On What You Have To Lose NOT Approaching Her

On What You Have To Lose NOT Approaching Her

-Your Ego

Your ego is one of those friends who pretends to be cool with you and looking out for you but is secretly very jealous of you and is always throwing little seeds of doubt in your head disguised as carrying advice. The messed up thing is that even when you realize what he's doing, you realize on some level you love and are attached to him. When some girl is giving you crap and saying to "leave her alone." You feel protective of your ego. either your ego feels like a creep or like she's evil and hurtful. So you respond in anger and curse her out or you go home and cry (lol at the crying.) Yet, say to yourself, I am okay with my ego being hurt and destroyed. I don't need him. Because after all he is the only holding you back. I welcome criticism and disrespect openly. I want to be humbled because i know that in the place of a dead ego, self esteem will always arise.

On What You Have To Lose NOT Approaching Her

-Your Alter Ego

I feel like this is no longer as popular a concept as it was before the self esteem generation took over the culture. When i was very young i'd always hear how everyone has an alter ego who was their dynamic opposite and would sometimes come out in rare instances. People would change their names, styles, etc. to "unlock" this alter ego. To me, this idea is destructive. Ironically, seperating yourself into two selves further limits you. You don't have another self, it's all you and thinking there's another person to unlock limits you from bringing all of your qualities to the surface. The thing about approaching girls you like is that it's not something the old you would have ever done so you find it really strange behavior. Yet, once this feeling that "that's not me" goes away you become a lot more comfortable. By not approaching her you're just keeping yourself as the same person you've always been like you're a character in a novel rather than a real human capable of change.

On What You Have To Lose NOT Approaching Her

-Your Fantasy That Girls Can "Fix" You

This is the most bittersweet. A lot of guys, especially on this site, seem under the impression that it would change their lives if they could just become successful with women. It would change it but not necessarily make it better. They would stop feeling so massively insecure about it, but those insecurities would be replaced with managing other people's feelings, having to make difficult choices, and having to be responsible now that women are starting to get easily attached to you. There's also having to manage your love life with your career aspirations. There's your trust issues that still linger even though you attract others more easily. There's a higher chance of getting STDS when you're a more sexual active human being. And there's the simple fact that once the novelty wears off it's simply another thing in your life. Attractive people (meaning people who have an easy time attracting people into their lives) aren't necessarily any happier than rich people or healthy people or talented people. All those songs by those talented poets and musicians who couldn't get laid until they became famous suddenly seem kind of stupid and pointless and you're left with yourself. In a way, not approaching that girl allows you to live in a fantasy and never have to face that man in the mirror.

On What You Have To Lose NOT Approaching Her
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Most Helpful Girl

  • levantine99
    a partner won't "fix you" indeed. but i have also seen men whose lives were consumed and went downwards spiral to destruction because they couldnt succeed with women. i think they could still make it through life with a different mindset, but on the other hand i can't judge them/ relate to their struggles either... .
    Is this still revelant?
    • pavlove

      good point. i do think that can have a massive effect on a man's image of himself and it's one of those things that doesn't get better just because you focus on it so much.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Lapunan
    Good article thanks. I think modern communication technology has screwed the old fashioned way of approaching someone and chatting to them. Its not just men, women now seem somewhat socially-retarded at being receptive to a person being social to them.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • kneehow
    There is a good chance when someone is feeling too hesitant to approach a person, they subconsciously realize that person maybe out of their league.
    • pavlove

      that's definitely a large common reason. Especially out here in Los Angeles if you go to certain malls or even Starbucks there's women who look like they belong on the cover of a magazine but I'd say again that's ego. You think you'd automatically get rejected and that you'd be pretty embarrassed and sad to confirm that she's out of your league but if you had no ego and didn't care what anyone thought if you failed you'd realize even if 95% of the time she rejects you, you really have nothing to lose so long as you approach in an appropriate, comfortable way since the only way you can go is up.

    • what does it mean out of your league. so if you happened to be born with certain genetic predisposition about your looks that you neither chose or achieved, does that make you de facto superior from someone else. or is it business success and excess material bellongings that make you better?

    • kneehow

      @levantine99 No, there is no objective way of measuring someone's beauty or success. But the moment you think you aren't worthy of someone's love, affection or companionship and start putting that person on a pedestal you become inferior and undesirable. That's where the concept of " out of league" comes from. I don't think you should even be approaching a person with that kind of flawed mindset.

  • AriadneSky
    can you elaborate n these two because i fond it worded in a way i might disagree with , but i want to make sure i get your eating before starting any discussion.

    -managing other peoples feelings

    -having to be responsible now that women are becoming easy attached to you

  • Jamesol1
    If those very thoughts are consuming your life... yes it may not vastly change it by getting a girl initially... but it will likely reduce insecurity which derives from not feeling wanted to desired. It's almost a big lift off ones shoulders. If i was you don't assume how other people feel/will feel about something... we all have reasons why we do shit and feel certain ways.
  • Words_and_Wisdom
    Everything guys risk for not approaching that girl is the same thing a woman would risk for not approaching the guy.
    • pavlove

      true but they don't give a shit

  • Idonthaveausername
    This is the first thing I've seen from you that I can actually agree with. Good points and decently written. Everything in dating is a balance between insecurity and confidence
    • pavlove

      lol I know that caused you a lot of pain I appreciate it

    • You're welcome. Most of the time I tell myself you're a troll because that's less painful for me than thinking you actually believe yourself. Lol. But this--I can get behind this

    • pavlove

      lol what's so painful about it? I'm not trying to defend myself I'm honestly curious.

    • Show All
  • John_Doesnt
    Batman doesn't need a girlfriend.
  • Hungry_Shark
  • HarrisonWells
    Yeah, but approaching always got me rejection
    • pavlove

      how do you go about it?

    • pretty much every way you can think of, i've done. became friends first, cold approach, offered her a drink and then talked, and more

    • pavlove

      when you cold approach what do you say?

    • Show All
  • Sabretooth
    a chance of happiness.
  • Anonymous
    I was at a bar with friends last night and my friend tried to be a wingman for me. I appreciated his effort but every woman he helped me talk to was definitely cold and shut me down right away. I wasn't bothered by the rejection.

    But one thing I've noticed is that technology, online dating sites and apps have changed everything. I've been able to get lots of women off dating sites but the only times I've gotten women in real life is when I met them through friends or they approached me first.
    • pavlove

      Are they hot

    • Anonymous

      Some were, some were just decent

    • pavlove

      I need to get in on your secret i get way worse results in girls than th ones who's numbers I get in person

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    You don't have to be lonely at Farmers Only. :p