Anyone who is familiar with the debate in conventional dating about whether or not women should date nice guys has probably seen the Jenna Marbles video:
This video is quite popular now and a lot of people agree with her sentiments, e.g. looking through some of the comments on the video:
'If you complain that you're a "nice guy" and girls don't like you it shows that you're a condescending asshole who is only nice because he wants girls to be with him, which doesn't make you a "nice guy"'
'Most so-called “nice guys” aren’t nice at all. They’re self-entitled, self-pitying, petulant assholes.'
'In my experience, people who brag about being "nice" often have little else to bring to the table.'
I can see why people would think this but let's look at things from another perspective. In my view, she shares some pretty disdainful attitudes in the video and misconceptions of what a nice guy is all about:
'I'd say 90% of the time guys say [nice guys finish last], it's about some reeeeally hot girl ... my problem here, my friend is, you're f**king swinging for the fences'
'There's a reason Beyonce is married to Jay Z, why Angelina Jolie f***s and sucks Brad Pitt's d***k off, I mean COME ON, people look for their EQUAL. Smart people like other smart people, funny people like other funny people, people like to have things in f**king COMMON!'
'You're probably very nice, but I know that you probably have nothing in common with a veeery good looking model that is completely that is very obsessed with material belongings and can't hold a conversation with a rock'
Nice Guys can be Attractive Too!
^give this guy a chance!
Ok, that last point might have been accurate. But still, she makes all kinds of erroneous assumptions about the cliched 'nice guy' here.
In this article, I'm going to focus on the fact that THERE IS NO CORRELATION BETWEEN NICENESS AND ATTRACTIVENESS or lack, thereof.
In my view, these stereotyped misconceptions of the nice guy are in fact significantly flawed, see here: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/guys-behavior/a23286-my-take-on-the-nice-guy-debate
In this my take, I argued against the commonly held perception that the nice guy is unconfident, that he's a push over, passive-aggressive manipulator, etc. etc.
Sure, it's true that some nice guys are all these things and they really ARE punching waaay above their league. In fact, some 'nice guys' really AREN'T all that nice and really are trying to emotionally blackmail their way into a girls panties. Self-identified nice guys reading this article take note: make sure to stay self-aware of your own intentions when talking to a woman so that you are not using any manipulative tactics without realising it. And ensure that you are working on your image, interests, attractiveness as well so that you are not relying on your niceness alone.
But this is blatantly obvious. Blatantly.
What Jenna Marbles fails to identify is the following:
- Not all nice guys (as identified by others) are 'f**king swinging for the fences'.
- Not all nice guys are shooting for Beyonce or Angelina Jolie material.
- Not all nice guys necessarily have interest in a narcissistically materially obsessed model that can't even hold a conversation with a rock (not saying all models are like this).
I mean, shouldn't it be obvious and intuitive that a lot of men nowadays are NOT complaining because they're niceness isn't getting them 8/10 and 9/10s? Rather, a lot of men are complaining because not only are they nice, but they also ARE attractive, they do work out, they do have cool and fascinating interests. But pushier and manipulative men who, quite frankly speaking, belong to lower leagues in terms of physical attractiveness, success and real self-confidence in one's own abilities and personality are doing better than them? And a lot of the time, it's not because these men are preferred but it's simply because these men know how to push in front of the cue without getting caught - speaking metaphorically here.
Too often, women are getting with thickos and inbred genetically stunted lowlifes because these are the same guys that know how to treat women like dirt, preying on their emotional insecurities and insecurities about their appearance in a world that is very consumer oriented. Women don't even realise this is happening a lot of the time because the psychological manipulation is very subtle and adept. But this does not excuse them for dismissing genuinely nice guys that are attractive and ARE (inwardly) confident even if does not necessarily show right away. Sometimes you just have to give people a chance to show you who they really are before you see their true traits and attractiveness. In a competitive and individualistic world where society puts pressure on men to be dominant and aggressive initiators, they DON'T always have the chance to convey all their best, most positive attributes with that same succinct adeptness a polished turd salesman might have.
So this is why the my take is titled 'niceness might not be sufficient but it is necessary'. It's not sufficient because I agree that it's fair for women to have standards related to attractiveness, personality, confidence, etc. But it is necessary because not only would this be fairer for a lot of men, women would be happier and more secure in their relationships. Society on the whole would be a better place which did not reward these overly dominating and aggressive men that always seem to get ahead (and often seem to make more abusive spouses and neglectful parents, bringing up a new generation of dominating and aggressive men who also happen to be adept at getting their way with women through psychological warfare).