Why men must approach women


For a long time I thought that it wasn't necessary but now I know why men must approach women.

He isnt approaching them.
He isn't approaching them.

Many arguments exist. Hunter gatherer biological programming, testosterone, traditional gender roles, God made us this way, and so forth. I don't think any of these truly approach the primordial essence of why a man must approach a woman.

Little caveat here.

Nobody must essentially do anything. Humans have achieved a level of self awareness where its not obligated to answer to every biological imperative, or programming that exists inside of us.

A mans body without skin.
A man's body without skin.

Now that being said, most people will respect most biological imperatives. Not only that but social imperatives as well.

For example, 99% of people respect other people's personal space.

If you want a relationship, chances are you are going to want to have a partner. Love might overtake you and you might have a baby with them (or not).

If you do, then the baby will come of the mother's vagina...

She then knows that its her kid, it comes from her body. Men on the other hand. They have a little special biological imperative if you will that most of the time they do want to adhere to.

Mans got no paternity confidence, all confidence went to God.
Man's got no paternity confidence, all confidence went to God.

Paternity confidence.

Men must approach women because by doing so he gives a signal that he has thus far, enough confidence in her not to be a disgusting cheating bitch. Unlike some other men, who give lots of attention to promiscuous women, they are predisposed to be cucks.

I'm still going to have myself introduced to girls by a third party, this gives a more memorable impression than just approaching random women like men already do that too much.

Why men must approach women
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Most Helpful Guys

  • sean1234
    "I'm still going to have myself introduced to girls by a third party, this gives a more memorable impression than just approaching random women like men already do that too much."?

    -A 3rd party like who? Who says I even know a third party?
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    My mindset has changed a lot on this
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • cth96190
    Or, the man can decide that women, as a collective, have made it too dangerous to approach them, so he goes home and masturbates instead.
    For example, in Britain, an anti-catcalling law has been worded in a way that has made it a hate crime for a man to approach a woman.
    Similar laws have been imposed in France and elsewhere.
    Last year, a PUA who was making a video about cold approaching on the street was sentenced to two years in prison and put on the sex offenders register under this law.
    Also in Britain, a 19-year-old student has been placed on the sex offenders register and is facing prison time because he approached a girl and touched her elbow. Because he touched her elbow, he was convicted of sexual assault.
    This boy's life is over, because he is on the sex offenders register. He might as well neck himself.
    Feminists are in the midst of a global campaign to have such laws imposed everywhere.
    When a normal heterosexual approaches become Orwellian thought/hate crimes, intelligent men will simply not approach.
    Enjoy all those nights alone, ladies. You can thank the Feminists.
    Like 4 People
    • Chaipa

      lol ! but nights alone aren't for ladies only

    • kim45456

      Cat calling is harassment period

    • kim45456

      Cat calling and approaching someone is not the samething

    • Show All
  • peachyknees
    I don't think people - no matter the gender - should be afraid of approaching whomever they like. There isn't anything wrong about going after what catches your attention, as long as the approach is respectful.
    When I was in my early 20's, a lady friend of mine told me something that really struck me - she said something along these lines: ”Well, as I was prowling around him (a guy she liked), trying to get his attention, he started seeing someone else”. That's why I think you gotta seize the opportunity, no matter if you are M or F.
    Like 12 People
    • I never endorse cold approaches, only people you already know.

  • nelly83
    I think that approaching strangers is really the most overrated, UNEFFECTIVE the way to find your soulmate. Its just the result of watching way too many tv shows, commercials and movies.
    LikeDisagree 12 People
    • ChiTown33

      I know what you mean. That's why i have the standard form. "do you like me, would you like to get to know me. Check this box: box 1 " yes" box 2 " no". That i pass out to every woman in tbe room at the beginning of the night and go around picking rhem up a half hr. Later. Then i collate them and go to work. It's just a time saver.

    • nelly83

      @ChiTown33 that's not the reason. hitting on total strangers who you have absolutely nothing in common with is kinda like playing the lottery. You have no clue who she is, she might be my soulmate or we might have nothing in common or she might end up being disgusting. physical attraction is NOT the key to a successful relationship.

    • nelly83

      @ChiTown33 From my experience, the best, most successful dates I've been on were the ones who I got to know them and establish some sort of attraction before asking them out.

    • Show All
  • LVbrando85
    I'm literally in tears right now, I'm laughing so hard lmfao. That really took a turn for the worst!!! Lol.

    - Anyway... the world has changed and so has the way women operate. Most men don't seem to realize this. Especially the younger guys. You all have it the worst lol. You come across scenarios like having to approach the girl you want while she's in a group. You'll catch her eye and she'll smile and give a signal, but she won't leave the group. So now you have to make an impression in front of a group of girls you don't know. (There's always 1 who has something mean to say lol) you just have to play it cool. If you don't impress at least 2 of them, you won't make the cut. Also, almost all women have male friends today and when they are out with friends, its tough to tell if they are a couple or not. So you are reluctant to approach. If they aren't a couple, you don't want to step on the other guys toes. He could be shooting his shot. (Or he could be friend zoned) if this is the case, he would most likely try to work against you in subtle ways. There are so many variables to consider. Ladies have made it tougher to date and don't even realize it.

    -If you manage to make it past these scenarios, remember... Its essential to have standards but not expectations when meeting someone new. It has to be light hearted and carefree. In my opinion, the moment most women start to feel that you like them too much to soon or if you start expecting things or even assuming you're almost an item, she'll feel pressure and start becoming less and less available to hangout. If you're lucky enough to meet a straight forward woman who knows what she wants and lays it out in front of you, then this doesn't apply.

    - I've always had luck infiltrating groups by getting chummy with the guys that are hanging out with a group of girls. Eventually they introduce you to everyone and you end up becoming the life of the party and bar hoping with them or going to grab a bite with the group and you get to see which girl you'd have the most in common with and go from there. It beats getting random numbers and crossing your fingers for a reply. You actually get to build a small foundation and the success rate is high if you have the confidence enough to pull off the infiltration. You have to be outgoing in this world today where almost everyone seems to be introverted and awkward lol. Its easier to stand out nowadays in my opinion!
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • SamtheDnDgirl
    I approached my current boyfriend. Told him that I liked him and I even offered to pay for the first date.
    Like 10 People
  • MzAsh
    Interesting perspective. Also I think men approaching gives them the incentive to pursue women wisely. When they know that it’s their time, money, and effort they are putting forth to pursue women, they’ll be more likely to choose women who they actually like and are compatible with, instead of just trying to bang the empty headed hot chick with big tits then whine that she ghosted him for a hotter man.
    LikeDisagree 7 People
    • This. I also think a lot of guys have a terrible read on which wonen would and would not be into them. I myself am very good at telling which girls/women would respond well to me and which ones wouldn't give me the time of day. To many dudes just go for the gusto.

    • Snakeyes7

      @MzAsh I can see why approaching shows confidence but I don’t think it guarantees that the woman he decides to approach would be the wisest choice. Isn’t that what dating is for?

      That’s why for the first date, I always do Starbucks or something because it weeds out the ones who just want a free meal who could also be infested with many other red flags. Even if I detect some red flags make it past that filter or she ghosts me I wouldn’t have thrown a lot of money on an obviously bad investment. Someone who is serious would understand my motives in doing this and would enjoy dates to better places the more we connect and get along.

    • MzAsh

      I can’t argue that strategy. It’s the same reason why women are wise to hold off on sexual activity for a while until she knows he’s willing to mentally and emotionally invest in her other than just trying to get laid.

    • Show All
  • chrissykerdock
    I find it a turn off if it's calculated... I really do feel it should be a 2 way or meeting half way with the guys do the asking... you know if a girl is interested she's going to give signals or give the go ahead sign so it's not all 1 sided as you think... of course there's a time and place to approach women.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • "I really do feel it should be a 2 way or meeting half way with the guys do the asking"
      "so it's not all 1 sided as you think"
      ... but let's be clear, that is still one sided.

  • Bandit74
    Well I must admit this is the first time I have ever heard that argument for why men should make the first move. That being said I don't see the logic in it. I would think that a woman who pursues a man has a stronger desire/attraction for that man than for one who had to pursue her first. The fact you are pursuing her means that you want her more than she wants you/you see more value in her than she sees in you and that you have to work to convince her that her first instincts about you are wrong. So if it was all about picking the woman least likely to cheat on you and make you a cuck I would think dating women that pursues you rather than a women who you had to chase/win over would be a better strategy.

    The real reason men have to make the first move is that the average woman is more desirable to men than the average man is to women. So if you are an average or below average man you are unlikely to be approached by many women and are probably going to remain alone unless you make the first move and try to convince whatever girl you're interested in that you aren't worthless.
  • supercutebutt
    Donald Trump approached women while he was already married. This made him a thot. He is for sure the thirstiest ho president America has ever had.
    So thirsty!
    So thirsty!
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Interstate
    I don't deal with women who wait for men to make every move. If you have a desire and know the man does too, stop waiting for him to make all the moves an approach HIM. If the two come compatible, relationships are all about communication and 110% on both sides. It is time to start working on YOUR 110% NOW. Good Luck!!!
    Like 1 Person
  • MissDawn7961
    sweet photo ! men need to approach / make the first move on a woman they are interested in to prove to the woman that the man is not a coward ! that he is man enough to take care of the woman incase she is being abused. raped or being robbed too ! If the man is a coward / wimp or shows he can not protect a woman then nine times out of 10 he will not get a girlfriend / wife unless she takes self defense lessons and can defend her man and family against would be thugs and such ! thanks
    LikeDisagree 8 People
  • PurpleStorm
    Why men must approach womenOk, no skin, but where is his fat and penis?
    LikeDisagree 5 People
  • ragequeen
    Regardless of gender, if you want something, go for it and get it. Don`t wait for it to come to you, or you might miss out. Sometimes guys overlook potential partners because of (girl`s) shyness. I think if girls put themselves out there more, there would be a lot more happy men. Also, if a girl approaches a guy, it will go faster for the guy when figuring out if she is girlfriend material or not. Is she invested? Will she offer to pay? Is she loyal? Often, when guys approach women, women will pretend to act interested for a while to take advantage of a few luxuries (men paying for dates, receiving regular attention, compliments, gifts, etc.)

    I honestly do not think it matters who approaches who. I approached my boyfriend online and we are happy together. He never would have gone for me if I never messaged him because I tend to be shy and a bit closed. I would have missed out!
    Like 7 People
    • Nades

      Then there’s girls who don’t even text at all. Like I understand it’s a big shot to the ego to text a guy but come on lmfao. We have woman complaining about gender wage gaps but don’t have the balls to text men because some fear rejection.

    • I'm a believer that "Don't wait for it or it will get away" is just a line for saying that it wasn't meant to happen in the long run.

  • KeziL
    That went a different direction than I expected but alright, I’ll take it. My only question (and I’m not trying to discredit what you said I’m just frustrated with my own life) is how do you get confidence that a man who approaches you is not a cheater? In the last few months I’ve had TWO men approach me, give the positive signals, consistently take the initiative to move the relationship forward and make it seem like it could be real, only for me to find out after a few weeks that they’ve already got some other long-term girlfriend squirreled away that they’ve neglected to tell me about.
    Like 2 People
    • Well women also have their own ways I guess.

    • Honestyyy

      Ok here's the thing the guys that aproach girls are the men that only apreciate your look and want sex from you for the satisfaction if they dont get it fast or realize you want a relationship they are going to leave and most of those guys already talk to many girls

  • Rei02
    In the end, it is just a genetic and generational programing about the gender roles where the man needs to have the active role and the woman the passive one.

    However, there is a traditional values and mores vs society changes where the women are more independent and can have a more active role.
    Disagree 2 People
  • DonCachondo
    I was hoping to be impressed... but now I'm only disappointed. Imagine the crux of any insight coming down to cucks.
    Like 2 People
    • Lol, well there is some biology to it I guess. I mean, men who didn't care their partners cheat on them didn't get to reproduce as much, or at all.

  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    Kinda undermined your entire argument in the last paragraph. Also you seem to conflate approaching women as being an act of trust (that she won't cheat). But you couldnt possibly know that from an initial approach-- I'd even argue you cam NEVER know for sure a woman won't cheat.
    Like 1 Person
  • stevemeh
    I approached a women a couple of times. Got rejected on both and another had a group of friends waiting on her... and they talked about how nasty pathetic I was and laughed as they walked away like I didn't even exist.

    Now take into account the fake rape metoo movement and the fact that women are too fucking picky and presto! You got men who will hate women and never approach them, jeez it's almost like women create the very incels they hate.
    Disagree 1 Person
  • JimmyQ
    Dude, pretty elaborate scheme. Why not pull the training wheels off of that thing and see what you can do on your own without a chaperone?

    Most woman don't bite, at lease not right away and this petri dish approach definitely has wussy written all over it.

    When you feel you need an introduction to have an audience with a potential suitor, that should be a big red flag. Do you just have no talent or are you really gross?
  • Avicenna
    Well, my view of it is that there is lots of competition for women and the vast majority of guys will have to approach unless they want to automatically lose the competition.
    Like 3 People
  • yann-47
    No genetic in that just culture habitus, social, norms, history, cliche, society. But that tend to change and must change, and it is the role of every woman and of every man to assume their desires to meet the other to have sex... :Equality! gender sould no more define roles! That's my opinion and your could be different no probs with that
  • Screenwriter
    Comment on your final statement. I too think approaching random women to attempt relationships is a receipe for failure. At least with local online dating or meetups, you find out what you have in common and start from some sort of "base," and can meet in person easily. Desperate men do "scattershot" approaches. These men probably aren't very bright and probably have not had success in work, dating, communication or all of the former. So their mating strategies are as flawed as all other strategies they use in life.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • KeziL

      Noo I’d say guys who go for online dating are the ones that have had less success in life. Pretty much anyone can make themself look good online; to approach a woman and be able to communicate that you are confident, successful, attractive, and charismatic takes a lot more of a man. It’s easier to meet up in person if you’ve actually met the person before, rather than built up an idea of them online that may or may not be accurate.

    • @KeziL I'm not talking about ENDLESS online dating with someone who lives 100+ miles away and can't meet you and on and on. I'm talking about chatting with someone online for a few weeks and meeting and dating them. I think that's the only way to use online dating. As another method of sifting through who might be appropriate. Then meeting them to see if it works.

    • KeziL

      Nah because the ones who had to turn to online dating in the first place (tinder etc) are the ones who couldn’t get meet-in-person dating to work. at least with younger guys, online daters are the last people I’d want to be in a relationship with. I don't know about older people, maybe that gets to be the only way you can meet someone new.

    • Show All
  • DWornock
    It is based on the law of supply and demand. Women age 50 and above usually approach men because there are far more single women than single men in that age group. Between the ages of 18 to 25, there are almost 25% more single men than single women so men in that group usually approach.

    Except in modern times, during wars, many men but few women are killed. Therefore, during and immediately after wars women usually approached.
  • englisc
    I'm not sure what you mean by this. How does a man approaching a woman automatically = paternity confidence? How are they even linked?
    • There are many stages like approaching them, talking to them, dating them, proposing marriage, etc but I tried to keep it short.

    • englisc

      Yeah but it's still not clear how that relates to paternity confidence at all.

    • Its a social convention. Why would a man invest time, money and energy in a girl that he thinks might cheat on him easily?

    • Show All
  • Browneye57
    Or as I like to put it for the girls...
    If your guy can't go after what he wants cuz he's too weak, he'll do that with EVERYTHING. And you'll be completely bored out of your mind.
  • kim45456
    Stop calling anyone cuck for prefering promiscuous, virgin or whatever women.
    Disagree 2 People
    • Robertcw

      You're funny. He didn't say those things are cucks. A cuck is someone who raises someone else's kid thinking it's their own. Named after a bird who would plant eggs in other birds nests without them realizing it.

    • kim45456

      "Men must approach women because by doing so he gives a signal that he has thus far, enough confidence in her not to be a disgusting cheating bitch. Unlike some other men, who give lots of attention to promiscuous women, they are predisposed to be cucks."

    • kim45456

      What exactly you mean? You are a cuck if you raise someoneelse kid like adopting kids make you a cuck?

    • Show All
  • fashionguy17
    Cool take. But, men DON'T need to approach women. I think that if men approach women, they are chasing. When I was in my early 20s, that was me. I was approaching women, "chasing them" and trying to be that masculine manly man. It's a waste of time.

    I'll be 30 this year, and I've learned so much about myself, about being a man about women over the years. I don't think men should focus so much on trying to meet women. Men need to focus on themselves and learn to grow and prosper without any expectations of meeting women. That is how you attract women.

    It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman. We are all adults here. An adult shouldn't be afraid to talk to another adult, regardless of gender. With a lot of the women I have met over the years, once I stopped chasing, I met them casually. Could be in line at a coffee shop and without thinking, I just make casual conversation.

    A lot of men force things and it's best to let thing work out naturally.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
    • Though I'm older, as a young woman I met and spoke to men about college classes and over homework... If you're not in college it might be over sports or gaming or a mutual interest. Just chatting to someone in line at the coffee shop... Someone you've seen in your neighborhood.. At the car wash talking about your cars... So many opportunities that aren't forced.

  • John_Doesnt
    I like to approach women with my zipper half down and I say "Hey baby, I did half the work for you..."
    LikeDisagree 2 People
  • winterfox10
    There's nothing about my life experience and the things I've heard from other people that would suggest that you are right.
  • Meropatrick
    Because women who chase after men are labeled as sleazy, men appreciate women who they try to go after
    • Am_and_Pm

      This is true, to a certain degree. I'd say it would on look y be fully true if her intentions r to smash and dash. Tho, I dont see this take place in public places, but rather, in clubs or house parties. This seems the most reasonable place for a neutral activity.

    • Am_and_Pm

      It does suck that more guys ask girls.

  • jamesgoldman
    I'll go through a middleman... a dating agency/matchmaking service
  • Smegskull
    Actually this is a crime in some places. "Unwanted/uninvited approaching" is considered misogyny hate crime. I don't care if you're vagina can produce gold dust you aren't worth that risk.
    • A gold dust vagina? I think a lot of men might argue that one with you...

  • KrakenAttackin
    Well said. Of course modern women have become more dangerous than the woolly mammoth we used to hunt.
  • Tideo568
    I remember when I used to chase guys in 9th grade , my parents would call me ,'' cheap'' and say stuff ,'' like '' boys should chase you.'' i guess this is biology because I can not find any other reason this would be so pathetic to them. Also boys do not like it either. I notice that girls at my school who couldn't care less , get boyfriends and desperate ones are the butt of jokes in the boys locker room. Boys may say they want a yandere girl drooling all over them and fights constantly for them , but always end up chooseing the hot casual girls.
    Like 1 Person
  • bamesjond0069
    This is ridiculous. Approaching gets more high quality girls. The ones who approach men are low quality.
    Disagree 2 People
  • Unit1
    I don't care. If I want something, I'll go and get it. Take me as an example ladies and gentlemen.
  • Usernamesrdumb
    The power dynamics flip at age 30. Women then do the pursuing. Please google as no one reads links.
    LikeDisagree 2 People
    • MzAsh

      Women over 30 who are approaching men are also going to expect to be the dominant in the relationship, assuming the relationship continues, so men need to consider whether or not they are ok with being the submissive. You simply cannot expect a woman to approach or pursue first but then later on defer to you. It's just not going to happen.

    • @MzAsh Disagree. Just because of an approach to speak to someone? I dunno. I like a man who can stand up to me and is just as strong as I am. Who wants someone they can just roll over? They're out there, but it's not attractive to me.

    • MzAsh

      I get that but I think women like you are the exception.

    • Show All
  • Lman3000
    Thing is you can do all that, except one little thing ya aren't guaranteed shit and never will be, I've been up front and tried my best in trying to get the girl I want, End of the day, Jack shit happens and I'm just forgotten and the girl I want just picks someone better looking than me, World is full shit heads and stuck up shallow dickheads who just focus on looks alone, FUCK dating and fuck having crushes shit never goes the way you think it could even with effort put into it you'll just crash and burn and be miserable
  • Hollysdad1989
    This is why I'm happy I met my wife when I was 12 years old.
  • Kdude010
    I thought women hated random men approaching them. Mighty sexist to assume men should make the first move because of our gender.
  • Stephen_77
    Another stupid mytake. It makes more sense for women to approach men because women are less likely to be rejected.
  • Will23v
    Do u think a man who is afraid to approach is less of a man?
    • No, you can also approach women who are friends or friends of friends. friends of family, etc.

  • standardguy
    Though the baby is/was in her body it's the baby of both because the genes of both are in the baby.
    • Yes, but without a DNA test you won't know that.

    • I hope that she knows it. And is a sincere person.

  • scooogy
    Nice introduction, now when will the arguments follow? :)
  • kangy
    Both genders are afraid to approach each other...
    Like 7 People
    • sean1234

      I think there is truth in that.

    • sean1234

      These days I'm affraid not only there are no women, but when there are, she will be married, have a boyfriend, or simply not care about me anyways which always seems to be the case.

    • kangy

      @sean1234 same fears for girls/ladies :P

    • Show All
  • Plitty-Tank
    I don't think it is a must since plenty of women also seek relationships.
  • mikesafa
    other wise they are not yet ready to be a gentleman
  • Sari_K
    Because we have p***y.
    That's all...
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • Lol nope.

    • Honestyyy

      If women didn't have pussy their is no chasing for some men

    • yann-47

      Woman chase man because they have d**k. That's all...
      Your answer is very wrong and reductive !
      Seduction is both way and is not link to sex. I could chase a girl just to make make a potential crush jealous, because i have feelings for my crush. No sex in that, feelings.

  • spartan55
    Wow, this is really how some guys are... amazing.
  • gagsucs
    ok thnks
    Like 1 Person