5 reasons you should never date someone on the rebound

[Anonymous]

So I'm 25 years old and have never been in a serious relationship but the closest I've felt to being in a relationship, I ended up being used as a rebound and it was a learning experience for sure.

The best analogy I can make for dating a rebounder is like playing with fire. It can be exciting but if you're not careful then you'll get burned and I defintely got burned. My biggest problem was that going in, I was very naive. I knew the girl just got out of a rough relationship but I didn't know what rebounds were and how they worked. Considering my friends have gotten into relationships shortly after ones ended, I didn't think much of it. I was also having an extended dry spell and just played it by ear, seeing where it goes.

1. The rebounder is still hurt and still has unresolved feelings for their ex.

If your date constantly brings up his/her ex, especially in a negative way and bashes them, then they are not over them. This girl didn't bring up her ex until I told her what high school I went to and she revealed that her on and off ex of 4 years(now boyfriend) went to the same school and talked about how he's the biggest piece of shit, never wants to see him again, etc. She even went as far as saying that she'd tell him she's with a cooler guy now (me) and asked me to make fun of him for his babydick in case we ran into him. I used that babydick comment against her when she got back with him.

Plus when you date someone new, it's about starting fresh. When I date new girls, I don't bring the rebounder or other girls that have done me wrong because it's not a good topic and I don't wanna hear about their exes anymore than they want to hear about mine.

2. They don't want you, they NEED you.

No matter how much interest they show in you, it's not because they want you but because they need you. Chances are you were the person they thought were decent looking enough for now until they find someone better in their mind or the ex. Essentially you're just a transition boy/girl and it's very selfish on their part. It's more about what's in it for them then the both of you. This can also falsely prop your ego and self esteem. You're thinking how can someone want me so bad that quick. It feels good to be wanted that bad by someone you really like but if they're moving really quick and they act like you're their boyfriend/girlfriend then it's not for the right reasons. After they leave you, all the things they said that you thought were genuine were just their way of manipulating you so they can either get sex or get they attention and affection they desire. This girl also asked to go to my house on the first date and was scoping out family photos and even messaged me for another date the next day and said she wanted to make out again. This made me feel that she was comfortable with meeting family so when I asked her about coming to my house for dinner, things went downhill and it really fucked with my head.

3. If it's too good to be true then it is.

I started talking to her off POF for a few weeks and she beat me to it by asking me for my number and when we're gonna meet up so that made me feel that she was really interested. She also called and texted me every day until we met up, even bugged me to talk when I told her I was out with friends or going to bed. We even had a ton of common interests, shared political views and outlooks on life, and could talk about anything endlessly. This caused me to focus on the good parts and it overshadowed what was really going on. From my perspective though, I had only had hookups and a few dates that didn't go anywhere because there was only physical attraction and no common interests. I felt relieved to find a girl who simultaneuously had a ton in common in addition to being very physically attractive. I also overlooked major red flags such as complaining about the ex and sending me nudes before we met in person. Doing that cost me dearly. It's like a sales job scam, sounds amazing from the beginning but once you're in you realize there's more issues than usual.

4. They'll leave you for the ex or someone they think is better.

One of two things, maybe both will happen. If they're still not over the ex, they will jump back with them once they contact the ex or see them again. If not getting back with the ex then they'll go for someone who they think is better and they realize they didn't like you as much as they thought, no matter how much interest they showed. It's even worse when they go back to the ex like in my situation because that means they were never over the ex and they make you feel like you're inferior to the ex. Even when I called her out when she got back with the ex by using the babydick remark, telling her how she used me, she just victimized herself like the cunt she is and said I'm being a jealous asshole and how I need to move on. She also ruined her ex for me, because I was an acquaintence of his in high school and my brothers are close to him and his family. While her ex, now boyfriend, didn't do anything to me, I still would rather not talk to him because of the rebounder using me to get back at him. When she told me how abusive he was, it made me feel bad for her and I'd try to be the opposite. All that did was push her away further. What really pissed me off was after the girl ditched me, not only did she start seeing the ex but she also had the nerve to make a facebook status saying "why can't I find any nice guys with tattoos? Is that too much to ask for?" like nothing happened between us.

5. You may end up in their shoes after it's over.

Being rebounded fucked with my head so much that because it came as quickly as it ended and the rebounder left without any explanation, I was left to pick up the pieces and wondered if she'd come back. I over analyzed nearly everything and wondered what was wrong with me, whether it was my inexperience or that I moved too fast. But her moving too fast caused me to move fast. It made my life more stressful and depressed that I didn't enjoy a lot of my regular interests, especially ones me and her shared that for a few months, I was looking for someone, nearly anyone and I ended up meeting a girl who I was physically attracted to and had things in common but the emotions weren't there. I thought ok she's interested now I can move on, all it did was make me want her more. I mean while I did have sex with the girl, it did help but I still found myself wanting to be with the rebounder more than her. Even when I dated others afterwards, it'd help temporarily but when it didn't work out with them, the rebounder would come back to my mind and made me think that the only time a girl would seemingly want a relationship with me is because she's on the rebound. It took me longer to get over the rebounder than other girls it didn't work out with afterwards.

So basically, never date anyone on the rebound, especially if you've never had a relationship. It can fuck up your perspective on relationships. I thought having a long dry spell before dating the rebounder was bad, but being rebounded was 1000 times worse. Once emotions get involved, more issues will happen. Besides while breakups are rough, the person needs time to heal and be 100% emotionally available when starting with someone new.

[Kiran04]

Totally agree. This goes for yourself too. If you catch yourself always talking about your ex, don't hit the dating scene. You'll break someone's heart and make a fool and an asshole out of yourself. Don't be a fool or an asshole. Make sure you are emotionally available before you go out and try to find another mate.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed, going back to point 5, dating someone on the rebound can put you in their shoes and you may not even realize it at it first. Rebounding isn't healthy for the rebounder and the reboundee. Even someone on the rebound isn't entirely happy because they may miss their ex even more and not care about the reboundee's feelings

[myTake Owner]

So the said rebounder just broke up with said on and off boyfriend she used me to get back at and made a status saying I'm sick of being manipulated and lied to. Oh the irony lol. And the 2nd wonka meme totally comes into play haha.

[Ozanne]

I really regret not taking up psychology and to analyze people like this and get paid. If I had to guess, I'd compare them to crack addicts where they just can't stop getting their fix, and once they spend a day away from their crack they start reacting and pitching a fit and having seizures.

It's like these relationship addicts are people who NEED sex or someone to be close to because they just got out of a relationship and now they're alone, cold turkey - having their fits. And just like a drug addict who's clean - and all they can talk about is their sobriety and the drug they were on - so is the rebounder. Like, shut up.

I'm sorry you held out just to end up with an asshole chick, who I fear will make comments about your dick too. (Unless you have a fabulous penis that she can't make fun of.)

I learned my lesson really fast too after a rebounding guy. He pretty much did the same thing. Not only talked about her in vicious ways to me, but talked TO her over his phone demanding "his shit back" when the opportunity struck him. It was awful. I remember saying once, "Every moment you sit and talk about her, is another moment you aren't focusing on me." He was so angry, just in general, all the time. He talked about previous girlfriends too very badly - I knew I'd be the next once I was out of there. And I was. None of these people are worth good relationships with until they deal with their shit.

I would say that it's not that they're "not over their ex", as in, they still are in love with them. That's not necessarily true. They just aren't over the closeness that was yanked away, and are dealing badly with having to know something was wrong with them (if they were the one who had been dumped). People hate hearing the truth about themselves, and instead of stepping back and saying, "Gee, was I actually a selfish whore in this relationship?" immediately take to blaming everyone else.

Whether rebounding or not, people who are just in general angry at exes - even if they broke up with them five years earlier, and show boorishness and contempt for the world are clearly not ready for friendships, much less relationships. You have to look after yourself!

Good Take, and I hope writing it all out like this was also a bit therapeutic for you too to know your self worth. :)

[myTake Owner]

Yeah that's exactly what this girl is, a sex addict and very dependent. She'd dated this ex (now boyfriend again) on and off for the past 6 years and whenever they'd break up, she'd always be with another guy and complain about how all guys are assholes when it didn't work out. She can just never be single and always judges those who are single.

Sorry to hear about your experience. But yeah with this girl, dating on and off is very unhealthy. Not healthy for the girl who dates he same guy and on and off for 6 years and she'll also end up using and hurting others in the process of dating in between her on and off ex.

[Ozanne]

Yeah I agree. If you're going to go down, why take everyone else down with you, right?

Well, she's done you a favour, she's out of your life, and now I hope you can look forward instead of looking back like this girl has done. And many other bitter people who are even on GaG constantly going on and on about the ex and their problems. The exes gave us our experiences, and thank god they didn't work out.

[myTake Owner]

Right it's very selfish to bring others down with you, especially when they're trying to bring you up.

Yeah she's out of my life and I may have dodged a bullet but the point is she still fucked with my head by boosting me up only to ditch me when I liked her back. From my perspective though, considering I never had a relationship, being rebounded made it worse. It made me feel like I'm incapable of getting a relationship and the only time someone would seemingly want one is when they're on the rebound like she was.

I've had countless amount of times where I'd meet a girl off a dating site, have amazing first dates or up to 4 and then out of nowhere, they'd disappear without explanation and it fucked me up too because I don't even know what I did wrong and it's hard to see what the problem is when there's not one clearly visible, you know?

[Ozanne]

That's like never going to an amusement park, and then going for your first time only to go get whipped around on a roller coaster and having it break down. It just is not that common to get in to something that was supposed to be happy and lasting a bit longer (realistically who are we kidding, we tend to have a few relationships before we finally meet someone very long-term/long-lasting til old age-ish).

Your experience was shitty, and that's pretty obvious - all you had to do was say "rebound relationship" and we know it's shitty. Just seeing how she treated you and reacted badly afterward (never mind how she spoke about her ex). So to me, just like the amusement park, you had an ordeal, but relationships are supposed to be fun and make you feel good. Why let one girl spoil this for what any other girl in the future might be able to give you? It's easy to just be gunshy, but she is *not* your future girlfriend.

[myTake Owner]

That's a pretty good analogy. But here's the thing, even after the girl I dated after the rebounder, I would go on dates with many different women and they'd end before they really start. Basically, we'd hit it off on the first date, four tops but mainly one with most of them. They'd say thanks for the drinks, food, etc I had a great time, let's meet again, etc and then out of nowhere it's like it'd be 100% my effort and 0% theirs in terms of initiating contact until they disappear without explanation or they'd just flat out disappear without any explanation.

This was without mentioning the rebounder by the way and it was kinda embarassing to have a countless amount of first dates only to have them go nowhere.

[Anonymous]

I love this take. But, I'm in a strange situation and I'd like some advice. I am engaged. I have been with my fiance for a year, but we got engaged months ago.
When I first met him, I wasn't totally interested in anything serious. But he latched on like a leech and within four hours of meeting him, he was calling himself my boyfriend. I just went with it, thinking he would get over it, but one thing led to another and it was all very fast. For the first few weeks, he was still talking about his ex and how much he hated her. But he would also say things like 'look how pretty my ex was,'. At one point, I got so tired of it I took off my sneakers and threw them at him, telling him to stop talking about your god damn ex, you stupid fuckboy. It was surprising for him, because obviously I had previously been very placid. I may as well have had 'welcome' stamped across my face because I was quite the doormat.
Anyway, he did stop talking about his ex. Today, it seems he's totally in love with me. I have tried to break it off so many times for unrelated reasons, but he just says 'I'll never leave you'. He storms off after a fight, but I just wait five minutes for him to come back inside and sit down like nothing happened.
I really do want to leave him. But it would take a lot of even meaner words, and to be honest, possibly cheating just to get him to leave himself because me leaving him doesn't work. I honestly believe that after he leaves me he will jump on another girl, talk about me until she throws sneakers at him, and maybe the next girl will be okay with living with him. Do you agree? Does he not sound like an impulsive lover to you?

[myTake Owner]

He does sound very impulsive much like the rebounder I described was. My question to you is if you want to leave him, why did you get engaged to him in the first place?

[slick_chick]

sounds like a pretty crappy relationship. why would you lower yourself and resort to cheating? lol. can't find the logi. just sayin.

[slick_chick]

*logic

[myTake Owner]

So said girl ended up breaking up with the on and off boyfriend the other day and said she's sad she's been lied to and manipulated. Funny since she did the same thing to me. Karma is a bitch isn't it? And the 2nd wonka meme about getting back with the ex totally comes to mind lol.

[Pyramid-Princess]

I loved your take!! I totally agree it!. Plus you spoke from experience which i think is evidence in itself that it doesn't usually work. I have always avoided dating a guy on the rebound for all the reasons you stated. Best take i have read for a while. 👍😊

[myTake Owner]

Thanks. Yeah I wish I had known what a rebound was before I dated her. I would have handled it completely different. My fault was I was naive and looking at it from the wrong perspective. When she complained about her ex, I was more worried about her asking about my dating history and seeing it as a red flag/dealbreaker that I'd never had a serious relationship. That should have been the least of my worries.

[Pyramid-Princess]

At least due to this experience it'll be easier for you to detect the signs of a girl who is on the rebound , and you'll be able to avoid her

Thanks for your Take , it was very helpful to me! 💙😊👍

[myTake Owner]

It sure was easy to detect the signs. Even earlier this year, I had this girl from POF message me again after ignoring me for 2 months. It was weird because she messaged me, asked to text and talked about how she just got out of a break up but also expect me to carry the conversation while she would give one word replies. I dodged a bullet though but it was strange.

[YatoNoragami]

Well done good sir! One of the most well written takes I've read. Sorry you had to go through that though. You're a better man for it as far as I can tell.

Honestly though, dating a rebounder is fine as long as everyone is honest about it. Definitely a HUGE red flag if she's talkin mad shit about her ex constantly.

Thanks for posting this. Good stuff :)

[myTake Owner]

Thanks but how does it make me a better man for going through it? Just outta curiosity

And yeah I'm not opposed to hookups but don't make it seem like you want something more if that's the case. Both guys and girls are guilty of this and yeah if they're trashing their ex. It's even worse when they get back with the ex they complained about after they leave you as opposed to someone new even though both are bad.

[myTake Owner]

But it was a learning experience because a few months after she ditched me, I talked to another girl and when I told her I was at a bar in town, she said that's where my piece of shit ex lives and I ended it right there. Not going through that again.

[bomba78]

ahhh yes, the rebound... In my single days I had a couple of first dates where the dude mentioned his ex a few times too many. I mean it is normal to talk about past relationships just like you would talk about hobbies and stuff to get to know each other, but when there is still like some sort of really fresh anger included in the info, there is something emotional going on still. and that is my cue to run. run far far away :-)
Needless to say, those first dates were also the last time i ever saw those guys.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah it's one thing to tell a new date that you had an ex or you used to do something with an ex that's neutral with no angry/jealous tone if you know what I mean then there's trashing an ex to a new date.

That's good you dodged a bullet. I did not. I overlooked the red flags because I found her very physically attractive, we had a lot in common, and I had an extended dry spell. I'd say being rebounded fucked me up way more than the dry spell but have a dry spell before it made it worse.

[myTake Owner]

I got rebounded again.

[Anonymous]

It definitely was a good read.

Maybe someone can shed some light in my situation. I was together with my Ex-Girlfriend for 2 years, she said her feelings changed for me, broke up with me and was with someone else within a week (rebound?).

Now after a year of silence she returns again, mails me to 'catch up' with her (of course she is no longer together with the dude she left me to have a relationship with), I refused to catch up and now she's already with another dude (another rebound?).

I guess the big question I've is, is she rebounding, even thigh she dumped me, second why reach out to me in the first place, if you aren't being honest about reconciling and third would she try to get on with me again?

[myTake Owner]

Sounds like your ex is a serial dater, not sure what she wants, and can never be single. The girl who rebounded on me, left and looked for other people and went back to the ex, then the ex left and she looked for others. She then got back into a relationship with the ex and is still looking for hookups on the side claiming she's in an "open relationship". Hopefully her boyfriend finds out and dumps her.

People like that are best avoided. They're insanely manipulative and selfish. Plus they're very unstable. You're better off without them.

[Opinion Owner]

From what you just wrote, it seems to me that the girl falls out of love with their current boyfriend, maybe its been year or two or more and the girl thinks is this "as good as it gets", eventually getting attention from other men seem exciting and they think they could do better, they search excuses to breakup, every thing that goes wrong, they ask themselves, is this a good enough reason to bail out, once they see an opportunity (like my ex-girlfriend) boom, they are out of the relationship, super happy like the weight has been lifted from their shoulders and are already exploring greener pastures (or so they think).

Once the honeymoon period is over, they start coming to their senses (only halfway though) and realise what they have done and then it hits them, that their Ex was the better deal overall, so they try to reach them and if they are not receptive, they go to another greener pasture, till they can't take it anymore and end up going back to their original Ex.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, it seems to be highly likely that she is going to reach out to me again and lay it all down on the table. I may be completely off on this one, since she has made no attempts so far after me not being receptive. But I guess the time would clear everything up.

I personally have moved on, if she comes back... sweet, if she doesn't, oh well good, better be with someone who appreciates me. I am just generally interested in knowing the psychology of these type of dumpers, that how messed up their thinking process in general is.

[myTake Owner]

You bring up another good point and that's good you moved on to the point where you're neutral about her coming back or not.

I'm trying to understand that mentality too where they want their ex back but also want others too. One reason I should have added in this take is that rebounders act very hot and cold, meaning one day they're all over you and then the next day they act like they want nothing to do with you. That happened with the rebounder I mentioned and I was very naive about it and overlooked it thinking she just maybe needed some space or she was busy on the days she acted cold but it is a red flag regardless and it may happen until they decide to leave you for good

[Opinion Owner]

These hot & cold signs are a classic one whose rebounding.

The thing is, even though they hurt you and eventually with time you would move on, but the person who treated you like this is just adding more emotional damage to themselves in the long run.

The more people you hurt, the more guilty you feel, the more guilty you feel, the more emotional damage you inflict on yourself, in short rebounds are never a good idea, but some people never learn, better be them making these kind of choices than you.

[myTake Owner]

Well true, it's better for someone else to do that than you doing it yourself but getting back to point number 5, when you date a rebounder, you might be in their shoes after they ditch you. What's even harder about it is, the rebounder may be able to go back to the ex. I can't go back with the rebounder because I was just a stepping stone to her and she'd never come back. I'm not saying I want the rebounder back but they tend to have it easier finding someone, whether it's their ex or someone new.

[Opinion Owner]

I personally believe that sooner the breakup occurs in a relationship the better it is in the long run.

Look at what you have gained though, you would never take any girl in the future who just came out of a long term relationship, doesn't matter what she says, you'll see through the B. S from a miles away and it's better this way, because girls like these shouldn't get a free pass from anyone, they should be sitting alone and reflecting whether they did the right decision or not.

They prey on the guys that are genuine and are investing in the relationship, bottom line is, these girls really get nowhere, even they end up getting married to the rebound, at one point or another, the reality hits them tenfold.

[myTake Owner]

True, I guess it was better that if ended sooner than much later but from my perspective I was more hurt because since I never had a relationship, I had nothing to compare it too and felt like I'll never know how to get one started.

And I agree neither girls or guys on the rebound should get a free pass and they take advantage of people genuinely interested and the rebounders make them feel like they're not good enough for the rebounder, placing all the blame on the reboundee instead of the rebounder.

While I am over it now and am seeing someone else, despite that it was a learning experience it still left a lasting mark on me, making feel like I was in the rebounders shoes and thinking about it from time to time, getting angry and jealous as well was wanting to get revenge on the rebounder. It definitely fucked me up.

[myTake Owner]

There have been other times where I dealt with girls who may or may not have been on the rebound, where I'll message them on a dating site, get their number, and then out of nowhere message me acting like I dropped off the face of the planet but really they did. One of them did that and revealed she just got out of a relationship, others basically wanted attention and then when it came to asking them out, they'd agree only to flake on the day of without rescheduling or they'd agree and then have some bullshit explanation and then ignore me. I have no patience for that shit. People who use others like that deserve to get used and mistreated themselves.

[driel]

Really the red flag is talking about the ex, they're not ready to move on. I won't say you can't be friends with an ex but usually if it ends, then there's a period of grieving for the relationship which can be quick or long. It doesn't lead to fondly talking about them to your new partner because it sounds like you still long for the old person. Some people don't do well as friends after feelings have been involved, then you need a lot of time apart to let those feelings go away.

[myTake Owner]

Indeed. It's one thing if they broke up on mutual terms but if it was a rough relationship and break up then they need to heal otherwise they won't be emotionally available.

[LittleSally]

Completely true... But hey, there are a lot of people who can't wait to get someone who's on a rebound - to use them a bit... A symbiosis... Both using each other.

BUT - it would be fair if they made it clear they're on a rebound and the other party can decide what to do then.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I mean I'm not opposed to casual sex and hookups but you shouldn't make it seem like you want something more than sex like a relationship when that's all you want. When emotions are involved, it gets complicated.

And yes there are people who use those on the rebound to get laid. That's what I should have done if I knew how it was gonna end but you live and you learn and at that time, I didn't want a hook up because that's all I was getting for awhile once I started having luck with women. I was a late bloomer

[hellionthesage]

Yeah thats a pretty messed up situation. The upside is you learned a valuable lesson, don't date anybody on the rebound and also since you know how it feels don't use anyboyd for as a rebound. You live and you learn. (it just sucks that we usually learn the hard way)

[myTake Owner]

Oh it was a lesson learned for sure. Do you think because I haven't been in a serious relationship that it fucked me up way more than someone who's never had a relationship? I mean using someone as a rebound whether they've been in a relationship or not isn't cool, but you know what I mean? Like it might fuck up somebody as when they date someone else that they can't tell if a person is into them or when to make a move about asking for commitment.

[hellionthesage]

Yeah, it could have a more sever impact since you don't have those past relationships to prove to yourself that you are valued and that not all relationships would be like the one your in. It would have helped from a relative perspective.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah it made me feel like I'm not relationship material even though that's not the case. It's just before I dated the rebounder, it wasn't like I was a virgin necessarily but I just had hook ups and dates that led to nothing which is better than nothing but at a point you might want something that lasts, ya know?

[myTake Owner]

Like I actually did want a relationship with the rebounder and I didn't like her just for her appearance and we did have a lot in common despite her flaws.

[Anonymous]

Rebounding is not a good idea. Tragic personal experience: I fell crazy hard for a rebound (to be fair, we were both rebounding). Things went sour at one point and we stopped speaking. I foolishly got back involved with the toxic ex and the love paired up with a girl that we'd both been involved with. I spent the entire time with my ex thinking about the rebound/love, which is terrible. Then on having the chance to reunite with the love, it was ruined by my continuing involvement with the ex. Moral of the story: don't ever be with someone for any other reason that you want to. Respect yourself & any potential partner enough to go into a relationship with a clear mind. Embrace the pain & loneliness until you're sorted and then proceed. I was an idiot.

[myTake Owner]

It happens but you learned. One thing being rebounded did to me was not get my hopes up too high if someone I dated afterwards showed lots of interest. For example, the girl I dated after the rebounder said she's glad I stuck around after we didn't see each other for 2 months and was worried I'd find someone else. I didn't think she was lying but I didn't read into it too much or see it as a sign for a relationship, it ended up not working out due to the distance, fortunately or unfortunately, as opposed to me still having feelings for the rebounder. I didn't even bring up the rebounder to her because I was starting fresh.

[Anonymous]

Sucks if your a caring person too. You ll give them everything and left mind-raped. Even though it dosent last very long, it's a quick way to get you hurt bad. I'm your same age and the whole thing you wrote here is the story of my life. I learn a lesson yet somehow keep running into these situations. You ll have an amazing date one night then the next morning they're gone. You feel scamed, screwed over, everything.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah that's been my story, I've met countless amounts of women from the dating sites, about 1-4 dates (usually 1 with most) and it's like well have a good date and they'll say thanks for the good time, let's do this again and then it becomes one sided with me giving 100% effort and 0% effort from them until I eventually don't hear from them and it's like they leave without explanation and makes me paranoid about what I did wrong.

[myTake Owner]

That being said, here's what I learned over the years of online dating. Don't put your eggs in one basket, regardless of how promising one may seem. Don't get invested/attached easily and play it by ear. This isn't to sound like a player or discouraging but to avoid major disappointment and possibly depression. Multi dating is a good way to find out who's really interested and who's the best fit. It's not about fucking as many women as you can. Just like with friends, it's about quality and not quantity.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't do online dating anymore. I think it's worse when your left without a word than an established relationship that is not working out and you break up. Even though these little relationships/flings don't last as long, it's worse cause they'res no closure or explanation or good bye. It will drive you nuts for a long time afterwards emotionally , mentally, and ever which way cause you wonder what happened or what went wrong or why things happens. You also try to comprehend and can't comprehend what just happened. It can be very damaging.

[myTake Owner]

I hear ya and what's worse is when you try to find out what the issue is by asking others, they'll act like you're being needy and tell you to move on and how there's other women. While it's true that there's other women, what good is it if you keep on going through the same thing with all of them? It's like i can either ask the girl what's wrong and come off as needy and insecure especially when there's no present sign or not ask and keep making the same mistake whatever it is. Know what I mean?

[myTake Owner]

There have been girls I met that I stopped seeing either because they might have had stuff in common but I had no physical attraction to them (they used misleading pictures) or they were physically attractive/decent but we just didn't click and the conversations felt forced.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but you need to communicate. When a girl dosent want to communicate and instead calls you insecure, it can be a warning sign. You should be able to speak your mind.

And I know what you mean. If you develop feelings for someone, it's not like you find someone to replace them. You gotta get over it first and that can take time. The emotional hurt from women to men or men to women in romantic relationships is one of the most underrated emotional pain in my opinion. People out of it see your pain as silly or cite your stupid decisions or like you said "get over it, find someone else". You don't get the moral support from friends then become rebounders, seeking out romance to make you feel better. You have no where else to turn. And neediness... well neediness is necessary to love someone. Your not seen as needy if they like you back. But once their affection is suddenly and unexpectedly withdrawn, your all of a sudden in a bad position and seen as needy. You never expected it.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed, people told me just to move on and when there's emotions involved to complicates everything.

[myTake Owner]

How often do you have that situation where you'll have an amazing date or a few and then never hear from them? It's been happening a lot to me and it's very frustrating.

[Opinion Owner]

This has happend a lot to me before and it will really mess with your head. Sometimes it hard to know when somebody is on the rebound or somebody just really likes you. I don't know, girls are weird. They'll fall in love with one guy for a week and be in love with another the next week then repeat. I really hate girls like this, they're players. And some they don't know what they want. But I hate being treated like I'm not a human and have feelings. Then they don't give a shit when they hurt me and are like why are you mad, your an asshole. Nope, I'm mad cause they played with my head and hurt my feelings. That's a standard reaction from anybody you hurt.

[Opinion Owner]

And point is even if these girls need you cause they're on the rebound and don't really want you, they shouldn't treat you like crap in the end. It should be appreciated that you were there for them. It's messed up that some girls think good guys should exist so they can use them when they need them.

[binkypop]

This is so unfair. So if a person breaks up with someone And likes you how long do they have to wait. 6 months a year? Before they're not considered on the rebound? And basically they are undatable until they're no longer on the rebound but are always on the rebound because they are not datable.

[binkypop]

This is why I'm going to die alone, people like you making crappy rules...

[binkypop]

Unlovable

[myTake Owner]

Way to miss the point. I'm not saying people shouldn't date ever after they have a breakup. I'm just saying people should have their shit together and not use the next person when they clearly have feelings for their ex. How is that fair?

[binkypop]

you're assuming everyone who broke up with their ex is the same.

[myTake Owner]

No, I don't think everyone who broke up with their ex is the same. I'm referring specifically to people who are NOT over their ex's and use others in the process. There are people who break up with their ex's who heal in a shirt amount of time and are ready to date, no problem.

[myTake Owner]

Short*

[myTake Owner]

I mean would you wanna date someone who would rather be with their ex or really wants you at first then the next day they want nothing to do with you?

[binkypop]

that's exactly how the guy i like acts constantly hot and cold. i hate it.

[binkypop]

i wanna find out what it would be like to be with him but all he does is play games and it's a HUGE turn off. but i dont have an interest in anyone else cause I'm dumb apparently.

[Kiran04]

It's not a time limit. It's just being sure that someone is emotionally available to have a successful relationship. If you are always talking about your ex, you should not be dating until you are over it enough to stop talking about your ex. That's just prudence.

[myTake Owner]

Binkypop, that's exactly it. This girl was acting very hot and cold. One day she'd be all over me and worship the ground I walk on, next day she'd act like she wanted nothing to do with me which caused me to overanalyze and think I fucked up.

No one said you were stupid, quit putting words in our mouths.

[myTake Owner]

And Kiran is right, it's not really the time limit but more of the mental state of a person. If a person was engaged or married for a person for quite awhile and all of a sudden broke up/got divorced then I'd wait awhile to date them if I was looking for something serious because it was a very long relationship and that could take longer because they were deeply invested in that person but some people take longer than others to get over someone depending on how close they were.

[Stacyzee]

Terrible experience.
But life is made to live and learn.
The funny thing is that in the end you pretty much became a clone of this rebound girl.
But it's great you realized what was happening and became a better/more aware guy out of this

[myTake Owner]

Indeed though I would say I wasn't nearly bad as the rebounder who used me when I rebounded. I mean yes I wasn't over the rebounder but I didn't complain about the rebounder to girls I dated after, I didn't try to use them to make the rebounder jealous, and I certainly didn't use them to start shit with the rebounder like the rebounder asking me to make fun if her ex for his babydick. That'd be like me saying make fun of her for having a flat chest or that she's a whore. I didn't resort to any of that. I just simply wasn't over her and wanted to embarrass the rebounder for her major flaws like sending nudes to strangers and being a two faced person who wants her ex back but simultaneously talks shit about him.

[Anonymous]

What if... I'm technically like this girl, based on what you say, but I'm afraid that I'll get hurt again?

My ex raped me & then denied it & blamed me for everything... what if I'm afraid that that will happen again with the next guy. I want a relationship; I know what to do (keep my ass on the couch no matter how many times he wants me in bed) & I know to try & make him happy as much as possible.

Will I be undatable forever? :(

[myTake Owner]

Nope, you're not undateable forever. I'm sorry you had to go through that but just because you had a bad experience with your ex doesn't mean you'll go through it again. That's like me saying I'm not gonna date someone because of said girl rebounding on me.

[love2run13]

Yea, I was just in this situation but it waz waaaayyy more ridiculously complicated... hurts a lot, especially when they were basically everything you ever wanted-except for the fact they didn't want you in the same way you wanted them :'(

[myTake Owner]

There was way more to it, but it wasn't like I showed too much interest and she wasn't being receptive. It was more of her chasing me and always wanting my attention but when I showed interest back, it made her back off and act like I was being clingy and needy. That's what really fucked with my head.

[myTake Owner]

I don't even think people on the rebound know what they're doing in the moment. Like it's probably not rebounding with malicious intent but in the moment they might move quicker than usual and make the reboundee feel loved for that ego boost to fill their void.

[love2run13]

Ya I totally get you, it really does mess with you head :( and I don't think half of them realize what their doing either, their in their own sad, emotionally empty little void and they end up causing the person being rebounded to become like them. Its like a sickness of not getting the love you want lol what hurts the most is they never cared like AT ALL and they never really knew what kind of effect they had on you, they act as though it was nothing, as if having sex with him and thinking he waz the greatest thing was NOTHING to him... such a sad truth lol but life goes on, thank god...

[myTake Owner]

Yeah it's funny because speaking about rebounders acting like you were nothing, when I made out with this girl she talked about how she liked making out and even the day after out first date, she blew up my phone, asked for a 2nd date and said she wanted to make out again. When I called her out on using me to get back at her ex that she's now with on the babydick remark, she just talked shit and said I'm the worst kisser she's ever encountered. Either she's lying or she's a very manipulative cunt, she is, trying to get my attention.

[love2run13]

WOW wtf? Why didn't she just stay with her ex and leave guys like you who are actually serious about dating alone

[myTake Owner]

Well I think he ditched her, they dated on and off for 6 years. And when she told me about how he abused he, I felt bad for her and would try to be the opposite but considering who she is, she deserves to be treated like shit. Because she sends nudes to get attention, complains about how she can't find any decent guys and when she does she fucks them over.

[myTake Owner]

I was the one who messaged her off plenty of fish first and was naive about rebounds so that part was my fault but regardless she still manipulated me.

[love2run13]

Honestly, I would never treat anyone like shit even if they deserve it. I just walk away from them unless they get in my face. It kinda sounds like you have some angry and unresolved feelings with her or about the situation, no? Have you found a good girl since her?

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I'm actually seeing a good girl now. The reason I made this take is from experience and to educate people who have little to no dating experience advice so they don't fall into the same trap I did because it did have a lasting effect and caused me a lot of stress. That is all.

[love2run13]

Well thats good, I'm happy for you to have the strength to get past it and pass on this useful info to others. What if they don't tell you they just went through a tough breakup til later tho?

[myTake Owner]

That's true, but only one way to find out. I highly doubt every girl I date will just be getting out of a tough breakup when I start dating them. I try not to talk about relationships, dates or hookups with girls I date, especially early on. Not a good way to get to know someone.

[love2run13]

Oh no I wasn't implying that about your girl, i waz asking cuz this guy who used me i believe as his rebound didn't tell me until later that he was going through a tough breakup

[myTake Owner]

Gotcha well that'd be even more harsh. I guess the only time dating someone on the rebound is ok is if the rebounder makes it clear they are on the rebound and doesn't want anything serious so you're on the same page. For me it was the rebounder wanting a hookup or not sure what she wanted and making it seem like she wanted a relationship only to ditch me when I showed feelings back. Misleading someone romantically when you don't like them that way is wrong.

[Prettykangaroos]

Wait... you're mad at the rebounder, but you dated and had sex with other women while you still weren't over her? Doesn't that make you a rebounder too?

[myTake Owner]

Read number 5, that's my point.

[Takada]

A rebound is just a stepping stone to something better. No one wants to be just a stepping stone. Better to not get yourself involved in that, no matter how much you want that person.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed. It's even worse when the person who rebounds on you goes back to the ex they complained about. I mean it still sucks if they went with someone new but if they go back to their ex, it hurts more because they were never over them and anything they told you was just to manipulate you and make you feel wanted.

[sephylove]

Sooo how long exactly did you and the rebounder date for? And how long did it take for you to break up with her?

by the way good take, I agree with you :)

[myTake Owner]

Well we talked for 3 months and then saw each other for 2 weeks which I know is very short, but still she manipulated me into thinking she wanted a relationship. I mean even before we met she was saying very deep things like you wanna talk, I love hearing your voice and I wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, sweet guy, wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, sweet girl? She even went as far as asking to go to my house on the first date and scoped out family photos.

[myTake Owner]

I mean that's not usual for a first date. And even my friends said she's like my girlfriend even though we were never in a relationship based on what I told them about her actions.

[sephylove]

oooh yeah that sucks. How long did it take for you to break up with her?

[myTake Owner]

Well it wasn't a break up necessarily as we were never in a relationship but she just ditched me and quit talking to me the week after.

[sephylove]

I meant, how long did it take for you to get over her? or are u still not over her?

[myTake Owner]

A little over a year and a half. I know that's crazy considering how short it was but if you've never been in a relationship, you might take it harder than others who have been in one.

[myTake Owner]

Well I wasn't dwelling over her the whole time, she'd be in the back of my mind. Like when I'd date others, it'd help take the rebounder off my mind but when it didn't work out with the other women I dated, the rebounder would come back into mind and make me feel like I'm undateable and not relationship material if that makes sense,

[sephylove]

Ohhh. So it was more hurtful memories not really "I miss her" memories huh. :/

[myTake Owner]

A little bit of both actually. It was something I liked to think about (the good parts) and hate to think about (the bad parts) at the same time if that makes any sense.

[sephylove]

Yeah that does make sense. by the way Im asking all these questions... because I rebounded a guy not too long ago. Dont start hating me now lol. But like I never left, because he was so good to me I eventually did end up really liking him but he went really fast. And he found out i used him at first, but then 3 months later I really did like him a lot but now :( Ahhhh.

[myTake Owner]

No hatred from me haha. But I know how it is. Even the girl I felt like I was rebounding with after the rebounder left me, I had no issues with her, we had a lot in common and I was open to seeing her, it just didn't work out due to the distance. She's in the city without a car and I live out in the suburbs so the distance made it tough. At least I got sex out of it, not that I was using her for sex but it's better that it didn't work out due to the distance and not because I was on the rebound. I mentioned nothing of the rebound to her.

[Anonymous]

There's a third negative outcome of dating a rebound which you fortunately seem not to have encountered.

Becoming her ex yourself, little by little the rebounder will make suggestions and hints planning to turn you psychically and mentally into what (s) he saw in her ex. If either of you catch on the relationship might be doomed, the biggest irony is if you get dumped for also getting the ex's negative behavior.

[myTake Owner]

Luckily i never became her ex, but I felt like I became the rebounder once she left me where I'd date other women after her and still not be over. I'd still get angry and jealous once I thought of her. And I felt like I stooped to her level by making these memes with her picture that were downright belittling the shit out of her. Doing that didn't make me happier, in fact it took me longer to get over it and made me more mad and stressed.

[myTake Owner]

Not be over the rebounder*

[ldrccarter]

You couldnt pay me enough to read the whole thing... how many of you read the titles? XD

[myTake Owner]

Then don't, nobody's forcing you.

[bryon]

I read the entire thig and found it to be very accurate