The bad boy: there is something totally irresistible about this kind of man. Not only is he good looking but his attractive pull goes much deeper than that - from the outside bravado, chiselled jawline and rugged physique to the inside. He might not be rich or drive a fast car, he might not even have the aforementioned physical qualities but there is a much deeper allure because he believes in himself. In short what drives women so crazy is his confidence.
Men (not all men, but a lot of men) are so quick to judge women by their looks and feminine appearance over and above all else that they do not choose a good sturdy partner - someone that will help raise kids and make a sound contribution to their household (financially and domestically). It is only natural to call these men shallow, short-term minded and lots of other things. Women on the other hand tend to be much smarter, not only in the short-term about who is going to pass on what genes exactly, but also in the long-run - who is going to show commitment and be a good father and husband. So this leads most of us to the conclusion that it is a good thing that women are so internally focussed. Men are shallow and judgmental about appearance, while women looks at the factors that really make a man a man.
But what are these factors? Charisma, survival, initiative, masculinity just to name a few. 'Confidence' is very hard to define, it does not have a shape or tangible quality, and it is in fact composed of many other qualities that can change and are themselves difficult to pinpoint or explain what is meant by it. Anyone that has ever suffered a low in their self-esteem just to be reminded of that good old nugget of societal wisdom, "don't worry! just be confident and everything will be a-ok!", knows that this is simplistic advice that does not always make up for a deficiency in other essential qualities. Not only that, but strictly speaking such advice does not always mean anything.
When it comes to the 'confidence' that a woman is attracted to in a man, it's safe to say that this is neither a good thing or a bad thing. That's because confident people have historically been both good and evil. Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandella - all confident people, all altruists that helped further their cause of equality and improve the condition of the human population. But then there is the other side of the coin - men like Stalin, Hitler and Pinochet who did the reverse of anything 'good' or 'compassionate'.
So when a woman says she likes 'confidence' in a man, we immediately have to wonder what that 'confidence' is composed of and what OTHER attributes that man has that are so desirable. Just because she says she is looking for something deeper and more meaningful, it doesn't necessarily make her any better than these shallow hordes of men that are gushing at the mouths over hot women with nice bodies.
Overlooked in all this is the 'nice guy with style'. He's one of the good guys but he doesn't think that's enough to attract a woman. He's nice and polite to women but he doesn't think she owes him sex because of it. He's got a heart of gold but knows that if he wants anything the world demands he gets out there and takes it. He tries to be amicable but he also has his passions - his interests and his hobbies. In short, he's a very well rounded individual on many levels.
Does this man get the girls? Unfortunately, not always. He has such high standards in what he wants to become - physically, intellectually and spiritually - that this is MISperceived as a lack of self-certainty by many women. These same women don't see the fact his self-deprecation serves a purpose: to make him better as an all round person, to strive higher and reach for the stars.
In short, next time a woman tells you, "I'm just looking for confidence in a guy", ask her what she means by confidence and just what else exactly it is that she wants.