Some Not-So-Cool Things About Being a Young Man

[name_is_christian]

Being a young man is not all fun and games. It is not all about football, parties, college, and girls.

Being a young man is hard

1. Being a guy, we are not encouraged to "explore our feelings" by the public. Doing so in private is one thing but over all, not so much.

male impulses are higher

2. Lack of focus on male issues. Let's face it, girls have multiple ways of reaching out for help, but not so much for guys. Yes women, historically speaking, did have a hard time in history to get the help they needed when it came to women's problems. But men still lack this over all.

male body image

3. Body image. Body image is mostly associated with girls, but guys have this problem too. Look at most male social media influencers, almost all of them look the same with the same haircut and body type. I cannot tell you how many times i have see that in high school and in college.

4. Homophobia. This is the age of acceptance in my opinion because just about every TV show has a gay character. As a straight guy you dont want to be called "gay" because that will hurt your chances of getting a girlfriend and with your friends. But yet, you dont want to be overly critical either because someone will get offended by what you said.

Male peer pressure

5. Male relationships or peers. Having guy friends can be awesome, because you can be yourself as a guy. But there is a lot if pressure due to wanting to compete with the other. With male on male pressure, you can get toxic-masculinity. From there, you can get a guy who will do things he normally would not do.

alcohol effects

Binge drinkers chart

6. Alcohol and drugs. As a guy, you are expected to hold a lot of alcohol, especially beer or anything strong like whisky. But this can be dangerous as alcohol poisoning or drunk driving is often the leading case in young male deaths, especially in college aged guys.

7. Lack of emotion. As men, we are supposed to never show emotion, and this is really hard to do. Things get to guys too, just as much as women and when we break, it shows and its known. Unfortunately it is not always known how the break will come up.

[deLéman]

I disagree

1. Not too sure what you mean. I've never been discouraged to "explore my feelings." However, I have been told that it's good to be aware of my emotions, but I shouldn't allow them to affect my decision making process. I think that advice applies to everyone.

2. What male issues are you referring to? I've always had a support system (parents, close friends, mentor), even though I was often too stubborn to use it.

3. Of course anyone can have body image issues. Humans are naturally competitive. For me, I overcame body dysmorphia by working out and researching how to consume the necessary nutrition for my body. I was a skinny teenager, but the end (still got another year I think) of puberty rewarded my healthy (ish) lifestyle by making me fitter than most of my peers. It simply takes a lot of determination and discipline to build a satisfactory physique.

4. Not sure I understand this either. When someone calls me gay, I double down on it by making more jokes about me being gay. I don't need other men to affirm my masculinity. I display my masculinity in my self-reliance, determination, and capability to resolve problems under duress.

5. I can't relate to this either because I'm very picky when it comes to choosing friends. None of my friends, male or female, are toxic because we always support each other.

6. Again, this is pretty superficial. I've never been ashamed to admit that I'm a lightweight with alcohol. In fact, I see it as beneficial because I can get tipsy without consuming more than a couple of drinks.

7. That's a thing of the past. As long as one doesn't allow his or her emotions to consume him or her, it's encouraged to express one's emotions in a healthy manner.

In summary, it's not hard being a man. The points that you listed are mostly based off of insecurities. My 2¢ for anyone struggling with these issues is to stop relying on public approval. Be your own man and don't allow negative influences to affect you. Do whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn't negatively affect others. The meaning of life for me is to enjoy life to the fullest by experiencing as much as possible while also being as kind as possible to everything around you.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

Right on. But I still agree a little bit with this. The reason why it seems more visible is because of the way media portrays it.

[name_is_christian]

I get what you mean. Everyone experiences things differently.

[TheBigSoftie]

I'm a guy and I'm proud of my flaws (showing emotion, being overweight, and being a kind person overall). Then again, that's probably cos I was never in any situations that involved me to act like a macho man (I was never in public school so I never learned much about anything).

But this was a very well-put take! I wish a lot more people would come out with their problems.

[name_is_christian]

I was in public school in Texas and played football. Masculinity was pretty big for guys.

[lilaqua]

Welcome to being a part of society. It fucking sucks. I mean 2 is true but there's something to be said for men choosing not to seek help, even when they're encourage to. The 6 is also kinda different, at least in my life, because the women I know are equally pressured into binge drinking but have a biologically lower tolerance.

[name_is_christian]

For men, seeking help is not manly and is looked down upon by certain individuals. Drinking was a big problem for men prior to the 1960's due to misconceptions that men had to be tough. Men and women are equally likely to drink alcohol. But studies that i saw, it was mostly men aged 19 to 30 to binge drink.

[lilaqua]

I agree with that, but nowadays there is such a push towards mental health and physical health, especially targeting men, yet women go to doctors and counsellors much more frequently which has shown to really benefit them. Binge drinking is changing though, the gender gap is actually becoming much smaller.

[humor_me]

'toxic-masculinity'... huh... never heard of it. When I was a youth (high school) - when the weekends rolled around, we went to parties, got drunk, partied with the girls (in a gentlemen kind of way - no touching or funny stuff unless it was ok with them). We had fun and then... college... families of our own, house, career... good times... good times... Frankly - I don't remember a whole lot of stress. I was just oblivious to it I suppose... Being a 'beta male' that would make sense. Alpha males probably experience more stress.

[Mitinal]

And that my dear friends is why most of guys dont care about feminism. We have our own problems, rules and activities. There are always two sides for a coin (well in reality its three but whatever). Nice take, keep it up

[name_is_christian]

I get the whole feminist issue prior to the 1980s, but not the one going on now.

[Mitinal]

Same, its stupid. They dont want equality, they want superiority... and they are dumb cunts and they dont understand logic

[name_is_christian]

Third-wave feminists are pretty extreme in their thinking. Not all of them but some. It gets annoying when they talk about how women are second class citizens in America with men making more money, and have fewer educational opportunities. WOmen in America have things really good. They can make independent choices that women in certain areas of Africa and the Middle East can only dream about. In those areas, women do not have the same independent thinking that women in America do.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

I'm with ya on everything except #4 and #5. I don't give two fucks if somebody says I'm gay. in fact, I'm likely to agree and proceed to tell everybody I'm gay. I can do that because I don't act like a homosexual _at_all_, and everyone can plainly see that.

And competing with friends? What kind of shitty friends are those? My friends help me win, and I help them win. It's us against everyone else, not each other.

[name_is_christian]

Very true my man. Everyone experiences things differently.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sick of hearing about things about men not being able to express themselves or being pressured into "toxic behaviour" or whatever else or homophobic attitudes and so on. I feel like that's all bullshit, that's not what guys are like. This is the narrative perpetuated by progressive activists with an agenda. Guys are not like that. The pressures on them come from different places and work in different ways. Seems like every time I hear about someone trying to talk about toxic masculinity male or female, they generally seem to not have a clue how guys actually are.

[Travelingmouse]

I think it varies depending on what crowd you're with.

[Opinion Owner]

@Travelingmouse People vary but these ideas still don't accurately describe reality.

[9teen]

The problem is, many women think men are like them. Fact is, if someone actually studies it, they'll notice that men and women differ as the day differs from the night. Men handle their emotions differently than women do. This feminism agenda is pushing people to believe something which is not there. It results in men being so brainwashed they start to believe they´re like women which end up in an identity crisis. Men are not supposed to be like women. If it was really supposed to be, history would have looked differently and the biology of the human being would have informed us of something different.

[Travelingmouse]

I've around different groups of guys and there are groups where these toxic masculinity characteristics exist and other groups where they do not. There are different realities for different people. i've listened to guys joking about how they'd like to gang rape a girl (these were urban teen boys and I've listened to men argue for equality for men and women. There is a big range.

[Travelingmouse]

@9teen I don't know what you are measuring, but studies show that men and women are more alike than different. There are difference, but not as many as people assume. Look at this:
www.theatlantic.com/.../

[9teen]

@Travelingmouse There are way more studies about how different men and women are than similar.

[Travelingmouse]

@9teen Can you send me the links? I've also read more than one article about how men and women are not as different as people think. One main difference was the level of aggression. Here are 3 more articles:
www.sciencemag.org/.../brains-men-and-women-aren-t-really-different-study-finds

www.theatlantic.com/.../

http://www.apa.org/topics/women-men/index.aspx

[Opinion Owner]

Difference or simllarity is relevant only to what you're talking about. Regardless of how much they differ, if the aspect you're taling about is something that is similar or distinct then that's the part that's important.

@9teen Intersectionality, specifically revolving around feminism does cause many issues. But there's another side to that in that you can decide that men "are supposed to be men" and that becomes an excuse for women to form unreasonable expectations of men to be the way women want. You can't say everything about men and women are the same but neither can you treat one group differently when you don't understand the nature of the differences. To reiterate, you could say "men are not supposed to be treated like women" but you also don't know the details about what that means; what you want in men and how they're supposed to be treated are different things and you need to be careful not to impress your desires on the situation.

[Opinion Owner]

@Travelingmouse Sure you can find examples of toxic people, but you can find examplles of virtually anything. What you don't find is that it's societal, because it's not. Society doesn't rally behind men who want to gang rape girls. But you also mentioned that they were joking, so I'm in doubt as the whether they would even be truly toxic people. When they express intention to rape, then I think there's a problem with it.

There's a big range, but still differing averages for different groups.

Sure, the brains are mostly similar, that's to be expect, we're all human. But even a 10% difference, albeit relatively small, is still all the difference required to alter behaviour. You just mentioned difference in aggression which means you acknowledge that just saying they're very similar doesn't allow us to wash our hands of the situation.

[Opinion Owner]

But even that isn't exactly right. In men you see more physical aggression, but in women you see just as much aggression in the form of relational aggression. Then there's also the context of that "aggression."

If you made a choice on the belief that men are more aggressive, you would be wrong and could be hurting people. If your belief was that they were similarly aggressive and in the same ways you could also be hurting people.

There's a range of masculine and feminine brain structures that by virtue of how they're shaped obviously cause different behaviours. The biology is real and so is socialisation. Their interaction is complex and both can override the other.

[name_is_christian]

I am going on based on what I know growing up in Texas and playing football.

[Travelingmouse]

I wouldn't say that society as whole rallies behind gang rapists, but there are influences among some circles of men that encourages men to be strong, more aggressive and more sexual. This can in some segments of society make young men think that this kind of behavior makes them more manly. Sexual assaults are not that uncommon in settings where being very masculine is promoted. On colleges for example, sexual assaults of women are often associated with fraternities, football players and basketball players. Gang rapes are not about just getting sex, it's actually a way for the men to show dominance over the women and bond with each other. I know these guys were joking, but I watched groups of guys assault my friend and in my city where I grew up, most of the boys wind up in jail or dead, but the girls get jobs or go to college.

[Opinion Owner]

@Travelingmouse "Influences"
"strong, more aggressive and more sexual"
First let's be mindful of the subtlety implied by "influences"
As for being strong aggressive and sexual, I don't think they necessarily have these influences nor require them to be that way.
Furthermore, there's nothing inherently about being strong, aggressive or sexual or any combination of those things.

"This can in some segments of society make young men think that this kind of behavior makes them more manly."
In other words it's not a prevalent attitude at all. Isn't that what I said before? Some people are going to be stupid, be awful and make mistakes, nothign special there.

"Sexual assaults are not that uncommon in settings where being very masculine is promoted"
So.. relationships?

[Opinion Owner]

@Travelingmouse "On colleges for example, sexual assaults of women are often associated with fraternities, football players and basketball players."
So in the places where the attractive guys are that women want to have sex with is where the sexual conduct (and misconduct) happens? Again, to be expected. This still isn't indicative of any kind of tolerance for it. How do you even know what is "promoted" there? Are you in a frat or is this just someone's narrative about guys?

"Gang rapes are not about just getting sex, it's actually a way for the men to show dominance over the women and bond with each other."
Some people bond over murder. It's not common. Reign in your imagination.

"most of the boys wind up in jail or dead"
And do people see then as anything other than fuck ups? I doubt it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Travelingmouse The culture in your area may have been toxic but again, this is how guys normally are and that's why I'm sick of hearing it, the miscreants do not represent the masses. Nothing about being strong, aggressive, sexual, competitive, straight or using substances or any of that stuff is inherently bad. But if a person is stupid and/or awful then they can make anything bad.

It's not like women aren't perfectly capable of being fiercely toxic too just because they got jobs or additional education. It just means their toxicity is compatible with modern society. It could be subtler and less localized.

[SpiderManFan2002]

I think that everyone should just come to the agreement of each group of people, guys, girls etc face struggles in their own right.

[--Vi--]

Interesting, for once I read an article with "toxic masculinity" written in it that wasn't really cringy or bad.

Good job. :)

[Anonymous]

It is the final phase of the transition from childhood into adulthood. Of course we are supposed to learn self discipline. We are supposed to go through the trials that force us into examining ourselves so we can reveal our identity. We are supposed to learn how to accept things beyond our control. Yes it is hard. It is part of life and always has been.

[MrIvyLeague]

being a man ain't easy, no matter your age.
Dealing with boners that are unwanted, trying to be careful to not offending women, and impulse control can be difficult at times.

[Anonymous]

To this day, I am still bent out of shape about how guys have to register for the Selective Service in the U. S. in order to get financial aid, but girls don't.

[name_is_christian]

I don't quite get the need why guys have to enlist in the Selective Service just to get anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Never experienced any of these things as a young male.

[name_is_christian]

Everyone experiences things differently.

[Anonymous]

If you focus on problems, there will be a lot of problems. If you focus on purpose and solutions, there will be a lot of purpose and solutions.

[Anonymous]

I fail to see the 'cool' things about being a guy, as for the bad things, I could make a list 10 times as big

[bernicestockstill]

standing ovation for this article

[Browneye57]

Too much whining as well. Egads.

[Ok_ko]

Being in society is hard lol not just be male

[barryparker]

That's cool, thanks =)

[GayHowellMeme]

Cool

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take
...

[BonnieBunny]

Sounds cool