An older man's reaction to a younger woman wanting him

[gobsmacked3]

'It is every mature man's dream to have an attractive younger woman want him.'

A statement I often hear and had the opportunity to live out with an attractive 25-year-old woman who I teach dance to after expressing her want to be with me.

Shocking her, after politely refusing her advance while dining with her after dance class. Particularly, when we both felt such a deep connection on so many levels, akin to a feeling of soul still where time ceases to exist in awe of two beings linking as one.

Oil in the ointment was me seeing this as a rare friendship whereas she saw it as the finding of a 'soul partner.'

Cruel for her, but, in my mind and heart, the rejection revolving around my rationale for the 'why' of the attraction.

The logical reasoning means, with me established in life and enjoying an affluent lifestyle. It is appealing when she can enjoy my company on a Friday night seeing me not bat an eyelid dropping $1000 for dinner and entertainment.

The meaningful justification being a reaction to the flaws of younger men. With them lacking intuition of the inner workings and needs of women eliminating any hope of bonding. Let alone vibrant connection. Predominantly, seeing women as sexual objects, in the process ostracising, and pushing them into the arms of older men.

With I making her feel a comfort as I listen, hear and walk a mile in her shoes. Tapping into her inner workings, making her feel respected for her thoughts with her feelings felt. In the process, endearing I with the meaningful intimacy she embraced and so lacking in her past with less mature men. My self-awareness with the accompanying surety allows this, with it affording her a self-discovery as part of the union.

Making her lap it up, and quenching more.

The appeal is not quite the same from my viewpoint for a relationship. With all these reasons justifying the attraction being ones I avoid. Seeing them as skewed, or reminiscent of an escape pod that evaporates in the scorch of reality.

Extolling the perfect friendship as the beginning and end to what we will share while painting any attempt at more as a fool's paradise.

Her reaction, admirable as well as calculating. Agreeing to the profoundness of our friendship while suggesting a friends with benefits arrangement. With her previously teasing me with the possibility of us between the sheets by stating:

'She wanted to live out her frequent fantasy of the eclectic range of pleasure I could imprint on her memory.'

Instantly distracting my 'other head' while looking straight in my eyes on purring this. Nigh on impossible to resist such an offer from such a sexy woman. I did so on her meaning to me once more as a friend. Knowing it will only lead to me hurting her when invariably the feelings she obviously has for me intensify with the adding of the physical.

Reflection on typing this leaves me torn, commending my rational perspective because such an age gap has little chance of working all while fearing the thought of regret down the track.

[Anonymous]

I've always had a thing for an older man, a certain type of older man. The one you quite adeptly describe. However, it has sometimes been soured by his assumption that a young woman, although obviously attracted and intrigued and captivated by his refreshing self awareness and insight, he will often assume the young woman to be emotionally frail, at least in comparison to him and his wise years of experience and cynicism. He often dismisses the fact that this woman can take him as an experience, that he is part of her growing. That he is intended to be an affair, a lover, a confidant and not a life partner. To be adored for your vitality and energy, your maturity for your years and your own refreshing traits - to be held as interesting and desired for your intelligence and wit as well as your youthful, supple body... to be adored for both is a feeling I encourage, and it is intoxicating.

He reminds her that she is more than just physical beauty, she reminds him that he still has so much to be desired. It doesn't have to last forever, nothing does.

[gobsmacked3]

great post, ty

[OlderAndWiser]

Regret may not be the ultimate bitch, but it is a Top 5 finalist.

[gobsmacked3]

true, sir

[Sabretooth]

it depends on what you did.

[Darkone1]

@Sabretooth true

[Azara]

you guys cold have a fling. relationships dint have to last to be worthwhile. she's not a child she can decide for herself if she's interested. if you're not thats give but its wrong to dede for her whats good for her.

.. maybe you're worried about getting hurt yourself. maybe you want to stay as a magical memory instead of a mundane cold part of reality. when the light of day arrives and you guys part ways. anything it could be. but you know life happens once. you could get hit but a buss tomorrow. i dont think it makes sense t avoid single pleasures that are mutually desired. regardless of age. i actually think a fling would make sense bc you're right it won't work as a relationship so i think friends with benefits would make sense. her feelings may not intensify. she could feel satiated from several sex sessions and you guys could part amicably. with another experience to remember.

;-)

[gobsmacked3]

thank you for the reply.

I thought about sex, for i will not lie she turns me on. But, I think it will just lead to harm for it will intensify her feelings for I. I adore her as a friend, but want nothing more

[Azara]

i dont think it will intensify her feelings. i think shell get you out of her system. i dont think she would expect to be in a relationship with you and suggest a friends with benefits.

[gobsmacked3]

I will take your advice on board and think of it. For, I would be lying if I didn't admit to wanting her

[mikemx55]

Having absolutely no experience with women, I DO think sex will only intensify her feelings, and that she only suggested friends with benefits expecting it to turn into something more (we all know those stories, someone always wants more).
The only thing that would invalidate this, is if sex was terrible for her.

[Azara]

she's an adult its her reponsibility to assess her limits., and as an adult her assessment ought to be respected. if she makes a mistake shell learn from it. if you decide for her, you'll insult her and you both miss out. i think adults should make their own decisions. your concern is well meaning but patronizing. its also the flip side of no means yes. yes means no no means yes. people should be held accountable for their word. and have it trusted until there's a reason not to :)

[CanPenguinsBendOver]

Your writing is beautiful lol I felt the emotion there. I think your article is spot on, you've hit the right points on why younger women like older men. That sort of maturity, understanding and overall gentleness in a man is what a lot of us look for. I've personally fallen for an older man myself, but the age difference was too much for it to work out.

Guys my age aren't close to mature, hence why I feel attracted to those who are more erudite and experienced in dealing with matters of the female mind. Great article, you should try your hand at poetry :)

[gobsmacked3]

Thank you for the kind words ma'am

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily agree that "younger" men in their mid 20s are automatically lacking in various ways and men over 49 are automatically rich in maturity, kindness or sexual power. I've seen too many examples to the contrary - going both ways with both empathetic and wonderful younger guys and older guys who were still narcissic children.

Maybe just YOU were stellar to her and that's what she was drawn to. I know I vastly prefer dating men who are within 5-6 years of my age either way, but have dipped both above and below. Once I was totally smitten with a guy 12 years older because he was intelligent, handsome and perceptive. But I've been smitten by a guy 5 years younger with the same traits.

However, if you are this in tune with others and have a developed sense of intuition, you very well may have been picking up on her "indulging a fantasy" vibes.

[Opinion Owner]

That should say men over 40, not 49. Many traits that make people good lovers, engaging conversationalists, empathetic humans and so on are there at any age, basically.

[gobsmacked3]

Thanks for an awesome and spot on post :)

[archiz]

you like her as a friend and are attracted to her.
ok so go for it. I say never back out of an experience, especially when it involves connecting with someone you like.
I don t believe in regrets, in each experience you have smthng to cherish and other things to learn. whilst not taking the opportunity won t bring you anthng.

[gobsmacked3]

After being married 22 years, I only want friendship or sex with women, not relationships. I think it is wiser just staying friends with this lady

[archiz]

You re still young to discard relationships :p
But yea do as you please.

[gobsmacked3]

Always been a loner, never really had much interest in being with someone 24/7

[archiz]

no one said you should :P

[gobsmacked3]

yes, but you are dedicated to them 24/7.

[archiz]

yes true..

[gobsmacked3]

and their is such joy with this, but also stress

[archiz]

yea I got your point :)
well you do what feels best for you and tc^^

[nemer26]

I've been attracted to guys quite a bit older than me. It was never about their established life or their high end lifestyles. Some of them are in the same boat as me, sole provider of a house making it work. They stimulated my mind with good conversation. I would consider a relationship with them, if I was at that place in my life. And give it the same chance I would with any guy my age or around it.

[oldanddecrepid]

I would say it is not every mans dream to want an attractive "younger" girl want him... I think just an attractive girl period.

The age gap has always been an issue... I think some younger girls can be mature enough to date an older guy, but the maturity has to be there or the relationship is doomed to fail. It would just be based on lust and a taste for some finer things in life.

I would say for a younger guy/girl to go out long term with an older guy or woman, they have to have a great connection, similar interests, lifestyles, fitness levels. It comes down to compatibility... age has no bounds when it comes to compatibility and happiness.

[Oxi112094]

The way you write confuses my brain

[gobsmacked3]

ty for the insight :)

[jacquesvol]

I'm married, thus she gets a NO when I smell it coming in a conversation.
If I wasn't married, it would still be a NO if she was more than 10-15% younger than I am. This means I wouldn't date a woman under 60. I could be friends with any age but date? NO, she'll easily find another guy..

[Anonymous]

age matters a lot. however i don't see why you wouldn't date the girl if she treated you very well and otherwise gave you no reason to doubt her loyalty to you. i get i'm only 17 and you're 44 but i don't see why you wouldn't explore the option of dating her even if you risk hurting her if you "adore" her as a friend and are attracted to her.

[ticlemelmo]

I had a girlfriend when I was 19 she ditched me for a 44 year old. I knew this man, he was a car sales man with a perverted mind. I fought with her telling her that she's about to do something stupid. Onece they got really involved I had to give up on her. Her friends gave up on her and his past social life was no longer the same. Later She wanted to get back with me but we just ended up as friends. Cause we were two very different people.

[Sabretooth]

of course he'd jump for it! go. for. girls. your. own. age. and. stop. stealing. potential. mates. from. us!!! geez!

[noneoftheabove]

i hope you realise that there's 7 billion people in this world and a lot of them will be women. one less won't make a massive difference lol

[Marinepilot]

We will not ! Age and treachery will always outdo youth
and skill. I promise you will chase young women when you get older. Quit being
a whiny little hypocrite.

[Sabretooth]

@Marinepilot that's quite a promise and quite an accusation, especially when you know nothing about me. If you did, you'd know using insults to try to persuade me to do something will only make me do the opposite. Besides, being a player is a funny thing, how many girls do you think you can play before you get played yourself?

[Marinepilot]

Little boy don't go there with me. You will lose !

[Sabretooth]

@Marinepilot ooh... like I ain't been told that before.

[Sabretooth]

@Marinepilot I don't scare off so easy

[Marinepilot]

Fine, bring it on.

[Sabretooth]

@Marinepilot i've been abused, manipulated, falsely locked up in a state hospital, always being in the middle of family issues, a sex year old broken heart, have no idea where my best friend is, lost my brother to drugs, and just a few days ago, my father had sex with my troubled aunt around Thanksgiving... that ended with her calling the cops om him, accusing him of rape... could've told ya that was a bad idea. want more?

[Marinepilot]

That's why you need a younger woman to take your mind off of this. Hell, I'd be your lawyer when I get out of law school and pass the bar.

[Sabretooth]

@Marinepilot i was close to catching a woman who, aside from a troubled life, would've been perfect. my biggest screw up. i'd give up all i own to go back to the day i first met her... so much pain could be avoided... for both of us.

[Sabretooth]

unfortunately, she's with an abusive, cheating, psycho... for 4 years who's getting to convert to muslim beliefs, ironically i had to search for her after she moved for 4 years/.

[Eternallylucky]

What would make you think so? A dele was with an older man and the rejection put her in a great path where she is in now. Adds more to her wisdom and experience in life. She is with a better man now.

[Minxxie]

older guys always ditch the younger girls for "real women" their age anyway.

[gobsmacked3]

the other experience I have had with younger women are flings or friendships- never relationships

[Minxxie]

yeah no matter how exciting men find older women they always go back to their own age group it just never lasts.

[Minxxie]

*younger

[gobsmacked3]

I cannot say I see younger women any more exciting than more mature women

[sdistotallyme]

actually it can be vice versa sometimes. Women are age get very good at quickly pointing and dwelling on our flaws. I perfect woman for me would be a couple years younger (not 20 obviously) but mature for her age. I had a past relationship with a 25 yr old when I was 32. It went really well until the very end.

[Lukecjen]

@sdistotallyme man I can't wait till I get older lol NAhh I've seen girls date guys who are 11 years older and it's been a pretty healthy relationship

[TrooperD007]

These relationships are doomed to fail. I believe in age matters a lot

[gobsmacked3]

agree

[Marinepilot]

They are NOT doomed to fail ! Many of them work out just fine !

[TrooperD007]

@Marinepilot It depends how old the two parties are. True, my mother married a guy that's 15 years older than her and they are very happy.

[BackInGame]

I'll try to ditch the "real women" for younger girls any time. Females look the best till 20-22. year, look good to mid 20s and start to suck when entering 30s. Fresh and young pussy = life.

[abacaxi84]

How many women in their 30s do you actually know? Women only tend to look like crap once they hit their 30s because that's when most women have kids and/or because the bad habits from their 20s finally start to catch up with them (namely: smoking, not eating well, not exercising and not using sunscreen).
Childless women in their 30s, who have taken care of their health their and bodies, don't look any different to how they looked in their 20s.
Sort of a moot point for me because men in their 20s weren't even appealing to me when I was in my 20s. I am just sick of seeing 20 something men on G@G tell women that they're going to look like shit as soon as they hit their 30th birthdays because it's by no means inevitable.

I have zero wrinkles and I am the same dress size that I was at 18 thank you very much.

[BackInGame]

@abacaxi84 show me pics of you in late teens, mid 20s and now. I can guarantee that I'll spit over late pics, but glorify the ones when you were young.

[abacaxi84]

@BackInGame - nice try

[Marinepilot]

Older guys ditch younger girls to go back with women their age? No
they don't ! This guy is a damn fool for not pursuing a relationship with
this young girl. So noble, my ass !

[Anonymous]

'It is every mature man's dream to have an attractive younger woman want him.'

You can drop the word mature, that's every man's dream, regardless of his age.

[Marinepilot]

It damn sure is Well done.

[John_Doesnt]

It's not every mature man's dream, only the sad pathetic men who are incredibly lonely.

[pavlove]

lol have you seen that Louis C. K. episode where he talks about this?

[Anonymous]

Not being able to spend 1000 dollars in a night isn't a flaw in young people you elitist prick.