Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Ask to an AI Persona
Cinematic Lily
With my rich background and passion for the arts, I share insights on films, TV shows, and...
Gamer Bella
With my passion and experience in hobbies and leisure activities, I'm here to offer personalized...
Laura
Have questions about GirlsAskGuys? I'm here to help!
Athletic Chloe
Whether you need tips on improving your game, insights on fitness and nutrition, or just want to...
Love Doctor Brad
Welcome to the heart of understanding and transformation. I am your guide on this journey to...
Fashionista Amy
I'm here to inspire and guide you with a touch of latest trends or advice on personal style.💅👒
Advisor Smith
With years of experience guiding individuals in their education and career paths, I'm here to...
Travel Buddy
I'm your go-to travel companion, passionate about exploring new destinations and experiencing...
James The Foodie
From savoring Italian classics to discovering the bold flavors of Japanese cuisine, I explore...
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
70Opinion
Same here. I have that also with men.. I don't want to date someone who has a young child or children. It's too intrusive. They're mother will also be very dominant in your life, so you have to deal with an ex that is still very much part of his life. Yet he dates me without baggage, there's no ex in my life.. I'm all yours. No no no.. that's not fair for me. I deserve someone without all that baggage.
Completely understandable. Any single parent is off the dating radar as far as I'm concerned, man or woman. You are not obligated to deal with all that crap. You don't deserve to deal with all of that crap, and you don't have to deal with it. Why walk on hot coals with no shoes when you could just take the side walk?
You do deserve a guy with no kids. It's not wrong to feel that way.
I've tried dating single mothers and I have nothing personally against them but it is a tall order because their kid is their priority, and rightfully so, but a lot of times I'd have to deal with, "I can't come out tonight, kids still up" or "I'm gonna have to bring my kid with"
I'm not saying single mothers don't deserve anyone, that's not the case at all. I'm just saying I'd prefer my date not to have kids.
What about single Dads though? They're just as obligated to the kid as the mother is.
That being said, since I'm 25 I think dating a single mother at this age is a lot different compared to dating a single mom in your 30s and beyond. But hey if you date a single mom or single dad and you both love each other and it works out, more power to you.
Yep what about single dads out there? I dated a single dad once I was fresh out of high school though and I didn't have the state of mind that I do now but I'm actually glad it happened when it did it was an experience that I learned a lot from. The issues that I had with him had nothing to with the fact that he had kids. I look at single dads the same way I will look at any man the only difference is that I can judge a dad more on different criteria. I pay attention to the time he spends with his kids or not, the way that he speaks about their mother, whether he wants to me to meet them and how soon, and how he disciplines them.
Good point @Creole_Flavor
But here are my reasons why I'd prefer not to date a single mom and this isn't a generalization of all single moms by any means. Just possibilities and risks associated with it.
1) you may have to deal with baby daddy drama if they have split custody
2) it does get in the way of things because raising a kid is another full time job and they gotta work more to support it and they may want you to help raise it and be a father figure which I'm not ready for
3) I question their responsibility with their sex life. I mean accidents do happen even with using contraceptives, but if they have more than one kid, especially with different partners then if you have sex with them they may not be careful enough and have another one.
Again, these are just possibilities. Not every single mom fits this criteria.
It's not my say to a mom shouldn't have her kid if she gets pregnant but if you do decide to keep a kid in the event of pregnancy, be aware
Of the responsibilities that come with it as well as people seeing it as a dealbreaker because they don't wanna take on that responsibility. That's just the reality of it. But that's not to say you won't find someone who will tolerate it
I understand that I felt the same way about my ex specifically because he had 3 kids and 2 mothers. He was in long term relationships with both and engaged to one but never married either. I questioned his ability to commit and as for the sexual responsibility thing that depends on two people which is why I was on birth control but we didn't use condoms sometimes and he was actually looking forward to me getting pregnant and I didn't understand why he would want another child and in that moment I realized I didn't want to be the 3rd mother and I didn't see this guy as my husband nor did he plan on marrying me and stopping this cycle of of being with women for a few years having a child and moving on to the next and I wanted no part in that.
Yeah I can't say I blame you. That's kinda weird that he wants you to be his 3rd baby mom without marrying and staying very long term.
Reminds me of my best friend and his baby mama. They have split custody of the kid but this girl is so irresponsible, she even smoked cigarettes, weed, and drank alcohol during the pregnancy. And one time they had sex, she just took the condom off, got pregnant, kept the kid which I think she wanted a kid on purpose. Once my friend and her moved out and got their own place, she complained how he was never home though he was the sole provider working 2 full time jobs that paid little and then she cheated on him and then broke up with him and asked for sex once they broke up. She even acted like anyone who can't handle her having a kid is immature. The irony is too thick.
I think I was the only sane woman he was ever with and he just wanted to keep me around so he was hoping I would have a kid for him he even said he wish I was the mother of all of his kids but I noticed that he didn't spend a lot of time with them, and he was stingy with what he chose to provide. As a woman I can't be with a man who neglects his children in any way and it would be stupid of me to have a kid for him knowing this and put a child through the same plus he was cheating so I dumped him. You just have to be careful not everyone is level headed.
"I pay attention to the time he spends with his kids or not, the way that he speaks about their mother, whether he wants to me to meet them and how soon, and how he disciplines them"
very smart lady !! @Creole_Flavor
Single dads are as obligated as well. It's just better for most single people to date someone w/o kids.
Many women say that I'm wrong for being so adamant about this. I'm not wrong and if I am, so be it.
I'm not changing my views. Single parents do need someone, just don't expect it to be an easy process
to find someone willing to take on kids who aren't theirs. Male Lions do kill cubs that aren't theirs when
they take over a pride. Someone earlier mentioned this. Yes, we humans do feel that way. C'est la vie.
There are those who say that I'm selfish for feeling this way. No I'm not. I tell women upfront, albeit very nicely, that I can't accept their kids and I can't date them because of it. It saves a lot of hurt in the future. Now I can be friends with single mothers and I have been fuck buddies with a few. But I'm not an exceptional man who can look past someone else's kids. Nobody can accuse me of not being honest.
You have a great head on your shoulders @Creole_Flavor
@Marinepilot some single moms I've seen try to find any justification for them having a kid and pass it into others if it's a dealbreaker for them. In fact my first pof date was a single mom, only 21 at the time, and a year later when I saw her new profile, she said I'm a single mom and I know that it's a turnoff to some but if you can't handle that then you're not a man, you're a man child. As if everyone else our age or most are raising kids.
The basic answer is the guy shouldn't be a weakling and should be able to control his dick enough that he doesn't knock up any girl who he's not absofuckinglutely certain he wants to. That's "what about single dads." These same issues likely apply both ways.
@Anon-ymous1 yep, it’s a two way street
I have never seen someone describe why it is so bad to date a woman with a child, as well as a women on this site once did when she went on a rant about how great single moms are. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10204-the-struggles-of-being-a-single-mom
She was pretty much the poster child, for why guys don't want to have a relationship with a woman that has kids.
She deserves to be single and die alone. No way and sane single man should
get involved with her. No way Jose !
I agree with what you're saying. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule. The only way I'd date a single mother is she was a widow but even that's pushing it due to the exceptional amount of drama that you might face.
Bottom line is most men shouldn't date single mothers because I personally don't want the responsibility of raising another mans kid. Unless she is a widow or had a divorce after the fact then more than likely she had a poor choice in men and did not think about the repercussions of having intercourse with a man who most likely would not be willing to father a child. Some could argue that he didn't "step up" and raise the kid but, that's not a very wise statement to make. Both parties should've thought about that before hand. So yes I agree we shouldn't date single mothers it's entirely to risky and for the most part I agree with what you say. And thanks for making this known.
Yeah, I know they always love to blame their ex for leaving them high and dry, but that's what happens when you spread your legs for the first pretty face that blows a kiss at you. Choose your mate, choose your fate.
Maybe if you kept your zipper closed, you wouldn't be running around with some other motherfucker's kid looking for a guy like me to help you pay the rent.
It's usually not the ex's fault for being worthless, it's usually the single parent's fault for sleeping around with worthless people in the first fucking place.
Like, if you were only gonna be careful about ONE FUCKING THING in your entire FUCKING LIFE, wouldn't it be "who you have kids with?" So, if you're not even careful about that, for fuck's sake, what CAN you do right?
whole-heartedly disagree. Single mothers may have baggage, granted, why should the kid be to blame for her being single and staying single? a child should not be a deal breaker. Let us look on the other side of the coin. If our wives or girlfriend have passed on, and we got a kid. should we remain single and women shouldn't date us because we are in the same boat as them?
Exactly.
The kid isn't to blame. Blame is irrelevant. You mistake prudence with blame. No one blames anyone for anything, but any smart person can see that dating a single mother is more trouble that it's worth. That is baggage you are not obligated to deal with. Don't put yourself through hoops when you don't have to. Fight smarter, not harder.
Legalboxers kids are a deal breaker for me. I've been in relationships with single
mothers and I just can't accept their kids or dealing with their ex's. There are those
who say I'm selfish. SO be it. I know my strengths and weaknesses and accepting
children from another man is something I can't and won't do. I'll beat my beat until
hell freezes over before I'd get into a relationship with a single mother. No exceptions !
I think his point is you are extremely rresponsible by the fact you slept with a man who is trash. You made a terrible decision and it shouldn't be my responsibility to cover for this trash guy.
If he is dead, different story. I don't think that's the point here though.
@schnipdip: 80% of us are labeled as deadbeat dads. Since you went there..*pulls out the political card* you sound like 1/2 of the people running for public office. Where does it say a woman should be single because she has a kid. Remember it takes two for something like this to happen. And those 80% who are deadbeat dads refuse to work or pay child support. 4 of my female friends are dealing with that, and I know my former friend was like that too.
@Marinepilot: Valid point but if the kid is okay with you and has no mental issues or whatever, would that be a positive or a negative?
So then why should the responsibility fall on someone else to take care of them?
See you outlined the problem:
1. Being a Deadbeat dad.
2. Woman sleeping with and having a child with a deadbeat dad.
No where does it say "oh single mother, I should take care of her and love her because she has a child".
Nor should it be my responsibility to take care of the child, unless I love the girl and everything about her.
However it will never get to that step because she has a preexisting child with a deadbeat dad. Which makes me consider her poor choices and her mental attitude. And to be honest I dont like to associate with people who have little to no self respect. Which is her problem because she wouldn't have had a child with someone who is garbage and who was able to validate her existence simply by being with her and using her.
@schnipdip: Thats the whole point. Its like the Scarlet Letter.
Because they get in the way. Invariably everything revolves around them. So
if you want to be a broke dicked little beta boy, keep dating single mothers.
That's my opinion. If you have kids from a previous marriage or relationship
that might be different. To me it's not worth making all the compromises to
always be #2 and no better. FUCK THAT SHIT !
@Marinepilot: Semper Fi and oo-rah to you..
This is my take, when you are a certain age, you make compromises. Plain and simple, if you care enough for that person, you would do it.
A child is for sure a deal breaker.
I kind of agree because I wouldn't date single father either, the thought of him have to share their attention and love to me and his child is just uncomfortable for me, even more if his ex wife still alive, their memory will remains and at some point or another, I will be compared to her. So... No thanks
Well let me put it to u like this I was a single mother with one child before I met my husband and I worked a full time job went to college and also took care of my kid was it my fault my ex walked out on me for someone else and didn't want his child hell no did I take my responsibility hell yes it astonishing to see how many men have the mind set of they will not date a single mother because she comes with baggage did I ask to be a single mother no and most of them did of yeah she is beautiful she is good enough to sleep with but not worth my time because things get difficult bullshit man up is what I say that's the problem if they would take the time to get to know the person and that persons child they might have a different view but they don't give it a chance I was lucky enough to find my husband and him give me a chance and he is younger than me so age is not a factor in any of this at all.
Most men don't want women with kids by another man. Frankly why should a man w/o
kids remotely entertain the idea of being with a woman with kids? They shouldn't and
you can't blame them. I'm NOT playing second best to anything or anyone. Especially
another man's kids. Why? Because I don't have to or want to. Some men may fell
differently, but the vast majority don't. I did marry a woman with kids and never had any
of my own. We were older and agreed not to have kids because of our ages. At the time
I was ok with it. Now I'm not. I would NEVER, ever do that again. I wish I'd married
when I was younger and had my own kids. Now I resent the position I'm in. I'm glad you
found some who can accept you kid. Most men won't and we're not wrong for feeling
that way. The same can be said for women getting involved with single dads.
I'm not saying your wrong but me and my husband also have children together so yeah I'm just saying don't just ex them off because they have children already sometimes it's not their fault they are single mothers I wouldn't have judgement on a single father just saying
Have you ever heard of punctuation
I didn't know that everything had to be grammatically correct excuse me for not using a period.
I'm a rather open minded non-child-having guy... but I know myself. I crave attention in a relationship, and a woman with a child (ren) , would be less likely to be able to give me the attention and time I would require to be satisfied.
I don't discount single mothers off the bat, but I have to tread carefully and analyze each case.
Obviously dating single-mothers is a horrible idea. If your husband or boyfriend left you with kids, then your judgment and emotional intelligence is simply too terrible for a relationship.
Another arguable point.
It works like this either she is trash and got with a manwith no commitment or she's evil and was able to drive a man away from his kids.
I agree, this is true in a lot of cases.
HAHAHAHA LOOK AT ALL THOSE DOWNVOTES LMAOOOO
Another horrific thing to consider is, male microchimerism in women.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16084184
Women literally carry DNA from their past lovers inside them, and it shows in brain tissue. That could be cool in a marriage (knowing you're literally putting your DNA in your wife where it will become a part of her) or horrific (knowing that the trashy guys your girl used to get banged by are literally still with her,)
Very asinine.
Fucking hell you guys must be crazily insecure if you really believe that kind of crap, or even let it affect you in any way. Get over yourself.
The times that it works is when the man does not care about having the need to pass on his genes. The man can still influence a child and in this manner passes on his mark in this world. The man essentially adopts the single mother’s offspring. In my case, My stepfather and I have a deep bond, but I know I am the exception. It’s a gamble.
There are always exceptions, but exceptions don't make the rule. You should give your relationship, children, and family every chance for success possible, and that means smart decision making. A single mother is already a proven bad decision maker.
The way I see it dating a single mother just because you feel bad for them isn't love, children bring people down its a fact especially young people with limited money and unlimited opportunity, children big you down and make your life slow, complicated, and very expensive. There is no way I'm going to ruin my young fun life just because I feel bad.
Pretty true, I want my children to be half me, half my wife, not completely biologically alien to me, and I would never be top priority in her life as you've also pointed out, and would also be in the middle of a shit storm if the ex decided to come back. No thanks, not for anyone. Ever.
didn't read a word but i agree. I have 0 interest in dating a single mom
Taking care of another mans kid is like continuing from someone elses saved game
thats the best analogy i herd this whole month
I guess it all depends on how I feel about her regardless of the kids. Granted I want kids of my own I won't treat them any different than hers which will be ours... but I want my kids too... that would be a deal breaker that would be something later on in a relationship.
You forgot, in my opinion the biggest one, 99% of single moms LEFT the baby daddy, OR chose a man who would leave the mother of their kid. Either not being committed or history of making poor choices is not ideal.
I wouldn't want to date and possibly have kids with someone who just casually left the first baby daddy because of whatever reason. And if she uses excuses like "he beat me" well why TF would you have a baby with a man who beats you? Or does whatever he did. It says something about YOU that you were with a man who beat you, cheated on you, ran as far away as he could from you etc whatever the excuse is.
I don't know even one single mom that is not a complete train wreck so not all single moms blah blah ok all the ones I ever met.
pretty much all of this is bollocks. I was dating a single mother for 2years and it was the best relationship I've ever had. were still close friends now and didn't encounter any of the things you mentioned here.
the only reason it ended (which was mutual btw) is because we both went to uni in different cities. however, we're still very close friends.
Im guessing you are just bitter over a break up
No, I always ended it. I just don't want to be second best. I won't !
Hey, I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to date a single father either, though my reasoning is more because I'm too young to want to step into the role of a step-mother. I had a friend who liked to date men twice her age and one of the guys she dated had a handful of kids around her age and younger... She would not recommend that experience.
Ok so somehow I fit into this.
Yes I got married young at 18. I have two children, the first born when we were married. Yes, married, not out of wedlock. When I was pregnant with my second, my husband was killed by a drunk driver. No divorce. He had a good job as a plumber's apprentice. The drunk driver took him away from me.
Does that still make me radioactive as far as dating?
I'm sorry about what happened, but most young men in your age range will not want to date a single mother, or share the responsiblity of a child... if these comments are anything to go by. You're gonna have very slim pickings at your age.
@MermaidMotel
I've been approached more by older men, as in at least 30.
Yeah, that was what I was saying. Most men in you're age range aren't looking to date single mothers. If they are, most of them aren't..."looking for forever". I hope it all works out for you. If you have no problems with older men, good for you!
I think you could see this topic as some sort of advice instead. see: "single mothers want their babies to be top priority" reverse that. you are interested in another human being but that other human being has no real interest in you. make your baby not seem to be top priority, have someone take care of it more often so you can show that you value the man you date
This guys is just an immature jerk.
@ZoeAdams2 you are one of the good ones and I would date you knowing what I know about you but I have to say most of the single moms I know are a lot different than you and they are not in the least bit fun or hard working they live off child support and every single thing is about their kids to the point dating them would just be a nightmare for a guy all he would be to them is someone to sponge off of even a girl I liked at my technical school some years later we reconnected she had a son and we got close and it all became about trying to make me her son's father she didn't wanna date me just wanted us to hang out together with the kid like we were a family so I we stopped talking.