Why Women Should Approach Men, And Not the Other Way Around

[NoNutsSingingVoice1]

Us guys get rejected so often, it's ridiculous. But 95% of the time, it has nothing to do with us, because we're just not their type.

But, ladies, how can we possibly tell if you are interested in talking to us or not if you're not willing to talk to us? Approach anxiety is like the plague of men, but it's caused by YOUR rejection. Rejection makes us feel inferior, makes us not want to live in the real world (e.g. start playing World of Warcraft or Guild Wars) and even causes suicidal thoughts [or do you not care about our feelings or whether we live or die?!]

Like I have tried countless times to approach girls at the pub, and even in clubs, and all the places you're expected to talk to girls. I smile, make it obvious I'm open to meeting girls. I wave to them when we catch eyes, and pat the stool next to me to encourage her over.

But she always rejects me...and not even in a remotely polite way either. More like how a Nazi German treats an Auschwitz inmate, yelling hurtful slurs and flipping me off, and even physically abusing me [because I can't fight back against a woman].

That is another reason girls need to approach men first. We'll know strait away you're interested, not playing some mind-fucking game with us, and all hassle and complications will just vanish, no joke.

I can already hear in my head what you're about to say to me...

"But it's not lady like to..." SHUT THE FUCK UP! This isn't the 1930s. You want equality? Then stop conforming to the obsolete stereotypes of your gender.

"But if I do, he might do something horrible to me." What? And risk life in prison or as an S.O.? Get real!

"Oh I'm so fuckin' sick of guys approaching me. Wah wah." Well as long as you're too lazy--or think you're too good--to approach us instead, get used to it, sweetheart.

It is truly that simple. The problems of both genders will never die, unless girls approach guys first, and end a complication-inducing tradition that should have died decades ago.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I have no issue approaching men, if I don't approach you, it's because I don't find you appealing. Period.

Though I'd have to disagree on the concept that everything should be flipped around completely. I say going for what you want should apply for men and women. If you think that girl is hot, approach her. If you think that guy is hot, approach him.

I also disagree that OUR rejection is the cause of YOUR approach anxiety. Rejection isn't this evil, traumatic thing that everybody needs to be destroyed by, that's such a melodramatic perception. Rejection should be a learning experience, and a way to further build up your confidence. It shouldn't inspire you to stamp your feet and demand that everybody come to you from now on.

@fearless_banana made a good point about this in an article he wrote. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a29185-men-learn-to-take-rejection-with-a-smile

While not everybody is the largest fan of him or agrees with him, he makes some solid points in this take.

Just my opinion, though.

[Fearless_banana]

Thanks. Following up on my opinion.

[RJGraveyTrain]

@Fearless_banana Not a problem, it was a good take.

[CancerianMan81]

it is evil when a whole gender is rejecting you

[RJGraveyTrain]

@CancerianMan81 No it's not evil, clearly if everyone of that gender is rejecting you, YOU are the problem.

[Otakugeek]

Stop being negative it can be turn off for both genders

[CancerianMan81]

@RJGraveyTrain i'm not the problem

[CancerianMan81]

cause empaths ain't the problem

[RJGraveyTrain]

@CancerianMan81 Empaths?

[CancerianMan81]

themindunleashed.org/.../30-traits-of-empath.html

[CancerianMan81]

there's a link check it out

[RJGraveyTrain]

@CancerianMan81 ... Ooooooooooooookay then.

[CancerianMan81]

I just don't want no misunderstandings alright

[Fearless_banana]

He is a lost cause lol. Was talking to him on another opinion.

[Fearless_banana]

@CancerianMan81 Will do. I actually masturbate to my reflection in the mirror. Not sure if that makes me narcissistic.

[CancerianMan81]

@Fearless_banana yeah it does cause I picked up on you narcissistic ass

[RJGraveyTrain]

@CancerianMan81 You sincerely need to just relax, sir.

[CancerianMan81]

sorry I was that way around you but what him and a girl did just got me angry I just don't care for either of them

[CancerianMan81]

My apologies to you

[YHL6965]

Just a small detail (nothing to do ith the current subject), rejection CAN induce traumas (cf AvPD). I'm telling you because I'm living this hell everyday...

[coachTanthony]

Mom and Dad taught us never to talk to strangers when we were little. The problem with this... is that strangers have everything we need from selling them something,, to getting directions to having relationships. We grow up with a stigma about strangers that certainly doesn't help later in life. Approach anxiety for men comes from long ago back in the village days where if men approached a woman and that woman belonged to someone important in the village... that man's head might get chopped off. This has been hardwired in our brains and has carried on throughout generations. Most guys are nervous before approach but have no idea why. There is no real consequence on rejection these days but our hard wired minds still feel that threat.

[JohnGoodMan]

For many years I was approached by women every day multiple times a day. It was to the point that I didn't know what they wanted, talking about confusing stuff I couldn't really follow. My friends made fun of me for it, calling me Zodiac and other nicknames derived from what the girls would say.

One time a friend (who was a girl) said that I get hit on all the time and prolly don't even know it. I guess that was true that I didn't know it because of the random and nonsensical stuff they say; it really catches you off guard. It doesn't seem like they are hitting on you. I found it much easier to know what they wanted if they are way more obvious about it.

So girls, if you're going to approach, all you have to do is say something like, "hey, I like your shoes" or something that a dude can understand. The other stuff might be misinterpreted as "wtf are you talking about" and you will feel like the guy doesn't like you or rejected because he gives you a weird look and is confused.

I think a far better way to begin an approach is making eye contact first several times. This goes for both men and women. You should be able to tell if you should approach if the other person reciprocates eye contact a couple times. Plus it ramps up attraction and creates some tension.

With eye contact first, you never get rejected. You can tell if they will welcome your approach or not right away. I make eye contact and sometimes right then the girls will shake their heads yes or no, and give other signals. Of the ones who shake their head no, a lot of times they subtly show their engagement ring. Or, they may be in a relationship. They are saving you from rejection if you do it this way.

Some are very confusing though; I met this girl while she was working at a grocery store and giving all kinds of positive signals. Saying nice things, striking up conversations, and generally being obvious about what she wanted. She wasn't wearing a ring so I thought I'd ask for her number. When doing so she said, "I have a boyfriend... but I'm sure I'll see you here." Very stange but I didn't feel bad about it. Some just want attention it seems.

Bottom line, use eye contact first. If they want you, they will reciprocate eye contact; if not, they won't. It's a very 'soft' non verbal way of saying yes or no and you can save yourself from feeling rejected. In my opinion, this is the way it was meant to be done, with talking being far more awkward and having far more chances of failure.

[lumos]

Why women should approach men?
No, more like why everyone should approach everyone. The act of approaching shouldn't be only one gender's "burden".
Rejection will always exist. Even if women approach men, there will always be those women who get rejected. There will always be those women who misinterpreted the man's "signs", who didn't understand he wasn't interested in her like that. Guys aren't exactly well-known for being straightforward about their feelings all the time, either. Y'all play just as many games.
This is why the "burden" is on everyone. Yes, women could do a lot more approaching than they do now, but that doesn't mean men should just sit back and expect shit to start falling from the sky right into their laps. EVERYONE should make an active effort to go for what/who they want, and that applies to many aspects of life, not just dating.
Everyone experiences rejection. And if not in dating, they might get rejected by their family, by friends, when they apply for jobs or for a place at a school etc. Rejection is a necessary evil that everyone should get used to dealing with. It's a part of life you just have to accept. And you can't force others to deal with those consequences for you. If you want to make things happen, it involves a certain risk. So either you can choose to live in your tiny bubble and never experience anything, and wait for shit to happen on its own (which it rarely does), or you can take matters into your own hands and try your best. The latter will give you thicker skin and more life experiences.
But then again, if you're a whiny bitch, the latter will just make you even more bitter and self-entitled. So if anyone is a sore loser, maybe they shouldn't be dating at all.

[CancerianMan81]

us men do but you women have to make excuses for why you don't want to be with us men always claiming that we're the "NICE GUY" that always bitter

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 uh... not quite sure I understand what you're talking about.

[CancerianMan81]

like I said when us guys do ask you out you women always has excuses for why you don't want to be with us men

[CancerianMan81]

it's almost like you women can't wrap your mind around that there's a lot of men that are single

[CancerianMan81]

and that you women are the one's that are creating the problem that us men are the problem for why we're the reason we are single

[CancerianMan81]

which is a bunch of bullshit

[CancerianMan81]

I'll tell you the real problem is you women are not taking us men as a whole for who we are because you are not taking yourselves as a whole for who you women are

[CancerianMan81]

and yes us men are fucking pissed off cause we have a reason to be pissed off and all this damn crybaby shit for being afraid that us men are going to do something to you because we're pissed is a load of horseshit

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 can you write everything in a single comment next time please? It's really annoying to get like 10 notifications and then notice you've only written like one sentence per comment.
If anyone is a crybaby, it's you. If women don't want to be with you, or other men, they probably have a good reason for it. They're not "excuses", they're valid reasons. I. e. they don't find you attractive, they don't find your personality appealing, they're not ready for a relationship, they're already taken... etc. All valid reasons. Just because you ask someone out it doesn't mean they're obligated to accept.

[CancerianMan81]

back to the reason I gave my statement which is the "REASON" i'm not the "PROBLEM"

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 if you can't understand that not all women want to go out with you or other men, then yeah you do have a problem actually.

[CancerianMan81]

but the fact of the matter is whenever us men try to fix it you women come up with idea that we are trying to change you when us men are only trying make the situation a little better it's like you women are stuck in this mind loop that all of you women think that us men hate you when that's a lie the thing that us men are getting sick of is your damn negativity all the time

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 ok

[CancerianMan81]

us men get it your not happy but why put us through all the pain and the torture us men want what's best for ya we'd fucking move a goddamn mountain for ya if we could but we ain't fucking superman I mean ffs i'm not trying to discredit no woman I just don't understand why women have a damn problem with me

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 ok.

[CancerianMan81]

the reason why I can't deal with it is because I'm an empath and if you don't know what an empath is here's a link themindunleashed.org/.../30-traits-of-empath.html

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 o k.

[CancerianMan81]

www.lifehack.org/.../...-help-you-love-empath.html

[snowangle]

@CancerianMan81 Good Lord. This was painful to read.

[lumos]

@snowangle shhhh he might come back :(

[CancerianMan81]

welcome to my world @snowangle

[CancerianMan81]

hope you read the links that I put down

[JamesS1980]

If it has to be one gender or the other making that move, though, it makes a lot more sense for it to the the women, doesn't it? Yes, *some* women would still be rejected, but it would work much better for everyone that way round, with much less rejection happening overall.

(I'm not single right now; the handful of times I did make the first move, it didn't get anywhere at all, but my girlfriend now did make the first move. In my case, I suspect anyone who didn't wouldn't be a good match anyway.)

[lumos]

@JamesS1980 how does it make more sense? Because there would be "less" rejections? No, I'm pretty sure women would get just as much rejections as men. I've asked out/confessed my feelings to like 5 guys in my life and all of them turned me down. You guys act as though a girl would get dates left and right, but you're not taking into account that 1) you can't just ask whoever, you have to actually be into them and 2) plenty of guys are already into someone else, taken, emotionally unavailable or just fucking around. Very few guys nowadays seem to be interested in serious long-term relationships.

[snowangle]

Very well said, Lumos. Rejections would absolutely still happen.

[CancerianMan81]

@ lumos not true there are some men that are looking for a long term relationship

[CancerianMan81]

but the problem is when ever these men are getting into a relationship the women themselves are standing in there own way and being to damn negative that's why I said what I said in recent posts

[JamesS1980]

@CancerianMan81 "No, I'm pretty sure women would get just as much rejections as men."

Why are you so sure of that? Ask yourself, if you walked into a room with, say, 20 single men, how many of them would you say yes to if they asked? Just a few? Now, how many would you expect to say yes if you asked them? At least half? From every discussion I've had so far, that's what I'd expect: guys are much, much more likely to say yes.

"I've asked out/confessed my feelings to like 5 guys in my life and all of them turned me down."

That's a shame, but I doubt that's representative. The girls who've asked me out got a "yes". Did the ones turning you down have good reasons for it, like already being in relationships? (Yes, of course rejections will still happen, but apart from your comment, I've never seen anything to suggest it would be anywhere close to as common for women asking men. After all, just look at the title of the website...)

[lumos]

@JamesS1980 like I already said...
"but you're not taking into account that 1) you can't just ask whoever, you have to actually be into them and 2) plenty of guys are already into someone else, taken, emotionally unavailable or just fucking around."
Ironic how the first thing you do is NOT take those ^ things into account.
Guys are much more likely to say yes because like 70% of them are just hoping to get their dicks wet, not because they're looking for a profound relationship.
Only one of the guys was in a relationship, and that wasn't something I was aware of. That's the sort of risk everyone takes, and it's a valid risk because you can't always be 100% sure of someone's status.
If you have ever glanced at the website's logo you'll notice that there are arrows spinning between "girls" and "guys", hinting that it's "girls ask guys and vice versa". Guysaskgirls doesn't roll off the tongue quite as nicely, and you can't name a website girlsaskguysaskgirls either.

[CancerianMan81]

@JamesS1980 I'm sure of that because it's what I have dealt with myself but listen @lumos me myself I'm not just looking to just get my dick wet i'm in it for the long term to create a life and build not myself but the girl's life as well so that me and her can have all of what we have coming to us life itself is to damn precious to just let it slip by cause we ain't always promised tomorrow we have to make what's best for this life the only things in life that mean a damn thing is 1. KNOWLEDGE 2. LOVE and 3. POWER everything is tossed aside cause all they are is material possessions they don't make you who are cause you make it

[CancerianMan81]

me I'm willing to do what's right for my girlfriend I don't expect my girlfriend to have me as a disappointment and I don't expect to have her to be a disappointment to me that's why traditional marriage is so sacred cause the parents themselves want to give up everything to give to their kids

[CancerianMan81]

but we have these lunatics that tell us that we can't have that so they just screw up everything just to make themselves feel better about themselves which In my case isn't the way that you should live your life cause it not only screws up other people's life's but their own life in the process

[lumos]

@CancerianMan81 leave me alone

[CancerianMan81]

I'm just only trying to help @lumos

[CancerianMan81]

I'm not trying to make things worse for you but if I am I'm sorry if I am

[lacorine197]

I disagree

[Shorty1991]

Here, here. :) people should learn to make it less one sided. If you have a crush act on it and its as simple as that. Those men only want to avoid rejection so that the women will face even more of it. Women should always make the first move shall they? What if its women you don't even find attractive? Who is doing the rejecting then? I can assure you, there are women who act on it. They get messed around by guys playing stupid games too. Every guy I seemed to like was already taken. It never stopped them from flirting with me and leading me on in the first place. If you form crushes on people and can't ever act on it. Then it makes it your problem and your loss. Not theirs. There will always be rejection but there will also be acceptances but you will never find out unless you try. At least that way you'll know where you stand. I get fed up of guys who think that they can just stand there looking cute and the woman they like will magically come running to him and take him by the hand

[lumos]

@Shorty1991 right? It's just as annoying as girls who just sit around and wait for Prince Charming to come sweep her off her feet. Everyone can and should put more effort into dating. I'm honestly so tired of people whining about never having a relationship or never having anyone confess to them etc. If it's not something you actively pursue, you can't assume that anyone is going to do the job for you. Your crush won't just magically realize you have feelings for them. You have to tell them that. And whatever happens, happened for a reason. If you get rejected, it wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have worked out. If they reciprocate, great. Less time wasted.
People are just too scared, and for no reason at all. Yeah rejection hurts, but it's something you eventually get over.

[Shorty1991]

Lol. Exactly. But trying to tell people that is like talking to a brick wall.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think women who are paying attention know by now that they should be approaching us, but I think they might need some coaching on HOW to do it.

I've seen some women post that they have asked guys out and they get 'rejected' I'm thinking that either the guy already has a girlfriend, or the guy was so used to not getting attention that he assumed it was a joke at his expense and just ignored her. Women should know that when we reject you, it's a proper rejection, we typically don't resort to ignoring someone.

Anyway don't just tell a guy "You're cute." because that doesn't mean anything.
Or worse, don't have your friend run over and tell a guy "Hey, my friend thinks you're cute." because then the positive response is: k that's great, but now what? WHO is your friend? Or the negative: he will think this is a joke she's playing on her friend at my expense.

Writing a note and leaving it somewhere you know he will find it is always a good approach.

Tell the guy you want his number so you can text him, or if you're too shy ask your friend to get his "My friend thinks your cute and wants to talk" and point at her. Or just ask "She's single, do you think she's attractive?" bottom line try to be a little more specific because the more vague you are the less genuine the attempt seems.

And you will get rejected a few times, but not nearly as often as a guy would if he was asking.

[Fearless_banana]

Okay boyo. There is a reason why women are rejecting you. Women pick up on vibes very quickly and if you are talking about suicide due to rejection as if it's normal that says a lot about your character.

Women are going to reject you no matter what. I get rejected all the time.. It literally has no bearing on my self worth. It's as simple as moving on to the next one.

I can already tell that you probabaly give off desperate creepy vibes when you approach just by the way you are typing. Stop feeling bad yourself. That mindset needs to change before you reach any success in approaching. Your take isn't going to be seen by every woman in the world. Nothing is changing.. you aren't single handedly changing the dating scene. You need to change.

[FatherJack]

Exactly , an IDGAF , combined with " I'm having fun " vibe works best.

[Chief16]

I always consider approaching women first. That way I always get the ones I like. If I want someone, I go get them. This reverse psychology bullshit that some women try to pull only ever rarely works and even then its a fluke.
You see it does not take a lot of effort to approach a girl, I don't think too much about it, if she reciprocates. The keyword here is 'reciprocate', we usually connect and it just feels way more natural to me.
Whenever a girl does approach me, its flattering but its really not necessary, because I always initiate if I like the person enough. Its never let me down so far.

[lacorine197]

IT always fails for me, because they always tell me i'm thirsty or desperate or whatever, or laugh, I try not to waste my time with even bothering with it, it's more easy just going about my day.

[Shorty1991]

So in other words girls, go over and take that guy by the hand because he has a crush on you but doesn't have the balls to even talk to you, let alone ask you out. I do not have any issues with approaching men who I find appealing to me. It just always turns out, that the ones I like are already paired off. I always discover that before telling them how I feel or asking them out. Nothing I can do apart from move on. I still think that its one sided to put it down to gender roles yet again. Common sense tells you that if you have the crush , then its up to you to make the move. If the shoe was on the other foot and you found out that some quiet shy girl had a crush on you and couldn't act on it. I doubt you would take her by the hand and make the first move for her.

[lacorine197]

well she doesn't make an obvious hint that she likes you, then that's her loss

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 you see, if your the one with the crush and can't act on it then that makes it your own loss and not hers. If it was the other way around it would be her loss.

[lacorine197]

how is it your loss and not hers? You just said if the cute girl had a crush on you.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 I know what I said, but I'm talking about if the tables were turned. My point is whoever has the crush and never acts on it, its their loss.

[lacorine197]

oh that's true lol

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 yeah ;) lol. I wish people would stop putting it down to gender roles though. Who ever has the crush acts on it first. That takes it away from gender roles and applies to both men and women.

[lacorine197]

I agree with you 100 % on that, but I must admit a woman has it way easier than a guy in terms of getting a date, they can just go outside, and someone can easily ask them out as compared to a girl, some have a social stigma that they think they don't have to have effort in order to ask a guy out and get a date.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 That would depend on whither the woman is introvert or not. Two introverts with a mutual crush. It can either take them years to admit how they feel about each other. Or no one acts on it at all and feelings are left to fade. . . and then you've got women like me who will act on her own crushes. But if shy guys take interest in me. Hell mend them! Lmfao. If they never act on it or act too late. Then they miss their opportunities because I get fed up and move on. I've been extremely fair to those guys with the chances I've given them and they don't know it. They think I'm a bitch. Lol. When I move on, there's no turning back.

[lacorine197]

As said I have no balls to ask out a woman cause of the outbreak, however, I don't think even if she is an introvert that she'll never get in a relationship, maybe she will probably say simple words like "hi , yes, okay" the relationship will be shitty , but she'll still be in one, lmfao.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 yeah, because some guy might feel sorry for her, she might be vulnerable and get targeted by horn dogs who'll just use her to get what they want. But my point there is that shy people and most genuine people find it harder. Your still a pup at 22, you've got plenty of time to work on over coming your shyness. Its how I learned when I was at school. I know that I haven't had any success with my crushes. But I never regret trying. When I look back, I think just how lucky I am to have dodged bullets. I was drawn in by those guys looks. They just turned out to be pricks though.

[lacorine197]

dear christ, I'm not a pup, and age has nothing to do with this, let's not bring age into this cause it really has no relevance to this topic and 25 isn't that off either, onto the point being said. I agree that there are plenty of horndogs as well, but to be honest, I still think ( I agree with you both sexes should do it) but I think girls should be doing it. I'm not saying that guys shouldn't do it, a guy should do it and a girl should do it, but I've been seeing so much of how girls complain about doing it and never want to do it. This is me reading and listening from people.

[lacorine197]

I'm not entirely shy, I just don't feel like there needs to be that much effort on my part when it comes to even bothering to talk to a woman, (I'm not saying having a conversation or thinking of things to say) I just get tired of going out my way to even wanting to talk to them just to waste both our time, whether she was showing some sort of attention or not. And my waiting span is until 7 years from now.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 yeah. 7 years is a long time to wait. I've been waiting almost 9 years. I'm not actually 25 yet, I will be on October though. Yes, both should make the effort. But I still prefer not putting it down to gender roles. I feel the same about guys too. In fact I feel the same in general. I hate always being the one to initiate convos. People around me seem to make little yo no effort so I'm just going to leave it that way.

[lacorine197]

forever though? I don't understand , why won't you make the effort? I feel as though something can easily come of it, more from you than effort from me.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 probably not forever. Just until i find some people who will be willing to make as much effort with me as I do with them. Take my neighbors that stay across the back from me. It was us who started talking to them and now we don't even get as much as a hello, how are you? They dont bother talking to us at all. When your the one expected to initiate all the time it gets boring.

[lacorine197]

that is true, I say this though, try to start the conversation, if they (the guy) doesn't want to talk or continue, just end it, it'll make things easier

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 my mum told me that she shouted hello to the guy one morning and he just looked up at her then sunk his head. So, nah I'm not bothering with them. Nor am I bothering with that guy who liked me three years ago. He's history now and that's where he staying in the past where he belongs. If he ever has the balls to talk to me he can. I'll be civil with him and pleasant enough to him. But if he's deluded enough to still think he has a chance with me. He can think again, he missed that boat 3 years ago.

[LittleSally]

"Pat the stool over you..."? You mean like she's a dog? And you wonder why you're rejected? You didn't ask anyone out, you called over an animal to take the chair next to you...
No woman in her right mind is going to 'accept' that 'invitation'.

But yeah, I agree - women should approach men and men should APPROACH women - not smile coily and pat stools... Or that's all they'll be patting for the rest of their lives. Hahaha

Good mytake... made me laugh. xD

[ManOnFire]

I'm sorry you've had to go through that with chicks. Most women don't approach because they're taught that the guy should do it - which I don't have a problem with. But more than that, women don't approach because they actually fear rejection and being turned down much more than guys do. A lot of guys do find it odd when a woman is making the first move.

I don't necessarily think it's wrong for women to approach, but I do think guys should still do it. I would encourage you not to give up. There are always going to be the females who just aren't into you, and there are others who will be. It may take some improvement on your part, or it may be that you need to get out of a certain environment altogether, really not sure. But don't stop approaching, man. There will be somebody.

[MagiAlphaOne]

It is not wrong. Ruth pursued Boaz! Ruth 3:1-13.

[ManOnFire]

@MagiAlphaOne Wow, I've read that story a couple times and never noticed that. I should look at that again!

[slimstiffy]

lol.. this makes a lot of sense man. but this whole approaching thing isn't just tradition. its instinct, it gies wayy back and is natural. thats why girls rarely approach.
i never cold approach women. never. seen enough shit hapoen to guys when they do it. i dont need any first hand experience.
ill do it online, but not irl. call me a coward, i dont give a shit. i only approach if were already somewhat close , and it isn't socially acceptable to completely destroy me.
on the flipside , some girls do approach you. i have had two girls approach me in the last 4 years.
so yeah,, i got that going for me.. lol

[aficionado]

You have tried approaching girls in pubs and clubs.

There lies your problem. People at pubs and clubs are (usually) looking for a hookup or one night stand (both guys and girls). And for hookups, girls usually have a much higher bar in terms of looks, for who they sleep with. Besides, when drunk, people's judgements can be a bit off.

Another thing is, by default it is assumed that people who approach (or are open to being approached) in a club setting are only looking for sex. So if a girl is NOT lookin for just sex and you approach her, she'll obviously reject you because it's a club and she assumes you just want to pump her.

Just change the setting, and start approaching girls in places like libraries, parks, cafes etc., and your outcomes are likely to be much more positive!

[somebodysaycheese]

You need to realize if women where to be the ones to approach those men who have a problem with women not approaching won't be aporoached because your most likely not attractive enough for her to take the risk. Hot guys get approached ALL THE TIME.

[lacorine197]

Thank you for helping me! I'm ugly I understand now! Thank you! My life is complete!

[Anonymous]

I think both should do the approaching. I'm an ugly woman, so men don't approach me. I have to take matters into my own hands if I am attracted to someone. I've always been rejected too. That's what I don't get about some of my girl friends. They are all beautiful. I am the ugly friend and out of us, I do the approaching. My friends likely will never get rejected because their beautiful. Guys never reject pretty girls. So I don't understand their hang ups about this. If i can do this than they can because they won't be rejected.

[Muhammad1999]

I think no woman is ugly. Unlike men women can still attract men by being feminine or act like a real women.

Me for example i will reject a tomboy even if she was the most attractive girl.

[Opinion Owner]

My face is extremely masculine looking. It doesn't matter how feminine I dress.

[lacorine197]

and girls don't reject hot guys.

[Shorty1991]

@lacorine197 they do if they have a good reason to. For instance if she's looking for something serious and he just wants to fuck her.

[Flurr]

You should never expect anyone to approach you, man or woman. Men do more approaching but we are most likely to be assertive and take risks plus we already know a woman is less likely to approach a man, whereas women are less likely to take risks and already have a higher chance of a man approaching them so there is less of a need to do so. Men will always approach more but regardless if you see someone you like than you should take the chance and approach him/her. The less you are willing to put yourself out there in a social environment the less likely you will find a person to date, period.

[lacorine197]

sounds good to me.

[Keenisha]

Whoa where do you live? I've never heard of a girl cussing a guy out or hitting him unless maybe he approached in a disrespectful way.

I get approached randomly like where I wasn't even looking at the guy! I still talk but I don't like being off guard.

I wouldn't like a guy to pat his seat, I'm not a dog!
A wave would be nice but guys don't do that for me haha

[Stacyzee]

I've approached men and haven't gotten turned down. The thing what women must know when doing this is the guy must notice you when you walk in a room and must be checking you out , when this happens you know there's no rejection.

[JamesS1980]

That's pretty much a guarantee, but I'm quite sure even guys you don't notice checking you out would still mostly say yes. I've seen it quite often: if you were to ask a whole bunch of guys out (separately!), most of them would normally say yes; if a guy did the same, most of the girls would say no, wouldn't they? That's the point of the article: women have a much better chance of success than men when doing the asking!

[Shorty1991]

@JamesS1980 no it not really a guarantee. Just because men notice women and check them out doesn't always mean that they want out with them. There are men who are already paired off or married that do this with single women. I don't read too much into it now. I would rather have more concrete proof. JamesS1980, your clearly not thinking of the point where the woman goes to act on it and the guy does not find her attractive. No man is going to say yes to someone they aren't really attracted to. He'll more than likely make up stupid excuses or blurt out. "I'm taken". So overall, women are not always going to have better success with men. Men are just as guilty of playing stupid games with women they don't even like.

[beautifulangel76]

I hope you don't really pat on the stool next to you. If you did that to me I'd reject you too. You mentioned equality but said only women should approach men but if it's going to be equal then both genders should approach the other if they are interested.

[TokyoGhoulLover]

I understand your logic, but me being slightly nerdy and socially awkward whenever I approach a guy they think I am weird and let me tell you spending a year isolated from everyone else on a 30 minute bus drive is not very fun bro. Some girls do want to approach dudes but are nervous of the same embarrassing rejection as guys are especially if they really just want to be friends, but still I see your point.

[the_rake]

"But she always rejects me... and not even in a remotely polite way either. More like how a Nazi German treats an Auschwitz inmate, yelling hurtful slurs and flipping me off, and even physically abusing me [because I can't fight back against a woman]."

Yeah that's the problem with pubs and clubs.

[Silver119]

It's not the problem with pubs and clubs per se. It's more that she's a psycho lol

[Mrwoo99]

That's the experience I got in bars and clubs... was that yours?

[Silver119]

@Mrwoo99 I've had that from a few girls tbh (but they are psychotic/self obsessed/think they're better than they actually are) but for the most part girls in bars and clubs are okay. You just have to know which ones to approach or strike up a conversation with. Women, even though they don't approach guys give out signals when they're interested in talking to you. You just have to know what to look for.

Or, just have a laugh, make a funny comment about something that's going on or the place where you are or whatever. it doesn't matter because at the end of the day if you involve a stranger in a decent conversation they're not gonna remember how it started in the first place.

[Anonymous]

I'm always polite when I reject a guy, but sometimes I wish I could be more "rude" I guess because then guys might not feel the need to hang around, or try to change my mind, or otherwise not leave me alone.

Anyway, I have no problem approaching a guy I find attractive.

[FashionQueen86]

I've had some times where I had to be a little rude. I once argued with a guy and his cousin for almost 20 minutes about my own phone number. He wouldn't accept no for answer. Some guys think they are entitled, or find themselves irresistible that they are surprised someone could reject them.

[BlondeBlueEyes84]

Complete, utter BULLSH*T. It's a guy's job to ask women out! PERIOD! Women want to be desired and valued. They want to be flirted with and asked out. NOT the other way around.
It is this false, dumb mindset, why so many White women date non-White men. Because non-White men desire, love and even worship White women, whereas so, so many White men, WAY too many, expect White women (and all other women) to take the first step.
Just f*ck off with this idea of women taking the first step. Seriously.

[lacorine197]

hell no it's not our job, don't put us all in a jar with YOU!