So, my boyfriend is with the Marines and he is currently deployed in Afghanistan. We've been together for almost a year now, and he told me straight away when we met that he was going to deploy. Even before he actually left, he started to act weird once the dates for the deployment got clearer. He told me that he wanted me to try to go through the deployment with him, but on the other side he was afraid that I might get hurt emotionally. He also suggested we could end the relationship and stay friends, and if I were single when he came back we could try to pick it up from where we had left it. Needless to say, I was not happy with that suggestion and said I wanted "all or nothing" -- and to try to go through this with him.
During the first weeks of his deployment, we talked to each other on average every 2 weeks by Skype. Sometimes it was very brief, sometimes we got to talk for an hour. But then almost 2 months ago, I started extensively traveling for work and he didn't get in touch with me at all. When I got back to my regular lifestyle, 6 weeks had passed without notice from him (I had sent him mails, but no reply). I started to get very anxious, and to send him mails inquiring what was happening.
So some 2 weeks ago he got on Skype one evening and he told me that he felt overwhelmed with all the things he had to figure out about his coming back, and that he felt all what he would want to put into a relationship was "not there at the moment," that he felt like he couldn't make any promises or keep those he made, and that he wanted me to "give it a chance" if I met someone because I deserved more affection and attention than what he could give me. I was shocked, and I asked him if he was saying that we're through. His answer was: "That is not what I am saying but I feel I am falling apart. And I said from the beginning this would be difficult."
I really don't know what to think. People tell me that emotional upsets and detachment CAN happen during deployment. But the way in which he said certain things really hurt me. I feel belittled in my efforts to stick with him and let down in that I trusted him that this was a serious relationship for him. Ever since that conversation I have not heard from him, I am suspecting (though not sure) that he gets onto the Internet time after time but he doesn't make any effort to talk to me, not even to let me know if he's alright. He actually told me that when he gets online, it's only to deal with the stuff he "needs to do" and he is trying not to "waste his time." Which of course I heard as talking to me means for him wasting his time. I know that he is in a serious situation, and I am trying to cope, but some of the things hurt me so badly that I have no idea if he actually wants me there at all or not. And it does make me feel stupid for sticking with this because I am faithful and try to preserve my emotions for him, and he is pushing me away :( Any thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
He is probably trying to focus on things and not be distracted by the relationship which could be fatal. Sounds like he likes you enough to encourage you to move on if you wanted to because he's not sure how good a boyfriend he is when he's not there both physically and emotionally.
He probably misses you and the more he talks with you, reminds him of what could be and that is very distracting and probably causes him to be more emotional. Sometimes its just easier to block things out and deal with it later...1