Why men must approach women

[esotericstory]

For a long time I thought that it wasn't necessary but now I know why men must approach women.

He isn't approaching them.

Many arguments exist. Hunter gatherer biological programming, testosterone, traditional gender roles, God made us this way, and so forth. I don't think any of these truly approach the primordial essence of why a man must approach a woman.

Little caveat here.

Nobody must essentially do anything. Humans have achieved a level of self awareness where its not obligated to answer to every biological imperative, or programming that exists inside of us.

A man's body without skin.

Now that being said, most people will respect most biological imperatives. Not only that but social imperatives as well.

For example, 99% of people respect other people's personal space.

If you want a relationship, chances are you are going to want to have a partner. Love might overtake you and you might have a baby with them (or not).

If you do, then the baby will come of the mother's vagina...

She then knows that its her kid, it comes from her body. Men on the other hand. They have a little special biological imperative if you will that most of the time they do want to adhere to.

Man's got no paternity confidence, all confidence went to God.

Paternity confidence.

Men must approach women because by doing so he gives a signal that he has thus far, enough confidence in her not to be a disgusting cheating bitch. Unlike some other men, who give lots of attention to promiscuous women, they are predisposed to be cucks.

I'm still going to have myself introduced to girls by a third party, this gives a more memorable impression than just approaching random women like men already do that too much.

[sean1234]

"I'm still going to have myself introduced to girls by a third party, this gives a more memorable impression than just approaching random women like men already do that too much."?

-A 3rd party like who? Who says I even know a third party?

[esotericstory]

Friends of friends.

[sean1234]

I dont have friends of friends or any friends

[Anonymous]

My mindset has changed a lot on this

[LVbrando85]

I'm literally in tears right now, I'm laughing so hard lmfao. That really took a turn for the worst!!! Lol.

- Anyway... the world has changed and so has the way women operate. Most men don't seem to realize this. Especially the younger guys. You all have it the worst lol. You come across scenarios like having to approach the girl you want while she's in a group. You'll catch her eye and she'll smile and give a signal, but she won't leave the group. So now you have to make an impression in front of a group of girls you don't know. (There's always 1 who has something mean to say lol) you just have to play it cool. If you don't impress at least 2 of them, you won't make the cut. Also, almost all women have male friends today and when they are out with friends, its tough to tell if they are a couple or not. So you are reluctant to approach. If they aren't a couple, you don't want to step on the other guys toes. He could be shooting his shot. (Or he could be friend zoned) if this is the case, he would most likely try to work against you in subtle ways. There are so many variables to consider. Ladies have made it tougher to date and don't even realize it.

-If you manage to make it past these scenarios, remember... Its essential to have standards but not expectations when meeting someone new. It has to be light hearted and carefree. In my opinion, the moment most women start to feel that you like them too much to soon or if you start expecting things or even assuming you're almost an item, she'll feel pressure and start becoming less and less available to hangout. If you're lucky enough to meet a straight forward woman who knows what she wants and lays it out in front of you, then this doesn't apply.

- I've always had luck infiltrating groups by getting chummy with the guys that are hanging out with a group of girls. Eventually they introduce you to everyone and you end up becoming the life of the party and bar hoping with them or going to grab a bite with the group and you get to see which girl you'd have the most in common with and go from there. It beats getting random numbers and crossing your fingers for a reply. You actually get to build a small foundation and the success rate is high if you have the confidence enough to pull off the infiltration. You have to be outgoing in this world today where almost everyone seems to be introverted and awkward lol. Its easier to stand out nowadays in my opinion!

[cth96190]

Or, the man can decide that women, as a collective, have made it too dangerous to approach them, so he goes home and masturbates instead.
For example, in Britain, an anti-catcalling law has been worded in a way that has made it a hate crime for a man to approach a woman.
Similar laws have been imposed in France and elsewhere.
Last year, a PUA who was making a video about cold approaching on the street was sentenced to two years in prison and put on the sex offenders register under this law.
https://www.BBC.com/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-50137960
Also in Britain, a 19-year-old student has been placed on the sex offenders register and is facing prison time because he approached a girl and touched her elbow. Because he touched her elbow, he was convicted of sexual assault.
This boy's life is over, because he is on the sex offenders register. He might as well neck himself.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7557947/Shy-awkward-student-19-faces-JAIL-sex-assault-conviction.html
Feminists are in the midst of a global campaign to have such laws imposed everywhere.
When a normal heterosexual approaches become Orwellian thought/hate crimes, intelligent men will simply not approach.
Enjoy all those nights alone, ladies. You can thank the Feminists.

[Chaipa]

lol ! but nights alone aren't for ladies only

[kim45456]

Cat calling is harassment period

[kim45456]

Cat calling and approaching someone is not the samething

[cth96190]

@kim45456
Under the catcalling law in Britain, approaching is the same thing.
The law is worded in such a broad way that just looking at a female can be an Orwellian hate crime.
The only way that men can protect themselves is to refuse to be anywhere that there are women, so far as that is possible.

[esotericstory]

approaching only women in your own environment, cold approaches are a modern thing anyway.

[kim45456]

You know women can cat call men too. So women can arrested too, not only men. I dont think you can be arrested by aproaching someone. If you talk to a woman/man in a nice way, why should be that illegal.

[kim45456]

This 19 years old boy probably harrassed her and I also heard that she is underage

[esotericstory]

@kim45456 I think you are suffering from implicit biases that prevent you from understanding that the legal system is prejudiced against men. This is because the legal system is accountable to feminist grass roots movements, and men dont anything like that.

[kim45456]

There is a law that says everyone is equal regardless of gender. So if a girl cat call you and the police dont do anything, you should report this police too.

[Screenwriter]

As long as you are not HARASSING someone with your approach... meaning... if the woman moves away from you, says no, insists you stop bothering her... well THEN you've broken the law. Guys hooting at women? That's just ape behavior. Gotta ignore it. Seems excessive there is a law about that. Unless they're using offensive language... I don't see why it needs to be illegal. You can't legislate proper manners. Is a guy who says, "Ooooo baby!" as a woman walks by a catcaller? That's ridiculous. Is a woman who says, "Honey, you look good in that suit," a catcaller? This has gone too far overboard. I told a man in walmart the other day how nice he looked to be shopping. I wasn't hitting on him or harassing him. It was early on a Sunday morning and the few people shopping were all dressed casual, but fashionably. I was struck by it and I commented. We've got to not be afraid to speak to people and have human and humorous interactions. Sexy is a thing. We all see it and note it. IT's OK to say it within bounds.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

It actually makes me very furious reading. I wish the boy can get his life back and every person/group pushing for Orwellianism and those rooting the idea, will finally be given a taste of their own.

[kim45456]

@UncleJessieRabbit just stop cat calling or comitting any crime

[Bandit74]

Well I must admit this is the first time I have ever heard that argument for why men should make the first move. That being said I don't see the logic in it. I would think that a woman who pursues a man has a stronger desire/attraction for that man than for one who had to pursue her first. The fact you are pursuing her means that you want her more than she wants you/you see more value in her than she sees in you and that you have to work to convince her that her first instincts about you are wrong. So if it was all about picking the woman least likely to cheat on you and make you a cuck I would think dating women that pursues you rather than a women who you had to chase/win over would be a better strategy.

The real reason men have to make the first move is that the average woman is more desirable to men than the average man is to women. So if you are an average or below average man you are unlikely to be approached by many women and are probably going to remain alone unless you make the first move and try to convince whatever girl you're interested in that you aren't worthless.

[esotericstory]

Approach is not necessarily chasing or pursuing.

[peachyknees]

I don't think people - no matter the gender - should be afraid of approaching whomever they like. There isn't anything wrong about going after what catches your attention, as long as the approach is respectful.
When I was in my early 20's, a lady friend of mine told me something that really struck me - she said something along these lines: ”Well, as I was prowling around him (a guy she liked), trying to get his attention, he started seeing someone else”. That's why I think you gotta seize the opportunity, no matter if you are M or F.

[esotericstory]

I never endorse cold approaches, only people you already know.

[Anonymous]

Not a bad take. Yeah, I get it, the man is typically expected to approach. I'm good looking and have a great personality but...

Beleive or not, height has a lot to do with this. Yeah, height, lol. You see, I'm only 5 foot 8. Maaaybe 5 foot nine with certain shoes/boots. A guy like me just can't approach a woman in a public setting and expect to be taken seriously.

Especially if she's with a group of friends. They will pause for a second, then start laughing. Then, as soon as you leave they will start making jokes about how you probably have a micro penis and need to use a booster seat at the local steakhouse.

Happened to me once :(

But yeah, I suppose a dude should be able to approach. Women want to be able to know that you can take charge and own her feminine little pussy any time you want. Especially in bed. Women love it when you talk dirty to them while your deep inside dem sugar walls (srs).

They love fantasizing about about the first time you met and how you took the initiative to make her yours. They love the feeling of your thick meat filling them up while you embrace your naked bodies together, snuggling your feet against hers, kissing her passionately and whispering naughty shit in her ear as you diligently fuck her.

Then all of a sudden it hits her , yes!!!

Yess!!! You are a real man!.

And a real man asks his woman out. No matter how many failures he may have previously faced. Buck the fuck up men!

We have a cock n balls for a reason ja feel?

I know this was weird as fuuuuuk, but I'm high as fuk right now so cut me a break k? Thanks.

[ragequeen]

Regardless of gender, if you want something, go for it and get it. Don`t wait for it to come to you, or you might miss out. Sometimes guys overlook potential partners because of (girl`s) shyness. I think if girls put themselves out there more, there would be a lot more happy men. Also, if a girl approaches a guy, it will go faster for the guy when figuring out if she is girlfriend material or not. Is she invested? Will she offer to pay? Is she loyal? Often, when guys approach women, women will pretend to act interested for a while to take advantage of a few luxuries (men paying for dates, receiving regular attention, compliments, gifts, etc.)

I honestly do not think it matters who approaches who. I approached my boyfriend online and we are happy together. He never would have gone for me if I never messaged him because I tend to be shy and a bit closed. I would have missed out!

[Nades]

Then there’s girls who don’t even text at all. Like I understand it’s a big shot to the ego to text a guy but come on lmfao. We have woman complaining about gender wage gaps but don’t have the balls to text men because some fear rejection.

[Interstate]

I'm a believer that "Don't wait for it or it will get away" is just a line for saying that it wasn't meant to happen in the long run.

[Screenwriter]

Comment on your final statement. I too think approaching random women to attempt relationships is a receipe for failure. At least with local online dating or meetups, you find out what you have in common and start from some sort of "base," and can meet in person easily. Desperate men do "scattershot" approaches. These men probably aren't very bright and probably have not had success in work, dating, communication or all of the former. So their mating strategies are as flawed as all other strategies they use in life.

[KeziL]

Noo I’d say guys who go for online dating are the ones that have had less success in life. Pretty much anyone can make themself look good online; to approach a woman and be able to communicate that you are confident, successful, attractive, and charismatic takes a lot more of a man. It’s easier to meet up in person if you’ve actually met the person before, rather than built up an idea of them online that may or may not be accurate.

[Screenwriter]

@KeziL I'm not talking about ENDLESS online dating with someone who lives 100+ miles away and can't meet you and on and on. I'm talking about chatting with someone online for a few weeks and meeting and dating them. I think that's the only way to use online dating. As another method of sifting through who might be appropriate. Then meeting them to see if it works.

[KeziL]

Nah because the ones who had to turn to online dating in the first place (tinder etc) are the ones who couldn’t get meet-in-person dating to work. at least with younger guys, online daters are the last people I’d want to be in a relationship with. I don't know about older people, maybe that gets to be the only way you can meet someone new.

[lightbulb27]

@KeziL I agree with your points. the one value I see to online is the ability of a system to match people on attributes and sheer numbers to find the qualtiies you like, rather than randomly walking around finding. But it appears to not work so well..

[Darknut]

@lightbulb27 can't approach with the me too and zero tolerance harrassment laws and policies it seems these days. Its not a problem if you have good looks, but you aren't exactly Brad Pitt, then you'll get reported believe me.

[lightbulb27]

@Darknut I hear you, but not true. It seems that way, but I've done this many times. It is the man's energy they are reading. Females are emotional (primarily/generally)... the see the wrold through emotional eyes... they are looking for that energy. Show up as creepy/negative/needy... they will want you out of their space. Show up positive, giving, your best self, projecting masculine confidence with good conversation and possibly seductive masculine, you'll have lots of good engagements. It's that simple. Trust me... I bombed for like 35 years... I'm experienced in failure and that is how I learned. Eventually a "fisherman" learns how to catch the fish he wants... The problem is we as men have terrible support enviornments, and we run from facing our own challenges... and so squander many opportunities due to poor development and skills. Not projecting on you, talking about myself, but I see it in others.

[Darknut]

@lightbulb27 no one understands it seems to they. You think women would flock to a shy mysterious type person. Want to know more about him etc.

[Screenwriter]

@Darknut It's according to what kind of woman it is. If it's a can do, assertive woman, she might enjoy a quiet guy who is otherwise interesting if she draws him out. I know I've known quite a few quiet guys who turned out to like me after several encounters and we found we had same senses of humor and we meshed. In fact, after getting to know them they were as brash as I was, just had to get past that safety shield...

[lightbulb27]

@Darknut most would not flock to a "dark" person or mysterious. but if you got one or two interested, the rest would follow. they tend to operate by group security... like a flock of gazelles or birds. the challenge is convincing someone you are safe, even a guy, then they get comfortable and will converse. it's social dynamics. But in general... a guy goes to a bar depressed and looking like the devil, most women are going to run the other way unless they are a saint... in a bar...

[Darknut]

Well where I live its small town. Nobody ever leaves etc. So everybody knows everybodies business... hence thats why I'm on here far better quality on the net than locals and their dramas... trouble is women I observe, tend to view a guy even inncously approaching a woman via either post or message creepy. there's no other way to do it. I'm not sure what the issue is. Nobody is willing put in the other 50 and try it seems.

[lightbulb27]

@Darknut interesting. I can see that, help to see the dynamic, but with small town... limited possibilities. I still think "energy" has a lot to do with it, but it doesn't solve "options". Well... there's lots of girls in other countries that would mingle in a second. as long as you can travel.

[Screenwriter]

@Darknut Well some folks are unerringly tradiitional, some lazy. If you run into folks like that, you're out of luck. I've always tried to put energy in relationships. Sometimes I don't put in an equal amount. Sometimes I put in more... It's according to where I am in my personal life.

[Screenwriter]

@lightbulb27 That women from other countries option is a dangerous one. Those women are seeking to get to the US. They'll put on any type of show to get there. And most likely will divorce those men after they've gotten what they want. Look at Trump. A prime example of that scenario. Men who choose that path rush into those relationships because they spend limited time with such women through traveling to meet them. Unless you can do regular dating with such women, it''s a high risk scenario to get mail order brides... There are foreign women HERE you can meet and date. At least you could see them regularly to more honestly get to know them.

[lightbulb27]

I definitely would have my "caution" flag up with anything long distance and over seas. But I know a guy who met a philipino online, married, she came her, they have child, worked out great. Said he wished he'd done that way sooner and not waste time here. He wasn't one of the high demand males... just a decent guy on average income. but it met her needs as well. They do want to get out, which creates the match.
Trump... he seemed to do ok with Melania? What am I missing? doesn't count, he has $$$$$.
I think women being motivated, maybe it could work...
Ditto for women... they take huge risk going over seas... some being ensnarled in bad situations.

We need more decent humans, honesty, trust systems...

[KeziL]

That went a different direction than I expected but alright, I’ll take it. My only question (and I’m not trying to discredit what you said I’m just frustrated with my own life) is how do you get confidence that a man who approaches you is not a cheater? In the last few months I’ve had TWO men approach me, give the positive signals, consistently take the initiative to move the relationship forward and make it seem like it could be real, only for me to find out after a few weeks that they’ve already got some other long-term girlfriend squirreled away that they’ve neglected to tell me about.

[esotericstory]

Well women also have their own ways I guess.

[Honestyyy]

Ok here's the thing the guys that aproach girls are the men that only apreciate your look and want sex from you for the satisfaction if they dont get it fast or realize you want a relationship they are going to leave and most of those guys already talk to many girls

[fashionguy17]

Cool take. But, men DON'T need to approach women. I think that if men approach women, they are chasing. When I was in my early 20s, that was me. I was approaching women, "chasing them" and trying to be that masculine manly man. It's a waste of time.

I'll be 30 this year, and I've learned so much about myself, about being a man about women over the years. I don't think men should focus so much on trying to meet women. Men need to focus on themselves and learn to grow and prosper without any expectations of meeting women. That is how you attract women.

It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman. We are all adults here. An adult shouldn't be afraid to talk to another adult, regardless of gender. With a lot of the women I have met over the years, once I stopped chasing, I met them casually. Could be in line at a coffee shop and without thinking, I just make casual conversation.

A lot of men force things and it's best to let thing work out naturally.

[Screenwriter]

Though I'm older, as a young woman I met and spoke to men about college classes and over homework... If you're not in college it might be over sports or gaming or a mutual interest. Just chatting to someone in line at the coffee shop... Someone you've seen in your neighborhood.. At the car wash talking about your cars... So many opportunities that aren't forced.

[Tideo568]

I remember when I used to chase guys in 9th grade , my parents would call me ,'' cheap'' and say stuff ,'' like '' boys should chase you.'' i guess this is biology because I can not find any other reason this would be so pathetic to them. Also boys do not like it either. I notice that girls at my school who couldn't care less , get boyfriends and desperate ones are the butt of jokes in the boys locker room. Boys may say they want a yandere girl drooling all over them and fights constantly for them , but always end up chooseing the hot casual girls.

[supercutebutt]

Donald Trump approached women while he was already married. This made him a thot. He is for sure the thirstiest ho president America has ever had.

So thirsty!

[Lman3000]

Thing is you can do all that, except one little thing ya aren't guaranteed shit and never will be, I've been up front and tried my best in trying to get the girl I want, End of the day, Jack shit happens and I'm just forgotten and the girl I want just picks someone better looking than me, World is full shit heads and stuck up shallow dickheads who just focus on looks alone, FUCK dating and fuck having crushes shit never goes the way you think it could even with effort put into it you'll just crash and burn and be miserable

[MzAsh]

Interesting perspective. Also I think men approaching gives them the incentive to pursue women wisely. When they know that it’s their time, money, and effort they are putting forth to pursue women, they’ll be more likely to choose women who they actually like and are compatible with, instead of just trying to bang the empty headed hot chick with big tits then whine that she ghosted him for a hotter man.

[FriedPickles1218]

This. I also think a lot of guys have a terrible read on which wonen would and would not be into them. I myself am very good at telling which girls/women would respond well to me and which ones wouldn't give me the time of day. To many dudes just go for the gusto.

[Snakeyes7]

@MzAsh I can see why approaching shows confidence but I don’t think it guarantees that the woman he decides to approach would be the wisest choice. Isn’t that what dating is for?

That’s why for the first date, I always do Starbucks or something because it weeds out the ones who just want a free meal who could also be infested with many other red flags. Even if I detect some red flags make it past that filter or she ghosts me I wouldn’t have thrown a lot of money on an obviously bad investment. Someone who is serious would understand my motives in doing this and would enjoy dates to better places the more we connect and get along.

[MzAsh]

I can’t argue that strategy. It’s the same reason why women are wise to hold off on sexual activity for a while until she knows he’s willing to mentally and emotionally invest in her other than just trying to get laid.

[Snakeyes7]

I agree with that too.

[chrissykerdock]

I find it a turn off if it's calculated... I really do feel it should be a 2 way or meeting half way with the guys do the asking... you know if a girl is interested she's going to give signals or give the go ahead sign so it's not all 1 sided as you think... of course there's a time and place to approach women.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"I really do feel it should be a 2 way or meeting half way with the guys do the asking"
"so it's not all 1 sided as you think"
... but let's be clear, that is still one sided.

[SamtheDnDgirl]

I approached my current boyfriend. Told him that I liked him and I even offered to pay for the first date.

[Honestyyy]

You are legendary

[DJZest]

@Honestyyy So are u

[yann-47]

I like your behaviour, there must be more woman like you 🙏

[SamtheDnDgirl]

@yann-47 There are. I can't believe I'm the only one who's done that.

[nelly83]

I think that approaching strangers is really the most overrated, UNEFFECTIVE the way to find your soulmate. Its just the result of watching way too many tv shows, commercials and movies.

[ChiTown33]

I know what you mean. That's why i have the standard form. "do you like me, would you like to get to know me. Check this box: box 1 " yes" box 2 " no". That i pass out to every woman in tbe room at the beginning of the night and go around picking rhem up a half hr. Later. Then i collate them and go to work. It's just a time saver.

[nelly83]

@ChiTown33 that's not the reason. hitting on total strangers who you have absolutely nothing in common with is kinda like playing the lottery. You have no clue who she is, she might be my soulmate or we might have nothing in common or she might end up being disgusting. physical attraction is NOT the key to a successful relationship.

[nelly83]

@ChiTown33 From my experience, the best, most successful dates I've been on were the ones who I got to know them and establish some sort of attraction before asking them out.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"kinda like playing the lottery"
Yes, but it's a choice between being in the lottery with a small chance or not being in it and having no chance, and the more you play the higher the chance over it will work in the long term. It might not be pretty but it's the reality we're forced into. I doubt that's going to magically change.

"From my experience, the best, most successful dates I've been on were the ones who I got to know them and establish some sort of attraction before asking them out."
Compare the relative investment of both action. You can spend months with a person and have a 10% chance of something good or you can take 1 minute and have a 1% chance of something good.
Sure taking the time may have a better chance, but it's a taxing investment. Of course you would promote the taxing investment because you're not in a position where you're made to do these things.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

- and it's a little different on the other side.

[Steiner001]

@nelly83 you are probably the only one who can attract me to write blogs on sites other than mal... i mean, why are each and every of your opinions focus on the negative aspect of the subject?

[Though you might have guessed from our previous conversations just how incompatible we are... but i still ask... curiosity makes people do strange things]

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz I can see that you cannot understand where I'm coming from. I will explain it to you this way: When you ask someone that you already like out, your chances of a successful date is very high. When you're going out with a complete stranger, you have no clue who the hell she is or if she even has what you need in a woman. You do not know if you both have any common interests, what her personality is truly like. Thus, you are much more likely to go on an UNSUCCESSFUL date. You are much more likely to waste your time going out with 15 different women before you find 1 that you have something in common with.

Having a successful relationship with the right partner is all about compatibility and personality which sustains a relationship. Physical attraction is not what sustains a long term relationship. If you want to stop breaking up, go for what would actually sustain romance.

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz I have went out on so many dates with strangers or guys I've met at bars. I have fell for none of them at all. The reason is I had no reason to go out with them, in the first place. If I have no attraction to a guy before he asks me out, its unlikely that I will form romantic feelings for him after first date. I get to know the guy on a much deeper level before I ask him out.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Oh I understand exactly where you're coming from. You just reiterated everything I just said. Except where you fell short was that finding that 1 person you have something in common with doesn't necessitate that anything is going to happen there either. You might waste your time going out with 15 different women, but you can also waste your time trying to make progress with 1 for an even longer period.

"If I have no attraction to a guy before he asks me out, its unlikely that I will form romantic feelings for him after first date."
We've already established that the chances are low, that's not the point. The point is that we have to seize what opportunities we can, because the only thing that guarantees zero chance is inaction.

[Screenwriter]

Might not be THE key, but it is A key. If a person's looks do NOTHING for you, you're not going to be interested no matter what else they have... I saw a show a while ago that had a lineup for about six men. A man who was five foot five, has a list of great interests, was good looking, and was advertised as a MULTIMILLIONAIRE, got NO takers... A jobless good looking guy who was six feet tall had a better chance. So it weighs heavily in some cases...

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz The reason why people break up or have so many unsuccessful relationsihps is because they look for love in all the wrong places. When you go to a bar to hit on hot guys, you are really just picking your partners based on lust. If I know I like funny guys and I go to comedy clubs, there is a much much higher chance that I would walk out of that place with a long term boyfriend than if you were to hit on a total stranger. At the bar, its really a hit or miss. Its like playing the lottery. Its all based on luck. It simply is NOT effective.

It takes a lot of compatibility for a marriage to work which is why you need to search for partners based on similar hobbies, a certain type of personality.
You can even ask your friends if they know someone with a specific type of personality and they can introduce you to them.

[nelly83]

@Screenwriter Looks will always be a factor in the process. But in our superficial society, people think that better looks means a more successful relationship. They do not realize that looks cannot sustain love or a successful long term relationship. This is why so many folks sleep with each other on second dates, break up after 3 months, relationships that go nowhere. Believe it or not, looks may matter initially but it really won't count to the overall satisfaction of the relationship after the first couple of months. When you are with someone just due to lust, things will simply not work out. And you are just wasting your time.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

“If I know I like funny guys and I go to comedy clubs, there is a much much higher chance that I would walk out of that place with a long term boyfriend”
Again, we’ve established that the chances are low. Yeah, the chances might be better in a comedy club, that’s still approaching strangers. It’s still seizing opportunities when there are attractive women around you.

“Its like playing the lottery. Its all based on luck. It simply is NOT effective.”
Same goes for investing in a singular person. We have to jump on whatever opportunities we have, be they stranger’s in a comedy club or co-workers, peers, friends, whatever.

“It takes a lot of compatibility for a marriage to work which is why you need to search for partners based on similar hobbies, a certain type of personality.”
And as a guy, you have to look for whatever comes your way because you’re demanded to play the active role. It’s on a guy to make things happen. If you see an attractive women in a comedy club then you can try to make something happen or you can guarantee failure by doing nothing.

“You can even ask your friends if they know someone with a specific type of personality and they can introduce you to them.”
Yep, same thing, seize opportunities.

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz You sound like you agree but you like to argue for the sake of arguing. Well yea, guys are gonna have to do the approaching if you have standards that are high as fuck. You can only get the women you want if you approach them. The hottest women in the room are not gonna approach you. Every guy is trying to sleep with them already.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Sounds like you're changing your position and agreeing with me that approaching strangers is perfectly reasonable, or rather, necessary when seriously looking for a connection, and it's the reality thrust upon men.

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz I never said meeting new people was a bad thing. I just said approaching people at all the wrong places was the INEFFECTIVE thing to do. Learn to read effectively.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"Learn to read effectively."
"I think that approaching strangers is really the most overrated, UNEFFECTIVE the way to find your soulmate."
I think I read this quite effectively.
My point was to illustrate the situation that men are put into and what it necessitates they do.
It doesn't matter if it's less effective in some ways, because it's also more efficient in other ways and that's the reality women box men into when men are seeking a connection from them.

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz I think you are just looking for an unnecessary immature fight. You understood very well what I meant. You just wanted to create a false misunderstanding out of nowhere because you wanted a big fight. I am smart enough to see through you like a glass jar. You came into this conversation with words laced with underlying hostility.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

You spoke as if it was something guys shouldn't do. I disagreed with that and spoke the truth of the matter, you don't seem to disagree but at the same time you want to complain about it as if they're making the wrong choice. If you want to interpret that as hostility then fine, you do you, but hostility still wouldn't invalidate reality anyway.

[Steiner001]

@AllThatSweetJazz don't argue with her bro... Remember-

"It's hard to debate and win from a smart opponent, but it is impossible to win from an idiotic one"

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz you knew there was no misunderstanding of any sort. You just wanted to create a fight. I’m not gonna fight with you over nothing. You’re the one with the mental illness here not me

[nelly83]

Actually the most relationship that end up in marriages are referrals from friends. Your friends know your personality inside out so they know who would be compatible for you. Again this reinforces my point that love and a success relationship is ultimately all about compatibility and personality.

[nelly83]

@Steiner001 it’s always the trolls who have nothing of substance to say other than name calling and false blaming.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

@Steiner001 That's why I prefer to think of it as arguing for an audience. It's difficult to make people budge from their entrenched positions, but it's worth presenting a case anyway for the sake of anyone reading along.

@nelly83
"Actually the most relationship that end up in marriages are referrals from friends."
"Again this reinforces my point that love and a success relationship is ultimately all about compatibility and personality."
I'm not disagreeing with any of that in the slightest, so unless you're trying to argue that people should never approach anyone unless introduced through a friend first then I don't see what that has to do with anything here.

"it’s always the trolls who have nothing of substance to say other than name calling and false blaming."
Well then isn't it just beautifully ironic that the only person who has done any name calling is you implying I'm a troll and call me mentally ill.

[nelly83]

@AllThatSweetJazz Nobody cares about what you have to say. Go waste someone else’s time.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"Nobody cares about what you have to say."
I know you would *love* for that to be the case, but that's for others to decide.

When someone's argumentation is reduced to "Nobody cares about what you have to say" that's when we know they're out of ammunition. My work is done.

@Steiner001 See? I think that was a positive outcome in the end.

[Anonymous]

Not true, first of all, not all the prehistoric humans were hunters... some men were shamans, witch doctors, cave painters, root pickers etc.

Second of all, women have testosterone too, just like men also have estrogen - Generalization isn't gonna work in here, yeah, most men have more testosterone than women (but not all men have lots of that hormone), while most women have more estrogen than men (but not all women have lots of it).

Third of all, traditional gender roles are just a social construct.
God doesn't exist... but don't forget that some cultures had a Goddess as a supreme deity.

Paternity confidence? LOL, there are medical tests for that, for those men who are that much insecure... if you have a good wife, you don't need to be afraid of cheating.

[esotericstory]

Yeah true, but like in ancient rome men withdrew socially because of too low paternity confidence in the culture. in late classical antiquity.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, true, Roman society became decadent with time, and that's what caused their men to start withdrawing socially... unfortunately, we have similar situation in the modern world.

[esotericstory]

Yes, exactly my thoughts on it.

[Interstate]

I don't deal with women who wait for men to make every move. If you have a desire and know the man does too, stop waiting for him to make all the moves an approach HIM. If the two come compatible, relationships are all about communication and 110% on both sides. It is time to start working on YOUR 110% NOW. Good Luck!!!

[MissDawn7961]

sweet photo ! men need to approach / make the first move on a woman they are interested in to prove to the woman that the man is not a coward ! that he is man enough to take care of the woman incase she is being abused. raped or being robbed too ! If the man is a coward / wimp or shows he can not protect a woman then nine times out of 10 he will not get a girlfriend / wife unless she takes self defense lessons and can defend her man and family against would be thugs and such ! thanks

[Stephen_77]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xKGgglnO78

[yann-47]

Sorry but that a bit an old way of thinking

[Rei02]

In the end, it is just a genetic and generational programing about the gender roles where the man needs to have the active role and the woman the passive one.

However, there is a traditional values and mores vs society changes where the women are more independent and can have a more active role.

[yann-47]

I don't agree!