Relationships

Calm Down... Don't be Jealous!

Calm down... Don't be jealous!



We all know that jealousy is a wasted emotion. We all tend to feel jealousy at one point or another throughout our lives and usually feel it's justified. As a former viciously-jealous female, I have learned many things about how jealousy was a reflection of how I felt about myself, and not the situation. I hope these indicators will help you recognize and curb your own jealous tendencies.


1. Know the difference between jealousy and envy. One is not as severe as the other. To envy a friend for having the money to open their own business, or for dating a new person is almost as much as an esteem-boost to help us recognize our own potential. We have room to be happy for them and support them. Big difference between feeling jealousy and simple stewing over the fact they have something you don't.


2. Jealousy can be very unappealing. If you are feeling anger and showing it by having tantrums or trying to control a situation you can't, you appear desperate: a trait that no one likes in a partner. If you're trying to be more attractive to your potential mate, your confidence to know you're better than being jealous will be more appealing than having a fit.


3. Is someone baiting your reactions? Know the difference between your mate making you jealous deliberately, or if a third party is trying to squeeze in to create problems. If your mate did not bring about the negative attention, your mate is not to be blamed! If your mate is treating you in such a way to trigger jealous reactions, they are playing games. Analyze if this is really the person you can live with the rest of your life. As for silly, third-party troublemakers, they can try all they like but if your mate finds only you to be the one they love, that should be all the confidence you need to know you're better than the one trying to make trouble.


So how do I lose that jealousy feeling?


Stop and think. Do you really have anything to worry about?


If the answer is no, skip the next paragraph. You have realized that your self-esteem is in check and you're doing just fine. You've recognized that your jealous feelings are not warranted by anything.


If the answer is yes, think about what is the problem. Are you feeling not as good as the person who you are jealous of? Or are you feeling as though your mate or employer or whomever is finding worth in someone else that you don't have? If you feel threatened that you are not living up to someone's standards, talk about it. Get your reassurance. Then drop it. Once you have your answer, know that you are very much adequate. If you find that you are given reason to feel not good enough, your self-esteem is something YOU control. Not anyone else. If your boyfriend or girlfriend gives red flags that you're not so special, YOU control your situation and make yourself that most-important-person to someone else, even if it means just you, being single for a while.


For the ladies... he looks at other women. :(


Unfortunately, ladies tend to feel a little inadequate and not as sexy if their boyfriend views p*rn or looks at other women. For the women, know this: men are watching the act of sex, and viewing something pleasing to the eye. Not a whole lot different than a 1969 red Mustang roaring by. Men usually have a trigger to stop and look at something that catches their eye - and you are definitely still in that category! He did the same with you, and almost guaranteed that if had the choice to look at you naked and have sex, rather than an inflated bleach-blond orange to masturbate to, he will choose YOU. Your jealousy immediately is a reactor of comparing yourself to another woman, and the reality is that you are it, and everything else is just a non-emotive reaction.


For the guys... she is still friends with her ex. :(


Guys, women are socially-wired emotional creatures. We find it entertaining and fulfilling to talk to people. A lot of people. We dislike the thought that we might hurt someone as we are the nursemaids of the world and like to make people feel better. If our ex is in that category, chances are, we do not find him attractive or love him anymore. He's just one more person that we file as "people to talk to". We tend to not understand how to differentiate that our attention to just talking to a guy in a non-sexual way can be a threat to our boyfriend's ego. We really don't mean to hurt you, we're just trying to please everyone by checking our phones and being there for everyone. But like my guy-comparison with p*rn , if you needed us, and we really love you - you are our first priority.


Reassurance & Compromising


If your guy is bird-watching too much, or your girl is talking to her ex -- tell them how it makes you feel. People aren't psychics and need to be aware of the situation, but not through foot-stamping fits. Communicate in a way that will let them know you're serious. Pick your better times to talk about it. Get your answer, work something out where you can both be happy with a middle ground. Get ideas on how to spend one entire day together unplugged from all others so you can rekindle exactly why you're together to begin with. You might have stipulations, but they are also owed not to have a quippy, jealous partner also! If you expect changes, so should they of you.


If you have special circumstances you want to talk about, leave an opinion and I will do my best to respond as to why I think you should relax and curb your jealous tendencies, or maybe other people reading will help me out and add their advice too.

Calm Down... Don't be Jealous!
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