Relax And Don't Screw Things Up!

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Relax And Don't Screw Things Up!

I've been dating my current girlfriend for about three months now and I am quite enamored with her. I know she's human and has her flaws, but I still think she's wonderful and I hope she is The One. She was out of town this week attending the funeral of a friend's mother, so I have been missing her and reflecting.

When I met her, I was infatuated. I am 60 years old and I was infatuated! That hasn't happened in a long time. She is extremely cute and we have an amazing commonality of interests. And how freaky is this? Thirty years ago, we both worked in the same city, 150 miles from where we are now, in the same building, in offices that were next to each other . . . and we never met, but we have at least 50 acquaintances in common.

When we met, I didn't know if she was dating anyone else and I didn't ask right away, but on our third date, I asked her about dating exclusively. She agreed that would be a great thing to do . . . when the time is right. So we continued dating and we got to know each other better. She eventually confessed to a fear that she was a rebound relationship for me but I told her that I had been on a first date with about 10 ladies since my divorce, and one of them I had dated for about 6 weeks. That seemed to address some of her hesitancy.

She bought a house and needed help moving. Of course, I volunteered to help her and I spent a great amount of time with her. We became even closer. I could feel that she was developing feelings for me and I certainly had feelings for her. I wondered when we would become intimate; for me, that signifies trust, closeness, and desire like nothing else. I was anxious for it to happen and she knew what I wanted. She told me that she didn't feel ready yet but she thought it would happen soon. Fortunately, I was patient.

It finally happened . . . once. The following weekend, she had someone else (a family member) spending the weekend with her. Then she went out of town for the funeral. She should be home later today and I will see her tomorrow night.

I have been trying to rush this relationship when it needed time to grow. Fortunately, we have communicated, I have been patient, and I have been blessed with a girlfriend who is patient with me. We are flourishing now but it could have easily turned out differently.

When I think back on previous relationships, I realize that there was happiness and wonderful experiences in all of the phases of the relationship (other than the break up.) The early days with my ex-wife were some very happy days and I treasure those memories despite the eventual demise of our marriage.

At my age, I should know better than to be in a rush with a relationship. Most of you don't have that age thing happening yet, so let me warn you:

1. You can screw up a perfectly good relationship by being in a hurry. Think back on the time you spent in elementary school; would you have wanted to skip grades 1-6 and just start out in 7th grade? How well would that have worked? If you push her to be intimate befoe she is ready, will she really think that her future is with you?

2. If the relationship becomes your final relationship (meaning he or she is The One,) one day you will look back and smile when you remember these times. You'll be glad you had these times and you'll be glad that you have those memories. When you get married and have children, will you want them to turn 18 two weeks after they're born? Of course not. Savor it at each stage!

So relax, unwind, and let it happen. If it is meant to be, it will be. In the meanwhile, enjoy the journey.

That's what I'm working on now. There are great rewards waiting for me and I am enjoying the anticipation, because I am confident that the best is yet to be.

Relax And Don't Screw Things Up!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ozanne
    I wish we could sit and have coffee and compare notes! :) I feel the same way about living life and letting things go at its natural pace. All too often during my dating years I felt like there was a natural progression in relationships: you date, you have sex, you move in, you get engaged, you get married. If at some point I never saw any of these goals happen, I ended things. (But truth be told, the relationships were also already bad, so not reaching the goal wasn't the only reason why things ended.)

    I also thought there was a natural timeline for this. If I felt like we really hadn't progressed much and I couldn't even see myself living with them, I really couldn't see myself living the rest of my life separately from my partner. And of course, there was always a reason why we hadn't progressed to that stage either.

    I wanted time to go by fast for the jerks and I wanted time to go as slow as possible when I met my husband.

    I remember thinking while I was in all my relationships before that they were wasting my time. I was either dating bitter guys who didn't trust one single thing I said or did and made me pay for the mistakes of their past girlfriends as if I was going to be one more bad relationship that will end badly, OR I was dating a guy who rushed me in to his life, excited for me to meet his kid, meet his mom, and made plans to marry when I didn't even know if I liked them enough to do any of that.

    I will say that timing WAS a huge factor when it came to why they turned me off. The pre-MGTOW extremists with their "Never" policy put me off, and the smothering guys with their "Right Here Right Now" policy put me off. I wanted something normal. God, is that too much to ask?

    So I met my husband and noticed the natural progression starting to happen. He wasn't put off by the idea of marrying, but didn't want to talk about it quite yet - nor did I. He was happy to move in, where he said he could truly start knowing me, and we did after seven months. We spent one entire calendar year together and he asked me to marry him after that.

    Things with us happened at a very comfortable pace where we could experience all the things in one calendar year together such as all the holidays, family events, birthdays, and really see how *every* calendar year was going to be. I loved that. I loved that we could talk about what we saw for ourselves in our futures and not to be afraid or disappointed if certain things happened or didn't happen. Yes, this...
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ozanne

      ... meant to have kids or not have kids. We had a lot of things to discuss but part of the fun was living our lives and knowing that nothing was ruled out. When we got more involved the more clear it would be where we stood with certain things, or what sort of life we might have together. There was even a point when he asked what I thought of not getting married, but remaining a co-habituating couple. I agreed only because I loved him so much that he actually broke my rule. (I always wanted marriage.) But he was The One so I didn't care whether it meant sacrificing a dream to be married, it was worth keeping him because he was everything I wanted in a partner no matter if we were married or not. To my surprise, he wanted to marry me anyway.

      These things all happen in their own way, on their own timeline. Like I said, I wanted to be quick with the rotten ones and with my husband I wanted it to last. I wanted every moment of each stage to be enjoyed. :) Happy for you O&W :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • HappyLondon
    Accepting lfe and letting go of control is so important in order to find serenity. Yet so hard to do. Thanks for sharing the wisdom.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • heywhisper
    I love this! so glad you wrote this and shared it with us. You have reminded me to slow down! I'm n a great relationship and I feel like my guy is the best I've ever been with but I'm so darn impatient to skip to the i love yous.. and we've only been seriously together for 3 months. I need to take things slow.

    Best of luck to your relationship!
  • HookingSwan
    U seem to be very in love at the age of 60!

    Wish you much luck and all the best.
    Like 1 Person
  • muspelhem_5
    This is great, love it.

    Thanks for the wise advice. I wish I had more advice like that from my elders.
  • crystalt70
    This is awesome. I'm glad that you are happy.
  • smexiliciousss
    this is very cute :)