Treat Her Right, She's a Keeper [Because She's Hot]

[CommieDearest]

I'll keep this brief, as I usually do...but it's rant time.

When I was in high school, my good friend at the time had a boyfriend...and she would get mad at him for everything. I mean it. Everything. I felt really fucking bad for the dude to be honest. Every time she would have her tantrums, she would go off on a rant about how much better looking she is than him and how he shouldn't treat her badly because of it. It took me longer than it should have to finally tell her to get the fuck over herself.

This sentiment is often expressed by third parties as well. Following the same example above, after we had it out over her vanity...we made up as teenage girls do, and when I went to a sleepover at her house I heard her family telling her that she “shouldn't put up with shit” because she's too pretty.

Most of us have been in a shitty relationship or two. Some of us are probably in one right now.

Could just be me, but it seems too many people assume that “good looking” women deserve to be treated better than others. I don't see this so much for men, but feel free to comment with any examples. I'm sure it's not unprecedented.

Especially when it comes to infidelity and abuse (but we aren't talking about abuse today). An “average looking” housewife can get cheated on, and people express their sympathy, but it in no way compares to the outpouring of sheer anger when a model hot chick gets screwed over.

“How could he possibly cheat on HER, she's gorgeous!”
“Who the fuck does he think he is to cheat on HER”

Let me break something down for you: When you're in a committed relationship, treating your partner badly in any way is not justified by reason of your partner's attractiveness. It is not worse to cheat on or mistreat a more attractive woman.

GASP

Being pretty doesn't entitle you to better (or worse) treatment.

Commie, out.

[Bandit74]

I don't think anyone thinks it's more acceptable to cheat on an average or less attractive girl. They are however more suprised but that's because they are looking from the outside in. They see a guy with a girl who they could only dream of getting and often times see him cheat on her with a less attractive girl. So they think "wtf is wrong with you, I would kill to be with a girl that beautiful".

Kinda like a lot of guys fantasize over famous models while guys like Dicaprio just fuck em and toss em without a care in the world. Guys who place beauty on a pedestal often do so because those girls are unobtainable to them. They have an idealized version of them in their head, they often don't know what the girl is like behind the scenes.

Also people (girls included) will overlook flaws in attractive people that they wouldn't overlook in average people. Sometimes this is concious decision, other times it isn't. You could have an attractive person and an average looking person do the exact same thing but chances are it will be perceived differently. That's life :/

[CommieDearest]

Good point man.

[RainbowFanGirl]

Exactly. If the women wasn't pretty, people wouldn't feel as sorry for her, or might even treat her worse. I think that shitty behavior is what made me lose faith in humanity. Women, regardless of looks, should be treated equally. Great take. I agree with you.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah this is so true... the average girls like myself get screwed over and it's just brushed off. I have to be kind all the time too otherwise I'll just get dumped or something. But if the girl is pretty then guys will put up with a lot of shit and the girl can basically do anything and it will be OK. I see it on this website daily. Guys putting up awful behavior from girls and then they blame us and say we go for the "bad guys". Lol.

[CommieDearest]

HAHA I never even thought of it that way, but holy shit so true.

[Tormentarian]

ha-ha, i do not put up with shit period, guys who take pretty first are just dumb and unsuitable for women and usually gullible. Fact!

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Tormentarian Yeah a few guys are like that, I know there are good guys who aren't so desperate but I see this happen so often :/

[DaddyRollingStone]

Not all guys are like that. Personally, Im usually harder on 'hot' girls than normal girls since I know they get it easy from most people. And yes, guys do kiss up to girls on here an awful lot, it is very irritating.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@DaddyRollingStone

Yeah I know but for me it's not just on here... I see it in real life too. I get rejected over stupid shit and then they go back to girls who do far worse things to them but yet they stay in love with them. It hurts.

[DaddyRollingStone]

It happens to us too. Love changes people, you can't really understand how much until it's happened to you. You can't help that they do love someone else, you just have to keep looking I guess.

Honestly, I do the same thing. The girl I love.. I would do anything to be with her and I do shoot down possible relationships with other girls for her, just so I have a chance. Its completely irrational but what can you say? She's the first love of my life, maybe not the true love of my life but when you love someone, things stop making sense and you do things that you would never do normally.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@DaddyRollingStone

Yeah I know I've been in love too and am in love with a guy who doesn't want me but I'll never stop wanting him. Till the day I die I'll love him.

[DaddyRollingStone]

Every girl I look at I just see her. Some girls have the same eyes she does, others have the same nose she does, or the same lips, hair, etc. If they dont have something of her's, then they aren't as attractive to me.

Why even have a girlfriend when I will just pretend the new girl is her. Its not fair to either of us.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@DaddyRollingStone

I understand... well I'm always hoping I'll meet the right guy for me. But I also have a specific "look" I tend to fall for.

[OpenClose]

I understand the frustration you show here, and I agree. Pretty girls are not entitled to special treatment. Girls I don't find attractive don't suddenly deserve worse treatment.

Honestly, when I am around a girl, I hold off on compliments until I see how she acts about it. If the thinks she is hot stuff, it doesn't matter how attractive she is, I won't compliment her. I feel like she either doesn't deserve it or doesn't need it, that she gets preferential treatment and all I would do is inflate her ego. I tend to be more generous in my compliments to women I am less attracted to or girls who feel they are unattractive. (OK, especially girls who feel they are unattractive.)

I think it is ridiculous how much standard human interactions with women are influenced by their appearance. Guys DO feel effects of physical appearance, for instance tall men get paid more, but I don't notice it in my life nearly to the extent that I observe it happening to women as an outside observer.

When it comes to guys and attractiveness, we have our own sets of issues as well, they just aren't attached to physical appearance so much as attributes one would associate with "manly". For example, it certainly sucks to be rejected for something superficial like appearance, but it also sucks to be rejected for who you are as a person, being told the very core of you doesn't qualify as a man. "Where are the real men?" is such an irritating phrase, especially knowing what she considers a "real man" is a higher standard than she holds for herself. And even worse when the process of qualifying involves morally questionable decisions. It's one of the things that motivates men to turn sour.

My shitty relationship, however, was one where I was considered her oppressor by nature of being a white male. I had to apologize for everything, even if it was her who screwed up. Her mistakes or frustrations were dismissed as the stresses of being a woman, while my mistakes and frustrations were "basic male incompetence" and "the crocodile tears of the privileged". If you have read my MyTakes, this is what started my anti-feminist phase that lasted a while.

[CommieDearest]

Thanks for the perspective. Your ex sounds like a bitch.

[OpenClose]

Perhaps. I'm reluctant to say so in that I try to understand people, especially those I disagree with. I suppose it's more accurate to say her head was wrapped up too much in the Tumblr way of thinking.

[ManaX]

In relevance to your situation:
I think it's less about the fact that she's pretty (even though beauty/attractiveness is valued a lot in relationships. It's more about the fact that everyone knows in physical terms that guy can't do better. Yes she's being petty/bitchy/a bad girlfriend for reminding him of it all the time.
Although, the point is she can replace him easily with someone else or someone better (at least better looking) so he should be pulling all the stops before she decides she'd rather be with someone else.

In general:
When people think 'my garsh why is she even paying attention to him', then find out he doesn't even treat her right they then say 'shes too good/pretty for him etc.'. No one with good intentions says anything if they can see the two of them are really really happy.
I short, the prettier/more attractive she is the more attention she gets and if she's in a relationship she should be swatting all that attentions away. Her man cheats on her/treats her badly and people wonder why she's giving him a 2nd thought. She could easily be with someone else who will treats her better due to all that attention she gets elsewhere. That's what they mean when they say 'she's gorgeous/too pretty' etc. Although it doesn't actually work this way in her mind. If she's truly gorgeous she knows yes she can get a lot of attention, but she's not actually interested in most of it. Attractive people are rarer that average. Average is more frequent than very ugly.

IMO:
This is the reason why I don't date men I don't think are of similar attractiveness to me. I don't want a guy that is average, I don't want to to be put on a pedestal, I don't want a man who thinks he's better than me (although more attractive men don't intimidate me) I want a guy who sees us as equal.
If every one of my friends was telling me I could do better (not that it's happened yet) i'd listen and take serious thought as to why and where what they say is true. It would still be my decision at the end though.

[ManaX]

Swap all the She's for He's and you've got your opposite gender.

[LePetitPapillon]

POV is interesting, you make her take sound like a jealous rant.

[ManaX]

@LePetitPapillon Well if she comes at her from a point of 'get over yourself' she will sound nothing but jealous.

[Grace_Rdz]

Girl, yes. I have friend just like that and I don't know if I'll be able to continue in this friendship for much longer. After the first couple of months of knowing her, the guy she was talking with at the time (they were about to get in a relationship) made out with another girl at a party. She was very mad and I remember so many of her friends as well as guys (who were chasing after her) saying how he completely fucked up because my friend was too pretty. They couldn't understand why or how he had possibly done this to her when she is so beautiful. She now has a boyfriend and is always getting mad at him for stupid shit yet she deliberately flirts with so many guys which I have to witness and think is very wrong. She thinks she can get away with it because she's attractive. The girl is one of the most conceited people I've ever met and sometimes it gets on my nerves how society thinks men should treat women according to their physical appearances. It's just fucked up. I'm so close to telling her to get the fuck over herself too.

[Grace_Rdz]

Shit, sorry that was so long. I just had to vent >.<

[CommieDearest]

Uh
... did you see my take... I love venting. Let it out.

[Hannah591]

A friend of mine yesterday, was like yours. She would give him the silent treatment, tell him to leave her alone and was causing a really pathetic argument because she wasn't getting her way. He was constantly trying to make her laugh, make compromises for her etc but she wasn't accepting or appreciating it. She's younger than me so that could explain her immature behaviour but it really bugged me. He's clearly a nice guy that respects her but she's treating him like shit, then goes on to act like nothing happened. She's totally messing with his head. I totally disagree with that. Some people don't deserve others.

I agree with your rant. I think good looking girls get better treatment from men because the man wants her so he'll do anything to get her so he naturally starts treating her like royalty until he does get her or her attention. The more men who like her, the more of that good treatment she gets and the bigger her head gets. It's like a domino effect and is something we can't do much about unfortunately.

[OpenClose]

Yeah, it's actually quite similar to the cycle of domestic abuse. The abused party feels they owe the abuser, made the abuser that way, or are responsible for fixing them. In my own personal experience, it's hard when it is the guy in that situation, because people don't feel sorry for a vulnerable man in nearly the same way they do a woman. This was shown quite starkly in DV against men videos, where bystanders immediately assume that because the woman was beating the man, he was a jerk who deserved it.

[Mesonfielde]

I guess she obviously doesn't care about him as a person...

[Hannah591]

@OpenClose I wouldn't say it was abuse, she was just being immature and wasn't enforcing proper communication.
@Mesonfielde Most likely not.

[OpenClose]

Yeah, I meant it has the same subtexts.

[JohnBelluci]

I think it's important not only for yourself but actually for her as well, to keep the girl in check from the beginning.
Send INDIRECTLY through your behavior the message that "yeah you're good looking. Then what? Beauty is common, my classroom / my workplace is loaded with hotties. What else do you bring me? Because if that is actually all, it's only good for a one night stand or a fuck buddy. Is that what you are / want to be?"
You don't say it of course. That's cold. You just behave like this is how it is.

By validating the assumptions that she is "better", a guy would be self-sabotaging the health of his relationship with the girl. They would both suffer from it.

If the girl says "I'm so much better looking than you, how dare you do this to me, or say that bla bla bla" then you just need to reply "then get the fuck out... no one is forcing you to stay here with me..." and ACTUALLY MEAN IT. The irony is that if she feels that you could totally be ok with her leaving, she suddenly won't feel like leaving anymore.

I'm totally positive about this, because I have experienced it myself lol. It's some fucked psychological trick I guess but it works. As soon as she realises the guy doesn't think she's some kind of gift of god, but just some girl, she will be annoyed and intrigued at the same time "I'm so above his league, how can he NOT be affected that I would dump him?"
Even if you think the guy may be bluffing, in the heat of the moment, it still strikes you.

Treating her like a normal person is the best way to keep her, no matter how gorgeous she is. Everybody wants to be treated like they are normal. That's why celebrities prefer to hang out in places where people don't care about who they are.

[Kalinda]

@ If the girl says "I'm so much better looking than you, how dare you do this to me, or say that bla bla bla" then you just need to reply "then get the fuck out... no one is forcing you to stay here with me..." and ACTUALLY MEAN IT. The irony is that if she feels that you could totally be ok with her leaving, she suddenly won't feel like leaving anymore.

Agreed.

[RedBullCan2]

This is true. I was always wanting to leave my boyfriend. Until just recently, he's started to react differently. He doesn't beg and cry and get angry anymore, he just sulks and says, "okay." Since he did that, I haven't tried to leave him once. And it's not because of me being better looking, but it's something and I don't know what. I suddenly realized how much of a bitch I'd been to him. I had been taking him for granted. I think the shock of him being okay with me leaving woke me up. I was like, "Hold on, you're not going to be sorry over what you did until I feel like you suffered enough and forgive you? Wait, let's talk this out now."
It works, guys. If you treat her like a princess, she'll get bored. Treat her like a normal person, but love her, too.

[JohnBelluci]

glad females back me up on this :)

[Anonymous]

I, personally, have never heard anyone say that prettier girls deserve to be treated better, but I can see it. Just like I have seen girls treat guys better based on how attractive he is. I've been told that I'm a fairly good lookin' fella.. and I have noticed that girls tend to be nicer and just overall treat me better when I put my best foot forward in the looks department. Meaning that I try to look good by wearing the right kind of clothes, being either clean clut or groomed really well vs when I just throw on clothes and am in the middle of growing out my beard so it's all unkempt. So, considering I have personally experienced being treated better when I actually look good, I can believe that there are people that think that a girl that is pretty deserves to be treated better. The more attracted someone is to someone else the easier it is to be forgiving and to treat them better because there is an invested interest, however, once a relationship starts. . . that should be thrown out the window since you've gotten to the point of knowing the person for who they are rather than how they look.

[Metlahead]

There was a girl who wanted me really badly and I just wasn't into her, she was too young and immature for my liking, despite her being very beautiful. She kept telling me how desired she was, how popular she is, how all the guys want her, she was the head cheerleader, and I kept turning her down, she couldn't believe it and simply did not understand the meaning of "no," she had never been turned down before. After months of bugging me I finally agreed for one date, I ended the date halfway through telling her she was everything I feared she was and that there was no chance of us being together.

[ThisDudeHere]

Kudos to you abiding to your principles dude.

[CommieDearest]

haha good.

[Anonymous]

People value beauty above all else. Even when they think they don't, their subconscious will justify the misbehavior of a good looking person more than an ugly person. Therefore a more attractive partner is seen as a more important partner than an ugly partner. Beauty adds value to a human. That is just the way it is and always will be.

This is more true for both genders, but for women it is much more an issue do to their reproductive power. Men are more easily replaced so our sexual power tends to be far more limited than compared to women. This is partly why gender roles developed in the first place, and comes with positives and negatives. In order to protect the beautiful people (women) certain roles and protocol were developed. Therefore the less attractive gender (men) did the more dangerous jobs such as being soldiers and working mines, while the fairer sex stayed in the safety of the home.

If any of us woke up tomorrow as the best looking person on the planet. You might be surprised at how people suddenly valued our opinions more, and thought of us as deeper than we were when we were yesterday. Of those that looked down on us would consist mostly of jealous people. Hence all the body shaming women go through.

This is also why ugly guys are called out for being creeps when looking at pretty girls more often than good looking guys are. It is the same behavior, but one is seen as being immoral, while the actions of the other can even be seen as a compliment.

[cavmanier]

Yeah I've heard people that have been upset because a particularly attractive girl was cheated on or treated poorly in a relationship. I guess the reason for that logic is a more attractive girl usually has more options. I agree; I don't think that makes treating a more average looking girl poorly is okay.

Part of what I think is going on though (which is separate from supposed pretty girls like your friend was proclaiming to her bf) is when a person goes thougha breakup (especially when a persons friends thinks the girl was mistreated) people will tend to want to comfort that person by saying statements like how they deserve better, etc . Basically trying to convince the person dealing with the stress that they are a better person and better off without the other person. They're trying to soothe the person. But yeah saying that they are so attractive (the guy is crazy for cheating apparently) is one tactic to help that person feel better.

[Tormentarian]

who made sense of this jive, anyway

[ssmmmll19]

This is so true it's sad. Although, girls like that give other attractive women a bad name. I have met many wonderful, bright, gorgeous young women that I have the privilege of calling my friends, that would never in a million years behave in such a way. I believe an integral part of this mindset stems from how these women were raised and how they are treated by others who find them incredibly attractive. As for the cheating aspect, it's a horrendous thing to do to someone a person "loves" and you're absolutely right, attractiveness should not play a role in determining how bad that particular act of cheating was.

[beesod]

If someone enters a relationship thinking their partner isn't the hottest thing in the world, regardless of how other people perceive then they shouldn't really be in a relationship to begin with.

I see all the rate me threads on here and chuckle. I even saw a how low would you go /10 thread.

When are people going to realise beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I could go out with a woman who is considered stunning to me but not too others. Therefore I would say vein people are best avoided. You want someone who doesn't think twice about looks really.

[GreenEyedGirl01]

It's true, people value beauty a lot. And not only when you're talking about romantic relationships, even if someone dies you'll hear people say "That's terrible, she was gorgeous". So what if she wasn't gorgeous? She wouldn't deserve the same sympathy? This is just another example. So many people stay in difficult relationships and abusing relationships just because their partner is good looking.

[Bluemax]

Very true.

I fear we might be fighting a losing battle. Here's an article which may be of interest to you about how a child's appearance may very well influence parental attentiveness:
www.nytimes.com/2005/05/03/health/03ugly.html?_r=0

For the record, I agree that we seem to cut more slack with beautiful women than handsome men. However, I have some very handsome friends and girls cut them a lot more slack than their less attractive counterparts.

[mistninja314]

Boys don't like commie up in their studios cuz she leaves their mics broke <3 #SoundedSmootherInMyHead

Nice take and I couldn't agree more ^_^

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[CommieDearest]

Thank you "anon"

[mistninja314]

I see what you did there #MyNameIsInterchangeIsImUsingThatWordRight LOL

I'm anon and non-anon at the same time ^_^

[CommieDearest]

You're an Anon-non-anomoly

[mistninja314]

HAHA I might fuck around and put that on my next GIF-MEME so punks can quit asking "OMG why do you always post that GIF mist, when we all know that it's you?" like these MFs can prove that it's me until I come out of the mist ( become non-anon ) HAHAHAH #RantOver

[CommieDearest]

You better lol

[mistninja314]

CommieD is officially love and life for this 1 <3 i1127.photobucket.com/.../...f.com-gif-maker_3.gif</a>

[CommieDearest]

Perfection! Glad I could contribute

[mistninja314]

I've come out of the mist for somebody the 2nd time ever on GAG #ThisIsNew LOL

[GoodDogNigel]

I'd agree that looks and attitude can/will let people get away with anything. There's this example for the girls, and there's also the guy who created a dating profile with a hot guy's pics and opened all conversations with rape jokes. They were throwing themselves at him. So both guys and chicks get treated better/worse because of their looks, it's just human nature.

[CommieDearest]

God damn I never heard about that one.

[Marihorror]

I think your Take applies to anyone who is in a relationship with someone who is "out of their league" regardless of gender.

Back in high school when I was fat, I dated an athlete who was very attractive by most peoples standards. I cannot tell you how many times someone would tell me that I should feel "lucky" or "grateful" to be dating him (because fat girls are like totally undateable, obviously). It didn't matter who had started the argument or what my side of the story was, people, including my friends, thought I should always be the one to apologize and sweep it under the rug.

One of his friends even encouraged him to cheat on me (he didn't) and said "dude, c'mon it's not like she's going to leave you even if she found out. Who else would date her?"

[Kalinda]

First of all a woman being so pretty only lasts fro a few years there Avery narrow window of time where that " charm" can be used it's really flimsy and in no way Compensates for all the ways women get fucked over for being women.

Second why feel bad for him it's his choice he could've dumped her.

Third you've got so, e taste in friends :p I'd have dumped her a friend ever since the first time she insisted she deserve anything bc of how she looks. Vain people can't be trusted bc deep down they had no confidence and cowards will sell their soul for affirmation.

[Scrambled]

Hot women make men do the most stupid things (me included). Attraction is a bitch, but it is. I am a bit saddened, here is an example: my one friend who is pretty chubby, is one of those guys that is very confident, very funny and really cool. He actually got a hottie recently and automatically went from fun to behaved. That's fine, whatever. But something happened now (I don't know what) but he is sending apology status updates on FB everyday. He is posting forgiveness memes and all sorts of vomit shit and obviously he did something that got him in to trouble. But I have never seen such confidence turn to pussy in my life.

[epiman94]

Basically, if we stop judging on the outside appearance, this world will be fucking awesome. I like your takes.
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