(Part II) Women: The reasons why men approaching you is a DISADVANTAGE for them

[Anonymous]

Alright, so hopefully you've read part I. If you haven't here's the link:

https://www.girlsaskguys.com/flirting/a22829-women-the-reasons-why-men-approaching-you-is-a-disadvantage-for-them

👆 Click on that and read it. It talks about the first reason as to why men approaching women is a disadvantage for them. This take will bring up another reason.

Of course just like the first take if you have a traditional view (meaning you feel the guy should approach first forever and always and be chivalrous) then this take might step on your toes a little, and if it does.... I didn't care in part I and I still don't care in part II 😂😂😂. This again is for women to get a better understanding of why men are disadvantaged when approaching you.

So...

Now I want to talk about one more thing that’s important and a disadvantage for men when it comes to them approaching you. I’m sure you already know what this is. This should be an obvious one.

PROBLEM: Rejection

I know you didn’t see that one coming 😂 😂 😂. I’m sorry but really I’m not sorry because I have to talk about it.

Like I stated earlier typically women want a man to approach them like he wants a new friend (though it denies his sole masculinity to a degree). Lucky for you the guy is the seller and you’re the buyer right? You can see what he’s selling and deny it. He can’t deny you since he approached you. This is a big advantage for females and a big disadvantage for men.

I’ve noticed that in my experience some of the biggest female loud mouths I’ve ever met STILL get shy around men when it comes to the approaching process. Sure, the guy walking up to you is a stranger but instead of approaching him you throw signs at him in hopes he approaches you. It’s amazing how women can get shy when it comes to that. Meanwhile men who may or may not be actually shy HAVE to approach you? They HAVE to pursue you? Then he knows that he may get denied.

It’s really sad how many women will just refuse to ask out a guy first. Trust me I know because I’ve purposely let women give me signs for a while and they still refused to ask me out. Maybe you feel you might get rejected. Is the guy supposed to feel there’s no chance he’ll get rejected?

I've noticed that in my experience some of the biggest female loud mouths I've ever met STILL get shy around men when it comes to the approaching process.

Okay so now I just want to touch on how to correct this issue. How do we solve this issue?

The truth is I’m not sure you can. Is it nature? Is it nurture? Maybe both, but women will be women and men will be men. All we can do is hope. I will give some tips on making the approach process easier regardless. You might take this advice. You might not take this advice.

In any case here we go….

9 TIPS TO MAKE THE APPROACHING PROCESS EASIER

1. Don’t over assume: Hear the person out. You don’t know them. Don’t assume you know “how they are” or what they’ll say. You don’t lol.

2. Smiling isn’t easy: When you’re nervous it’s hard to smile and often times women say they can see when a guy is faking. So why should he fake smile? It doesn’t mean he’s not interested just because he didn’t smile. If he’s approaching you then he clearly is into you. It may make you feel uncomfortable, but wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable in his position too? It is also a proven fact that women are better at smiling than men.

3. Respect honesty: There are plenty of guys who try to fake what they want because they feel a woman’s intentions are different. Some guys have made it an art at lying to women about their intentions. These are the guys who you should be DENYING. The guy who walks up and asks for your number….well at least he’s honest. Another guy could say he wants to get to know you when really he wants to get in your pants only and maybe that’s not what you want but you’ll accept his dishonesty. I just think maybe women should be more considerate of honesty.

4. Tell him your name: If the guy introduces himself why not introduce yourself? And if he doesn’t introduce himself why not tell him your name anyway? It’s not that hard right? You expect the guy to do it then why can’t you? Lol 😄.

5. Doing too much or too little: Often times when people get nervous they do too much or do too little. It happens. Guys aren’t perfect. You’re not perfect either. I’m not saying you should like everything a guy does, but I am saying that it should be understandable as to why he’s doing too much or too little. Perhaps you can say something to calm him down. Maybe say “Relax I won’t bite.” or “You can sit down if you’d like.”

6. The number game: Damned if he doesn’t. Damned if he does. Should he or should he not ask for your number? I’ve heard from many guys about how they got to talking to a girl and forgot to get her number. Sure you as the female may “feel good”, but then how are y’all going to contact each other? How can it grow if he never asks for your number? Lol. Maybe he could come back, but that’s not always the case either. I know there was one woman who I’d go to where she worked at and we’d talk but I didn’t ask for her number. One day I went in there looking for her and her former co-workers said she got fired. Never seen her again. So approach (no pun) the number thing like you might not see that person again without it because you may not.

7. Chivalry vs respect: Chivalry can be a lot of things, but respectful isn’t always chivalry. In fact chivalry is sexist in some cases and overly apologetic in others. Men should be respectful when approaching women, but women should too. Please don’t look at your phone. Don’t laugh with your friends. We all know what that’s called when you’re that way lol. Self-explanatory. Look him in the eyes as he’s talking to you. If you don’t want to accept his advances then after hearing him out politely decline.

8. Encouragement: This would go a looooong way. Once he’s done talking to you if you accept him then kindly say something like “I’m looking forward to talking to you later.” Or if you didn’t accept him then say “I wish you luck.” or “I really hope you find the right woman.” Things like that will encourage guys who get rejected to not give up hope. To keep trying.

9. Leading a guy on: Look…rejection hurts. I’ve been rejected. You might have been rejected. It hurts. Uncertainty happens. I’ve been uncertain about things. You’ve been uncertain about things. All that said there are women who lead a guy on. Like I said earlier guys want to be the number one guy. Some guys are overly impatient, but some women aren’t impatient enough either. At the very least you could respect a guy enough not to get his hopes up and then crush them. Girls I’ve talked to have responded rather quickly to what I’ve wanted because I’ve made the effort to let them know. I think the issue is that some men don’t press the issue as to what they want and the female doesn’t either so then you get this situation where the guy thinks it’s something it’s not. This is going to sound harsh, but climb your ass out of that limbo like, otherworldly, alt. dimension; you’re in and make a decision. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand the indecisiveness of some females. Hear a guy out, but at the end you’ve gotta decide. Be realistic. Maybe women are indecisive in hopes that the guy doesn’t get heartbroken, but he’s going to hurt more if you build it up.

Alright so that’s it. I hope that you’ve understood the position men are in somewhat when they approach you. I acknowledge that women are different than me and will always be different, but I’m very positive that you can at least take SOMETHING from this that can help make the approach process easier for you and the other person.

Take care.

-ED

[the_rake]

From reading this, I can tell you're highly experienced with the cold approach, as am I, so kudos. You basically identified all the common pitfalls a man will suffer,

- the 'duchenne smile'. Seriously, I practice this smile everyday, especially when I am meditating. But smiling like this in the comfort of your bedroom and smiling like this when your interacting with some stranger are quite different! Not only have you got to deal with nerves, but the multi-tasking element of balancing conversation, eye-contact and numerous other factors with a genuinely positive and authentic smile. And women can spot a fake smile a mile off, DAMN.
- e. g. girl laughing / talking to friends and this is a tricky one because you stopped her out of the blue. it's difficult to then demand she give you her full attention because she never asked for contact from you in the first place. if it's me I will simply tell her that for further communication to be worthwhile, she will have to be a little more respectful and if she refuses to oblige, I simply leave. but I like to make this clear first (politely but assertively) so that she does not become confused as to why I decided to end the interaction.
- leading a guy on: I've had conversations with women where I received MASSIVE sexual reciprocation (and I don't normally make these things up) - very obviously flirtatious smiling, eye contact, looking away, etc. - and the number received was STILL fake. Not much you can do about this except take women at their word: you will find out soon enough if they are dishonest about their intentions. (Models, by Mark Manson is EXCELLENT for developing this type of confident, 'polarising' mindset).
- the number game. ok to approach women consistently, you learn pretty quick not to play 'games' and just state your intentions honestly. so i have to disagree with this one and say, 'fuck it'. at the end of your interaction, there's no harm in trying: she says no, she says no. don't let pride get in the way.
- respecting honesty (related to the above). actually this isn't something i've had much of a problem with. i've learned you can get away with A LOT if you state your intentions honestly, LOL.

I think a mytake dealing with how to navigate these common pitfalls would help men on here a LOT, because let's be honest

Thanks man, because this thread has helped me clarify some of my own pit falls and how to remedy them.

[the_rake]

one of the worst things is when you ask a girl's name and she says, "why?"

obviously, any further interaction is obviously going to be severely stunted if the two of us cannot talk on a first name basis.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah to your first point believe it or not most people can tell when someone is fake smiling. Women typically are better at it than men, and to me it makes things more creepy. I feel creepy trying to force a smile.

Yeah I understand, but hey the same could be said for a lot of things. It's still no excuse for her to be rude even if she didn't ask for you to be there. Politely declining a guy can still give a female her desired result. I've literally seen some women act more harsh when around their friends when they really didn't need to be that way.

This is true. There have been girls who have stared holes into me. Smiled at me. Looking away. Same things you described, but then when I confront them about it they just are like whatever and I'm thinking that they just saw me as attractive, but really didn't want anything from me. I think that's something that can be tough to understand. Some females don't want anything from you even if they are showing they are attracted.

[myTake Owner]

Disagree with the number game? How? I'm saying no matter who asks contact info should be exchanged. Even if you have to say randomly "Hey can I have your number?" It just would be nice though if women would take that same curtsy though. Often times it's the guy who has to figure out the girl's number. Just like approaching that's something girls hardly ever ask. Even less than approaching.

You're welcome.

[LittleSally]

This is as true as it is false for both genders...
It depends entirely on the person. The more personally you take that rejection, the harder things will be for you.

[myTake Owner]

Yes it can be for both genders, but if you went to part I this isn't about both genders... well it is but this is specifically talking about men approaching women and typically in that case it is the woman who does the rejecting. This isn't a general take. It's specific. Please read part I :)

[FatherJack]

Ladies , lets be honest , there are girls ( not women , as I do not consider them mature adults ) that make a sport of being as nasty as possible to any men that have the " affront " to approach them !! Ladies... this is precisely why a large proportion of men will NEVER approach you , saw this numerous times whilst working as door staff many years back. On the flip side cannot stand dickhead men that mistreat women as it's making women suffer & it gives ALL men a shitty rep.

[WolfsHowl]

Good take; most women don't know the responsibility of having a dick.

Just because women think they have it harder in life and dating, doesn't make it true.

[Anonymous]

Personaly i approached a girl once and never again, she laughed at me, and i have some kind of phobia what people say about me and gossip about me. After that i was like fuck it ill go gay or try to turn asexual or if i get lucky that some day girl approaches me.

[myTake Owner]

If it makes you feel better I've been approached by two girls.

[DarkHumorRUs]

I like how girls barely respond because they know they should change their ways.

[Kirah]

I don't really have much to respond to this. I already approach men, though it seems I'm pretty much alone on that.

[FatherJack]

@Kirah You are a rarity...& a smart cookie !! I notice you get female downvotes , just for telling the plain truth. Many people don't like me , because I'm direct & blunt , & I don't give a flying one !!

[DarkHumorRUs]

@FatherJack everyone thinks they're blunt

[myTake Owner]

Yeah they won't respond. If I ranted they would have, but because this is a logical take that makes sense they can't say shit.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Lol true that

[John_Doesnt]

Women are clearly evil and just want to hurt men's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Excellent just like part 1 was.

[Ihav2fart]

Disadvantage?
pfft no...

[myTake Owner]

If you feel you have to... I don't.

[babu_001]

This part is better than the first one.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks.