Sorry about the false advertising, but it's nearly impossible to write a generalized take on something so subjective... So instead of trying to convince you that one must be precisely so and so in order to be deemed attractive, here are the qualities that matter the most to me:
1. A minimum of 99% identical genetic makeup
I'm sorry to all the cats and hedgehogs. I still love you all, and I'm really not trying to discriminate... but I'm just not interested in you that way.
On that note, it's nice having someone whom I can pester, rant, and share bad puns with. We don't have to have the same interests, but we can't hate each other either. At least not too much.
2. A beating heart
As lovely as Bella and Edward's love story was, I'd prefer a guy with blood in his veins...
As well as a heart, too. This is one case where I will admit that bigger is better. Unless your heart is really swelling due to myocarditis... in which case please, please go see a doctor ASAP.
But seriously, a kind heart is a must.
3. A functioning brain
No hate to Patrick, but I just can't imagine myself with someone who is perpetually zoned out, stoned, or hammered.
That's not asking for too much, is it? And I did say perpetually... I mean, if it's New Year's Eve, I'd likely join you.
As a wise one once said:
" It may be stupid, but it's also dumb!" - Patrick Star
4. A hearty appetite
Seriously though, if you ask me to make you a sandwich, I'd expect you to at least try it. Even if I forget to toast the bread.
Jokes aside, I really appreciate open-mindedness. I generally like trying new and wacky things, keeping options open, and mixing things up. It'd be bummy if your tunnel had only room for your vision... and in that case, I'll just quietly hop off here.
To sum it all up:
People are going to say "if only it was that easy..." because obviously everyone has their own set of desired qualities in a friend/SO. These are just the fundamentals of mine - feel free to share yours.
Also, if anyone has tips to draw less crudely on paint... much appreciated :D