I've been using tinder for a couple of months now and I've learned a lot from it. I know some people on here are wondering about the basics of tinder, so I decided to write a little myTake for those of you who are considering to use the app.
Disclaimer: I'm personally using it as a dating app, and therefore I will focus on how to actually try to get something serious out of it. If you're just looking for one night stands, then I can't really help you as that's not what I'm personally aiming for. This take is also a bit more for guys to read, but maybe some of you girls will also find these tips useful.
1. Choose your pictures wisely
It seems pretty self-evident, but you'd be surprised if you knew just how many guys I've swiped left ("disliked") because they chose poor pictures to represent themselves with.
Here's a list of no-nos.
• Blurry or over filtered pictures. Self-explanatory.
• A group picture as your first and/or only picture. How am I supposed to know which one of these 5 guys you are? Too much effort to find out.
• Only pictures of you in sunglasses. I want to be able to see your face. If you cover half of your face in sunglasses, then I won't be able to really tell if I find you attractive or not.
• Bathroom/mirror selfies. This might be just a personal preference, but I like "normal" pictures and selfies more, compared to those that have been taken in a bathroom mirror. This is also because some people have a tendency of covering their flaws with their chunky looking phone, so again, it's harder to determine if I find you attractive or not. One picture like that is maybe ok if you actually show your face properly.
• Not smiling in any of your pictures. It just makes you come off as grumpy/serious, and possibly insecure (you don't like your smile?).
• Only having one picture up. Not only is that a tiny catfish warning, but it also makes it harder for me to determine if you're attractive.
• Making too big of an effort to show off your body (i.e. you're half naked in every single picture). If you're only looking for a one night stand, then this might be a good idea. But I'm looking for something a bit more serious, and I can't take a guy seriously if he's only half dressed in most or all of his pictures. If his last pic is one of him at the beach, then that's fine since he's not putting too much emphasis on it. But too much is just an instant turn off.
• Posing with a baby or a girl in any of your pictures. It just raises too many questions. Is that his girlfriend? Is he actually taken? Is that his baby? Is he a single father? What's his deal? If a girl happens to be in a group picture then that's fine, but posing alone with a girl or a baby is just a tiny bit too suspicious.
You might be thinking "wow, that's a really long list, you must be so shallow". No, not really. Most of these points boil down to just showing your face properly and taking the time to take some high quality pictures. After all, the first thing I see is your face. So might as well put some effort into giving a good impression.
Here's a list of some yes-yes'!
• Posing with a dog or some other type of cute/cool animal (it has actually been proven that those who pose with animals have a higher success rate!). Because it's cute and funny, and always nice to know that he's friendly with animals.
• Having a variety of different pictures that show off what you look like and possibly what kind of hobbies you have.
• Smiling! It's so attractive and makes you look more confident.
• Nice, quality pictures with no extreme color-altering filters or blurriness. They don't have to look professional or anything, most phone cameras are decent enough nowadays. You just have to take them in good lighting and not mess the quality up with filters/changing the size etc.
2. Choose your bio wisely
I prefer bios that are short, simple and not too cheesy. Some guys just try too hard to sound sophisticated/well-mannered, intelligent and funny in their bios. It just ends up sounding way too cheesy and fake to me. Some bios are also a bit too lenghty, I just want a simple introduction and not your entire life story. So just try to sound as genuine and down to earth as possible. Mentioning that you'd prefer to look for something serious is also a bonus.
Since I personally suck at telling about myself, I've only used some emojis to describe myself. Some food emojis, gaming/computer emojis, and one skiing emoji. I also have the flag emojis that represent which languages I can speak. That's about it. And it seems effective enough since most guys who message me always end up asking/talking about the emojis I've chosen! :) It's a good conversation starter.
3. Don't drown her in messages right off the bat
Something I've noticed is that some guys have a bad tendency of sending several long messages to me right off the bat. It just feels a bit overwhelming, because then I feel like I have to sit there and type out equally long messages to not come off as rude and disinterested. And sometimes I don't really have time for that and would prefer to keep the conversation a bit more fast-paced. Save the long messages for later when you've gotten to know each other a bit better, as to not overwhelm the other person.
4. Don't be too pushy. Be patient.
Now THIS is a really big red flag to me. Yes, I get that with tinder, the point is to probably meet up at some point. But I'm somewhat shy and introverted, and would prefer to just chat for at least a few days before actually meeting up. Several guys have now tried to meet up with me IMMEDIATELY, one even went as far as saying (in his second message to me) that he wanted to meet up at 12.30. He sent that message at around 10, so he gave me a 2 hour "notice" to prepare. That's just a big no-no for me. It might work on spontaneous girls, so you could always try. But if the girl seems reluctant or flat-out tells you that she can't do that, then don't be pushy.
With all of the guys who have wanted to meet up immediately, I've explained that I'm a bit too shy for that and would prefer to take it slightly slower. All of them reacted negatively. Every single one of them. One asked me why I even was on tinder and kept saying that I "should be ok with it". Another one tried to guilt-trip me and said that a brave/smart girl would happily accept. Several other guys have used similar tactics and practically demanded that I make time for them quickly. Their tones would completely change. That's just too aggressive for me and makes them come off as insanely rude and selfish for not accepting the fact that I'm just shy. What's the rush? Why can't you wait a few days and just chat with me over text? It makes me question their motives. I pulled away from one guy in particular who was way too aggressive and pushy, and he ended up calling me names. All because I'm shy and want to be careful. Dodged a bullet with that one.
5. If a girl stops responding, just move on
I've stopped responding to a few guys, and for different reasons usually. Sometimes I was just not feeling the conversation and decided to end it. Other times the guys were just too aggressive/pushy/rude so I pulled away out of caution. Some guys weren't bothered and didn't seem to care. But other guys started spamming me, writing out my name in all caps (so it felt like they were yelling for me to come back), calling me names etc. I just don't understand the point. If someone seems disinterested, then you should just move on. Calling them names or spamming them will just make you look extremely desperate, and that won't do you any favors. On tinder, you can report a user for inappropriate/rude messages. So if you end up harassing those who don't respond, you might just get banned from tinder altogether. Remember that nobody owes you anything on that app, and you're just wasting your time spamming that person. Quietly move on and unmatch them if you want. That's what I've done with the guys who didn't respond to my message. No biggie.
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