Why Being A Virgin Is Hell

TheInvisibleMan

The title seems obvious enough, right? Well, after seeing a lot of comments, I had to write this take and really go in detail.

There are a lot of people who write shit like "thats fine", "it will happen" or even "aww thats sweet". Then, you have people who are like "work on yourself, be confident" or "its your own fault". And finally, you have those who say "don't feel pressured by society, do it when the time is right" or "someone special will come along".

Obviously, all 3 types of people have no clue what they are talking about. So without any further delay, let me tell you my story:

I never had a girl in my life. Not even a kiss, not even a date. Literally nothing.

I am 19 years old.

"You are young, you just gotta wait, it will come"


I live in a VERY promiscuous environment, so being 19 here and being like me, is kinda like being 29 in most countries. In other words - it's a really fucking big deal. Here, where I live, there is literally nobody over 16 who is a virgin. Not to mention kissing, everybody does that before they turn 14. Also, this is the worst advice out there for virgins. After checking out a bunch of different cases online, where guys wrote how they are virgins, I realized that until they turn 30, people keep telling them the bullshit I wrote above. And for those who are 30+? Then those same assholes write "what have you been waiting for?"

So people online are mostly useless, but please, on behalf of all virgins out there, DON'T write "it will happen". By far the worst advice and the stupidest thing you can say.

Also, it's not sweet or anything like that, since I wasn't saving myself for anybody, I don't believe in love, and I would have been with almost any girl if I ever had a chance.

"It's your own fault, you gotta work on yourself"

This actually IS good advice for some guys and can help them out a lot. However, not for me. See, I have been working on myself for years.


Looks - I am 6'2, about 190 pounds, currently have short hair and short beard. Throughout the years, I used to have military haircut, slick back, long hair and a shaved head. I also had a full beard, short beard, goatee, mustache and clean shaven. Girls never wanted to be with me, at any of those times. Im a normal guy, I shower, brush my teeth etc. (in case somebody thinks about that)

Lifestyle - I play guitar, draw, do spray paint art. I go out with my friends and drink and have fun. I work as a chef. In the past, I used to train 2 martial arts, 2 sports professionally, trained swimming by myself but still went to competitions and won medals, and I did a little bit of bodybuilding. I used to work as a bartender, I have 2 high school diplomas. I worked a bit on construction sites etc. etc. I don't want to bother you with everything I did, but you get the idea, I did more than anybody my age and even than most people older than me. Girls were also not interested in me at any of those times


Social Life - As mentioned above, I have friends and I go out and drink. I also went through a bunch of social circles - from popular kids, over metalheads and rockers to even drug dealers and criminals. I went out to many different places throughout the years. And yes, you guessed it, girls were never interested in me, during any of those times. I should also mentioned Im not socially awkward or weird, nor am I an aggressive asshole.

Besides, even if I never worked on myself, who I was before all of that, was still better than some guys I know, which of course had girls and had sex. Literally I know fat, ugly, retarded stoners who get girls. I couldn't even if I was the last guy on this planet. Oh, I forgot another common one:

Attitude - I wasn't always this pessimistic, in fact, I used to think I will be able to have girls easily. I was optimistic and positive about this. But after 7 years of trying without even the smallest results, I would have to be insane to still believe there is any chance for me.

I happen to play my guitar for about 7 years, and if I couldn't even play a single chord, a single tone by now, I would give up hope. It goes for any activity on this planet. If you can't make ANY progress in 7 years, you are doomed.

And finally, for people who say "don't feel pressured by society" yes, society has certain influence, but it's not the main reason. Not even close. I happen to have a high sex drive, and never being able to fulfill them creates frustration on its own. Even if everybody around me was a virgin, I still wouldn't be happy. It would only help with certain additional problems.


The thing is, this is actually getting worse as time goes by. You see, even if a miracle happened and somehow a girl who wants to be with me existed, now there is a whole new series of problems:


Kissing - there is nobody here even close to my age who never had a kiss. I would have to either tell her I never had a kiss and she would look at me like the biggest weirdo ever. Or not tell her, and let her see it on her own when I kiss her in a bad way.

Relationship games - let's face it, nobody wants this, but it happens quite often. When there are problems in a relationship there are these little games which people play, where they want to make their partner jealous or whatever. Not an option for me, because I am completely undesirable to the opposite sex. So basically the girl could cheat on me with 50 guys and I could do nothing about it.

Other women - similar to the previous one, women want guys who are desirable to other women. We all know that. So, when my non-existent girlfriend would see just how much nobody else wants to be with me, she wouldn't either

Not to mention first sex and things like that. So yeah, this is actually hell. I wouldn't want ANYBODY ever to feel like me. Not even the worst enemy.

Imagine what it's like, watching every day everybody do the thing you want, but you can't. Watching assholes who were always losers do it, and you can't. Watching kids, who were playing and riding a bike when you were trying to get a girl, now have a girl, while you STILL can't. Constantly having to make up excuses why you are single, and saying you are single "by choice".

Of course, many virgin guys will find a girl some day, but there are some of us who literally never will. So don't be assholes to us. Its hard enough. I have been insulted many times on this site for being a virgin. I don't give a fuck usually what random internet strangers say, but this is hitting where it hurts the most. And don't judge us for calling prostitutes, since its the only way for us.

Thanks for reading, I hope I could explain at least partially what its like ....

Why being a virgin is hell

Why Being A Virgin Is Hell
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tdieseler
    You read my take mate... and when i read yours... i found you are still missing half of the point.
    Yea, its gonna come...
    Yea, you are still young...
    Yea, you gotta work on yourself...
    But you missed the second half of that last statement which i reiterated in my Take...
    You HAVE TO transcend the pussy/vagina. Im pretty sure by now, you kinda have a slight hatred towards women (dont deny it, i have the same and I've been with a lot, they just irk me at times lol) but thats part of the problem.
    I wrote this to someone with a similar issue yesterday... when you stop putting vagina on a pedestal and not give a fuck what a girl thinks about you... they'll be lining up at the gate. THATS the half you are missing.
    "You gotta work on yourself..." : seems like you do good in the looks and social life aspect, probably even have some money (big factor)
    "... but dont put vagina on a pedestal and dont give a shit what they think":.. You are missing that aspect.
    At this point you probably scream "desperation" even though you try to hide it.
    try screaming "I dont care what you think, ima do me"... or my favorite..."on to the next one"...
    Girls are a dime a dozen... if one shoots you down... move on to the next.. ain't nothing to it. And dont forget, the more you dont give a fuck, the more attractive you will look. Dunno why its that way... but thats what happens.
    Im going through the same shit as we speak. The moment i admitted i liked her as well... she lost all attraction. Thing is, i dont like people often, but im still working on going back to "fuck you" mode.
    Is this still revelant?
    • First somewhat useful comment here. Just the problem is, its not about one woman not wanting to be with me. No woman wants to be with me. And after many years of bad experience and complete failure, I just can't be confident or relaxed. As for not giving a fuck, I feel like if I start acting that way Im gonna turn women off even more. Im not putting them on a pedestal but the fact is I need them, they don't need/want me. So I am in a pretty bad position

    • Tdieseler

      ".. but the fact is I need them.."
      Didn't we just talk about this? you have to NOT need them, even if its only an act. Between genders, women are the biggest liars, so play their own game.
      When many men approach women, the women put it in their head that all he wants is their vagina.. and will start to close off. But if you approach them like they are one of the guys, and you talk to them like you would their guy friends (you wouldn't give a sexual compliment to your guy friends would you?)...
      They will get curious... and try to test u wit little sexual advances... just blow it off... if they touch you... smoothly but gently remove it.
      ACT like you dont need them, in the end, they'll end up so curious, they'd end up needing YOU, they can't help it... its in their nature.
      Its not a guaranteed technique... every girl is different... and i wouldn't recommend that on a girl you actually like though :)

    • Tdieseler

      One more thing, i'd recommend you ACTUALLY transcend the vagina, because if you are as socially awkward as you said... this could blow up on you. Women may be dumb in relationships, but their instinct, and that stupid ass-umption that they have that all guys just wanna fuck on sight... those two combined would make them smell your act from a mile away.
      You ACTUALLY have to not need them... unless you are very good at acting.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hannah313
    Nice. You sound like every other asshole.
    I'm a virgin and I wanna stay that way. I met a guy that I liked. We were about to date when I start to realize he just wanted a girlfriend. Like I'm some tool.
    Find a girl that you LIKE. Not because she's pretty or smart, but because she's a beautiful puzzle that you get to know more and more every day. Post a photo on here.
    Just it sucks to like a guy but he lets his insecurities take over and he uses me.
    I'd have no problem with a virgin boyfriend. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, become a wonderful person, and find a wonderful girl that you love for how complex she is.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I already said, I don't believe in love and I am 100% against it. And I said I can't get ANY girl in the world, and you are telling me to find a specific girl. Great logic.

    • Hannah313

      Yeah with your emo attitude, you won't be much fun to be around. I don't know any women that want to have a man that they have to build up. Pull yourself up.
      "I don't believe in love." Aren't you a special snowflake. So poetic.
      Pull yourself up, work out and take care of your looks, and stop whining. I swear if it were the other way around, and I'm a unattractive fat girl that is greasy and emo and says "I don't believe in love and I can't get laid!" Well yeah. Not only do your looks suck, your personality sucks too. Improve yourself. Do it for YOU not for anyone else. You can't expect anyone else to like you if you don't like yourself. WE are all insecure but successful people laugh at their's. Laugh. Smile. Don't take everything in life so seriously. Have fun, and be fun to be around. Enjoy styling clothes and taking care of yourself. Enjoy you. Don't look for anyone, look for yourself, and if someone pops up in the process, go for it. But you have to try first

    • Did you even read the take? "Fat, greasy, emo, ugly etc" where the fuck did you get that from? As I said, I am 6'2, I used to train different sports, martial arts and bodybuilding so I am fit and muscular too. And I dress well and all that. So actually read the take before writing random nonsense in the comments. As for love, yes, I am 100% against it, love is for idiots, it means allowing your life to be controlled by an unneccessary chemical in the brain, that makes you weak as fuck and messes with your mind. Its better to do drugs than to be in love

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • levantine99
    i call bullshit. you look after your appearence for years, have social circle, active social life, not awkward and weird, and dont get laid? you have some other issues going on. overly shy? overly needy? no game? just by hearing how insecure you sound i kinda get why they are turned on. you sound too self conscious for nothing. if you begin treating women a bit like humans and not like these alien creatures you got to to discover you might get a step closer to salvation.
    • turned off*
      also i dont believe the whole "hell" thing. the hell only exists in your mind. if you aren't cool with your self and at peace the others can't be with you.

    • society especiall men's "wolf packs" can be too harsh on the success with women subject but guess what, you can choose to change companies altogether if you desire to do so. if they wanna make you into something else than what you are they aren't real friends in the first place.

    • define "i tried". what did you do exactly. also do you have any female friends? real friends. that communicate your problems, fears, aspirations to each etc.

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  • UnknownXYZ
    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-normal(c).gif

    I feel you bro...

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-object(e).gif

    BUT NOT ALL HOPE IS LOST!

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(e).gif

    First things first...

    When it comes for a guy being laid it's all about the mindset.

    "Attitude - I wasn't always this pessimistic, in fact, I used to think I will be able to have girls easily. I was optimistic and positive about this. But after 7 years of trying without even the smallest results, I would have to be insane to still believe there is any chance for me."

    Being that you are 19, you have been approaching guys from since you were 12? Doesn't matter long you have been trying because somewhere down the line, you were growing a lot more pessimistic as time progressed. Even if you don't think so, this means that to girls, you reek of lack of confidence and insecurity and they can smell that shit from a mile away.

    www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-aha(d).gif

    What does this mean? It means that it is way more than likely that your game sucks (harsh truth but listen) and that your attempts and approaches have are equivalent to moving a brick by blowing on it with a straw. As you can see, with each blow you make on the brick, it's ***never*** going to move. This is more than likely what has been happening; your approaches were crap and that resulted in you going nowhere. Each approach was never going to succeed.

    "So, when my non-existent girlfriend would see just how much nobody else wants to be with me, she wouldn't either..."

    Never kissed a girl or had sex? Too bad, ***start acting like you have***. Make it seem like you are God's gift to women and that women would be foolish not to have sex with you. As long as you come across as that guy, you will naturally attract women without you actively trying. This is what people mean by confidence; you have so much of it that not even a "10" who is in the room that many guys are drooling over would phase you.

    Now... GAME, GAME AND GAME!

    I won't into too much detail about this but like your redundant attempts, you need to up your game. You claim you "try" but I reckon you don't "try" hard enough.
    • UnknownXYZ

      Imagine on a weekly basis scale and answer these questions to yourself?

      How often do you work on improving and being your best self?
      How often do you meet new people?
      How often do you approach girls making your sexual intentions clear?
      Do you actually ask out girls?
      How often do you just casually speak with women?
      Are you respected highly amongst your peers?
      Do you mention your virginity and troubles to women that you are interested in?
      Are you funny and witty?
      Do people actually find you interesting entertaining?

      Think very careful about these answers... because this will be key in realising the reality of your situation.

    • UnknownXYZ

      The problem is right now is that you have a lot of self improving to do.

      "Lifestyle - I play guitar, draw, do spray paint art. I go out with my friends and drink and have fun. I work as a chef. In the past, I used to train 2 martial arts, 2 sports professionally, trained swimming by myself but still went to competitions and won medals, and I did a little bit of bodybuilding. I used to work as a bartender, I have 2 high school diplomas. I worked a bit on construction sites etc. etc. I don't want to bother you with everything I did, but you get the idea, I did more than anybody my age and even than most people older than me. Girls were also not interested in me at any of those times."

      This is amazing! Get back on that guitar man!

      Improve your conversation skills. Be that guy where you leave lasting expressions on people whether you think it would be a weird one but who cares? You are the guy who doesn't give a fuck (confidence) and you act how you want (this is being best self).

    • UnknownXYZ

      How about this? The next time you go out with your friends. You see an attractive girl, you approach her introducing yourself (name). Ask her what her name is. Say something witty or interesting and try to get a good conversation. Judge by how she responds and lightly flirt and tease her and build your way from there. If she isn't interested then move on and don't feel bad about being rejected. Think "Oh well, that's her loss!" and repeat the process until you get to the point of trying to land a kiss or getting her number. Read books on body language so you pick up more on cues. The fact that you are 6'2" will make you somewhat attractive to many women.

      I can go on and on but you are 19 and despite what you say about many people your age being experienced and all, not all hope is lost.

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  • BeeNee
    Okay so then what advice should I give you---do nothing? just give up then? There is no point to living? You're right no girl is ever going to want you? Stop trying? You're already too old and too single? Don't work on yourself...

    ... it sucks right now for you because it hasn't happened, and some of that advice that angers you so, angers you because you're just frustrated with your situation---that has nothing to do with people who tell you to have hope. Now if someone is bullying you and making fun of you, that's different. I think virgins desperately trying to get out of their situation always default to that---I'm the only one mentality, but how do you know that. Unless you are in the bedroom with people, you don't know that. You can't tell by looking at someone if they are a virgin or not.

    Sure, I don't doubt what you say about where you live is true for a lot of people, but you also don't know if all that say they are, are actually not virgins, and even beyond your area---there are a lot who are or were in the same boat, so some people are just trying to help you and to encourage you. We could replace 'virgin' with you trying to quit smoking, or lose weight, or find a new job, or finish school... if you put your frustration out in the world, most would try to be encouraging and to give you some hope, and you should accept that and use that to fuel your fire and not let your inability to make it happen... YET... consume you to the point where you feel like you have no value because clearly from the things you list, you do. Now good luck with getting laid damn it!
    • ptstat

      he isn't destructive on all advice, for example he agreed to visit a prostitute which is imho the best and only solution for this problem

    • I didn't write this looking for advice. I wrote this to mention to other people just how hard it is for some of us, so hopefully they can stop being assholes to us here. I got a lot of insults here for being a virgin. And its not really the same like quitting smoking or whatever. Because, not to sound cocky, but I actually COULD quit smoking and all those things. I spent most of my life working on myself and on making my dreams come trye. And I've managed to achieve a lot. However this is something that was always 100% out of reach for me and titally impossible. Thats whats so frustrating. When you know you can do nothing about it

    • BeeNee

      The first question was more of a rhetorical one, meaning, in general when you meet people and you tell them this story as you have above---what would you like them to respond with, except what they do which is don't give up and have hope and keep trying. The only way you will no longer be a virgin is, surprise, if you keep trying. There literally is no other way it's going to happen. Staying at home and crying about it, writing a take about it, talking until your face turns blue... will all do nothing. So, when someone says, hey man, keep your chin up, it will happen for you or keep trying, they literally mean it because that IS your only hope at putting an end to your virginity. There is no sarcasm or bullying, or snark in that; that's just genuine honest truth.

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  • Curiousgrl94
    Hi,

    my boyfriend lost his virginity at 21 to me. And He had his first kiss at 21. We worked through it:-) From what I undestand, it had not been "his choice" to wait that long, but he has also told me he was happy he had upheld his standards (not just gone to a bar and hooked up, used apps, prostitutes etc) and waited to loose his virginity until he was in a relationship with someone he cared about. This was one of the things that made me fall for him actually: he wasn't desperate, and sex and who he had it with mattered to him. I feel special :-)

    It has also been done some research on whether or not (and what) effects when you loose your virginity has on a person. Those who loose their virginity in their twenties apparently go on to (generally) have higher education and more permanent/stable/well functioning relationships than those who loose them in their early and mid-teens. Try and google it and see if you can find the same:-)

    Personally, I lost my virginity at 19. And had my first kiss at 19. I felt precisely the way you feel! Who would want to be with me, when I don't even know how to kiss them? Who would want to be with me, when I don't even know how to touch them? But truth be told, I'm am seriously glad I waited! I lost my virginity to a man I was head over heals in love with at the time, and I never regretted it a second. Being kissed and touched for the first time by someone you are truly in love with is an out of body experience. It touched my soul, in lack of a better expression.

    Growing up I also remember the talk between many of my girl friends who lost their virginity at 14 and 15 years old saying how much they wish they had waited. You never get your first time back, so maybe you should try to look at the bright side? You are 19 years old and capable of making a reflected and good decision regarding how/when/to who you will loose your virginity. MANY of my friends would have given a lot for precisely that.

    I know these words might not help you that much, but thought I'd leave them anyway. Good luck :-)

    • First of all, thanks for taking the time to read my take and to write such a detailed encouraging comment. However, Im not a virgin because of my high standards (like your boyfriend), in fact I tried to go to a bar and just hook up. I have very low standards (beggars can't be choosers, right?). And I don't believe in love. So you can see why its so frustrating for me

    • I see. No problem! :)

      If all you are looking for is "releasing tension" that might come off as desperate and is very unattractive. Could that be the main reason why it is very difficult to find a girl to be with?

      I don't have any friends who would like to have their bodies used as a "sex-toy" (I'm sorry for the hyperbole) If you make a girl feel special, she's yours. At least that works on me :-p. For most people, even though you don't believe in it, sex is an act of love, and if not that, at least very intimate. Maybe that is something to work on, making sex something more than just the removal of an itch? :)

      I hope you find someone though :)

    • Actually I tried seducing sluts who literally hook up with any guy they meet. I couldn't have even them. But diesn't matter, thanks anyway, you seem like a nice person

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  • musicbrain5
    After having read the whole MyTake, it's clear that you hate the situation you're in, but you're not actively doing anything to rectify it since you're not seeking advice. It's turning out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy for you at this point.

    I don't know where you live but I highly doubt you're the ONLY virgin over 16. Sounds a bit farfetched to me.
    • I actually am. My town is very loose in every way. Except the fact everybody fucks with everybody, like 90% of people are doing drugs too, many people are involved in criminal activities etc. You get the idea. And no, Im not looking for advice since I dont believe anything or anybody in the world can help me. I just wrote this to mention how hard it is for us anyway, so hopefully people stop being assholes to us, at least on GaG

    • Flytrapp

      I bet you have retarded people in ur town that are virgins! Don't be so mad

    • @Flytrapp my age? hardly

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  • SnowHearth
    It ain't a hell, unless you make it a hell yourself.
    • How could it not be exactly? Its not like I can do anything about it

    • 1derweye

      That's right!
      You can't do anything about it because too you're busy doing things about making sure people that help you... regret it! That's so much more important than taking any responsibility for yourself. Yea... It's everyone's else's fault you're so miserable!!!

  • shephardjhon
    I read some of your replies and agree.
    To helpful women reading this.
    He didn't say it but I think he is talking about the fact that the VERY FIRST thing men get insulted with in a heated argument about pop culture and politics is that they are virgins and thus have no worth and their argument has no worth.
    Maybe stop using this word as an insult and tell others the same.
  • jemjem2017
    i'm 25 and turning 26 this April standing proud to say i'm still a virgin, just enjoy life. be proud of it not every boy in your age is virgin be proud of it. one day will might met also a virgin girl. being a virgin is not a hell. its very rare in this modern society so be proud of it.
    • ptstat

      that's nice of you to be a virgin and a merit, but the guy said hiis topic is not about virgins by choice

    • Exactly, what @ptstat said

    • Infynis

      Not only that, but being a virgin is very different for a girl. Female virgins are seen as pure, male virgins are seen as losers.

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  • Eridan
    I'M 23 years old and I've never had a girlfriend either. Am I even worse off than you? No I'm not, because I don't feel sorry for myself like you do.
    Listen to yourself for a moment. If your life revolves around (not) having a sexual experience in the past, you're a pathetic human being. No wonder girls prefer to avoid you.
    • Not everybody has the same sex drive. Your sex drive is probably low so it doesn't really bother you that you are a virgin loser. I happen to have a high sex drive so it bothers me A LOT

    • Eridan

      See, that's your problem - perspective. You think that since I haven't had a girlfriend yet, I must be a "virgin loser". No girl would ever want to date a "virgin loser", but you are one only as long as you consider youself as such.

    • If you are 19 or 23 and never had a girlfriend - you are objectively a loser. You can see yourself as a winner and lie to yourself all you want but facts are the facts. I am aware of the fact I am a loser. I am also aware if the fact I can't change that. But maybe you can change your situation, just face reality and work from there. Because as long as you keep telling yourself its fine, you are gonna be stuck in the same position

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  • SarahsSummer
    Damn, sorry but you really are an idiot. And your flagrant use of the word "obviously" is ignorant. With an attitude like yours, even if you looked like Chris Hemswirth or Ryan Reynolds, I'd pass too.
    • Why the fuck are you calling me an idiot? As for the attitude, I explained in the take, I didn't akways have this attitude. And I know you'd pass, there isn't a girl on this planet who would be with me.

    • Of course you didn't always have that attitude but the only attitude that matters is the one that's here and now. And here and now, women can smell your desperation and defeatist attitude. You may think I'm mean or harsh or unsympathetic... well, I am unsympathetic but the words I've shared are to get you to think about the real reason you haven't attained your goal. It's because you are self sabotaging it.

    • Juke_3

      Ay dude, not that it a big deal, but do you think your face would be considered ugly?

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  • MarkRet
    I understand. I was once there, myself. The worst thing is when there are people who think you are somehow 'less of a man' just because you can't get any action. There was always more outside pressure on me to get laid, rather than an inner issue. I've already in the past invited you to some Mytakes I did on this subject, so there isn't much else I can say, just hang in there.
  • ChocEyes1
    I understand you feel like hell, but seriously nothing really changes much after you lose your virginity. Sex doesn't have this kind of power.

    Now wait until you don't have a job or a place to live. Then you'll see hell...
    • Its not a big deal for you because you probably had all that stuff at a normal age. If you didn't it would be a huge deal. Imagine not being able to have something everybody else can just naturally. It kinda feels like you are disabled.

  • kilowatt04
    Yes! This is a lot like my life, and you've got a grasp on this that basically no one else does. Now to be fair I'm a lot more pessimistic than this and always have been, and I'm also a lot uglier, and take worse care of myself, and have some certifiably weird gender issues. But you really hit it with the advice thing - like "work on yourself" or "do this or that" and all that being nonsense, because yeah, there are all sorts of WAY out there freaks, creeps, and losers (I hate all those words too but you get the idea) who get plenty of girlfriends. So do nice guys, soft guys, assholes, basically every type of guy that anyone ever told anyone not to be or to be, they all get it, and some of us just seem to be left out. Until recently, as far as I know I have been pretty much indistinguishable from any other guy until you get to know me. Now I'm just over that and have started to my own thing cause it can't hurt at this point.

    I'd like to hear a lot more ideas on why this might be. Personally, I am asexual, and maybe that's something that women can sniff out, but I have always wanted a relationship, even when I've tried to tell myself I didn't, and a lot of guys try to make me feel better by saying "you're lucky, relationships are nothing but trouble" and a lot of girls try to make me feel better by saying "you're so nice, you will meet the nicest girl someday" and all this. And it seems like everyone who has relationships can look at us forgotten ones and have some answer like it should be obvious to us, but no, every kind of person I've ever heard about can still get girls but not me. And I know it's not something you "just have to work at" or "you have to chase" because I see it all the time where it just happens almost unavoidably to people.
    • Exactly! Its hard for them to understand, they can't even imagine what its like for us. But, if you wanted a relationship, I doubt you are asexual, maybe you just have a bit lower sex drive?

  • snowangle
    You didn't mention - have you ever even approached a girl? You say you've been "trying" but you didn't say how often you've actually interacted with girls.
    • Of course I did. By trying I meant approaching girls or starting a conversation and trying to seduce girls who are friends of my friends (or something like that)

  • Nuala
    Lol, your view on relationships is SO worpt!

    by the way, do you try and put yourself out there? Or do you just expect girls to just like shove their tongue down your throat?
    • I wrote above, I have been trying for over 7 years...

    • Nuala

      Yes, but what exactly are you trying?

    • To be with girls, do I really need to spell every word?

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  • JohnDoe3000
    What are your standards? What does your face look like (you can be jacked and have sixpack abs but if you have an ugly face all of that barely matters)?
    • I'd say average looks. Recently I was talking with some girl here on GaG about this and she asked me to send her a pic, she rated me 8/10. Though thats just her opinion. But you can ask her, she follows me here. As for standards, I almost have none. Just decent looks, thats all

    • Hmmm, I don't know what you consider "decent", but anyway it sounds like girls in your town aren't into you because you're not like all the drugdealers they usually like. Move to another (bigger) town and make new friends, I was a late bloomer myself and moving to a new environment was what finally got the ball rolling.

    • Decent as in not really ugly or really obese. As for environment, I am supposed to move to the biggest city in my country in about a year. But Im not very optimistic since I went through so many social circles and no kind of a girl ever wanted to be with me (popular girls, metal girls, goths, sluts, nice girls etc etc)

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  • vishna
    WOWOWOOWOWOWO: revelation!!!
    After reading the take and your comments with others, you seem to have all the obvious characteristics to get a mate; clean, fit, fun, interesting hobbies... perhaps, you are an outlier, a poor unfortunate outlier. Bare with me, maybe you emit pheromones, specific pheromones that subconsciously, biologically... repel women romantically. Sure, they can be friends with you, but to bear your offspring... the desire might be out of their control. That HAS TO BE THE REASON!
    .
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    ..
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    get it tested, srsly.
    • pavlove

      lol such a jerk

    • vishna

      @pavlove wha, me? no way, that was good advice :1

    • You actually bothered to read the whole take just to troll me? *slow clap*

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  • RhythmBlack
    I'm an 18 year old virgin. True I don't feel like you do. (Not because society prefers me pure/innocent (since I'm far from that), I just stop caring.) You sound attractive to me, I don't know what's going on. Tindr might help (I guess). Personally, the girls around you must be blind to date you because again, you sound like an attractive person. (The way you described yourself)
  • FallOutBoy2001
    See, being a virgin is Hell if you make it Hell. I'm a virgin (not by choice) and you don't see me bitching about it
    • 1. You are 16
      2. You are a girl
      3. Not everybody has the same sex drive

    • 1. You are 16 - You would be correct
      2. You are a girl - Last time I checked, yes
      3. Not everybody has the same sex drive - I'd say my sex drive is pretty damn high.

    • Jamesol1

      So many arrogant girls on this site. You are 16... AKA your young so you being a virgin is normal. After 18 then it starts becoming an issue for most.

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  • BluesBoy
    Honestly, I'm 30 and never kiss and ofc sleep with a girl and life is not hell.

    Not having my 6 plates deadlift is ^^

    I don't know man, why do you make such a big deal of not having sex with the opposite gender.

    Focus on what you love in life, you say you did martial arts and bodybuilding. So let's go for 3 full body workouts + 3 training sessions of martial arts and one day off for hard stretching of 1 hour and boom, you have your week full. You will slowly become stronger and a good striker, you can do sparing with friends.

    Life is not hell cause you can't have a girlfriend man, you make it sounds like hell cause you focus on something you can't have.
    • I have a high sex drive. And even a kiss is impossible for me. So of course its frustrating. You obviously have a lower sex drive so you are fine with your situation. But I found that no matter how much I focus and work on other things, at the end if the day I still feel like a loser because I can't have any girl in the world

  • Atlas67890-
    Jesus Christ dude, its not that big of a deal! What you gonna hang yourself over this (like some have), shoot up your school? The shit people don't know could make another planet Earth... You're going to be like 'thats it?' after your first time, guaranteed. Do something else with your damned life dude... its a fricking meat sleeve!!! Get a fricking prostitute for Gods sake! www.youtube.com/.../search?query=virgin

    Things that are NOT going to get you laid:

    Whining about not getting laid.
    • "Do something else with your life"? Read the things I listed (and thats not all I did). Tell me you achieved that many things before you turned 20? And I plan to get a prostitute but I can't for at least another 6 months - 1 year because of some other things going on

  • KLTheErudite7229
    It is not a hell for me, it is only it if you think it that way
    • Good for you. But for me it is and it has to be. This is something I wanted for years. And I had to watch literally everybody I ever met get it while I could never even come close to it

  • MyExperience
    You remind me of a quote by Henry Ford.
    "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right".
    Maybe if you stopped thinking about it and just jerked off when you're horny, like EVERY OTHER TEENAGE BOY WITH A "high sex drive", you'd actually stop thinking you "can't get laid" and your attitude AND results would change. Girls can smell desperation a mile away. Get over yourself.
    • I was like that. Until I got too old for my situation to be normal. And results were always the same, no matter what I thought. Which is expected, since thoughts do not affect reality in any way

    • TOO OLD? TOO OLD? you're 19 fucking years old. Your life hasn't even begun yet. Where do you live? What do you do for work or school? Have you traveled anywhere in the world? (Family vacations to Disney don't count)

    • Yes I am 19 years old and I never had a kiss in a place where you can't find any 14 year olds who never had a kiss. Thats what I meant by too old. Too old to be like this.

      I work as a chef, I have 2 high school diplomas. I live in Serbia, I have been in Croatia, Bosnia, Greece and FYROM.

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  • SeraBarton
    Why does your whole worth center on not having a girlfriend? You sound like you have a pretty nice and exciting life to me.
    • When you are completely missing one aspect of your life (especially something as basic as this), you can'thelp but stress about it. Imagine having a brand new Mercedes but its missing one wheel. And there is no way for you to ever get that wheel. You will always stress about the missing wheel, instead of looking at the rest of the awesome car

    • SeraBarton

      Maybe you need a new analogy then?

    • Its simple. A guy who can't have any girl in the world is a fucking loser. And it does not matter if he has a billion dollar business or whatever, as long as no girl in the world wants him - he is a fucking loser. Relationships and sex are a natural human need, a basic one too. And every normal guy on this planet can do it. Hell, even gay guys get kisses from girls. Nick Vujicic has a wife and kids. Thats a guy born without arms and legs. I have all body parts yet I can't get a kiss from any girl in the world. Not to mention sex. I can't achieve the simple basic thing everybody can

  • Reavertxm
    Just lie about it, who give two sh*ts if you are or not. All a girl wants to know when she asks that is "does he know where to stick it." Porn will teach you basically everything you need to know, even though your expectations will be different. Regardless if you believe in "The One" or not, I know for a fact you'd prefer someone who is clean vs someone who slept with the town.
    • I lie about it all the time. And people believe me. But girls still won't be with me

  • sailorjupiter
    again... lost your virginity still don't guaranteed you into a good college or university or even a great job
    also... virgin or not virgin, you're still paying bills
    so, worrying about not being bang is really a shallow minded people i can say, there's a lot more important thing to worry about in the world
    here is what you can do - strike a good grade, get a good job, improve your communication skills, be friendly and hang out in every activities. Get a girl means you need some investment too, to yourself
    • Did you even read what I wrote? I mentioned some of the things I did, and yet you are telling me I need to work on myself. While, as I said, I know fat ugly losers who get girls. And tell me have you ever met anybody who did half of the stuff I did at 19? Yeah, didn't think so

    • investment to yourself doesn't mean just to hit a gym- get a good career, be a better talker - if you have all the package, what i can say is improve your communication skill. even a handsome guy who always hang out at the party, still can be a jerk and push people away from u. i don't think you have the whole package yet if you're still don't get any girl after all the works done, you know what i'm saying?

    • Yeah, but I guess my conversation skills aren't that bad, I have a lot of friends, and they are all different kinds of people, yet I can hang out and talk to them easily.

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  • pavlove
    All of these comments is complete BS. The only thing I/we need to know is this:

    What are your approaches for sex/relationship like? Are you asking any girls on dates? Are you chatting any girls up especially when they're drinking?

    My suspicion is that you are not socially awkward but are shy and/or lazy with this particular element in your life. All the negative self talk is really just you trying to use your intelligence to rationalize why you DONT want to do it but really the reason is either you're AFRAID or LAZY or BOTH. So again answer the question and lets see what the situation is.
    • Yes to all. When I said I have been trying for 7 years, I really meant trying. Its not an excuse

    • dipta

      Since you were 12?

    • @dipta yes. as I mentioned, I live in a promiscuous environment, and 12 is usually the age kids start getting in relationships

  • mostwomenshouldstfu
    It's hell because Western society hates you nowadays. You disrupt their promiscuous construct. I'm guessing you'd feel cheap going up to a girl, calling her a slut, nutting her, and discarding her, yeah. Well, college is like the epitomal model of that.

    Rough times are ahead buddy. I suggest finding a virgin with wholesome standards who aren't feminists. They're tough to find and need saving from themselves.

    Don't buy into the "experienced dudes" high fiving their track record. No man under 55 has truly slayed pussy in their life. It's all a culture fantasy.
    • Did you even read the take? I can't have ANY girl on this planet, a virgin or a slut. And no, I wouldn't feel cheap

    • If you wouldn't feel cheap, then the problem is you don't have the right set of problems. Get a girl in a social location where you can privately kill her self esteem and you're in. I mean, it's so easy it's comical. There's a mixed bag but you won't feel better about yourself, at least you'll get laid.

    • How do you suggest I do this exactly? If it was even a little bit simplefor me, I could get at least a kiss in all these years

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  • WaterRat
    Move to a different country, maybe it's just the women in your country. People love exotic people.
    • WaterRat

      Have you talked to a therapist? You never mention WHY girls aren't interested in you.

    • WaterRat

      BDSM club... where you can just sit there with a mask on and have things done to you or do things to women? Massages are also a good way for sensual, nurturing contact. Just trying to help.

    • I want to move to a different country for other reasons, but it will take at least 6 more years before I even had a chance. I never mentioned why because I don't know. Nobody knows.

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  • Cosytoasty
    How many girls have you asked out? Out of curiosity.
    • I don't know exactly, as I said, its been over 7 years...

    • Cosytoasty

      So you've been constantly been asking girls out these 7 years? And not one has even said yes?

      What are your rejections like then? Describe what they say or do.

    • Depends on the situation, since many of those girls I met through a social circle so it wasn't always a direct approach. But usually we talk, laugh and all that but there is never any attraction. In the end we usually be "friends" and lose all contact. They just talk and laugh with me like they would with their friends or parents or whatever. Nothing sexual involved

  • Bro a woman is just a woman. She's not God. I think you probably come off as to anxiety or a bit rigid towards women and that can turn them off.
    • I never said women were Gods. However I do have a higher chance of meeting God than a girl who would want to be with me

  • SovereignessofVamps
    Did you ever approach girls? Srsly, experienced guys can be really not good @ sex, and have no idea or they just don't care. So if you care, you'll be fine.
    • Yes I did. Still though, I can't have any girls so there isn't much point in discussing sex, when even a kiss is impossible for me

    • How amny?

    • I don't know exactly, as I said, its been over 7 years and I wasn't keeping track

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  • Unorthodox91
    To be honest, being a virgin at 19 is not that bad because it's not far off the age most people lose their virginity. Being one at 25 like I am is ten times worse, I can promise you. If you're still a virgin in 6 years time, you really will feel like you're going insane.
    • It is here, because kissing and sex happens early, I live in a promiscuous environment, so being 19 here and being like me is way too old. So I know the feeling you described

    • ok, but still, by 25 you will have gone a much longer time period. you will laugh at your 19 year old self believe me.

    • that's IF you are still a virgin by 25 of course.

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  • Kloeelizabeth
    I'm almost 15 and i haven't even kissed a guy or dated anyone... ever.
  • Dog19
    Marvin is 19, he's a virgin. But doesn't care. His friends make fun of him for being a virgin. They say he's a loser, a freak. They also point out that he's about to be 20 and still never had a girlfriend.

    How does that make you feel
    • It makes me not give a fuck, since that's a completely different story from mine

    • Dog19

      Would it bother you if you're friends made fun of you for being a virgin

    • my friends don't even know Im a virgin. but even if they did, they would not make fun of me, because they are my friends

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  • Omar5881
    You're talking about what will your girlfriend would think of you while you don't even have a girlfriend , stop overthinking brah , so what a 19 yr old you don't have to be ok by the society standards get out there live tour life and when it comes it comes
    • The thing is it will never come. If there was any chance, it would have happened a billion times by now, like it did for literally every guy I know

    • Omar5881

      Every guy you know ain't every guy on the planet , maybe you're going to the wrong places or not even that attractive way of talk , maybe you're not physically attractive but if you can put a good smile on a girl's face and talk in confidence you will do good

    • No but as I said I live in a very promiscuous environment. Even fat and ugly stupid guys get laid here. I can make a girl laugh and talk to her but thats all I can do. A kiss is already impossible for me. A simple kiss. The thing 11 year old kids can get. I can't.

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  • gobsmacked3
    You have to seek out life rather than waiting for it to find you.

    For it never will

    With women, it is all on you. Firstly you need to end the pity party and invest in yourself by finding parts of you that you really like as a means to build up your self esteem and associated confidence. After, you need to approach women in a calm composed manner. talk to them without imposing any expectation, just enjoy their company. With greater familiarity comes greater assurity and you go from their in understanding them better
  • Bob3080
    Have you ever even approached a girl really? It really doesn't seem like it.
    • Why do you say it doesn't seem like it? Of course I have, thats what I meant by "I was trying for over 7 years"

    • Bob3080

      Well there really doesn't seem to be wrong with you in that way, no so called obstacles for someone not to be attracted...
      Maybe you are looking at wrong girls? You could just lower your standards when in comes to looks especially if you are ever planning to have an actual relationship and not just lose your virginity.
      There are some women who prefer experienced"men, but for the most part, being a virgin is a big deal only if you make it a big deal.

    • My standards are already pretty low. Beggars can't be choosers. And being a virgin is kind of a big deal for others, because people follow the logic "there's gotta be something wrong with him if no girl wants him"

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  • YourFutureEx
    Earn money and get some prostitutes. And then earn even more money.
    • Thats the plan, but I gotta wait about 6 months - 1 year more, while I deal with some other stuff in my life

    • Sure thing.
      Your career is the most important thing in your life. When it's on track, throw money and get some hoes. And then continue doing what you love and what makes you happy.
      Good luck, fella :)

    • Thats the plan, hopefully one day I will make enough money so I can get prostitutes every day

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  • es20490446e
  • Raymond_Reddington
    Im 20. Just like you. Only im just too fucking ugly and too fucking fat to every get anyone to evern want to be in a 5 mile radius to me.
    • Ok, but you can work on your looks man. Don't let that stop you! Start working out, get in shape, and find hair/beard style that suits you.

  • ptstat
    what about a prostitute? that's what i did, with the price of a date meal at a restaurant i solved the problem
    • Yes, thats the plan, however I still won't be able to do it for at least 6 months, maybe even more, due to some other things happening in my life

  • Sublime45
    It will never happen with that attitude pal.
    • I already wrote in the take, I didn't always have this attitude, this was formed by years of bad experience and total failure

  • IvoirianGirl20
    I don't plan to have sex before marriage so it's not a problem for me
    • Good for you but that has absolutely nothing to do with my take

  • Lucifer_666
    I'm 22 and a virgin. I also have no intention of ever having sex
    • then you are a virgin by choice, and its a completely different story

  • MisterSir
    i'm pretty much the same way at 24, and i'm doin' alright... :/
  • John_Doesnt
    I think you need a prostitute.
    • itsmemario

      I was about to comment this...

    • Thats the plan, but can't do it in another 6 months - 1 year, due to some other stuff thats going on

  • CHRIS11796
    This is very depressing.
    • Its not even half as depressing as actually living this way, day after day

    • CHRIS11796

      I'm not saying it's depressing because i feel what you're going through but it's depressing because you focus too much on being a virgin and let it eat you up.

    • How could I not? Im too old to be a virgin, especially one that never could have even a kiss

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  • wolfie12
    How many times a week you go and approach a girl?
    • Currently 0, since I gave up completely

    • wolfie12

      Well, no wonder there is no girl there then? Huh?

  • Viranda
    I have a different advice: become less selective.
    • What makes you think Im selective?

    • Viranda

      That no matter how virgin you could be, there are always very ugly and fat women out there wanting to have sex as much as you do.

    • Well honestly fucking an ugly obese girl would probably make me feel even worse

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