5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

1) Girls will, in general, like guys more if they're more outgoing

5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

While you will always have the girl who prefers a reserved, modest guy theirs a massive influx of girls who prefer guys who are very outgoing...the more the better. For instance, if you hang out with your friends and you do the most talking it's highly likely the girls will take a lot of notice of you. This is more across the board than any other trait for men, even looks and money except in instances where the guy is far higher up than the people around him but in most cases people hang out with people of similar means so this doesn't apply.

2) Porn gives the opposite gender unrealistic expectations for your body

5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

The only thing worst than the pressure people put on themselves to have incredibly "big" sexual assets is the fact that the opposite gender has been trained to expect them. Girls DO complain about guys being small and often say "well at least he had a big penis" even though it's widely accepted that an average one feels best. Similarly, many guys want a girl to have unrealistically big tits and ass and/or to be unnaturally skinny. "The Real Thing" is a not so exciting to them.

3) Some people are just naturals

5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

Even if you have a great personalitiy, looks, money, career, talent...there's people who have nothing going for them and are insatiable to the opposite gender. They are complete trainwrecks as people and yet they are completely desired. Dating is not a merit based system.

4) The hottest people are often the most superfical

5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

The reason that most girls value personality over looks is because most girls don't reach the gold standard for looks. Girls have a million million more expectations than guys could fathom, yet the ones who are seen as hot by all standards with which the words are used are often into similarly beautiful men. Highly superficial girls will have sex with a guy purely because he is good looking. This is because they buy into a plastic worldview where looks do matter...a lot. Yes, you see the occasional top ten girl with an average to guy but it's about as common as interracial relationships. I know this will piss people off to generalize but we're talking about the majority vs the minority here and if that makes you sad then I don't really care.

5) Men will never understand women, and women will never understand men

5 of the Most Bitter Pills To Swallow About Dating

No matter what you do you will never understand fully and always have more questions. Eventually, you learn this doesn't matter but it does mean you'll never fully get along perfectly.


pavlove is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • As always I disagree with your my takes! hahah! Why is this mytake trying to separate males and females. We are basically the same. The only thing that sepreate us is how soceity view us.

    • lol, you are not my audience. At all.

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    • can't comment better than this (:

    • "We are basically the same."

      Lolwut. We aren't even remotely the same, as far as sex and relationships go.

Most Helpful Guy

  • While I agree with much of what you wrote, I disagree that women have more expectations placed upon them in the realm of attraction. In fact, I'd say it's guys who face the more daunting wishlists from women. Yes, guys can be brutal about girls' physical appearance, but girls can be just as judgmental about guys' appearances.

    What makes things more difficult for guys is that on top of those physical expectations, girls will layer on all sorts of expectations about his personality, his career, his financial status, his fashion sense, his artistic sensibilities, etc, etc, etc. People have even researched this, and it's been demonstrated that over large sample sizes that women report having far more criteria for attraction than men, the disparity coming in at something ridiculous like 10 to 1. So I don't agree on that point.

    Where I do agree is that girls who want to be with the top 10% of guys (which most girls do, no matter how unrealistic it is) must meet a very high standard of attractiveness. Most hot guys will fuck a 6, but none will every commit to one. So on that front, average girls face almost insurmountable odds to get that guy they want. Now, they could date guys on their level, but few are willing to do that until they've had their delusions beaten out of them by bitter life experience.


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What Girls Said 5

  • I kinda disagree with 2. I agree with the headline but not the specific point you're making. I've never even noticed a guys penis size in porn or thought about it. I think it's really something guys obsess over, not girls.
    The right headline would have been "girls don't care about your dicks", don't worry about the size, don't send around dick pics to strangers, don't talk about it in public, don't fucking draw pictures of penises on everything. Stop obsessing over your penis

    I also kinda disagree with with 4. I mean "Yes, you see the occasional top ten girl with an average to guy" what are you saying here? That girlsl should date below their league in order to not be considered shallow? That girls that date equally attractive guys are shallow?
    Truth is we all end up within our own range of attractiveness, income and status. Most successful relationships do anyway and there's nothing wrong with that. That's what dating is after all, right? Finding out your own value and see what you can get in return

    • That's not actually true though. I feel like yes guys do obsess over their penis size, but women obsess over their body due to porn as well. The extra "busty" women? I've seen, read, and heard many girls say "Are my boobs too small?" "Is my ass too small?" Etc.

      But besides that point penis size effects females in a different way. For instance some females thought my dick was at least 10 inches. It's not. Porn has effected them to where they think it's that big. They don't realize how massive massive really is. Their perception is different due to porn. Doesn't mean they obsess over penis size, but it can have some effect. It happens.

      You then go on some kinda rant that was way besides the point of his topic. He wasn't specifically talking about penis size. He just mentioned it. You are ranting about it which to me says something about you as a female and penis size. I think females complain about guys obsessing over penis size just as much as guys obsess over it.

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    • Yes I know those are pills of reality.
      And I agree with you, most people who are average will end up with someone average. Also attractive people will probably end up with other attractive people. But you make it sound like what girls doing in wanting to date someone equally attractive is superficial and bad. It's just normal, it's just reality. And there's nothing wrong with expecting from someone what you are providing

    • I actually think you two somewhat agree. Even though I disagree with you both.

  • I have met literally tens of thousands of straight men, and not a single one of them has ever yearned for an "unnaturally skinny" woman. Like, literally, 0 out of a number with at least five digits.
    That is STRICTLY a female thing.

    In fact, the exact opposite problem -- women obsessed with dieting and weight loss, while their men would find them infinitely sexier 25lbs heavier with more T&A -- is VERY common.

    Did you actually mean to write that, when you wrote that? LOL

    Like, do you actually know a living, breathing straight boy who lusts for size 00 chicks?
    Bc I swear they just do not exist.

    • i'm not talking about toothpics... the "instagram models" have curves but they've also got really skinny waists... it's kind of an unnatural look... not impossible but not the norm...

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    • The ones you don't have? No thanks.

    • @CarryMeAway lol you're someones minion i'm sure sent to attack me but you should dream of bigger and better things... you're actually a little bit clever

  • no one will ever fully understand anyone. regardless of sex.

    wow leo looks gross with chub and a beard.

    • i think the female experience will be unknown to men even transgender ones because that was a choice/they have the benefit of understanding the male experience

  • 1- agreed. Not all girls are the same though, some may prefer quieter men since they tend to be more mysterious and aloof. Although the vast majority (myself included) view outgoing guys as more confident; therefore more attractive.

    2- don't really agree there. I think this is more of a guy thing, as they tend to be more visual and view more porn. Can't speak for everyone though and I'm just generalising.

    3- can't say whether I agree, as I'm yet to see an example of this.

    4- In general, yes. Water will seek its own level, and people who care about their appearance will generally want someone with a similar mindset. Otherwise it feels like settling when they can get much better.

    5- YES.

    • you've never seen an example of 3?

    • Nah- they usually have at least something going for them. Even if it's just an unjustified amount of confidence and charisma

  • Hahaha! I agree with some of this. 😂


What Guys Said 17

  • 1) Yes and no. Females in general will notice guys who are outgoing more than guys who aren't. That doesn't mean they want to fuck outgoing guys more. If that's what you're getting at. Every female has her preferences just like us guys do. Does every guy want a loud mouth female? Does every guy want a shy, quiet, chick? My point exactly. They don't. Again you're just a so called outgoing person, so you feel like you need to defend that. I may be a more quiet, reserved, person but I'm not saying females notice those kind of guys more. It's really just a matter of preference. I don't think there is a general statement that can be made besides females generally notice outgoing guys, but in terms of attraction it's rather balanced.

    So basically swallow this pill:


    Just because she sees you doesn't mean she wants to jump in your pants.

    2) Yeah this is true. It doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing or a good thing, but there are misconceptions. Though the same could be said for sex in-general. Such as the hymen. In my case my penis size has worked for and against me. Some women were fascinated and others wanted to run from it. As far as boobs and ass I've seen plenty of females with nice boobs and ass. I think what it comes down to is maturity really. When I was a teen yeah the extra busty chicks were most attractive. Now not really, and I think many guys are like that just like females. You said it's widely known that average penis size is the most pleasurable. Well females who aren't overly busty are widely known to be the most attractive.

    So the bottom line: Yeah porn forms misconceptions, but in the end it still fails to influence so much that it detracts what is or isn't attractive on a large scale.


    Also, I really don't swallow pills. When I buy vitamins I always buy the ones I can chew.

    3) Naturals? What's that? XD I guess what you're saying is some people are attracted to what you'd deem as shitty people? Because everything is subjective here. Everybody has a personality. Is it a personality you like? Maybe not, but apparently these "naturals" have personalities that someone likes. Looks? Same thing. Talent? Same thing. It's subjective. Money and career? For some people it's not about the money and career. I personally don't like gold diggers. I don't even spend money on myself let alone others.

    • 4) Again attractiveness is always subjective. I understand that there are people that others deem as generally hot, but there will always be people who think they are ugly. Prime examples I always use is Mila Kunis and Kate Upton. Both ugly to me, but generally hot to other people. So then what comes out of it is that these people get "gassed up" if you will. People overrate and overhype them and their head gets too big so they think they should find someone else who people deem generally attractive because it makes them look good to their followers. They are products. They are sheep. They let people change them and decide for them.

      So swallow this pill:

      These superficial so called "Hot people" you speak of?


      They weak. Nobody I'd want to be like in any sense. Excellent choice of photo though. I don't know if they are like that (doubt it), but I've heard they've been having sex behind closed doors for a while.

      5) True.

  • Men will never understand women, and women will never understand men.
    I Disagree with that statement. There are people that wrote books about this. Coaches , strategists.. etc that can teach you. It is possible if you are willing to do the work. It won't happen by itself. Either you do the work by learning from others.. Or you learn it through your own experience which will take a long long time.

  • @pavlove
    I have a question about 1)

    Isn't it that outgoing girls like outgoing guys and introverted girls like introverted guys, and vice versa? Because I can imagine an introverted girl liking an introverted guy more, because they have more in common; they understand each other better.
    At least, I prefer introverted girls over extroverted girls, because they're more like me.

    • Definitely not. How are two introverts gunna start chatting in the first place?

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    • I think it depends. Sometimes opposites attract and sometimes similar attract. That's why him saying most girls in-general like outgoing guys is false.

    • @Rufus335 Thanks for your very detailed response!
      I tried improving myself some time ago, and it actually kind of worked. I did become more social, but only for a while. I dont know what happened, but somehow i dont feel alright anymore and im a lot less social now and can't seem to get it back up. And I actually dont know how i got more social in the first place.

      Also, I get the feeling that people often get enough of me once they get to know me better.
      At first they find me quite funny (they laugh) a lot, but after a few months, they barely laugh anymore. This has happened with more than 5 people already..

      I agree, making guy friends is best to start with, then it actually automatically will start to happen with girls.

      Can I private message you about this perhaps?

  • Well... at least this pill is easy to swallow.
    all is not lost yet xD

  • 1-4 is pretty accurate but I know some people that know the opposite gender very well. I'm not one them. My biggest bitter pill is this fact:

    Women have it MUCH easier in getting sex, choosing their sexual path and exploring sexuality.

    • I don't think women have it much easier. Easier? Maybe, but hey us guys have it easier to get friends of the opposite sex too.

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    • All in all people like you bitch and moan about stuff like that way too much. You said attraction is subjective. It is. Most guys will be attractive to at least some females. When it comes to sex though again females naturally want friendships first, so that's why it may be tougher for guys to get sex. However, if all a guy wants is friendships with the opposite sex then he more than likely will have plenty of opportunities for that as men desire sex first females desire friendships first and social interaction more.

    • No online dating isn't fictional... well actually sometimes it is. I've heard people on here say they are "dating each other" when in reality they have never even met and probably wouldn't as they live countries away. Is that not a fictional dating relationship?

      Besides that I didn't say fictional. I meant superficial. People online are much more superficial than they are in real life.

      But hey man. Computer loving is reality I guess lol.

  • I disagree with 4. I know plenty of good looking people and they are geeks once you get to know them. They're superficial because people aren't REALLY trying to get to know them, just to fuck them. ya know.

    Otherwise, good take.

  • i am not bothering with the dating world because i am bad looking, i have round eyes, a squatty nose, a small mouth, i lost it at genetics, why shouldn't i just be a celibate

    • i wonder if suicides are common for this, because i sure as hell want to end it all when i see the attention others get and i dont

  • You say you don't agree with his take so does that mean you are saying you don't agree with point 1 ?

  • Ha, love the iPhone meme!!

    About number 5 - who cares about understanding all women? Just find one, understand her and you're gold...

  • It's so true, and it goes both ways, very good Take...

  • Great take :)

  • A - fucking - men

  • I disagree with number 1 lol

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    • is this within your friend group? because if it is then the benefits of showing off your personality and dominating is less so since they know everyone versus that guy in the crowd.

    • Yea, this is within my friends group. But few of them I'm not really close to. I don't know if that makes any difference though

  • Or sweet pills...

  • I understand women, at least I can say they never do anything that surprises me which has to do with them being women as opposed to just people. I can predict the reactions of women I'm familiar with as well as I can with men, which is pretty well. What more does it mean to understand someone?

    I think most men who say they don't understand women are aiming too high. They are buying into the cult of female moral superiority which many women promote. Women aren't nicer than men, they just want different things or rather want things differently.

  • I can nitpick most of these, but there's enough truth in them that they're good starting points for people who think they're not remotely true at all.

    4 ... your headline is correct, the text is one specific instance.

    To some extent, good people can get other good people. Someone's not out of your dating range because they're nice. What makes people 'out of your league' is the external factors that rank our status and desirability. If you're a 6, your'e not gonna get 9's.

    "the ones who are seen as hot by all standards with which the words are used are often into similarly beautiful men"

    I see girls who are 8+'s with guys who are physically 5's all the time. Of course, those guys are earning real money. I think there can be a thing where people who are superficial and only into looks pick others who are only into looks. But more broadly, people who are 8's and 9s simply aren't going to bother dating 6's because they don't HAVE to. They have plenty of dating options who are also 8's (overall, NOT just looks) so pick among the 8's the ones they like best and are compatible with. If you see a hot girl with a guy who is broke, he's likely either really hot, or sort of hot and a DJ or something like that, and she's probably under 25. If you see a rich guy with a girl who is below a 5, they got married before he was rich.

    I probably see this from a different angle because I know more wealthy guys than really hot ones :p

    • So basically they will compromise on either looks or status but never both.

    • @Bandit74 I'd say most women like looks, status, income, height, muscles, popularity, social cred, reputation for being cool, reputation for being caring, influence, ability to fix things around the house, being good with kids, able to fight if needed, etc. etc. etc. etc.

      They prioritize differently though. It's not like some girl who is a 9 will pick a rich guy one day, then a broke dj the next, then some political activist the third. I mean that could happen, but to a large extent, they have 'types', and circles they socialize in and so on.

      They don't think about 'compromising' that much. I don't know that most people really do. Some do, and they're miserable. Most people once they've moved from non-dating to dating at least, are simply looking at options, and choosing most attractive people of the sort they can get.

    • I see it that for hookups they have one type and then for relationships they have a different type. So maybe for hookups they go for the broke dj and then for relationships their type is the rich guy who is good with kids.

      I agree they probably don't think it out to the extent they consciously thinking about compromising.

      "Some do, and they're miserable."
      Lol I think that may be me :D

  • You missed out the follow:
    1. Women do not value personality. They value looks, money and status. Personality is just a code word for them not being seen shallow if they are after the guy for the other 2 besides looks.

    2. Women are sheep. They chase after men that other women want. Hence we can have guys who have 100+ kill count while others with single digits.

    3. If you pay half/half on date consistently with girls they will not give you any.

    4. If a girl makes you wait a long time before having sex with you it's because she was not that physically attracted to you to begin with.

    • tough to accept indeed, but when you finally do it gets a little better...

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    • These are harder pills to swallow than what the writer chose. Except for his #3, which sucks big time. I've met such people, nothing to offer and everyone wants them.

    • 1. When a women says personality, they mean they dont want a nice guy. They want a guy that teases them and poked fun at them with slight sexual undertones. Otherwise called "charm". You have to be bold enough to pull that off and not care what she thinks of you.
      #2 agree. It's called social proof. A man could be attracted to 10 chicks, but 15 women might all be attracted to one man
      #3 I disagree. Going half is fair and the first few dates should be cheap or free. You're checking for crazy and red flags anyways
      #4. If a girl tells you she doesn't kiss on first date. That's a lie. If they're attracted enough they'll kiss and sometimes sleep with you on first date. If she makes you wait a long time for sex, (more than 2 dates), then the manipulation of Sex has already begun and she holds the upper hand.

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