Deal Breakers: Examined!

[PiuBelloAmante]

This myTake will establish some common deal breakers that people consider before they date. Then these deal breakers will be examined, and rated on a scale of 1-10. A rating of 1 being the least offensive and a rating of 10 being an ABSOLUTE dealbreaker.

Deal breaker #1: Unattractiveness

Being physically unattractive puts many at a serious disadvantage while dating. But it makes finding someone very hard at first. This is probably one of the most prominent deal breakers because if a woman/man doesn't find you attractive from the start they kind of write you off as not being an eligible partner.

Sometimes people will not date for ridiculous reasons like "Her toes are too long" or "His head is shaped weird," which is ridiculous! Those people are just extremely picky. Luckily, some people can look past this and see the other things a less attractive person can offer. Whether that's financial security, laughs, or love!

Deal Breaker Scale: 7/10

Deal Breaker #2: She/he has kid(s)

She/he seems mature, smart, funny, and you feel attracted to him/her. Thats great, right? Well, he/she has a kid. If you want to be your significant other's one and only, sorry. This isn't for you.

The attention will have to be split between you and his/her child. If you can live with that, great! But what if the kid doesn't like you? Tt will it undoubtly become annoying when the kid makes you feel like garbage on a consistent basis. That might not be that case, and the kid might accept you and show you love.

Deal Breaker Scale 5/10. (If you hate kids: 10/10)

Deal Breaker #3: Being Broke

This one is controversial. Shouldn't love and forming romantic and intimate relationships surpass petty material wealth? In a romance novel, YES! But here in the real world, sometimes it doesn't work out.

Your partner will expect you to support yourself or help them out very once in a while. Also, who wants to worry about having a financial burden as a problem? This applies to more mature couples. When you are young its okay to be unstable financially at times.

Deal Breaker Scale: 6/10

Deal Breaker #4: Religion

Dating a very religious person can be difficult, especially if that person only wants to date within their faith. For example, this is relevant to dating a Muslim man or woman. If they decide to get serious with you and you are not a Muslim, it is considered "Harram."

For them its something that has been forbidden. But on another level, someone's faith may differ from your's and problems can arise due to beliefs, etc. Its never a good thing when someone is forced to choose between their fiath and love.

Deal Breaker Scale: 3/10

If you are a non-Muslim dating a Muslim, this is 10/10. (Same for other faiths very strict with their beliefs and traditions).

Deal Breaker #5: Hygiene

Would you date someone who smells like garbage? Looks like garbage? Doesn't take care of themselves? Mosst people would probably agree this is extremely undesirable. Hygiene is very important and generally easy to practice. It shows that you can take care of yourself, and that you can present yourself as a decent human being.

Deal Breaker Scale: 10/10

These are a few deal breakers I find pretty common.

I encourage you to suggest others and give your opinions on my own scale and ratings!

[bloodmountain1990]

1 and 5 are huge deal breakers for me personally. I'm not superficial but if I don't find a girl remotely attractive then it won't work out. If I can't imagine kissing them let alone having sex with them then it'd feel awkward. I've been there and felt bad because the girl was super into me but I wasn't feeling it. Bad hygiene speaks for itself.

Other deal breakers for me would be excess baggage and a girl who's super negative and has no motivation meaning she isn't working or going to school and relies on others.

[RJGraveyTrain]

For me an instant deal breaker is if he's argumentative. I am sooo the opposite, I don't yell, I talk things out and don't like to argue period, so when I find someone who just wants to instigate, nag, nitpick and try to cause arguments... ha, exit stage left please.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Hmmmmm...
Some people like that! But I agree! I can't deal with confrontational people! Good deal breaker!

[RJGraveyTrain]

I can't take it. I'm too happy and chill. I'm like: Why you mad doe?

I'm just kidding, I don't legitimately talk like that. I just thought it was funny.

[Solitude96]

I have like at least 5 reasons to be furious but im not its not helping anybody and eaating me away from the inside

[Anonuser2020]

Deal breakers for me (this is after I got my heart broken by the 1st guy I have loved and cared for):
1. Laziness
Yeah I'm lazy, but my ex was a lot more so and that even translated how into the relationship too. He never cooked his food, he was willing to spend $ on take out for even simple dishes. Dirty dishes sat in his room for days. He never wanted to go anywhere on his days off cause he was too tired.
2. No ambition/goals/interests
My ex had absolutely no interests/goals/ambition to do anything then play games and go to pokemon like game card tournaments, he had no clue what he wanted to do in life and hoped that it would come to him one day w/out even trying.
3. Dumb people
My ex wasn't very smart, I'm not a genius, but at least I have common sense, my ex said very hurtful things that he obviously didn't think through. Heck he even said one time that thoughts were detrimental (WHAT?)
4. Arrogance
Whenever he would come across someone who thought differently then him he would insult them w/out even defending himself. When I suggested (not attacking his views) that he should justify his position he would make the excuse of "oh that person is just a teenager, I don't need to explain myself).
My heart was broken when I broke up w/him, but I knew I couldn't live w/that kind of person for the rest of my life.

[Caramel_creme]

Looks like you are seriously weighing the consequences of seeing the Muslim girl you are interested in.

I have a list of deal breakers, which I save for easy reference on my phone:
1. Pettiness and small mindedness
2. Arrogance
3. judgmental
4. Argumentative
5. Bad hygiene
6. Obesity
7. Lies and infidelity
8. Negative mindedness
9. Religious
10. Intolerance
11. Conformist
12. Bisexuality
13. Overly Materialistic
14. Crassness
15. Anger issues
16. Emotionally or physically abusive

And not that you asked, but these are my deal makers:

1. Kind and a good nature
2. Mature and empathetic
3. Emotionally stable
4. Financially stable
5. Intelligent and able to make good conversation
6. Down to earth
7. Open minded, objective not biased
8. Loyal
9. Honest
11. Curiosity
12. Passion for life
13. Must want children
14. Appreciates all cultures objectively
15. Good communicator
16. Able to make me laugh
17. Masculine

[Cjanes]

1,2,3,,4,8,8,14,15 kind off all just fit under bad/incompatible personality.
5. She already mentioned hygiene
6. Is labeled under unattractivness again already mentioned
And as for bisexuality that is your own intolerance talking

[Caramel_creme]

@Cjanes

This is just my ready list I have at hand. I didn't filter it for the items already mentioned in the my take. I use this list when I start considering dating someone seriously. I go through this check list to be able to suss out the guy objectively, and not be blinded by feelings of infatuation.

I don't think it is intolerant to not accept certain beliefs/ practices/ sexual orientations for your partner. I would have no problem having a bisexual as a friend, a close one too for that matter. But I can't date/ marry a bisexual. It is similar to me not wanting a religious (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or any other) person as a partner. Or a person who already has kids. It is a personal preference and I don't think it is intolerant.

[PiuBelloAmante]

That's quite a list haha!

[Cjanes]

What's your reasoning behind not wanting a bisexual though? Someone who is a different religion can lead to conflict while raising kids and not wanting to date someone who already has kids is often because one does not want to be a parent yet However I do not see how weather a person is straight vs bisexual effects a relationship

[Caramel_creme]

@Cjanes
Since bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, I would feel like I would not be able to fulfil all his fantisies. And being sexually 'enough' for my man is important to me. This does not imply in any way that I am worried of a higher chance of cheating, cos I know that is not true. I also know that it is not possible to fulfil all the fantasies of any man. A straight man could be very attracted to me, but still fantasise in a woman of a different body type/ personality on occasion, without acting on it. And I am prepared to accept that. But with a bisexual man, these unfulfilled fantasies would increase, and be more significant... So yes, it's a problem with me, than with bisexuals. But it is not intolerance.

[Caramel_creme]

@Cjanes
By the way, my reason for not dating a religious person - I believe your religious view point or lack of it greatly affects your actions in daily life and major life decisions. Hence I would like to marry someone with similar religious ideas (doesn't need to be identical.

My reason for not dating a man with kids - I am really looking forward to the experience of having children, and I wish to share this with my man to be our first such experience. Also kids from a previous marriage/ relationship comes with a mother, making things complicated. But as far as deal breakers go, this is on the lower side priority wise...

[sdistotallyme]

funny how you are mention "intolerant" and "bisexual" together on the same list. Aren't you intolerant of bisexual men since their orientation is a deal breaker? I had a old female roommate who was your age and she got all pissed off & PC when she overheard me say a homophobic slur in a joke one time however a few months later she said I looked like "a homo" when I had long sleeve shirt wrapped around my chest. Can't keep her story straight with her feminine hypocrisy.

I see this crap in women's thought processes at times. They apply what is subjectively right or wrong depending what mood their in. EMOTIONS > LOGIC

[Caramel_creme]

@sdistotallyme
Please read my comments to Cjanes. I am not bi-phobic. I don't have any problems with bisexuals. But I wouldn't marry one for reasons explained in my previous comments.

[Cjanes]

While I disagree with your reasoning I will respect your opinion. Just so you know though many of us (bisexuals) don't even tell people we are bisexual until it becomes relevant. It never came up in conversation with my partner until months into the relationship. If this becomes the case for you don't leave someone for preconceived notions

[springocelot]

yes, those are the usual

4 i'd broadly loosen it to 'differing core value systems' which makes or breaks long term compatibility and which religion encompasses but not necessarily. when i put it that way it becomes 10/10

so with me it's value systems (10) > hygiene (9.5) > attractiveness (5 - i've crushed hard on personality before), etc.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Always grateful for your opinions 😄
I agree

[CALLOVER]

According to me , hygiene (10) > have kids (9.9) > unattractiveness (mostly inner beauty and lesser case outer beauty)(6) . Pretty much that's it. Religion is amatter of personal belief and the person i date need not to be from my religion. If i marry her then she is free to practise her own believes but it will be good if she accept my religion.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Well put! i think your ratings, are perfectly justified and i like your take on interfaith relationships

[CALLOVER]

Thanks.

[musicbrain5]

Those are all good ones. Other instant deal breakers for me include smoking/dipping (or using any other tobacco products), and using drugs (beyond alcohol and caffeine). Drinking to excess on a regular basis is also a deal breaker. Mooching off me financially is also another one - I'm not going to be some guy's sugar momma or something.

[bloodmountain1990]

Just out of curiosity, what is wrong with weed? I can understand people using hard drugs being a turn off but weed is no worse than alcohol.

[musicbrain5]

@bloodmountain1990: I didn't say there was anything wrong with weed, I'm just on the fence about it. I don't use it and have no interest in ever using it, and I'd prefer it if my partner didn't either. People can never seem to wrap their heads around that, but I don't think it's too much to ask.

[bloodmountain1990]

Gotcha. I mean I don't mind if a person doesn't smoke weed but I can't stand those people that are like oh you smoke pot, you're a bad person, fuck up, etc when I've finished my college degree and held a career for over a year. Not saying that's you but I've met ones like that

[mskay]

Those are great ones, the only thing about the religion being a deal breaker to me is that if he's a Muslim, then it'd definitely have to be a 10 cause that's kinda like forbidden back in my country. Muslims aren't allowed to date, and if you marry one, you have to convert. Another instant deal breaker of mine includes smoking.

[candyaurora]

Christian and Jew women can marry Muslim men though!

[dartmaul15]

@candyaurora yes, but from the other side; a woman marrying a muslim man is expected to convert.

remember that when it comes to religion and marriage, expect the strictest religion to apply.

[coldpieceofpizza]

intelligence is also important to me. And I mean that more in like a "social" way. People who are homophobic, racist etc. are just stupid to me.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Some very intelligent people were eugenicists
I think a better way of saying this is
"You are not attracted to bigots. Ignorance is a deal breaker"

[sdistotallyme]

I agree with the takeowner. What is and is not considered "bigoted" is getting more and more and more subjective in these modern times. Just because someone is very politically correct it in absolutely no way means they are "socially intelligent".

[cinderelli]

Nice mytake... 😊
Another is drugs and smoking.. such a turn off.. and someone who is rude to everyone without any reason..

[PiuBelloAmante]

I forgot to add drug abuse
And criminal record 😔

[cinderelli]

That's fine.. 😊

[PiuBelloAmante]

I used to smoke 😵😵😵
Quit almost a year ago 😄
In December it will be 1 year

[cinderelli]

That's great!!!

[cinderelli]

*gives you candy* 🍬🍭🍬🍭

[LittleSally]

All good ones.
The one with the messed up feet is hilarious. xD

[PiuBelloAmante]

Glad it made you laugh haha!

[Anonymous]

The religious one works both ways, Very religious will not date atheists (I know, I'm the very religious in this equation). For me it is a 10/10 dealbreaker. Anyone irreverent to God, also same thing.

[PiuBelloAmante]

Well put
But the scale varies greatly when talking about religion

[Opinion Owner]

It varies for those among the lukewarm-liberal. For the very religious, it is 10/10.

[bloodmountain1990]

I'm an agnostic but I don't mind dating a religious person as long as they don't force their beliefs on me.

[Opinion Owner]

@bloodmountain1990 I don't like people who browbeat, it's not right.

[SirenDep]

Being an extremist of the right or the left wing, a hooligan, a dgug user..

[PiuBelloAmante]

How could i forget those! such a fool! haha! great additions indeed!
all those are 10/10 for me :p

[Zorax]

Indeed, these deal breakers are the usual, but it depends on the person...

[PiuBelloAmante]

Exactly! It's very subjective 😊

[Zorax]

I agree :D

[Solitude96]

Hey you know how your brains tells your body to do things that you have no control over i think deal breakers cause in the end we are all just animal with out hair

[PiuBelloAmante]

Haha yep all these things are created by the mind
In the 1800s everyone had sucky hygiene compared to today and people got on just fine

[Anonymous]

I will add that for me, and most men today, being a feminist of having the telltale behaviors of one, is a deal breaker. Life is too short.

[PiuBelloAmante]

I think women label themselves feminist with out understanding feminism
I know girl who are "feminist" just because if they are nt they will feel judged or something

But yes some guys find it to be a big turn off when women start attacking the "patriarchy" lol

[higgsboson]

Deal breaker: If she's been with more than 2 men, divorce rate chances go from 10% to 80%. No thanks. She can be with all the guys she wants, but I'm not sticking around.

[TheSpartan]

I think her having kids or being a single mother is probably the biggest deal breaker. I mean, my spirit isn't broken enough as a man to raise someone else's kids.

[babu_001]

"Deal Breaker #2: She/he has kid (s)"

If she has kids, then there is no point in dating. Cuz her vagina would be too loose & elastic.

[imanf7]

i agree
bad personality matter too

[PiuBelloAmante]

Personality is very subjective only reason why i didn't list it
but yes, if someone has an undesirable personality, i can't deal!

[imanf7]

i see face first then personality

[PiuBelloAmante]

yes!

[Transigence]

Having kids is also a 10/10 if you've never been in a relationship before, even if you like kids.

[Springnok93]

The image you used has nothing to with muslims. It's a HINDU tradition to wear bangles and mendi.