Why Women Play Hard to Get, Even if you Hate it

Men who are in it only for sex

This is something most men would take rather they cared for a woman or not. Many men string women along for years just to get it.

Why Women Play Hard to Get, Even if you Hate it.

Most guys move on once she shows interest

This happens a lot although many guys say they want woman to approach, so that they don't have to, woman do approach, and when they do, the guy repels. It turned out this particular guy wanted the chase.

Men who take advantage of a woman's kindness

My sisters boyfriend says on the phone "I'm just living with her until I get on my feet" many men, mooch of their girlfriends so they stay bouncing relationship to the next, for a place to stay, to be fed and have clothes washed. While you might not be the type this is what woman face.

To single out the Losers who give up easily

This is my personal reason. There are a lot of guys out there who don't fight to make the relationship work! I fight to make my relationships work, and when I'm tired they hold the door open for me, I don't want that. I know that the guy whom I'm waiting for isn't focused on relationships right now, he's figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but when he finds that right one to settle with, he won't just let it go, and I need to know that before I invest my feelings in him, in a guy with commitment phobia, how much does he truly want me? Of course I'm not impossible to get, but I am if you don't APPROACH ME 😁

So, a lot of men might feel intitled to do the same thing. Go ahead, with most woman cautious of diving head first, especially when experience with these issues and guys can be too insecure to approach in fear of rejection.

Ps. I will approach a shy guy I like, after I'm 100% sure he liked me, by then he would've gave up, and became the loser who didn't approach...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps it's true, but then those girls are the ones crying and whining because they're single.
    Cry all you want, but if you play hard to get, it's your fault that you're alone.

    This is another Take from a lazy girl who makes excuses in order to not put effort into getting something. I see this everyday.
    Keep playing hard to get all you want, but don't cry if guys don't want you and you end up alone. Entitlement at its best.

    • *Says all the young guys*

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    • @ConsultantIsBack same here. When a woman plays hard to get she's instantly assuming she's better than you and the rest, therefore demands you to put on all your time and effort while she does nothing and enjoys thr chase.
      There are so many women out there, that I'm not gonna waste my time on a useless person like that, cause most likely she won't live up to the expectations, that's why she plays hard to get, cause it's the only way to get attention from men, cause once they know the true her, they'll stop talking to her.
      A real woman, the one you wanna date won't play games, cause she doesn't have to, and that's why they're hardrr to find, cause guys know their worth and go for them.

    • You're so right man, everything else seems wrong brother!

Most Helpful Girl

  • PLAYING hard to get and BEING hard to get are two very different things. I will elaborate..

    A woman playing hard to get is simply seeing how long she can get that man to chase her and try to pursue her. "May the best man win"- type of scenerio. The longer they chase you, the better the chances are of that particular woman maybe giving you a real chance. However, in the same sense, some of these women will turn around after this long chase that this man upheld and say things such as, "I'm not ready for a relationship", or "You're such a good FRIEND", or "I'm just not that into you". Playing hard to get is simply playing a role and playing with the mans emotions. And more often than not, the women who PLAY hard to get are the ones who will sleep with you and tell you they like you just to turn around and change their mind in the long run.

    A woman whom IS hard to get is a lot more respectable in my eyes. This woman will give men ample chances at winning her heart but in the same sense won't settle for anything she doesn't deserve (a mooch, woman beater, cheat, etc). This woman knows what she wants but isn't shallow. She won't sleep with you on the first date. She genuinely wants to get to know you as a person and know your life stories. She likes hearing about your day but she also won't give in without knowing exactly where she stands with you.

    Like I said; there is a huge difference between someone playing hard to get and someone whom is hard to get.

    From your descriptions listed above (your personal one) it seems to me that you are the more respectable type of woman. The woman who is hard to get, rather than a woman simply playing the part. Women who are truly hard to get are the ones who don't flaunt it. The ones who are playing hard to get are the first ones to say statements such as, "I don't want to go too fast," or "I'm hard to get". Because those statements alone will make a man try harder and these women know it. The ones who are truly hard to get don't want the man to try harder. They want that man to be himself. After all, he doesn't have to try to be himself.


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What Guys Said 78

  • I'd say this is less of a useful article for guys, and more of mirror up to the face of women as a whole.

    Get off the pedestal, ladies.

  • "Many men string women along for years just to get [sex]." Then it looks like you're going to have some massive trust issues.

    "Most guys move on once she shows interest- This happens a lot although many guys say they want woman to approach, so that they don't have to, woman do approach, and when they do, the guy repels. It turned out this particular guy wanted the chase." Not true. He could've found you uninteresting and lost interest in you, or you weren't attractive enough. Both of which could've happened if he approached you.

    "Men who take advantage of a woman's kindness- My sisters boyfriend says on the phone "I'm just living with her until I get on my feet" many men, mooch of their girlfriends so they stay bouncing relationship to the next, for a place to stay, to be fed and have clothes washed. While you might not be the type this is what woman face." Then the girl is a poor judge of character if this is happening to her.

    "To single out the Losers who give up easily" Well aren't you such a nice person, calling all the people who aren't sure if you're interested and don't approach losers.

    All I hear is a lot of complaining and excuses but did you ever stop to think that playing hard to get might be counterproductive? Do you even know HOW to play hard to get? Do you know HOW to get a guy to approach you? Do you know HOW to get a chasing you? Do you know HOW to keep a guy interested in you long-term? Or do you just hide behind these excuses that allow you to sit on your ass and blame guys because, paraphrasing you, most of us are sex-fiends or losers who'll mooch off you and leave once you show a hint of interest?

    • You're the one who were initially interested not me. ..

    • This isn't about making him chase you, I don't know why you don't guys don't get that, you seem to turn everything on yourselves

    • Yes it's about seeing if someone is sincere or not, not chasing. If a guy truly is a nice person at his core, he will act with some kindness.

  • I have more things to spend my time on than spend it all on chasing you, either respect my time or get out.

  • This is an important take, but not for the reasons the author intended. This take is actually important because it highlights the very reasons why there's so much trouble between guys and girls today, and why so many people remain single and socially stunted well into their 20s.

    The current generation of girls has been raised to believe that they're special, so special that they should accept nothing and no one that they feel is beneath them in life. This is the you-can-be-anything-you-want movement. The consequences of this trend are stark.

    Girls today tend to look down their noses at most guys. We've been denigrated in the media and in academia to the point that girls truly believe they're superior to the vast majority of guys. I hear girls spouting nonsense all the time about how girls mature faster, and have better verbal skills, and are more conscientious, and more successful, and cleaner, etc, etc. It's gets really old, and it's pretty sexist to boot. Imagine if a guy went around ticking off all the reasons guys are superior to girls. He'd be lambasted and branded a sexist without question.

    The result of all this are the 'lazy' guys you note. They're 'lazy' not because they value women less, but because women value them less. Why would any guy prostrate and sacrifice himself for a person who looks down on him? Only a total masochist would do this to himself.

    So this take really describes the world through the self-focused lens of a girl who's been denied what she feels is her birthright. There isn't much empathy toward men in anything the author wrote, which is the principal reason the author probably is and will remain single.

    • You guys are ridiculous, I don't see how to take the title only read that. And completely disregard the, whole take, this proves that this generation does not listen! Women get disrespected played and flopped and we're spoiled. .. I am so done with guys...

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    • @BrunetteNYC Right back atcha.

    • What would you classifie disrespected as? I never really see it to much exept from slim balls but we know smile when we see it. There was this girl my friend tired to talk to in a friendly manner and she ignored him I thought it was rude even though to a chick I might come off like a block of ice. for me it's a defensive maneuver so I don't get hurt

  • You say you are doing this to filter out all the guys who aren't worth dating, correct?

    Well by doing this, you are possibly filtering out good guys--and therefore, missing out. Your logic is basically "if he is a good guy, he will put up with all of my shit" which literally doesn't make sense. How does his tolerance of your petty games indicate that he is a good catch? In fact, you are filtering out all of the guys who are mature enough not to play games, while being left with the ones who aren't. The only guys who enjoy "the chase" are the ones who treat dating like its a game with a prize, and therefore unfit to be in a relationship.

    • but you don't know whether the guy is someone who doesn't play games, or a guy whos just gonna use you and hurt you until AFTERWARDS. like... playing hard to get prevents a guy thinking you're easy. once a guy thinks that he'll just use you casually when youve developed feelings... you dont know if the guy was truly a nice guy or would only be properly interested if he "wins you" until after youve had your heart broke. you have to understand it from a womans perspective. its not like we can just not play hard to get and everything be hunky dory, we drop that barrier and we risk being hurt badly :S

    • @Suhmer If you are afraid of him leaving after he gets what he wants, then just don't put out for a long time. You don't have to treat him like shit. All that will do is drive the good guys AND the bad guys away. If you let down your barriers, but stay conservative, you will for sure filter out the bad guys without filtering out the good guys.

  • For a lot of guys, they're told to just back off if a girl says no, which makes your logic troubling. Most guys don't want to get in trouble for sexual harassment, so they take no to mean no. Playing hard to get just makes things worse for everyone.

    • True, not many guys want to risk being arrested for some stranger who might be playing hard to get.

    • This kept me single all my life. I was TERRIFIED that if I ever made a move, however innocent, that she'd yell and go cry harassment and my life would be over.

    • Go ahead. ..

  • Wow, what a complete load of horseshit.
    1) All men are in it for sex. Women are in it for sex MORE then men, they just play coy and don't want to admit it. But most guys are in it for more then just sex. The ones worth keeping are going to admire the woman a thousand times more for sleeping with him when it is the right time, even if that is the first date, rather then waiting some predetermined time. Playing games, which is what "playing hard to get" is, is a quick way to have a guy tell you to go fuck yourself.
    2) Women do this shit WAY more then guys. As soon as you start to get serious they run because women are afraid of commitment.
    3) You cannot possibly be trying to say men come anywhere even remotely close to the same level of Women mooching off sugar daddies. I won't even give this one the time of day...
    4) you can tell by the 2nd date who is there just for sex. Nowadays is not like when I was young. with text, Skype, the freaking INTERNET, et al... your on your 5th date before you even meet for your first date.
    I met a woman on Tinder. We started texting. and texting. it was intense and even though we couldn't make our schedules work for 5 days to meet for a date, we must have chatted for 3-5 hrs a night each night.. we got DEEP into each others past. SHE was the one the brought up sex and other things. SHE suggested we cancel our date and just meet for sex instead. 100% true, I walked in the door, said hello, she dropped to her knees and was blowing me not 90 seconds from me walking in the door. Had that been the only time I met her it would have been a really nice night. but we dated a month and a half. I just wasn't ready and she lived a little too far away. But she was awesome and i admired her for doing what she wanted to do.

  • Guys are not losers for giving up on a girl. lol A man that feels desperate will just waste his time chasing after a woman that clearly doesn't feel the same way. A confident man will simply move on and find a woman that does show interest in him.

    There is a difference between trying to make a relationship work, and chasing after a girl that doesn't act like she wants a relationship. Besides if she is playing hard to get then she clearly isn't demonstrating that she isn't willing to try and make things work herself, so that would be a huge double standard for her to have.

    Women play hard to get for three main reasons. They like men that act aloof and out of her league because this shows confidence, so women assume guys will like the same thing. We don't. We like girls that show interest, but are also don't come across as desperate either. You can take anything to an extreme. Only desperate guys and players will keep trying to impress her. Desperate men don't think they have many other options, and players see it as part of a game. Normal guys will just move on. The second reason women play hard to get is because having some guy chase after her feeds her ego. The third reason is because the woman doesn't feel confident enough to be honest with her emotions.

    "Ps. I will approach a shy guy I like, after I'm 100% sure he liked me, by then he would've gave up, and became the loser who didn't approach..."

    Do you really not see the hypocrisy in those words? If he was 100% sure you liked him then he would have approached. You give up on men when they don't meet your expectations, and men give up on you, when you don't meet their expectations. You aren't any different than the men you are looking down on. It sounds like you have some really unhealthy views about men.

  • The obvious flaw in playing hard to get, is that the great man who isn't interested in playing games moves on. As a guy it seems to me that playing hard to get limits your options. You're basically hoping that there is a great man out there who will approach you and go along with your 'hard to get' game.
    The user who goes by the name Frost_Byt3 touched on this on his post.

    • So you are saying a woman should never approach a guy? What about flirt and tease is that bad too?

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    • @kitty71 I'm not sure where this question is coming from. Can you elaborate on what you mean?

    • @Suhmer I think there is risk in what ever you do. Play hard to get and the great man might move on. Don't play hard to get and you might run into someone who treats relationships like a game. I wrote my original post because I don't think playing hard to get is 'The' answer. You have to find out what works for you (everyone is different), unfortunately this usually takes time.

  • The problem with women playing hard to get, in my experience, is,

    1. It most often comes off as her not being interested.

    2. If you chase her and eventually get her it ALWAYS!! feels like you put in HUGE amounts of work into the relationship and she has put almost none. In fact you have faced constant semi-rejection and being strung along, which leads to her having feelings for you and you not trusting her with your heart. All to often this leads to the guy losing interest in the relationship once the guy gets the girl and then she thinks he was only after sex.

  • A woman who doesn't play hard to get is labeled 'slut'.

    • Interesting reaction. 3 thumbs up: all women. 4 thumbs down: all men.

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    • My guess is that domestic violence against 'men' happens against children, sons included.

    • And not necessarily by women, rather by patriarchal dads.

  • What you ladies don't quite get , is that guys are logical thinkers , " hard to get " registers in the male mind as " not interested - do not bother " , we have a strong " Risk v Reward " mentality. Also I have to agree a lot of posts , girls / women do tend to look down on men , not entirely the fault of ladies , it's mainly media anti -male brainwashing at work. No wonder even 20 something guys will not even bother dating , I'm glad I was a young man back in the late 80's / 90's & it has hard enough then.

  • I dont mind hard to get girls, as long as they are genuinely hard to get. I dont want to endup fighting for girls affections and waiting 3 months for sex only to find out she has hopped right into bed on the first date with guys she's gotten drunk with at clubs or parties.

    • Been on the receiving end of of that. She said I wasn't assertive enough.

      I called her a cunt.

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    • @PT1911 wow your so butt hurt just because you wasn't her type

    • @suhmer
      You dont have to lie tho. You be honest and then if the guy has a problem, he won't date you. Eventually you'll meet a guy who doesn't care and then you won't have to lie or worry about the truth getting out.

      (although compared to my friends I've slept with barely any)

      How high are their numbers?

  • This is a damn good take, girl!

    "Of course I'm not impossible to get, but I am if you don't APPROACH ME"

    Freakin' AWESOME!

  • For a guy like me this won't work in your favour.
    Yes, i want to fight for a relationship when things get bad but no i won't agressively chase at least not until i deeply love you.

    I always find it difficult to tell a girl i love her for the first time because i can't get past the idea that it might screw things up. It takes a lot of courage to let you know for someone who hasn't always been treated nice by girls.

    If you showed interest in me that would help me a lot. It will make me more encouraged to see if you are the right one and deffinately approach you once i am sure of that.

    So please girls stop the dating rules / games bullshit. Just spend the time with the guy you like to find out who he really is and build a strong friendship. And then once you have one DONT friendzone him for the risk of loosing him. You will get such a good start of the relationship after you already got a close bond. Why ignore that and go for a guy who agressively persists?

  • I saw a sentence on another post. I can't remember who said it but it goes something like this
    "if she wants to play games she can play a PlayStation or an xbox or find a fool. Not I"

  • Why don't you approach guys yourself?

    This whole "men don't like it" stuff is complete hogwash. Everywhere around me I see relationships which happened because the woman stepped up.

    Play hard to get and you'll end up hard to want. I don't have time for overly entitled women who desperately cling to 1950's stereotypes.

    • @CaliforniaMe also your over-use of the term "alpha" and "beta" makes it hard to take you seriously.

      You simply seem like an overly entitled man-hater.

  • Hey, it's not that we give up too easily, it's just that you're not worth our time and energy.


  • So let's get this straight, by you playing hard to get, you want us to chase after you. So when you say, "no", you mean "yes"... that's like rapist logic. i now understand why rape happens. god forbid this ever happening to you, or any woman ever, but if you (or a girl) gets raped, don't complain about it cause the guy assumed you were "playing hard to get".

  • "Men who are in it only for sex"

    It's reasonable but even we men have our limits, just keep that in mind.

    "Most guys move on once she shows interest"

    I'm not the one to judge, so I guess.

    "Men who take advantage of a woman's kindness"

    There is an obvious sign, that it's not going anywhere anymore. Some just don't take it seriously, that's all.

    "To single out the Losers who give up easily"

    Again, this comes with our qualities of how small/big our limits are. I understand the reason for it but we men aren't immortal on the inside either. Some may have no patience at all and there is a reason behind it while the other side desperately would follow the girl if it means being beaten to coma, stripped until the last penny with debts and with any means necessary to conquer this girl, regardless.
    Everyone has their own value of the golden middle of this line. Some men imply, that they (girls) aren't worth their expenses. Maybe it's necessary to check your own demands, that's it.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I don't agree with "playing" anything, I hate all of these games that dating contains. Although I do understand why it could be misinterpreted that a woman may be playing "hard to get" when she simply has her guard up for some of these reasons (men who only want sex, men not interested in something more serious).

  • I can't say I agree or disagree with the other things on this list, but I do have a problem with the first one. The first one is "men who are only in it for the sex", then you say " Many men string women along for years just to get it". I seriously have to disagree with that, if a man is only in it for the sex and nothing else. Do you really think he's going to spend years of his life on one woman just to get sex? If he truly just wants sex, he ain't going to wait years. He's going to wait a few months if that and if nothing happens, then he'll move on to the next one. But, no guy who only wants sex is going to spend years carefully stringing a woman along just to get laid and then say "well, I know it's been ten years but we finally screwed so bye". If any man has ever done that, he truly is horrible person. I know men like sex but I don't believe any man is that cruel.

    As for the hard to get part, isn't that just another way of saying "playing games"? I'm not into game playing, it's not easy for me to like a person so when I REALLY like them and I feel it's worth it win or lose, I tell them. But, I don't play hard to get. What's the point in that? You just waste a whole bunch of time, when it could be more wisely spent.

    • You actually DESERVE Editor status for this , very correct post !! Is it any wonder a large & growing number of men are simply opting out of even dating?

    • @FatherJack No, it's not surprising at all. From the things I've seen on here, either gender deciding to opt out of dating is understandable. I just don't get people nowadays.

    • Wow, you completely destroyed this mytake that pretty much all it does it make women look bad if any male actually takes its ranting serious.

  • "Men who are in it only for sex" - True, some are.

    "Most guys move on once she shows interest" - That literally never happens.

    "Men who take advantage of a woman's kindness" - True, but you have to be really dumb to not recognise one.

    "To single out the Losers who give up easily" - Or maybe they just think you're not interested, don't want to force themselves on you, and move on.

    You sound very immature, entitled, and selfish. I wouldn't bother to chase you either, to be honest.

    • Happens to me all the time

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    • I'm done here may the generation cracked babies think alike. . . & men continue giving feminist every reason to take your promotion for being the harder worker with their logical reasoning while you guys are very emotional. continue to want equality between male and females when our brains chemical set up does not support that, continue to get these horrible outcome and watch females lose the natural use for themselves and turn homosexual

    • But when you see it turn out that way I want you to think of me, and this Take.

  • My main reason is the second thing you've mentioned, but really playing hard to get is not the solution. You kinda have to move it back and forth. Like you show your interest and then if you think he's interested you kinda just let him take a step. And then if he took a step you can take a step again. Don't step back if he takes a step but just stand still and be neutral. You know what I mean?

  • Honestly the reason why this is even a debate is due to the feminists movement. I'm not a feminists and I couldn't care less about what they are fighting for so that being said I expect my dates to be paid for. Now if the woman is some whore or is vying for all her 'rights' then me as a man I would not pay. You're not going to argue me down about how women need this and that and how the system needs to change and then turn around and expect me to pay. You don't like the way it used to be then you are not allowed to like this tradition either period. That's how i feel about it like you're not going to hit me with some chivalry needs to be done away with or that it's dead and expect me to pay. If I was on a date with a girl like that I wouldn't pay either. On the other hand I probably wouldn't have taken a girl like that out in the first place as I'm sure it wouldn't be fun. All I'm saying is I agree with the old ways I'm traditional and i don't mind being underneath a man and letting him be head of the household. What feminists seem to forget when people say what I said though is this it's my decision! Feminists love to call people a slave or delusional when we want to be under our husband or partner. That's my choice the people who actually need feminists are the ones in other countries who are not free to make their own decisions instead it is forced upon them. They are killed, raped, and beaten we in the U. S choose this life because we want it if you want to fight so bad go fight for the rights as well. Those women are the ones who need it. Anyways I want to serve my man so it's only fair for him to pay for me. I expect my man to be a provider and a head to my household if I'm dating you I see potential and if you'e not paying I'm going to assume you can't be the head of my household. I'm waiting until marriage so my future husband better be ready to pay for my dates considering the fact that he's getting a prize. I also will not be working once we get married so a stable job is necessary as well. P. S this is not a bash to women who lost their virginity unwillingly although for the others who did it willingly before marriage *side eye* Also let me also state that I have a job now and I'm also in college courses although I'm getting ready to travel the world :)

    • I really respect how non hypocritical your views are. I can respect a woman that makes her own way in the world, and I can respect a woman that is traditional, but I can't respect the women that want to mix and match everything so they have the benefits of both, and the responsibilities of neither. You don't seem to be mixing and matching anything in order to give yourself an advantage the way a lot of people do.

    • @heavensgift2girls right like I don't care if you want to be a feminist but if you are going to be one then don't expect anything from the traditional ways. It's either one or the other you can't benefit from both because it isn't fair to men. I'm traditional and I plan to stick that way I'm not going to take pointers from the feminist movement and then still expect the man to hold the door for me and pay for me on a date because it's not fair. To me there really is no in between for this because it wouldn't be fair. Thanks for the reply too :)

  • Finally someone said this! well done you may have received a lot of criticism from some butthurt guys but it's something most of the times happens to me and my friends. Some of this may not be for everyone but the 2nd point you mentioned is so freakin true.

    If guys can mention write stuff about anti feminism and other stuff which criticizes the female population, then why not girls too?

    • Maybe if I change the title they wouldn't be so mad, air heads lol they don't listen

  • Nice myTake. Not surprised by the negative comments you're receiving from the people who don't agree.

  • I dislike playing games. If I am interested in you, I will pursue you. You can either respond to my pursuit or tell me to fuck off. Either way, I know where we stand.

  • I was not hard to get but impossible to get, because I always felt asexual and aromantic and I didn't want anyone.
    BUT, when I suddenly fell in love, BOOM all of a sudden, I didn't play hard to get. I was like omg I want him. And now we are together.

  • Some good points that I've actually experienced myself.

  • What if... just hear me out... Some women are actually hard to get

  • I have tried to make it hard for guys sometimes. Almost all of the time they moved on :(

    This maybe worked a long time ago but not anymore.

    • Yeah guys are really lazy, I'm starting not to care too much anymore because I've played hard to get, I've played easier to get, and guys are never satisfied there's way to many guys who don't respect woman, calling them out their names on here and wondering why their single, they want to take away our right to have morals, and if we complain about their behavior it's our fault, find yourself a stable alpha make, and don't get advice from betas on here who have to look up love gurus to get women

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    • I heard guys are only like this because they always feel there something better out there then what they have.

    • What changed with guys between your dad's generation and now is feminism. But I'm not talking about the egalitarian aspects of it, I'm talking about the parts of feminism that were focused on tearing men down with the goal of building women up. They worked too well.

      Men today have lower overall status in society than ever, and many of us feel unnecessary, like we're just here to have jobs and buy things to keep the economy going. Women today don't really want men, at least not the men who are available to them. They want their *ideal* guy, but nothing else. Most guys aren't anyone's ideal. Most women aren't anyone's ideal, either, but they somehow feel entitled to a mate approximating ideal. So the end result is that most guys (80%) feel unwanted by women and eventually stop trying after so many rejections. It's just a simple Pavlovian response to our experiences in life.