boyfriend back. He broke up with me after a year & a half like I never existed! He completely cut me out of his life too and said goodbye. These people are never capable of true love. They do not stick around long enough to get to a deep meaningful relationship because they are always looking the high of a "new" love. It is all about the lust & excitement of the beginning of the relationship for them. When that's gone so are they

[inna-mazing]

I agree with oppaoppa! And you want to "help her in life"? Girl is helpin' out herself. YOU should do the same.

[Brandon87]

Thank you all for sharing. Cjeanni, what you have said is truly the sad truth that I am coming to realize. it really sucks to have fallen in love with a person that is so fake and unable to be real

[oneconfusedwoman101]

Getting back with a narcissist is like walking back into prison after you've been freed. Sure you might be familiar with your surroundings but they are dismal to say the least.

These articles on codependency syndrome and victims of narcissitic abuse may help.

link

link

[wanderer83]

You need to be more narcissistic and more evil than her.

You gotta make her panic.

First beg for a second then totally shut off your feelings for her. Find a replacement for temporary and pretend why you ever would be with that narcissistic girl to begin with.

You will either have feelings for her secretly as she comes chasing after you, or you can have the new girl that you planned for the rebound and be actually in disgust over the last narcissistic girl and wonder why you would ever want to get back with her in the first place.

Whatever you do, keep your dignity and respect for yourself

[Brandon87]

I did beg at one point and after I didn't get a positive response from her and I felt as though she was laughing at my pain as she skipped off into the sunset with her new rebound / victim I decided to keep it very low to no contact and now its been 2 week no contact at all even though she attempts to initiate it by phone and text... she's probably flipping out in her mind and all I can do is enjoy the thought causing her some form of hurt

[wanderer83]

She doesn't respect you. Just find someone who does.

[Iamnobody]

Dude, I had a girl like that. They never change. Why would you want someone so full of herself? Look she doesn't care for you the way you think, that's why she was able to move on so fast. She just needs someone to validate her and make her feel good. Maybe the new guy doesn't care for her the way you did and she's missing the way you made her feel. Being in an 11 month relationship doesn't matter to girls like that. They'll keep you around for as long as they can. Heck, my friend was strung along for 3 years before she dumped his ass. Do yourself a favor, move on and never look back.

[Brandon87]

good advice, I can relate to it all and I know its the truth but its so hard to face and believe. I can try to believe it now but soons I wake up in the morning its like everything you have said was a nightmare so I will have to convince myself again of what my woman of 11 months actually is

[mshaker]

Ur wasteing your time with this child.

First off, she was probably talking to him while she was with you. That's why she had him the next day after you guys broke up. And he probably knew about you, and didn't care. (hes a real low life loser)

But you have to see the light. She left you for worse.

Shes probably calling you now, cause he's not giving her attention anymore. Or they got into an argument or something.

Honestly, if she's been ringing off your phone, and your not answering, your the one that's messing up, cause she's gonna stop one day, and your gonna be like dam why didn't I answer.

If your not answering to make her feel bad, okay once or twice is okay, but not all the time. Next time she calls if you actually want her, you won't get mad, and you'll answer the phone nicely, not like a smartass.

And if your calling her bad names on here, then the relationship clearly isn't that good to keep.

I would move on. You will find better.

[Brandon87]

very good response and I agree with you but what if this person is a lying narcissist and they might possible be playing with your heart just because they can?

[mshaker]

k buddy, if they are "playing with your heart" then you shouldn't allow that happen. Tell her to hoop it. Your the one responsible for your own misery. Your allowing her to treat you like this.

[Taco615]

You cannot change or help a narcissistic person. I dated one for a year and six months. They will promise you things will be different but the minute you take them back they will go back to their old ways. She will never own up to her mistakes and will continue to put the blame on you. Trust me you don’t want to continue with a narcissistic person. You think she is missing you but they’re just putting on a show. All my friends and family told me about my girl that I was too dumb to believe or see. They were all right. It’s hard at first but it will get better. The choice is yours man.

[Anonymous]

"f***ing her head up makes me kind of happy"

You sure she's the only narcissistic one here? Inflicting pain on someone to teach them a lesson and enjoying it isn't normal.

That being said, family and wanting to be the white knight and "helping" someone are horrible reasons to go back to a relationship with a toxic person. If she is indeed narcissistic, you are going in for a round of punishment, as narcissistic people can be the worst partners, especially to codependents who cater to their every "need" in an effort to keep them and feel valued/needed.

I recommend lots of therapy and staying single for a while.

[Brandon87]

I agree with all besides the part about inflicting pain on someone, thee way I see it is she has caused me such pain and suffering so I believe she should pay the price and suffer at least a little, although it probably won't be as bad as the pain she has caused me. I love this girl but I think you are right about staying single for a while.

[Opinion Owner]

There's a difference between letting karma (or whatever you believe in) take care of things, but actively going out of your way to hurt someone, especially when you're not extremely upset/frustrated, is messed up. I mean telling them the truth, or your feelings, whatever, and "hah, they have to deal and maybe change their ways" = OK. But "I'm going to make her anxious on purpose" = no.

[blackeagle007]

Dude, I think I know what your problem is... It's the sex thing your missing. And just the idea of her. I been there belive me. Focusing your life on ONE person who by the way does not feel the same about you is a waste. Forget about her. Lots of great girls out there, go meet them

[Brandon87]

I miss the sex but honestly I only got it only when she wanted it... guess that's another narcissistic trait is holding out on sex in an attempt to control me. The more I pushed for sex the more distant she would get and hell I only tried maybe two times a month but if I was lucky I might get it once a month

[inna-mazing]

you can never change people. things didn't work out the first time for a reason. it is possible to fall in love again and feel just as loved in return. there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[Brandon87]

you make some good points but as I said before I hear there are plenty of fish in the sea but I don't want any other fish... just yet

[cjeanni]

I know how you feel, I have tried to date again, but I can't seem to want anyone else but my narc boyfriend back. I don't know what it is about Narcs, they really do a number on their "targets". I read somewhere that they can have the same affect on their partners as PTSD! There are a lot of websites that help understanding what the Narc has done to you and help you get yourself back!

[inna-mazing]

ik this is kinda off the wall but have you seen the movie "silver linings playbook" ?

You should watch it... might be insightful

[Brandon87]

I really wish I understood, its kind of like a magic spell and I can't shut her out of my head. I have went as far is to buy sleeping pills just so I can sleep. It is so very hard to even think of dating at this moment. Its nearly impossible for another woman to even hold my attention. Ill look into that movie and try to gain more insight

[Panais]

Brandon87, I'm going through the same thing the last two months. She was MADLY into me, and then I told her I had feelings for her and stopped talking to me. At first I chased a little because I didn't know any better, but then I stopped chasing and she'd start contacting me again. That would get my hopes up and then she'd stop talking to me again.

Tough as it sounds, I have decided that my only option is to abandon all hope with her, and I suggest you do the same. I have lost sleep and weight!!! I cannot do my daily tasks and I cannot perform well at work! All I do is think about her. I've done a lot of searching and I think that you and I have the same problem. We have attachment trauma and abandonment issues from childhood. We seem to have an "anxious preoccupied attachment style". I suggest you look up the below YouTube channel. It really helped me understand some things!

"Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist"

[lauramor]

I think that she shouldn't come back to you if you see her in a negative perspective by calling her narcissistic and it would be a bad thing to try and break a realtionship up.

[Brandon87]

she is narcissistic.. Its a fact and I don't throw that in her face or anything. I don't plan on breaking her new relationship up, it will eventually end especially when he finds out she keeps in contact with me.

[unighted]

why would you want to get back with a narcissistic girlfriend?

[Brandon87]

because I care about her and feel like she can change if she really wants to, at one point I had actually seen her attempting to change her ways such as her lying all the time. I know she can change and I know she spiraled out of control after we had a few arguments about her tom boy ways.

[blackeagle007]

Wow, I wouldn't wanna be around a girl that's narcissistic.

[Brandon87]

I know its easy for you to say that but what happends when you have such strong feelings for a person. She's not crazy she just lies a lot and attempts to manipulate people, one of the main reason we broke up is because I'm smart enough to usually know when I am being lied to so I would put my foot down and call her out and cause everything to come to a stop

[inna-mazing]

This might just be my opinion... but I don't think you can truly change people. People need to be themselves and find compatibility based on that. I'm sure she tried to change her ways. Problem is you can only go so long being someone you are not.

I know there are exceptions when it comes to people changing. The changes have to have been a part of the persons true self.

[Brandon87]

you have a good point and at one point I actually seen her trying to change and be a better person and everything was fine but I guess it was all a put on just to make me happy

[beastman88]

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=06jF1EG8o-Q

[Brandon87]

haha funny dumb dumb dumb

[Anonymous]

Youy shouldn't get back with an ex. You broke up because something's not right

[VeronicaLewis_101]

If you want her back, call her back and talk it over.

[BCRanger10]

Um, here's a better question: Why?

[Brandon87]

because I love this girl

[Apath4]

are you a submissive boyfriend?

[Brandon87]

I'm not really submissive but sometimes I will do something if I'm asked but I won't bow down and be completely dominated.. submissive sounds kinda kinky and freaky!

[Anonymous]

lol, why would you want to?

[Brandon87]

because even though this red headed girl has pissed me off and caused me all this pain, I still love her to death.. that a good enough reason? lol

[Opinion Owner]

why do you like such a thing?

[Brandon87]

Idk I don't have a good answer but I like what I like. her and I have many great memorys

[Opinion Owner]

im just saying, there's millions of fish in the sea, why this one?

[Brandon87]

I see your point.. I hear people always say that there are plenty of fish in the sea but simple fact is I don't want no other fish I want this imperfect one.

[Opinion Owner]

suit yourself man, better ones out there for me then

[dommage]

get somebody better

[Brandon87]

at the moment I feel as though that someone don't exist and I just can not move on right now