Random tidbits for online dating struggles people face

Random tidbits for online dating struggles people face.

I've seen numerous gripes about online dating not working for guys and girls and I'm going to offer criticism and suggestions in this mytake to assist with these issues. Keep in mind I'm talking to the more legitimate dating cases and excluding the fraud issues like fake photos, catfishes, and so on.

From the guy's perspective I see the usual cases. There's a guy going around messaging girls sending out endless messages every day. They then come to the site complaining. There's 2 things going on though.

1st is the fact that the guy's honestly just messaging girls all day. What does he do aside from that? He may work, but does he do anything else? Chances are it's some video gamer sitting at home who either works or goes to school. That doesn't leave much else. Thus, he has time to message girls online all day hoping for a date. Where are the hobbies? Where are the interests? If someone were to meet him what would they do? Does he like any sports perhaps? Running? Golf? Bowling? Anything! My brutally honest opinion is that a lot of these guys really aren't doing much, especially the ones in their 20's nowadays. I love video games trust me. I play them every so often. But nowadays it truly is a bunch of kids sitting at home not doing anything. No physical activity leading to poor body image and so on. You can't keep a girl's attention if there isn't anything to pay attention to. Yes these girls get 50 messages a day sometimes, but if they're mostly from people who aren't doing much with their lives they're typically not going to be interested. Add in the fact that them being alone makes their ego turn to stone and they feel they're so awesome that girls should be approaching him and now he's definitely not going to be talking to any women. So my honest suggestion is that these guys aren't struggling solely because of online dating. They're using online dating as a way to get around their fears of trying to get a date in person. They don't go out to meet girls which is only legitimately excusable when you have a situation like moving. They're struggling because they don't go out due to the fact that they're at home all day and never developed any social skills. So they go online to look for a girl and fail just like they would in reality.

2nd is the fact that a lot of girls have their own issues. They're seeking online dating for a very specific reason. The gold diggers and players are not as common as they seem though. They're definitely on there but they have no interest in the casual guy. A gold digger will more than likely message guys who flaunt their money online compared to a jobless bum. I've seen many cases where the girls are honestly players just like many girls have seen guy players online but remember, if you're a genuine person they're not likely to be interested in you. The biggest reason a girl would give me for using online dating is "she was bored" which usually means she was just looking for attention online. Many girls admit they just go online looking for attention. They want an inbox of false admiration and praise. They'll put up misleading photos negating their body image underneath their face and won't meet anybody because they know they aren't attractive. I've definitely met my share of crazies online. But overall most girls are just really scared of dating and/or are hooked on the attention they're getting from using online. We're living in a society where social skills are so crippled that people can jump these hoops and meet. There are girls who even struggle to delete the profile because they're so hooked on those emails that they potentially lose the desire to even commit. It's the equivalent of being hooked on getting "likes" off of facebook.

With that said there's a very real issue that needs to be addressed with dating and that is meeting in person. You'll mostly hear of the guys complaining about when they do get a reply back, they message a bunch then the girl stops replying. This can be frustrating. My honest suggestion to both, but mostly the guys is to limit the messaging and move on. 3-5 messages and arrage a meet. If not, she was likely to never intend on meeting you to begin with. I'm well aware that the typical guy is going to ignore this suggestion but the chances of meeting a girl are so little when you message 50something times back and forth then what usually happens if you do meet is you two have a mislead perception of each other and meet and you likely find out you two are actually not who thought each other were. Fictional representations of the person are made because it's text. In person the chemistry ends up being very different.

So basically if you're a guy messaging girls and do get a reply. Keep them fairly short and aim it at arranging a meet. If she makes an excuse that she "wants to get to know you better" realize how unintelligent she sounds because you(should) have a profile that she has read that allows her to get to know you better and the purpose of meeting is to get to know each other better. Just because you meet for coffee doesn't mean you're a couple. Also if she's making up all those "serial killer" stories(referring to those insane stories online) it makes her sound even dumber because it means she messages serial killers online in her spare time and she's indirectly calling you a serial killer, kidnapper, etc. Don't let this attention sponge take your valuable time away. You want to meet real people. She doesn't have what it takes. She needs to delete her profile so guys can focus on the real people that don't hide behind monitors and cell phone screens all day.

So hope these tidbits gave you some insight on online dating.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You'd be surprised how many women are actually attacked, stalked, raped, etc from online dating. I have heard quite a few stories. A friend's aunt dated a guy who would turn around and stalk her. He left black roses on her porch right along with a dead cat at one point. He eventually attacked her and was arrested. Us women know about each other's stories. Women are very leary about meeting guys from these sites until she actually feels like she knows him enough to put some kind of trust in him as a person. You can put women from these sites down all you want, but your perception is more stereotypical than accurate. Some friends of mine and I did try a few sites and there are some pretty creepy guys on there. The most normal guy that I spoke to was actually the guy that freaked me out the most. He seemed to have it all together. He worked as an investigator for a lawyer's office, had his own house, didn't still live with his parents, had a car, had friends, had a life, had great conversation skills, etc. 3 days into the conversation, things turned. He starts telling me how he needs me and I am his second chance at happiness and the main reason was because his dad was a murderer who killed his mom and grandparents at different times in his life. The combination of his behavior and what he said about his dad had me immediately deleting my account. As a woman putting blind trust in a stranger, that is pretty scary. As a woman with kids whose lives depend on your actions, I have to be even more selective and careful. We won't just go meet every guy that messages us. It's a big waste of time and energy, not to mention possibly dangerous. Out of all of the guys that I spoke to, only two guys made it to the meeting/dating point for me. I will NOT meet a guy until I am comfortable and know a little bit about him. A paragraph on his profile and 20 questions does not tell a girl who you are. It's what you're not necessarily saying that she wants to know. It's your behavior that she is observing. Yes, there are women who go to those sites for the attention, but it is not the majority of women there. That's like me saying that the majority of guys there are just looking to get laid. I have run across a lot of them. One guy straight up told me he "needed" me and stated what he wanted to do to me within the first 5 or so messages. When I told him that I wasn't that girl, he said I "should make an exception". At least he was honest. Many guys hid their true intentions.

    • Totally agree. I especially agree with you stating that he's wrong about the majority of women who go on there are attention seekers. That is like us saying the majority of guys on there are looking to get laid. When I did online dating I received a bunch of messages from guys looking to get laid but hid their intentions. These are normally the guys who message you without reading your profile.

Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems like online dating is the norm now. It is helpful in the sense you meet people you wouldn't have met otherwise and find more people with common interests.

    My issue with online dating is finding an actual relationship from there. I've met so many women from the dating sites, like 30+, and still haven't found a relationship yet. Usually what'd happen is I'd meet a girl and we'd hit it off, make out at the end of date (sometimes) and then at the end she'd text me saying i had a good time, let's meet again and then after 3 or 4 dates tops, I wouldn't hear from her.

    Then there's been other times where the girl was into me but I wasn't into her. Usually she'd either have misleading pics and I wouldn't be attracted in real life, no common interests, or just feel no spark.

    I'm not giving up though. Those are just my experiences.

    • That being said, it's not that I'm afraid of approaching women in real life. It's just women seemed to be creeped out by men randomly approaching them regardless of what they have to say. I usually have luck with women in person if they approach me first or I meet them through another friend.

    • Show All
    • Well there was one time I was at a bar and I saw this cute girl smoking a cigarette and I went up to her to ask for a light and then started making small talk, not hitting on her or saying anything weird, then her and her friend walked off and when they saw me from now on, they'd give me dirty looks and talk shit about me to their friends which I thought was rather extreme.

    • This is what gets confusing for us guys. Were expected to be confident and approach women but if women aren't receptive to it and reject us harshly and make us feel like were creepy for it then what use is it? Like rejection isn't the issue necessarily but how they react on top of the rejection.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Fair points, except that I have actually been harassed by people I met via online dating sites (and this was following the rule that you should meet after just a few messages). I suppose you can't really tell from messages either, since people can lie, but I'd like to at least get a better feel of what they're like and what they're aiming for!

  • See... this is why I don't use those sites...
    Serial killers all around.
    Or just plain old rapists.

  • I really don't agree with the idea that a girl who refuses to meet after a few messages is an attention sponge. During my Time online dating, i wouldn't meet one of the guys unless i knew for sure who i was meeting. I was not on there for attention. I was tired of dating the same type of guys from the same area. The reason i had that rule was because i have a friend who met a guy off line who did in fact end up attacking her. The truth is, you don't know who it is. You can meet and fall in love with your soul mate , or is just a venue for a predator to target victim, men or women.


What Guys Said 3

  • TLDR; Online dating is for losers.

  • Also note that if your and ugly dude you won't get any attention even if you do the before mentioned stuff. Also if a dude is not ugly he more than likely won't have to use online dating... do the math

  • Bottom line, very good looking guys are going to get far more replies and even messages. That's all. The rest is delusional rationalization.

    • Same with the girls.

    • Of course. But with guys there seems to be this ongoing myth that it's not that way.

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