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About a Boy: Why Guys Need to Grow A Pair in the Dating Game

Evening all.

More often than not, guys are the casualties of the dating game. Allow me to explain:

When a girl breaks up, she has all her girlfriends swanning around her telling her what an asshole the guy was and how she could do so much better. They'll belittle him and say how they didn't like him anyway. She talks it out and feels better as a result.

When a guy breaks up, his friends take him out drinking. It's a lad's night out and has about six hours worth of enjoyment. The next day, he still feels terrible because he hasn't resolved anything. Now he's hungover AND heartbroken.

So what's the solution? Guys need to walk FIRST. I'm sure a lot of girls are screaming:

"WOMAN HATER!!!"
"Omg, this guy is teaching other guy on how to be a bastard!"
"This guy needs to get laid! What a loser!"

And they'd all be wrong. I'm doing more than just fine without any of your suggestions, ladies but I'd be rude not to thank you for your time, so thank you.

1. The Male Psyche

How a guy works is that when stuff goes wrong with a girl, he simply won't have the balls to drop her. Why? Because it's taken him so long to find a girl who, God forbids, has feelings for him he's holding onto dear life at this moment in time. He subconsciously "settles" and keeps her around despite all the crap she puts him through. As he's dying to get her approval, he'll do whatever she wants him to do since he's too afraid she'll leave. "I've been single for six months now, I'm marrying this one!" the average guy thinks.

What a guy should be thinking is, "This girl is treating me like crap. Screw this" and walk. The point here is that you're not going to find a good girl if you stick with a girl who's giving you hell.

She talks down to you - walk.
She grinds on other guys - walk.
She leaves the toilet seat up - you'll survive.
She can't cook - you'll survive.
She lies to you - walk.
She confuses you - walk.

But why doesn't he leave, you ask?

2. Male Ego.

The male ego is a terrible thing. It has this idea ingrained into it which asks, "Why aren't girls interested in me? How dare they not be interested in me!" to the point where it begins to try and piece together a scenario to give a positive outcome. Example:

Male Ego's answer: She's not calling, texting or picking up my calls. She ignores me, doesn't seem interested and doesn't want to date me. But she kissed me the day before and gave me her number! She MUST WANT TO MARRY ME!

Truth: She was drunk and/or wanted an ego boost. When you asked for her number, she couldn't say no to preserve your ego from smashing to the floor.

When guys come across behaviour which is cold, don't respond by chasing. That's what EVERY GIRL puts up with when they come across desperate guys - constantly being barraged by insecure behaviour. If she cools off, you do the same. Women are much better at relationships and if she wants to play games the only thing you can do is give it your best shot and that involves not running after her.

Sounds simple, right? Problem. A guy CANNOT ACCEPT that a girl may walk away if he cools off. He really can't (I've been there too, fellas). They don't get that when a girl walks away she DOESN'T CARE AND DIDN'T IN THE FIRST PLACE. The male ego will try and find answers which won't help at all because the outcome is still the same - the girl is gone.

Guys need to digest that they can walk away from a bad situation. When they feel something isn't right, they should get the hell out of there. Those who don't listen due to an oversized ego - I wish you the best of luck after the girl leaves you for dead - AGAIN. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Once again, open to questions. Hope it helped,

-I.

About a Boy: Why Guys Need to Grow A Pair in the Dating Game
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Most Helpful Girl

  • toulouse
    ...find the abyss stariungback at rthem" or as george eliot put it ' be csreful what you preted to be, you become what you pretend to be'

    if you are only referring to relationships where guys KNOW they are unhappy, well problem is that none is static, & people can always change or be going thru a rough patch....

    If you are in a relationship you should act that way, up until you are not in one, which means you do not just walk, you sort it out & then by all means- break up.

    btw side note : I-
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • martyfellow
    You're mostly right about guys being 'own their own' emotionally. So they don't have anyone to bounce their feelings off of.

    Also right about didn't care in the first place. Let's face it, our US dating scene is mostly a meat market, the women are just for rent and rarely care about you or ever will..
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1420
  • Haraklus
    I think it sounds like you, personally, need to grow a pair. Lots of.good observations here, but...

    I never chase girls. I walk away at the first sign of disinterest. I only go for girls who are crazy for me from the day they meet me. Failing that, though, I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who isn't. So, don't generalize this to all men. It's only lesser men.
  • candlewax
    Someone's been burned one too many times...

    It's ignorant for you to assume that when a girl walks away it means she doesn't care. It may apply to some, but not all. Believe it or not, the advice goes for the opposite, too. What you're saying is that if a guy walks away, it's for self preservation/wanting respect. If a girl walks away, she doesn't care? A bit of a double standard much?

    Sorry you got burned by some hobags, but it makes you less of a man to assume the same about ALL girls.
  • theacefospades
    Touluse is correct. you get a cookie.

    also something about men that I know from being one. Guys almost always (even sub-continuously)

    Think that there was a reason something that HAPPENED something they could have changed.

    I call it the "Time Machine Conundrum."

    A mark of maturity is not wishing you could change something bad that happened to you. Not because you didn't suffer but cause you learned something valuable.
  • danielm2009uk
    You've highlighted some problems with men and some for the women to. Excellent article, and guys need to read this and really think about the dating game. The dual standards approach is definitely played in relationships, particularly a girl can walk, but a guy can't. And I thought this was a world of equality. Men need that same support to, forget stereotypes, focus on being great
  • toulouse
    I hate it when friends try to assuage a unpleasant situation by saying sime guy is a jerl or whatever.

    i like to have space to sort out &resolve a sutuation to me is ont denigrating the honor of some guy, it is taking an honest look what I think about the situation

    just because you break you does notmake youor the othder person evil, life is complicated &it should be expected that things do not always work out the way you expected.

    anyways even a short relatiuonship was still purposeful.

  • toulouse
    ( I think ) Rather than balls, EVERYONE should grow some emotional intelligence- maturity I believe is the popular term for it.

    Treating yourself & others like rational adults impacts to long term emotional & physical health in a positive way incomparable to-

    - treating yourself & others & relationships, like a hot potato, & or a place to prove your ' lone strength ' or indifference.

    indifference is the est revenge & you are not impervious

    "....Those who stare into the abyss..."
  • toulouse
    It sets everyone up for feeling paranoid &b leafs personally for the self to schizoid breaks..

    you can not live every moment of a situation that is part of yourself ' relationship; is exactly that, thinking off how you have to get away break free screw the other over first, stop while you are ahead, & expect to emerge unscathed..,

    How can you feel calm and whole if you are always threatening yourself and pieces of you and others with imminent abandonment?

    I think discussion is WAY better-
  • toulouse
    Actually I always try to walk first if it s possible

    - like if is possible morally for me to walk first

    if the guy is not fantastic or not clearly able to handle a relationship- otherwise I feel ok about walking ,because everyone does.

    I have experienced the male ego but in a way different then yours,

    where he actually assumes my attempt at friendship are signs that I want to marry him, & therefore freaks out- which-is annoying.

    i think walking first as a plan - which I have- is a bad idea
  • sonic241928
    Awesome article my friend. One question: how would you minimize these dead-end dating situations? Is there a way to tell the difference between a girl giving you her number because she really likes you, and giving her number to "get rid of you" in a nice way?
  • Bam_dice
    This man express that its all about confidence.. that's the key part in a man and what drives him to become the person he is today.. More think about there ego like me sometimes but I think this guys right if you wanna find the right girl in your life and if a girl insults you or cheats you have the right to walk away.. cause love isn't painful its kind and patience
  • Bam_dice
    I agree with this guy.. the way I see it is girls walk over guys that are emotional.. this kind fits a scenario.. when a guy is having fun and relaxing telling jokes he is comfort and it pumps him cause he is able to express himself.. if an emoctional guy is like that and someone tells him to shut up then he finds it insult.. if girls understood the sitution better instead of making it worse to impress the guy they like we would have a better society
  • roxygirlskier
    Lol I don't think this makes you a woman hater at all for writing this! I absolutely agree, if she's lying to you etc etc definitely leave her! She's not worth your time. The male ego is a terrible thing, I do agree. I have to say, I had a guy who stopped liking me, he made up all this stuff about not liking me, using me etc. Once I said we couldn't be friends he got all I NEED YOU. Guys shouldn't do that... follow your instincts about the girl is what I'm saying. Clearly he didn't want me.
  • Irrelevance
    Jdcpa: Thanks for your response(s). Slightly misinterpreted however. Actually, it's not about the guy settling, it's about the guy not wanting to leave despite all the bad signals. Settling would be when the one who wears the trousers in the relationship stays put.

    Most guys just simply won't leave a bad girl for one reason or another. What I'm saying is for guys to listen to their gut instinct and walk instead of ignoring the signs, staying put and thinking it'll all just go away
  • jdcpa
    Maybe it's not the guy of her dreams that she'd love to have sex with.. but I'm sure somewhere out there.. there's a guy that's ready willing & able..

    a guy's gift.. to women.. but to humanity as well.. is his emotional strength.. that's why he can accept damage to his ego.. because it's not as fragile.. it let's a girl feel safe.. it lets people in general feel safe next to him.. if you think a guy should walk first.. then to me.. that's an insecure guy..
  • jdcpa
    Err.. I think your projecting your own life experiences & feelings onto the entire male population..

    they key assumption in your article is that it takes a guy a long time to find a girl.. and it causes him to settle..

    i'm sorry.. but it doesn't exactly take that long to find a girl.. maybe if you're being passive or not really trying.. but it really doesn't..

    that's like a girl saying it takes a long time to find a guy to want to have sex with her..
  • Irrelevance
    Calisymphonia, the difference between guys and girls is that the majority of guys are less likely to talk about the break up and skip to the getting drunk part. As a result, the guy remains in his predicament because he has nobody to empathise with the split.
  • Irrelevance
    Irishgal, there is no question per se, it's explaining why guys need to stop staying in unhappy relationships and get walking when they notice bad signs. For example, guy A is dating girl A and girl A is always looking at other guys, busy texting when with guy A and is always "too busy" to see him. He suspects she is cheating and asks, she flips and says he doesn't trust her. He feels bad and stays until he gets dumped.

    I'm telling guys to avoid that.
  • calisymphonia
    Interesting. funny even. If she messes with other guys, yes, the guy should walk. This goes the same for girls, when guys mess with other girls. Agreed.

    But just because a girl confuses you, don't walk away so fast!! She may be shy! Give that a good amount of time before walking.

    One major thing I'm confused about. When a guy breaks up with a girl, don't the guy friends all support the guy and call the girl a btch. Yea, the guy gets hungover. Girls get hungover after breakups, too.
  • da5id
    That is actually what he is suggesting, but while your thinking already focuses on the good girl you're about to meet around the next corner, he tells guys that that one that the're currently putting up with isn't as special and unique as they think atm, its pretty much what girls do when they go through breakup - but for men

    i think this guy is onto something by the way, this attitude paves the way for new encounters and if you combine that with the guts to talk to people you're good to go
  • miki94
    You did generalize all girls which leads me to believe that you only met bi**es?

    Girls you mention are common, but not all girls are like that, so your article addressess only certain number of relationships. As for doing that.. Great job.
  • toulouse
    Why would I want to purposefully try to think ill of my history, a major part of my life- which is ANY part of my life- which is a part of my self....?

    An obvious point is - If the guy was a jerk.... What does that say about me ?

    ;)
  • Irrelevance
    Sonic: A girl who gives you the number just to get rid of you won't answer any of your attempts to contact be it through text or phone calls. She won't help you get in touch with her either and when she doesn't, you know it's time to go.
  • littlesquirrel
    Im a girl, I walked away because he said he wanted to be friends only and cooled off, not because I don't care. I do care, I miss him so badly you wouldn't believe, but I'll not force something what he doesn't want. I let him be happy with somebody else even if I'm dying inside. If he cared he would show some sign.

  • Kelly34
    What you are missing is that you can only walk away if you have other options. Girls have options, most guys don't.
  • irishgal
    Don't really get your point. What's the actual essay about? What was the answer to your essay question?
  • lyrically_hypnotized
    Just because a girls walks away doesn't mean she doesn't care and never did: It means that she won't tolerate being treated as less than what she deserves. This article gives men the wrong "advice" about women. Just as there are good men in the world, there are also good women. A few bad apples shouldn't spoil the entire bunch.

    My advice to all the insecure men out there? Take a moment to find yourself. Then, when you finally see what the rest of us do, get back out there and find your girl.
  • alohasir
    Then how do the girl and guy know when they finally find the one that they cannot live without? I don't understand. There are so many relationships out there, but it doesn't seem like many of them stands the test of time. How do you know when you finally find the one you cannot live without? Comments, advice, tips, opinions anyone?
  • toulouse
    Woman stay with guys who are no good as well. I would imagine everyone would want to be the first to walk away - why wouldn't you it feels better. I don't think anyone sits there and says , I'm just going to wait till they leave firs. I don't know What kind of people you hang out with, I don't know people who wait around in crappy situations to be dumped. There is always option C leave & DON'T look for anyone else because you'll be OK by yourself as well. You don't always have to be in a relationship.
  • Bleep
    I've been there, wish I had read this a long time ago. ;)
  • thoronmegil
    Good article. Does generalize a bit, but often true.
  • xp360
    Than you my man, it kind of make sense but still hurts as hell I feel like I am dying specialy cause we have a baby who is so adorable and wonderful
  • mantobee
    if girls didn't find me and ugly and I wasn't single my entire life then maybe that would work
  • The_Supid_Genius
    Well put buddy. With you every step of the way.
  • Shaun
    Excellent advice, I hope more men take heed.
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