Why Ignoring That Girl You Like To Make Her Want You, Might Just Backfire On You

Why Ignoring That Girl You Like To Make Her Want You, Might Just Backfire On You

Since the beginning of time, BOTH genders, ignore their love interest to make them want you even more. 'Cause you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder. So you think: " Oh I don't want to seem clingy or desparate, so I'm just gonna stop talking to her and see if she misses me. Well, I'm telling you this out of experience. DON'T. Lucky for you I'm here to tell you why.

Here's a little story. Me and this guy had been talking and flirting for a very long time. We both seemed to have equal interest in eachother. But then I started to notice after a while, it was me who had to initiate contact almost every single time. I started replaying our conversations in my head, thinking I did something terrible that scared him off. It was literally constantly on my mind. Little did I know, that was his plan. At first I made every effort to get us to talk like we used to but after a while I was done beating a dead horse. What I'm saying is: at first it might work. But if you go on for too long, it starts to get annoying.

The thing is that, I knew in the back of my head that I haven't done anything wrong but being ignored all of the sudden had me going crazy. I started doubting myself and I was really sad. He did it cause he wanted me to be even more attracted to him. Never ever ever will I let a guy drive me crazy like that. No games. Just be straight forward. there's was NO reason for him to do this and I till wonder to this day why it crossed his mind.

When you ignore a girl (just speaking on behalf of girls) , she starts wondering what went wrong. It makes us insecure and drives us nuts. After a while we're done with the games. Just doing that out of the blue and having no real reason to do so. After about 2 to 3 weeks I'd had enough. The person i enjoyed talking to the most, I lost all interest in talking to. The last thing we want to do is come across as annoying so as the weeks went on, I just stopped talking and initiating conversations.

I hope to prevent some of you guys of making this mistake and some girls do know that you dont have to nor deserve to put up with this.

Please comment and let me know what you thought :)


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Most Helpful Girls

  • I can relate to this post, there's a lot of similar posts do I kinda feel Luke I'm repeating myself. I've been through the same shit with both guys. Some of them seem to "ghost" you. The first guy that did this with me worked in the supermarket I shop in. He made it so obvious that he liked me, he always stared, followed me around and stood next to me. I honestly thought he was going to talk to me at some point. Instead he chose to pretend he was busy. He let this drag on for two years. So I had enough, I got fed up with him and lost interest. He had ample opportunities just to chat to me and never acted on it. Not my fault. Last year, there was one day that he looked as if he was coming over to talk to me. I was so riled with him, I just walked away. I still catch him gawping at me now and again. Lol. Too late dude. A good guy will let you know where you stand. He would strike the iron when its hot rather than leave you on the back burner for years. I come to the conclusion that guys like that can't be that interested if they don't ever talk to you. I used to work in a warehouse, and there was this guy that displayed all of the same antics as the guy I mentioned before, I discovered that this one had a girlfriend. He was worse, he made it blatantly obvious when he was gawping at my arse or boobs. I just started ignoring him. Im just do fed up of being messed around.

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    • Lol Luke was meant to read like. Damn this predictive texting.

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    • :o your no gonna believe this but I went shopping on Thursday and he's started following me again. Aw naw! Wtf? After almost 4 years.

    • " He had ample opportunities just to chat to me and never acted on it. Not my fault."
      If you're interested in someone then your have an onus to act out of responsibility to yourself to optimize positive experiences in life. Whether he liked you or not is relevant to that. You also had a chance at something and let it go, you're equally at fault for missing out of whatever that could have been.

      "A good guy will let you know where you stand."
      But a good girl won't apparently?
      Obviously all good guys aren't going to do it. But with a little introspection isn't it clear that "good" here means just whatever is convienit for you, it not a word being used to indicate quality in this instance.

      "He would strike the iron when its hot rather than leave you on the back burner for years."
      And how would he know the iron is hot? You didn't strike either.

      "I come to the conclusion that guys like that can't be that interested if they don't ever talk to you."
      And yet you've already stated that he "obviously" liked you.
      In the nicest possible way, might I politely suggest you are contradicting yourself not because you've figured anything out but because you're rationalizing your own desires and inhibitions rather than meeting people half-way?

  • If you like someone, you put the effort into talking to them. If a guy ignored me I'd think he wasn't interested period. I hate dating games. I'm simple, if you like me you gotta act sweet and nice and flirty, and I'll be the same back.

    I've never had a guy ignore me to get my attention, but I have had guys be mean to me or act like an asshole because they liked me. It made me hate them, I'm the wrong girl to play asshole with. I don't fall for that shit.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think ignoring people without justification is childish. Now, letting the conversation breathe a little or focusing on your life that keeps you busy while getting back when you can is different. If a guy simply doesn't initiate a conversation and doesn't get back to your initiation text, then that's not necessarily ignoring you. Could just be busy or legitimately meant to text back and forgot. I'm guilty of this at times. Especially if I've been busy.

    I've also had girls freak out on me and do crazy shit to get my attention, simply because I didn't text back that same day. A guys world doesn't revolve around you. So have a bit more understanding if the situation is as simple as no text back. But you're doing good. Just focusing on your own business. I'm more speaking to girls in general who flip out over little shit like that.

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    • no one said anything about a day, she said weeks. you are not wrong in what you are saying for either gender, and while i dont aree with poster that everyone ignored gets crazy freaks out and ets tired of it so move on--A lot of people will just move on seeing there is a lack of reasonable reciprocity- freaking out over a day was was not what this situation was referring to.

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    • angry. not interested. playing games. but im referring to actively ignoring me in person not 'not texting'. i dont text anyways. also if this is some guy im just talking to im not going to assume anything one w ay or the other so really none of the above allies. im thinking of a situation where there's an established relationship. if i like someone and we are not any particular thing im likely not wanting to see him often anyhow bc i like to take my time and make sure i have enough time for everything else first.

      so well, is hard to say on topic bc the topic tse;f swings from games to buy t want is the actual relationship.

      in a 'talking' star i dint have any rules except if were not respecting each other when we do talk, im out.

      if were seeing each other and I don't know whats up ill say where im at find out if were in similar areas and move on if were not. though it takes me a loooong time to be in any kind of area so its unlikely that ever comes up in that way where i ask.

    • if were not anything and im interested ill ask him out., if he's not interested ill move on.

      if he's acting weird and i think I've confused him, ill explain myself. if his behavior doesn't improve ill move on.

      im not concerned about ghosting or what it means bc there's nothing that can be happening that can't be rested by communicating, or moving on.

      i thnk for me to think something is weird would tae a few weeks of no talking. then id just make sure this are over or clear or whatever. so there's no reason to worry. only time I've ever worried is when there were problems that i pretty much thought i inadvertently caused but was not sure. thats maddening bc you dk if there's any reason to do anything but there might be. i hate doing unnecessary things, so that one bothers me.

      but texting sucks. i never got into it. id prefer to just talk when we see each other.

  • Sorry, but women play stupid games multiple times more then guys. if a guy does he is usually a young kid. This "playing hard to get" and all that other stupid shit is just foolish. Most guys, like myself, don't play those games. I just move to the next woman who isn't into wasting my time.

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  • Well your mytake is irrelevant really, you wrote a take about how ignoring someone when you're already having something is a bad idea, except that... when we, guys do it (ignore girls) its usually because we have given you lots of attention and we are not getting anything back so ignoring lets you know that yes we care but you can't use us or play games or we're gone.

    Your scenario happens when two people grow bored/tired of each other, they stop caring much about talking or texting ( its starts with one person and spreads to the other) but in this case its a lose cause so let it go and move on.

    As I said earlier, when we ignore girls its becasue we have been given lots of sings, attention and some even go as far as saying they like you without actually being in a relationship with you, and girls just dont care they keep playing games, and thats when we're gone, not because were trying to get you hooked on us, no we're just trying to make you text first and actually show that you value that human being who's trying his best to get close to you.

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    • been giving *

    • I give him nothing but attention and i alwyas made an effort to to things and hangout and facetime and stuff.

    • As i said if the girl gives attention and she sounds and acts interested then the only reasonable explination is that he lost interest, nothing more than that i am sure he is not playing games cause there is no need for games.

  • It's actually not since the beginning of time, just in this generation really. This current norm of acting "too cool" for someone else and staying "cold" so as not to "catch feelings" is complete bullshit. It's fake and keeps people from making meaningful relationships and living life to the fullest. Mind games are a waste of time.

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  • I am Delighted that you Lost Interest in this Guy with no Try, @Blabster and with Reading what you Have Said... Many Toms Today grow Cold duck feet and are just too chicken to Say Why they want to Fly Away.
    I am assuming, as Wise as an Owl that I am, that he was Scared of Commitment and knew you may have been More into This and he was not Ready nor Raring for this right now.
    Good luck and Great question, Thank you for Caring and Sharing. xx

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    • Nice assumption, I think you may have made a bit of anticipation ass of yourself though (just a saying my dad loved to use on me, assumptions make an ass out of you). Any reason why you think he is scared of comittment or do you just assume that of everyman who doesn't inmediately commit to a relationship? I simply don't see evidence that points to this man as being scared of committment, and I am curious as to why you would assume this.

  • Something similar happened with me to the last guy I liked. The guy I'm currently into doesn't really play games though so I'm so much happier with him. Don't even know why I was so into the last guy at all when there are others who are actually straightforward.

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  • Yeah I always thought that idea was so silly some sort of silly macho bad boy move. Playing games is for kindergarden.

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    • I really like my guy we r not together like boyfriend girlfriend but I am so mad at him I have not spoken to him for 3 days... He called texts no curious?

  • I'm actually in that situation also. Out of the blue she just gives me the silent treatment. Making me freak out and not wanting to talk to her because of it. If she gave me some warning like I'm fasting facebook or my cell will be down for a bit then I would not mind. Honestly that might even work a bit. All she did was say Hi! and not respond back,

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  • Girls do this 10X more than males. I don't know why there is this movement to chastise men nowadays.

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  • The same goes for men, do you think we like getting ignored by the girl we like? Men get done with games too, my ex seemed to refuse to be the first one to message me, so I didn't message her first for a week, we didn't talk for a week, and I decided then that I was done. Told her she can message me if she makes up her kind about what she wants. We haven't talked since.

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  • Ignore me and you're demoted to being a friend.

    Thank you for writing this.

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  • yeah playing games is so pointless. had a similar thing happening a few years ago. i dont know if it was exactly the same but this guy just kept playing games. he started talking to me, then when i'd talk to him more (like start initiating the conversations), he'd stop trying and let me do all the work. then i'd just forget about him because he just put no effort into anything, but then he'd start trying to talk again! and then the same thing happened. was just so done.

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  • Had this happen to me. I was really into a guy, then I guess he wanted to do the same thing. I basically got fed up and cut him off cold turkey. It doesn't work like they think. there's plenty of other fish in the sea that will happily talk to us if you guys dont want to. So Nicely said Blabster.👌

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  • How do you know it was to make you more attracted to him? Maybe he just lost interest and started liking another girl?

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    • Legit point there, that is what I was wondering too

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    • she wouldn't know either way. thats why people should be direct. saves time.

    • @Azara I couldn't agree more. You just feel as if you've been messed around.

  • He lost intrest in you back when you had to start initiating the convos. You may have taken too long or gave the wrong signals. He moved on, you didn't because you were caught up in your own feelings on the situation. All this could have been prevented if you had been more clear in what you wanted from him in your convos leading up to that point. can't blame guys for not being mind readers

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    • You can't blame the girls either. Both genders should go for a more straight forward approach and when I say that I mean just talking. I don't mean dive in right away and blab how you feel about them or ask them out. Its always better to do a bit of homework on them first. Kinda like the vanilla approach as they call it. Lol.

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    • @Shorty1991 if you're following him around you already crossed into stalkerville in his eyes. Either way if communication with him is what you consider holding his hand then you still have some learning and growing to do for just being there and thinking the way you have been isn't gonna get you anywhere with guys that you consider are worth your time

    • Lol. No following is not my style, its creepy and stalkerish. You have got it wrong. He used to follow me for the duration of two years. I stay away from him. 3 weeks ago he started trying to be near me again. I knew that guys would all side up together anyway. It wasn't up to me to take him by the hand and start the conversations. Its him who followed me. Not my fault that when he stood next to me all he could do was pretend to be busy.

  • I think it's kind of stupid. Which saying is more to the truth: "absence makes the heart groq fonder" or "absence makes the heart go yonder"? I guess it depends on the case though. If the two are together and one goes on a trip, then the first. But if they are just starting and one believes going away for a bit will make the other love him/her more, it's just stupid.

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  • Absolutely right, and don't think this sort of error ends as we get older, it doesn't. I have dated guys in their late 40's who still pull this s**t and all that happens is we feel bad, hurt, miss them, and then it makes us vulnerable. Another guy comes along, treat you right and doesn't do that and he lost.

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  • Strange you'd even have to explain the reason why...
    But some people will never get it - not even after it's explained.

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  • Wow. Thanks so much for this take. Went through the same thing recently! I'm so upset about it, hate being messed around

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  • The world doesn't function like that. The fact that you dont like certain behaviour in a guy/girl doesn't mean that its not attractive. If done too much it can make you angry or hateful but attraction is still there. If he come to you after ignoring you and showed you love hugged you... your hate will turn into love. Its the same with being nice. The fact that you like and appriciate that someone gives you attention doesn't make you fall in love with that person.

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  • Most guys can never really express what they feel so annoying. But some were taught like that not sure why.

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    • You are so correct on that one somethign similar I experienced with a guy I liked but only went out on a first date and that was all.

  • It is true even playing hard to get coudl backfire on the person and that person may go away and be no interest to you anymore and this applies to male and women.

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  • In my case it all went down in a rather uncommon way. We were very close and I told her outright I liked her, she had conflicting feelings and asked for some time. We kept hanging out but got mad at each other over constant disagreements. To try and take out of my head I avoided her the next year, that time apart made her miss and she came back, now we are probably going to oficialize everything this Valentine's day (which oddly enough is a day we both kinda despise)

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  • 7d

    I have never ignored a love interest. I avoided women that rejected me, though and one really confused me. She rejected me, told me she didn't want to see me around, then got bothered that I completely avoided her.

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  • What's wrong with just liking each other... Once you reach a certain age you realize someone isn't clingy they're just really into you and if that's a bad thing to you then keep being immature and go play with your friends kiddo.

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  • oh c'mon. girls would thank god if i ignored them XD which is why i do that lol

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  • It's more about providing "selective attention".

    People always chase what they cannot/do not have.
    Think of when you set a goal. It is a something you hope to achieve in the future by performing some set of actions or "work". Without this concept 'actions' would have no reason to be performed. In other words nothing would happen.

    If you get the person you want immediately, you are satisfied for a short period but then bored with the fulfilment as you crave new action, you want a new challenge (you set a new goal)

    The person you love, will be a never ending challenge. They will be impossible to fully understand. There will always be mystery. There will always be conflict. They will be an unattainable goal and you will forever chase each other. Every moment will captivate you. This is the magic.

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    • there's nothing definitive about 'getting' someone. getting them to what go out with you. say they like you.

      people are infinitely complex and it takes a life time to get to know a person. anyone who thinks they got something in a few weeks is not at all intreated in ay person just themselves and their race.

      loving a person does not mean chasing them. chasing a person does not mean loving them. running and chasing is a game. its fun if thats your thing but its got nothing to do with love or any significant amount of time and certainly nothing to do with future. its a momentary high like runners high. it is runners high. and its fleeting.

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    • @Lioness Enjoy it. It really is so rare to find something like that.

    • But I want to catch him, dang it! 😛

  • 6d

    In the same sentence how do you think that makes guys fill when girls do it the same way and me I will just cut communication after three days I will back completely off I do not play games I'm am to old for this

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  • This could possibly explain what is going on with me right now. This whole time I was thinking that he lost interest (similar to some of the guys responses on here).

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  • what if this what if that, ask person of interest whether interest is mutual and sleep at nights :)

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  • Yep, there has to be a middle ground. Being overly interested (i. e. clingy) can also backfire. Tone it down, don't turn it off.

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    • there's no overly interested standard. it makes more sense to be yourself and let things play out. if your normal is too cold or too hot for the other then you're not compatible.

  • He's doing it. Ignoring me when I desperately needed to see him. I know someone else who might give me love and affection that I crave. I'm very lonely.

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  • if a girl likes me,

    either I won't like her and kindly let her know that in a respectful manner,

    or If I do like her I won't ignore

    either way I dont think ignorjng is the best option

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  • It isn't mind games, it is us trying to spare ourselves heartache and possibly embarrassment. It is high time women step into this fire-pit and risk their hearts and dignity like men had to.

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  • Sorry, it's a crock. Guys don't do this as a gender. Women do. Maybe feminized boys do it, but the average guy never even thinks this way.

    If you are confusing playing games along with you with being ignored, that's a big mistake. A lot of guys have been forced to learn to play along with the games that girls play. I'm not saying this is your case, I'm just saying if. A lot of girls seem to be raised with the idea that any guy worth his salt is like a mountain they can just hike all over, but they're only screwing themselves with that mentality. Even the guys that drank that koolaid very often falter from the narrative, and the fallout from those events are a tedious cliche.

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  • Happened to me. We were all fine and everything was progressing and then BAM randomly ignored. It's frustrating. I don't get it.

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  • 6d

    I never knew ignoring someone to make them desire you more was a thing... Learned something new. Odd, but new.

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  • I never believed in playing hard to get. Like that stupid book they wrote for women call ed the rules. Supposively you follow certain rules like don't go out with a guy the same night he ask. Make him think you're to much of a hot commodity to not have a date already. Or if he calls you on Monday don't call back till Wednesday. Make him think you have a life. And doing these things was supposively the way to get a man to marry you. But it was so fake because I'm not gonna wait if I really want to talk to him or go out on a date. Not to mention how dishonest it is to lie just to make him think you're busy. No, if a man isn't solely attracted to me being real then he's just not the right man. I don't want to trick a guy into marrying me. And what happens if you did get him to marry you? Do you continue the game your whole life to keep him interested? Sounds exhausting. Much easier just being who you are and doing what you feel.

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  • Bertrand Russell once said:

    "If you want to know if something is right, imagine everyone doing that"

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  • If you like someone... Just get up the courage to tell them!

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  • don't waste my time anymore women are garbage its all over the internet

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  • I have several thoughts on this. Generally speaking women say they want one thing and respond to something entirely different. Being hard to get and making them chase you is what they do in fact respond to as well as being a challenge. I think it’s important not to wear out your welcome, especially in the beginning.

    Girls who do not like this tend to be gold diggers or hear their biological clock ticking very loudly and want the first man who is decent enough to be a father and husband. So women with an agenda do not like this.

    I think there certainly does come a time when you need to make yourself more available but it’s a delicate balancing act between that and wearing out your welcome.

    As for me I certainly do this. However I do not respond to it. I refuse to chase anyone.

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  • What if I'm genuinely not interested in her and she just thinks I am?

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  • If you need to play games, then somehow I'm too mature for you

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  • It backfired with me I know that. Turns me me off so fast.

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  • I agree Marylin Monroe sad it best A Girl Doesn’t Need Anyone who Doesn’t Need Her.

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  • Great take. I don't ignore, but I also do not continue to expend energy on someone who ignores me.

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  • Because they have other options. Especially if they're good-looking, they'll have even more options.

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    • Omg thats so true now that i think of it

    • It’s true but it doesn’t ensure his complete satisfaction. He is an attention whore.
      Think you are just molly coddling one by your sincere affection.

      Every option he has he will repeat this pattern.

  • Did you two ever go back to normal?

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    • Well he tried to be all talkative again but as i mentioned before, I was so hurt and confused that i wasn't interested anymore. We talk occasionally (small talk) but not the deep conversations till early in the morning. So i guess no😅

    • wow wow reading your sentence it is reminding me my situation with a guy I like it is practically literally the same up to this date, it is the same the same. Wow and you are 17 and Im 45

  • Women need this advice way more than men.

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  • Very good MyTake!

    It’s definitely true

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  • Nice take

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