Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates


Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates

Why do women expect men to pay for dates?

Obviously not all women expect it, but there are a lot of women who do. Even if they don't most men will pay for it regardless. I personally think it's more of a traditional ritual than anything, passed on from generation to generation. Before the age of feminism and women's liberation, women weren't really allowed to work outside of their homes, at least not for a wage and therefore did not have any money to spend of their own - men were expected to be the providers. So when it came to courting women, men were obligated to pay for everything since he had a job and means to money that she didn't. As time passed on and more women started joining the workforce, paying for dates became some sort of a "manly" thing to do, not manly as in macho or obligated to do so but more in the sense that it is only something men are supposed to do like peeing standing up (best example I could come up with since I couldn't think of anything else considering women can do pretty much everything men can nowadays.) So in a sense it showed weakness and lack of economic sense if the man didn't pay for the date.

Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates

Of course there are other reasons as well like culture and chivalry. Some women come from cultures where the traditional roles are still in play. Many men still hold 'traditional values' and if they are not capable of 'providing', they might believe they are less of a man.
Many people also feel they have a sense of responsibility to pay if they're the ones who did the asking.

Then there is the thing about nurture and nature.
Suppose you just found a dollar on the ground, would you just ignore it and walk away? Most people wouldn't. Similarly, if you had the choice between paying or not paying, which would you choose? (If you insist on paying, good for you. If not, that's okay it's normal. The sad truth is that all human beings are influenced by greed otherwise the concept of money wouldn't exist.)
Women are given these choices way too often and being raised in this kind of environment results in many of them being spoiled. Though we fight for equal opportunities and most of them are beginning to get it, but when given the opportunity for them to haggle for more it's only human nature for them to do so.

Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates

So basically, taking in all these factors

  • Pride compels men to 'show' they can support. (And they bring themselves into an endless cycle of trying to impress women with their ability to support.)
  • The more support women receive, the less they value the support. (Women are spoiled by these gestures.)
  • Eventually, women get the idea that these supports should be taken for granted.
  • When men suggest women should also contribute, different opinion leads to dispute.

Ultimately it all comes down to tradition, it's hard to resist it when it has rooted itself so deep into society's clutches. Although I think nowadays there just as many couples that either split the bill or one pays for this date and the next time the other picks up the tab.

Why Men are Expected to Pay for Dates
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26Girl Opinion
71Guy Opinion

Most Helpful Guy

  • DodgersGM
    Man oh man, people worry way too much about this kinda stuff. Another GaG gender pissing contest. LMAO

    I like to pay the first few dates. After all, I'm usually the one doing the inviting in the beginning, so it seems appropriate for me to pay. Actually, I like it that way.

    After the first few dates, if it's going well then at that point we're probably inviting each other to do things, and we treat each other. It's as simple as that.

    Maybe it's because I only date women who I'm quite seriously interested in, but I don't look at those first few dates that I pay for and worry about the money. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, what's a hundred bucks or two hundred bucks spent while trying to spark a meaningful, potentially lifelong relationship? Who cares?
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • I agree with you, this is the perfect outlook from the initiator, I've never gotten to the point of entering a relationship with a guy, but there are guys I liked and when I saw something interesting (I live in vegas) they have surq du soliel shows & I would want to invite him. Depending on how much it cost.

      However I don't know if a girl was to initiate the date with a guy whom she was interested in, should she court him, or would that be a turn off? What would be the next step if she wanted to take things further

    • Exactly this.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    If you are inviting someone out, then the host or inviter should pay the bill. Expecting your guest to pay the bill will tell your guest or invitee you cannot afford to spend the evening with them.

    That's my two-cents. It has nothing to do with gender.

    If you cannot afford to take someone out, then eating out is just not an option. There are other ways to have fun, like inviting your special someone to meet your parents or an older, more authoritative relative. You can cook up a grand family feast and serve at the dining table; your date will be the only guest and will get the chance to observe your relationship with your family members.
    Like 3 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Transigence
    "Before the age of feminism and women's liberation, women weren't really allowed to work outside of their homes"
    Before the age of feminism, there WASN'T any work outside the homes. Everyone generally worked on the home farm or very nearby. Also, women generally didn't want to work outside the home. Men were responsible, as you mentioned. Most women didn't want to change that. However, women were not barred from working outside the home, and many did -- especially unmarried women.

    "but when given the opportunity for them to haggle for more it's only human nature for them to do so."
    To this point I think this goes way further than paying for dates. I think there's asymmetry in sex drives between men and women, and women capitalize on it to a staggering degree, and this is embedded in human behavior even more than any culture. In my life, I feel like men really need to modify themselves a lot to attract a woman. Women aren't attracted to what most men really want to be. And I think it's the basis for all of the transfer of wealth from men to women that goes beyond accounting for a reasonably secure family situation.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Otherwise, really good take! I'm glad to see a woman make mention of women getting spoiled, and the concept of too much support lowering the value of the support.

      This was rather well-rounded.

    • IamNuts

      Thank you

  • Punkbuster107
    Well stated, from several good angles.

    I really don't feel bad about paying. If a lady seems to havr less income and more time than me, I may pay for dinner, but ask her to drive further for the date than me. I never want expenses to even be a factor when a girl is trying to decide whether or not to go somewhere with me.
    Like 1 Person
  • Bandit74
    My issue with it is this...
    "The person who asks should pay"

    Well,80% of the time that will be the guy, so either way its the guy. Also, if a girl was to meet a girl at the first day of a new job and then asks her if she wanted to grab lunch afterwards, she's not going to expect the girl to pay, just because she asked.
    However in the same scenario, if its a guy who asks a girl then there's this expectation that he should pay.

    Besides the tradition aspect of it, I think the reason is because your'e paying for the possibility that you might have sex at some point. At least thats why I think guys are willing to pay for a girls company.

    It doesn't seem worth it because guys know how common it is for girls to have sex on the first date with guys they meet at clubs or at parties.

    -Week1: Bob takes Sally on 3 dates, spends $40 total. Sally loses interest after 3rd date
    Week 2: Bob takes Ashley on 1 date, spends $20, there's no second date
    Week 3-Week10 : Bob starts dates James for 2 months. Pays for dates until week 4 where Jamie starts paying for her half. Once they reach week 10, he finally gets to have sex, but at that point he's spent $70 on dates with her. He is the 8th guy to have sex with Jamie and of those other 7, 3 of them were fuckbuddies who got sex on the first date and spent $0 on dates with her.

    So it doesn't really seem worth it to wait a month (s) and paying to take a girl on dates because even if you do get sex, its something some drunk guy she met at a club or some random dude she met on tinder got on the first date with zero effort.
    LikeDisagree 8 People
    • Your point? So what? Many women are approaching men now but how many men would get dates if they stopped approaching? It means nothing. You are also generalizing all over.

  • SomeGuy37
    For the first date, when I ask her, I expect to pay, and arrange everything for that date. When I get a second, I want to make it all about her, and what she likes, but I still expect to pay.
    When we decide we are a 'couple' it comes down to who wants to go where, and eat wherever, and should be give and take. She pays when she chooses, I pay when I choose.
    Like 6 People
  • meatballs21
    "Many people also feel they have a sense of responsibility to pay if they're the ones who did the asking."

    Is this the secret reason girls want guys to approach them? So they don't have to pay?
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    • laugh out loud

    • I don't approach because I'm a wuss. I actually have to be really comfortable with a guy to allow him to pay for anything. I always tell the sever to split the bill the first few times we go out, then take turns thereafter.

    • Toad-1

      I have always suspected this.

  • Kingfrosty
    Wait wait If you are old fashion and you want a old fashion guy then don't sleep around because if he is old fashion like me i want an old fashion time of girl :p
    Like 6 People
    • IamNuts

      Sleep around? Um is this relevant with the take?

    • tyber1

      He is saying that if she wants a traditional guy she needs to act like a traditional girl and that includes not sleeping around.

    • Kingfrosty


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  • coldpieceofpizza
    So I don't really have any dating experience so this is all hypothetical, but I guess it would also depend on how the date went. If the date went well than the guy offering to pay would seem nice, since you would want to see him again and pay him back later (by paying for the next date or something else). If the date didn't go well, than I wouldn't want the guy to pay for me, because it would seem like a favor which I would have no intention in returning.
    Like 2 People
  • red324
    What do you do when you've been dating for a while? I'll pay for the first two or three dates, but I would expect her to pay half after that. Is that asking too much?
    Like 4 People
    • No, that I believe is fair. Woo het for the first few dates then, share the bill. Perfectly normal.

    • IamNuts

      Not at all.

    • red324

      Most girls I've been on dates with offer to pay on the first date, but I've heard they'll be mad if you let them.

  • OpenClose
    Your bullet points were spot on.

    It might seem petty for guys to be so caught up in it, but there are many good reasons, all of which are far bigger than simply having to spend an extra 10 bucks on a night out.

    1. I don't think it makes much sense to have one party pay on the first date. You are just getting to know each other. It's a bit like declaring your love to a total stranger.

    2. It's another one of those things that tells men they aren't being sought as companions, but as a tool of sorts. GoodMenProject did a good article about how men don't feel valued as people, but rather as a set of statistics and scores, or "status objects". Men, like anyone, want to feel loved and desired as a person. This is one thing that reminds us that we are an extra paycheck, association with "status", or a bodyguard. More specifically, we feel like if we can't pay for you or protect you, "then what use is he?"

    3. Relationships should be about interpersonal discovery. The idea of payment expectations directly injects money into the middle of all of it. Imagine having to be weighed and have your cup size checked when going on a date. If you don't show your boobs, clearly you aren't interested, right?

    4. Girls will talk forever about double standards or expectations on women that men don't have, and then completely overlook an bluntly obvious one going the other way. It isn't as big as other double standards, but it really shows you only care about the things that affect you. You don't give two shits the moment it turns the other way, even when it's dead obvious.

    I've only ever really dated one girl who expected me to pay for dates. The relationship that followed went exactly as expected. I tried my best to show her I cared, and it wasn't enough. "Yeah, any guy can do that. Why should I stick with a guy who does things my friends normally do already?" Meanwhile, she would regularly tell me how lucky I was to have her. I thought this was just the norm.

    Then I went out on a simple coffee date with a friend of mine. She showed up early and went ahead and bought me my favorite Carmel Apple Spice, and I later returned the favor. There were basically no expectations, we were just thankful to have met each other, even though we didn't eventually have a relationship. Everything about her is still etched into my mind. It is so easy to be romantic around that.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • latr3vy
    I think it should be 50/50 on the firsts couple of dates that because you don't know where things are going. At a time i've went on a date where I paid for the guy food and a movie to see what the guy thinks in that case but the guy felt bad bc he didn't like when a women paid for them.
    Like 1 Person
  • asiag299
    Honestly the reason why this is even a debate is due to the feminists movement. I'm not a feminists and I couldn't care less about what they are fighting for so that being said I expect my dates to be paid for. Now if the woman is some whore or is vying for all her 'rights' then me as a man I would not pay. You're not going to argue me down about how women need this and that and how the system needs to change and then turn around and expect me to pay. You don't like the way it used to be then you are not allowed to like this tradition either period. That's how i feel about it like you're not going to hit me with some chivalry needs to be done away with or that it's dead and expect me to pay. If I was on a date with a girl like that I wouldn't pay either. On the other hand I probably wouldn't have taken a girl like that out in the first place as I'm sure it wouldn't be fun. All I'm saying is I agree with the old ways I'm traditional and i don't mind being underneath a man and letting him be head of the household. What feminists seem to forget when people say what I said though is this it's my decision! Feminists love to call people a slave or delusional when we want to be under our husband or partner. That's my choice the people who actually need feminists are the ones in other countries who are not free to make their own decisions instead it is forced upon them. They are killed, raped, and beaten we in the U. S choose this life because we want it if you want to fight so bad go fight for the rights as well. Those women are the ones who need it. Anyways I want to serve my man so it's only fair for him to pay for me. I expect my man to be a provider and a head to my household if I'm dating you I see potential and if you'e not paying I'm going to assume you can't be the head of my household. I'm waiting until marriage so my future husband better be ready to pay for my dates considering the fact that he's getting a prize. I also will not be working once we get married so a stable job is necessary as well. P. S this is not a bash to women who lost their virginity unwillingly although for the others who did it willingly before marriage *side eye* Also let me also state that I have a job now and I'm also in college courses although I'm getting ready to travel the world :)
    Like 1 Person
  • RationalLioness
    Just because many women do not want to pay does not mean that women have become spoiled nor does that mean that it is an unequal right. Many women are asked out and why should the askee have to pay when THEY were asked out?

    Gaining equal rights in law has nothing to do with the preferences that people have. I dont know what is so hard to grasp about this.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • Bandit74

      If a girl you just met asked you to get luch later, would you expect her to pay simply because she asked?

    • That is an aquaintance. NOT a romantic endeavor. Big difference. Stop being stupid.

    • Bandit74

      Quit being so condescending.

      Why is it different?

      Your argument for why guys should pay is because they are the ones who asked.

    • Show All
  • imnotcrearive
    Your ideas are all over the place... You start off on the right track with the idea of once men holding most of the financial power but then you go to women are now in a feminist place and paying for dates is a manly thing to do (wtf?), then finish off by saying pride is the reason men are compelled to pay for dates (again wtf?).
    Like 2 People
  • NerdInDenial
    I find it interesting when women expect men to be chivalrous or be "traditional." However, these same women excuse themselves from doing the traditional things. If a woman wants a man to be traditional, she should be willing to do the laundry, cook, and clean and maintain the household. Yet, there's been a shift where men must maintain this type of correct "behavior," but they need to contribute to the household. This is not about tradition; this is about men needing to do everything and be supportive. Because of the "oppression" of women from the past, present men need to suffer and sacrifice even more. This is about vengeance. We should take a look at this issue from a perspective of a human standpoint regardless of sex. Everyone needs to earn a person's respect. Respect should not be granted because of the person's sex. Additionally, women cannot do everything that men can do. There are still certain things like strength tests where many women cannot complete that men are expected to complete.
    • mistixs

      Women often *are* traditional, for example by putting far more effort into their appearance than men do.

  • definitemaybe
    If a guy asks the girl to go out, then he pays. If she asks him, she pays. Simple as that. I wouldn't ask my friend to go have ice-cream with me and then make her pay.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
  • vishna
    I think this is a good MyTake.

    A lot of women do expect a guy to pay for them. They see it as a show of his manners, values, and means.

    And a lot of guys are forced into paying for things they really shouldn't be paying for, ex) a bill of $50 when $25 was in his realistic budget.

    Things are getting better though. I like going 50/50 unless for a birthday surprise or something.

    A story on this, when my sister went to visit her male friend he took her credit card and insisted he would pay for everything the entire weekend. I think that's kinda crazy, and we both think it's very old fashioned. But for him it was being a good love interest.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • IamNuts

      Thank you... I also prefer splitting it 50/50

  • Thor696
    It's not society, it's evolution. The male of the species demonstrates his superiority over other males by proving he is a capable provider.

    You will not change this. You can "socialize" males NOT to do it - but not 100 percent will buy into it. And those are the guys who will be the most successful with females.

    Everyone believes in evolution - or think they do. Then they refuse to embrace it's scientific effects on society. You either believe it or you don't.
    LikeDisagree 5 People
    • 0112358

      Most males who focus on 'game' avoid paying. It does not impress modern women, in fact, modern women are more likely to pursue guys who won't pay.

    • Thor696

      @0112358 I'm unconvinced. I've been a bouncer in a two-college bar now for years and I spend 12 hours a night talking to mostly college men and women. I can tell you, from what the gals are telling me... you're incorrect. I can even see it first hand... where the hotter gals end up with the guys who have the means to pay.

      But I'm not trying to convince you. In fact, it's better for those guys if you REMAIN unconvinced - more opportunities for them.

    • 0112358

      Having the means to pay and paying are entirely different things.

      Without question, women prefer men with money.

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  • AleDeEurope
    It all comes to tradition and sense of entitlement. Some women are more traditional and will want the guy to pay, but she will still act more in a traditional way during the relationship.
    Others are simply entitled women who believe because they have a vagina they are entitled to get men approaching and paying for them.

    I can understand why years ago it was seen as positive for a man to pay, or he had to because she didn't work therefore had no money, but with all that women have gone through to gain equality, you'd expect them to also want equality when it comes to dating, but obviously they don't.
    They're cherry picking, or like they're in a buffet. "Equal pay... I'll take some of that. Paying for dinner... fuck no, I don't want that..."

    Traditional or entitled, that's all there is. Sadly, with most of young women, it's entitlement, cause they sure are loud when it comes to fighting for equality.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
  • oneconfusedgirl803
    I like the guy to pay for the first couple of dates. I am fine to alternate after that. It is a sign of interest for me. There is no dollar value for the "paying." We can go have ice cream. Or coffee. Or pizza slices. Basically for me paying is like showing me you care about my well-being when we are together. And it is the same reason I want my dates to open doors for me.
    LikeDisagree 9 People
    • ah that good 'ol dollar worship

    • @TheSavageTruth not at all. I make good money on my own. It is not the amount but the gesture.

      You can "pay" for cheap stuff - coffee, ice cream whatever. I am not judging. I find when the guy doesn't pay he wasn't that interested.

      I let you pay but bring my own money just in case.

    • This weekend I went on a pricey first date. It was somewhat a special occasion and I thought we were "hanging out" so I assumed I would share in some of the costs.

      When we were on the way he preemptively cleared up any potential confusion by saying "just want to make it clear, this date is my treat!"

      And I kept my wallet in my purse at his request.

  • thomasjjeffy
    If you go the equal gender way then forget about roles. As long as she's not a professional cook and maid at the house I'mnot gonna be a wallet either.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
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