Boy Meets World: Accepting That There Are More Important Things Than Chasing Skirt

While being obsessed with girls seems like a perfectly acceptable use of a teenage boy's time and, to a lesser extent, a college man's lifestyle, I think there's a point where it gets a little sad based on a certain perspective.

Statistic show that men almost universally desire a woman who is twenty-one far more than they do of any other age of woman. This is true of all men up to a certain age where sexual interest is replaced with interest and companionship and conversation.


The reason for the "forever twenty one" principle is more about the man's psyche than some peak performance of a woman. As they say in dazed and confused "you know what i love about high school girls? I keep getting older they stay the same age!" It's about a male desire to remain in boyhood, or rather to reclaim parts of it as society pressure him to "grow up and be a provider" and put his own childish desires in the rearview.

A young woman makes a man feel alive. It makes him feel young himself, like he'll live forever. This relates to a more general desire for women that some men carry over into adulthood. Women represent so much for a man, or at least a good number of men. The obsession isn't just about them, it's about the possibility of what they represent: youth, beauty, prestige, hope, the eternal. To borrow another quote "A man has only one escape from his old self: to see a different self — in the mirror of some woman's eyes."

Yet, this is often the last and most difficult task before a man really does become his full self. He must "steal the key from under his mother's pillow." He must take the secrets of the world instead of waiting for some woman to give it to him. He must go on his own journey of self awareness and self discovery.

Boy Meets World: Accepting That There Are More Important Things Than Chasing Skirt

A man must venture into the wild to see if he can live life deliberately. He must learn about himself and about what makes him tick. He must improve and push to the limit the skills he most values in himself based on his understanding. If he is smart, he must read and learn from those wiser than himself. If he is physical, he must perform great athletic or military feats. If he is a creator and innovator, he must build constructions of brick and motor or imagination. These aren't things a woman can accompany him on. He must discover them for himself.

This is not just limited to performance. He must have other interest than pursuing women. He must discover what these are as they are often not what they were in his boyhood. He must give himself the opportunity for freedom. This is what the boy wanted. He must face himself, his dark self, and accept that he is okay with himself. He must learn that the things about himself that make him afraid either because he thinks those things makes life unsafe for himself or for others are not something to hide. He has to embrace the wildness in his own heart.

Therefore, I'm writing this Take to say that while I am extremely guilty myself of being preoccupied with women, it is through building a life that's bigger than that where true peace is achieved. This is because i'm not limiting myself to one thing. I think anyone, regardless of gender, doesn't want someone who thinks about them constantly. The only person who would want this is someone deeply controlled by their ego to pathological extremes. Certainly, anyone you'd want to marry would want you to have your own life.

pavlove is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 1

  • Thank you for sharing!


What Guys Said 2

  • Speaking as one who has found the love of a good woman, I would say you're right in that it's not the most important thing.


    It's still pretty damn important. It's a strong biological drive, *NOT* merely a societal one. It is observed IN EVERY SINGLE SOCIETY ON PLANET EARTH GOING BACK TO HUNTER GATHERERS. Hell, it's observed in other primates and cetaceans.

    Yes, we agree finding a mate isn't the most important thing isn't the most important thing. Yes, it's important to develop yourself. Yes, you should do your utmost to have an interesting and enjoyable life.


    Although you're right that it'should not the most important thing, finding love is still PROFOUNDLY important. I've known people who have walked this earth more than twice as long as you have, pavlove, who have done their best to have fulfilling lives, and yet they are still unhappy at not having found a mate. Their sadness is quite justified.

  • Everything men do is to improve their chances to reproduce.


Recommended Questions