Men Making Women Wait For Them

Can you please stop making us wait?

I know you have learnt the hard way that women respond better if you keep them waiting for you.

I know you are busy and don't feel the need to communicate as much. I know you may not even be that interested. I know you have other options. I know I'm not the best you could probably be with. I know you've got work and friends and I'm not a priority just yet.

But you could just send a message or call to say hi, sorry couldn't make plans this weekend.

I know you need to make me know my place.

But the thing is, while you're thinking all this, or perhaps not even thinking about me at all, I'm really sad.

We get sad and confused, but we're so terrified that we'll appear clingy (shock horror) and annoying that we can't reach out.

It's a catch 22.

I know you feel more in control when you withhold yourself, and yeah I get it. I'm a woman, we get it - we withhold sex to maintain control, I know we do.

But I'm lying here in tears, I'm sad, I like you, we connected, we flirted, we talked endlessly.

I don't play games when I respect someone enough to like them romantically. So please don't play them with me.

I know you aren't heartless, but whenever men do this, it feels like you're all heartless monsters.

I wake up with a broken smile, I'm crying inside but I can't show it because even my friends and family would think I'm being weird and clingy (God forbid). So society be damned for the creature it makes of us all.

I get why you all do it, I'm just asking for you all to stop if you can see that real women never play games. And we go all in, so things that seem so little to you are mini heartquakes to us. And we can't tell anyone.


18|3
1957

Most Helpful Guy

  • But when we express our feelings, we get turned down cause we went too fast, we appear clingy, we didn't play...
    So what do we do? Why don't you tell us straight up what's happening instead of playing games.
    Don't blame society, blame yourself for caring about what society says.
    If you want it, go get it, but 90% of women do nothing, they just wait and wait for the guy... we get tired from that, you know, cause we thinl you aren't interested. If we're the ones initiating every single time, how do you think that feels? We have feelings too. If you want yours to be taken into consideration, think about ours too. It's a two way street.

    0|14
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the most true thing I've ever read. I feel like such a mess because I get so invested in someone and I never feel like it's reciprocated. To say it feels like a rollercoaster is so cliched but also exactly how I feel. Within seconds I can go from absolutely fine to elated, from elated to crushed. Sending him a text has become terrifying, the kind of thing I have to press send on without looking or I'll never do it. Because I just don't know what he's thinking. I feel like I've been clear and I get so many mixed signals from him which like, yeah I understand why, but it hurts. It's hard for me to put myself out there and not feel like it's making any difference. I don't feel like he doesn't like me, but I don't feel like he's making any effort either.

    1|1
    0|0

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 56

  • The simple reality is that when a woman loses attraction for you, she becomes as cold as if she never met you. It doesn't matter if it was a girl who you met yesterday, someone you've been chatting with for six months, or a long term girlfriend.

    Why on earth do we men need to behave to a higher standard? You want better, stop training us to be heartless. Women reap what they sow.

    1|16
    0|0
    • No, not women. Insecure girls in women's bodies. They aren't all of us.

    • Show All
    • if you want, go check a graph of womens fertility.

      aside from that, its just common sense that women are hotter in their early 20's than early 30's. unless you're a 30 year old woman.

    • Sorrybut he's right op. From about 35 onwards fertility of a woman decreases. Thats why women get more despeeate somewhere at 30 onwards

  • "I know you have learnt the hard way that women respond better if you keep them waiting for you."

    Maybe we'll stop doing it if you stop responding positively to it?

    1|10
    0|0
  • Always hated the withhold to try and keep or stay in control part. Just disrespectful on so many levels. I dont play games myself either that way, but there is always something. At times no matter what you do its always wrong, no way to win. I know many woman do as described too, but yeah think regardless. That people shouldn't be so ruled by fear.

    I been through so much crap myself and I sure have plenty of walls, but is just unfair how I take all these risks and choose to take a chance when honestly people dont dare for smaller reasons. Anyways again, love hard perhaps or dont love at all. Love isent supposed to make you more lonely in a way.

    1|3
    0|0
  • Reality is that it will never be alright. If the guy immediately responded you would be writing: "Please give me some space. A real woman needs her freedom"

    0|9
    0|0
  • Men? I'm sorry, did someone knock you silly? I have NEVER heard once of a man EVER doing that to a woman. You women withhold not only sex, but also true feelings, fun, and the happy parts of a relationship.

    I applaud the guy that makes the woman wait

    1|6
    0|0
    • I think she was talking about waiting for commitment although im not entirely sure

    • Show All
    • A gender ALWAYS has exceptions. But when you say just "men" it implies that u mean all men. Everywhere.

    • You weren't believed?

  • hahahahahaha... it is what it is... this is tantamount to asking women to stop nagging.
    thats why i keep it simple... keep the "talking" to a minimum and the fucking to a maximum.
    problem solved.
    as for women using sex as some kind of weapon of control... i always disclaim to girls that i get with that should they do that... there is ALWAYS another girl who will have sex and I've got her number... so you want to withhold sex... fine.. but im STILL gonna get mines lol, if not from you, from someone else...
    then im gonna dare her to withhold again. they usually don't.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Do they stick around as well?

    • Show All
    • Okay... But none of them ended up being with you today?

      Can I tell you something? You sound like a really mean guy. What I imagine when you talk like this:

      You date a girl and expect her to spread her legs when and wherever you want it, she might not be in the mood, you go have sex with another woman, come back and tell your girlfriend about how you cheated on her and rub it in her face how unimportant she is save as a sex object.

      Why would you do that to someone you want to be with? Or do you not want love? You just want sex?

    • i won't lie.. i AM a mean guy... because I've had it with women's double standards. When i express my wants... im categorized as mean, or a jerk, or a douche. but when women do... its supposed to be legit. i don't give a shit anymore. I went primal... nature didn't make male n female equal... and i sure as hell use that.
      I only TRY to be civil cuz im modern, but anyone that tries to take that for weakness... finds out real quick. i don't expect my girl to open up for me when i want... she has her mind and choice... but i hope she knows that if she doesn't, someone else will. because she was my "go to" and she rejected me... doesn't make the want go away... it still has to be satisfied... primal.
      Lol... you called me mean... im blushing... thats the nicest thing I've been called recently.

  • yeah. chicks do this too. its the natural thing people do. they dont want to put any effort in when theyre off someone. so they just leave you hanging. dont act like its a male thing. literally everyone does it. you know how many times I've been stood up or ignored? jeez. i wager to say that women do it more than men do. but even if it was only a male thing you have all of the power as a female. ur basically crying that he should give you all of the power. like you said. you get it. sorry thats the way it is. but thats the way it is. u would be better off accepting it than crying about it. or just telling him how you feel about it in a subtle way.

    0|5
    0|0
  • Very fair point I never agreed with the "Treat them mean, keep them keen" philosophy. (1) If a person either gender isn't interested, say so (2) If they are interested as you say please no games. Talk if you feel like it but if you want say "I can't talk now. I will text/msg/call later". If you are open and honest you can work out a frequency of communication that suits you both and both understand why the other person is like that. Some will want to text 50 times a day others will feel a handful of times is enough.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I think those guys are you talking about probably just aren't as interesting in you as you are in them

    2|1
    0|0
  • I think you should interchange men with women 😐

    0|5
    0|0
  • Sounds like an isolated case. I've seen this more with women. How often do you hear men say, "Bro, it took her two hours to respond, now you have to wait 4"? Rarely. I've seen women play this game quite a bit... especially my last ex and many of her friends.
    Not saying that all women are an exemplar of this MyTake. I've met plenty who were incredibly mature, down to earth, and didn't have time for games. They are the ones I went for.

    Rule of thumb: If a guy does something you don't like, don't pursue him.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Nice, except... all women play games, good and bad alike, young and old it just fuels your lives, thats not an excuse to be an asshole , and you shouldn't be most of the time but games make women crave men, in the beggining of every relationship men do all the work and all the texting, women do nothing they just wait and do their thing yes we complain sometimes but we move on after like 5 mins regarldess of how much we like the girl, if a man is insulted he is not going to stick around.

    You are asking guys to give you everything and open their cards and always be with you and around you because otherwise you feel sad... well isn't that selfish?

    Why should a guy who dated and a lot and realized that giving everything he's got never does the trick? why should a man who was hurt by women before give you the satisfaction you need, even if you truly loves you and you love him, its risky, you can't just ask a guy to do all that for you when had to deal with lots of heartbreaks in the past, what you feel is not important what he feels is , if he has never had his heartbroken, these things you listen won't be an issue... however if some woman hurt him opening up and showing interest or at least in large doses is going to be extremely difficult for such a man.

    Men are not as complicated as females that is probably true, but we are quite logical, like you wouldn't believe, if a woman dates a bad boy who hurts her she will not learn and will date a second and third... men once they are hurt by a woman never ever approach similiar women are always on the defense when approaching women.

    one more thing everything you mentioned happens with 90% of men , regardless of how attractive, important, interesting or nice they are, women ignore men on daily basis, it happened to me, my friends, random guys I don't know... etc for no apperant reason we just got ignored by our GFs, dates... for few days just because...

    0|2
    0|0
    • Your point about sadness is a good one as guys/men get sad too!

    • Show All
    • @Psi_Unknown perhaps you guys are right - but my point still stands that men go for women who clearly show signs that they won't be faithful/respectful/mature etc. Shy girls aren't immediately good girls either, you're right. But normal women - ones who respect that the man they're dating is a whole person with his own life and responsibilities just like her, are often left standing scratching their heads and wondering whether they ought to be bitchy and cruel.

    • Fair enough I suppose. I somewhat feel like faithfulness, respect, maturity, and anything else were kind of lost. I agree people are left wondering how they ought to feel and be, considering to do bad things--be bitchy or cruel--. Are you recommending something be done about it?

  • I have several points do make on this MyTake:
    1) "I know you have learnt the hard way that women respond better if you keep them waiting for you."
    Are you serious, with this first comment? If it true that women do respond better to men when they are kept waiting, why on Earth would a guy screw that up? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's not men who should respond to women, it's women should stop contacting men who do this. But, again, if this is working, that's not going to happen.

    2)"I know you need to make me know my place."
    Is that really what you think a guy not responding to you is intending? Essentially, no response = maliciousness. Make sense... or it could be he's just busy. There's this thing called "time" and there's a finite amount of it.

    3) "I know you feel more in control when you withhold yourself, and yeah I get it. I'm a woman, we get it - we withhold sex to maintain control, I know we do."
    First off, good on you for admitting you (or women in general, if we're going to extrapolate) use sex as a weapon. That's always classy. Secondly, the reasons guys don't respond vary. For example, sometimes I have nothing to say, I'm busy, or I have no interest in having her get pissed at me, because something I say could be misconstrued (which happens a lot more often than it should) and she will not reply. Of course, at that point, I really should just stop talking to her, anyway.

    4) "I get why you all do it, I'm just asking for you all to stop if you can see that real women never play games. And we go all in, so things that seem so little to you are mini heartquakes to us. And we can't tell anyone."
    Pray tell, what is a "real woman"? As opposed to a "fake woman"? And how do you know "real women" don't play games? This part just sounds like projection. "I'm a good woman, unlike this other, bad women." Also, don't you have friends for issues like this? Where are they?

    This whole MyTake sounds like you're turning your issues into everyone's issues.

    0|1
    0|0
  • When men start being more engaged, we get accused of being clingy, needy, desperate, vulnerable, creep, pussy whipped.. man I could go on. So no, unfortunately I wouldn't advise men to jump in, and they must keep their distance.

    1|5
    0|0
  • You say "real" women never play games after describing playing a game.

    It's also possible that the problem is mostly centered around you being *too* insecure, not a guy's 'failings' to soothe your issues - and if you want them soothed then here's an idea, stop waiting and be active for once.

    1|2
    0|0
    • I don't play games - in fact I'm too upfront and blunt. I work, I have a life, I don't have time to second guess a guy so I assume they're the same. I call, I message, and then when I see a guy not paying attention and taking his sweet time or flirting with other women, I stop trying to get his attention. Then circumstances leave us alone together and he's that sweetheart again. then he vanishes again. How am I supposed to feel except heartbroken and unable to talk about it? I don't withhold sex or affection, I love fully. In fact everything you men complain about here - I DONT DO. But it doesn't seem to matter. Men see no difference.

  • Why can't you message first though? Being the first to initiate every conversation just feels one sided, and makes me feel like I'm in some kind of unrequited friendship or something

    1|6
    0|0
    • Which ironically might be the reason he stops calling and texting her

    • Show All
    • sometimes they don't so they don't seem desperate

    • There is probably some truth to that, but some do travel more than others.

  • Who said anything was fair about relationships? Girls make guys wait all the time. You know how many girls feel bad about that? None. Zero. Girls feel it's their prerogative to treat guys however they so choose, so why shouldn't the same apply to how guys treat girls? Fair is fair. Equality means that you get treat just as guys are treated, so buck up.

    0|4
    0|0
    • Girls do feel bad, I do if I ever hurt anyone or make them feel bad. It's not nice. But will you go for me? No. You'll go for the girl who you know has broken hearts. You'll go for the girl who is quite obviously more immature - because she looks like more fun. And then you'll punish the women who look like they can be pushed around. The ones you know will take it. Go on, break a sweet girl's heart because a horrible one broke yours. Well done. Standing fucking ovation.

    • Show All
    • I'm not judging you at all, I'm just saying that guys experience worse rejection than girls ever do but get no sympathy for our travails. I wish no one had to go through this, but if guys do, then girls can experience some pain as well.

    • But they do - more often in my experience. Or perhaps that's just me. I feel bad for heartbroken men and women.

  • that whole thought in your mind of being clingy is really what is making things worse for you women personally for me I want a woman who is clingy to me

    1|5
    0|0
    • I kind of agree, slightly clingy is better than I never want to be around you!

    • Show All
    • In my life there's been heartache and pain I don't know if I can face it again can't stop now I've traveled so far to change this lonely life

    • the best thing you can have is an emotional connection to the person you love

  • Making you wait for what exactly? Why men make women wait for them? Because when one pours out their heart onto a page, and that page is never responded to, let alone read, one bleeds to death. (I may get backlogged, but unless there are thousands of messages or a catastrophe, I at least take the time to read what others replied even if I don't know what to say.) I assure you; it is a catch-22 for guys. If one doesn't speak they not talking enough, if one speaks one is a liar. If one sends a message, it is kept to be dug up and used as evidence. If one sends no message, one doesn't care. If one does nothing, they should have helped. If one helps, they did it wrong. If one makes no plans, they are a coward or lacking, if one makes plans, they just aren't good enough or do not work out. If you are so terrified of sending a message, why would you expect others to do the same? Even by coming on here, you might as well be playing the game. Reading the original post like this is draining. I've found that at least more often than not, it was women that actually made men wait, at least til their youth was gone...

    0|0
    0|0
    • I did send messages, I did call. I did wait days only to get a cold answer that hinted that he'd forgotten we'd ever flirted and spoken. I didn't play games. I read all these messages here from guys angry with women and I just think it's so unfair. I wouldn't do anything so cruel as what I've seen described here. And yet I'm always alone. When I try to date someone I get heartbroken. Always! And then I have to hear about how this awful person has dated so many people and I just think 'well why don't they go for me? Cause i would never do that?'

    • Show All
    • Maybe I'm just a bit too much. I can't stop loving though

    • Love is powerful.

  • Great writing wow, yeah I HATE playing games and all that childish shit! Best of luck sis

    2|1
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    36

What Girls Said 18

  • I dont 'know my place'. I'm not a servant, if a guy isn't interested or i intent on having me believe so, I'm not 'sad', I'm moving on.

    You are talking bout guys who dot respect you. this is not standard behavior, but as long as you accept it you will not move beyond it. If you feel clingy simply by communicating with someone you are interested in, they re not the worsen for you and you are not ready for a relationship. Not until you can respect your self.

    No i dint use sex to control a person. what would be the point? if they only want you bc you withhold, then its all fake and it'll be over as soon as they get what they want.

    if you can't take yourself seriously no guy will. if a guy can't take you seriously dont accommodate that. move on.

    2|3
    0|0
  • FUCK NO! I don;t make him wait for me! I don't use sex to control men! I am only going to have sex with people I am comfortable begin naked with! So stupid.

    1|4
    0|0
  • I totally get what you are saying here. I used to feel that way, and still do sometimes. However, if a person is making me wait a lot, then I lose interest. Basically I lose interest because if they actually wanted me to be a part of their life, they would make an effort. If they aren't showing any interest, I am out the door and investing my time in people who want to be in my life.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes, those types of men are immature. Why leave a woman hanging? Just be upfront. If you're not interested , you're not interested. No need to pretend you are and mysteriously fade away with no communication m

    1|1
    0|0
    • Women leave men hanging all the time, can you blame us for stop trying?

    • I know my ex girlfriend would withhold sex all of the damn time and then she wonders why I would make her chase me.

    • because women like to be left hanging. The minute a guy shows he's keen they lose interest as he's suddenly became predictable i. e. boring

  • I don't wait more than a couple weeks for obvious signs of real interest and effort from a guy. move on if you're not getting what you want from a guy.

    3|1
    0|0
  • Guys who treat you like that are just not interested in you (anymore). Same goes for girls. Mystery solved!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Omg... I can so relate to what you wrote and have been going through that as well and had those same thoughts run through my head.
    The only thing, though, is that I don't withhold sex from my man to maintain control. I've never been one to do that.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Neither have I - but I think a lot of women do. And they're never alone :(

    • Yes, I agree that a lot of women do; I've heard of those before.

  • πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

    0|0
    0|0
  • He prolly has another lover around

    0|1
    0|0
    • You think so? So I'm just someone he flirts with but can't break up with because we're all part of a friend group and we're not even dating in the first place.

  • Men are soo annoying!
    They say something that seems like it's what there saying but then it's not or they change it

    1|1
    0|0
    • Men are annoying? O ya? :(

    • Show All
    • Women don't say what they want/mean either thus why there is so many meme's going around translating what "fine" means if a woman says it lol

    • @Silver119 like I said in the end we girls can be annoying too
      But when a girl says she's fine just leave her and she would come back or ask her what's wrong depends on the girl
      When I say I'm fine I need to be alone for a while

  • Ughh I feel you. My boyfriend has been doing this to me lately and it pisses me off. Makes me think I'm to blame.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So damn accurate πŸ˜­πŸ’”

    1|0
    0|0
  • Amen!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Are you the same author?

    0|1
    0|0
  • I fucking love this take!! I'm feeling like this right now πŸ˜”

    0|0
    0|0
  • Amen! Exactly what I am going through right now.. Eventually I'll be sick of the games and leave.. I shouldn't have to wait for him to grow up and be there like he promises..

    0|1
    0|0
  • Girl you are 100% accurate. Its frustrating like hell. Its not fun. It is confusing. I dont understand why they cannot be upfront especially after they know that we officially like them. You know we like you.. you know we will devote ourselves to you so why act distant to see what else you can get from us? There is nothing else at that point... because like you said at that point it makes us get clingy... and then oh lord all hell breaks lose at that point because you are now running for the hills from us.

    Damn if we do damn if we don't.

    It is always the good girls that are honest and upfront that share their feelings that get the rug pulled from under them. This recently just happened to me and I am frustrated through the roof. I get it they get scared but thats where communication comes through. You won't be less of a man if you express your fear of a relationship, or the need to go slow... or that they really like us and their feelings scare them. Because then we can reassure them... go at a pace that works.

    HATE GAMES...
    You said it... mini heartquakes..
    grrrr

    0|1
    0|0
  • stop waiting and crying.
    instead, forget and have things to do, go out, meet friends, have a full life where there is no time to be sad and waiting...
    and the funny thing, that when we stop think of them and wait for them and have a full our own life, guys usually appear and call and text... bcoz they afraid u will forget about them lol

    2|2
    0|0
Loading...