5 Reasons Why I Haven't Dated Yet at 20 Years Old

[Anonymous]

In light of the approaching Valentine's day I wanted to get something off my chest: I'm twenty years old and I've never dated. I'm the boring, unkissed virgin other girls sometimes make fun of because she just doesn't seem to be able to get a man.

To clear up with this stereotype a little, I want to give my five reasons for just not having dated up to this point in my life.

1. I have only met very few people I thought of dating

This doesn't mean I'm super picky, my standards are pretty much that I want someone who treats me decently, loves me for who I am and is an overall nice person but I do want to get to know a person a little better before I even start thinking about dating them and that just doesn't happen that much. I tend to befriend them instead of dating them.

2. It just didn't work out

With the few guys I did actually try to date, things didn't really go well. One rejected me, the other turned out to not be my type after the "getting to know you" phase and the last one was so complicated and sending so many mixed signals, I completely lost my interest.

3. I don't have the time and energy to go out and meet new people at the moment

While I'm not at all opposed to dating at this stage, meeting a potential partner is impossible for me to manage at this moment in my life. Between my bachelor's degree, dance training and a job, I can't really make time for anything bigger than a few squeezed in hours of lounging on the couch in sweatpants and watching Netflix together. Which is great with friends but you don't meet new people like that.

4. The curse of the late bloomer, a.k.a. everyone is taken

So I definitely was an ugly duckling in the teen phase, which lead to me being completely ignored. Nowadays, when I flaunt my assets as a beautiful young woman, there's nobody to do that for. Why? Because as someone who doesn't have the time to go out, I'm reduced to guys at my university or existing social circle which happen to usually be taken.

5. The type I am isn't hugely in demand at my age group

Personally, I would refer to myself as the more serious type, I'm working for my future, try to be responsible. I take interest in a variety of things, I'm willing to stick up for the things I believe in and I have defined plan for what I want and don't want in life. These traits don't make me unpopular with men, they just make me usually more popular with a more settled age group but since I would feel uncomfortable with dating someone who's a lot older than me, I don't date at all.

I hope you enjoyed and if you're in a similar situation, I hope you can relate at least to some parts and it helps you carry some warm thoughts with you over Valentine's Day!

Thanks for reading!

[Anonymous]

Well, at least you are younger than I am.

I am 26 years old and have never dated anyone in my life. I am kind of reserved in real life, so maybe that's why. I am not freaked out about the fact that I've never dated anyone. My dream is to find a good job, pay my taxes, take care of my aging parents, be more environmentally conscious and friendly, adopt a pet, and live by myself peacefully until the day I die. I often daydream about a lifestyle of living in the wilderness, alone. Okay, maybe not the wilderness part. But I do like the idea of living alone peacefully. :)

[Unit1]

Yep. I can relate to all of these.
I am that 22 year old virgin man, who hasn't kissed yet and yes, I am very busy at the moment too.
Don't sweat it. It's perfectly normal and it also isn't surprising if you reach the age of 30 and remain without a date. You are not alone!

[JADOR]

why do you think you are alone?

[Unit1]

@JADOR No, I did not say that. I know, that I am not the only one.

[Myrrh_]

I'm twenty-two and I can relate to most of this. Love, I haven't had anything of anything from anyone. One first date and that was it. It was great and it left me excited for what was to come! There were times I'd get desperate and hang out with guys who I thought I meshed well because of common interests like games, having clean fun (movies, arcade, stuff like that), only to see that I'd get friend zoned. They'd treat me like a guy despite myself never displaying any masculine trait, much less cursing (it ain't my thing), and anything I did, even dressing up, didn't change that. I learned from another woman that it was entirely best not to hang out with guys at all, even if it meant not having anymore video game sessions (my fave!), because if I surrounded myself more with other girls, I'd be seen for what I am, a woman. It's true.

I just felt like venting that because I just want to let you know you're not alone. I turned twenty-two in August and I'm enjoying singledom a lot. I spent months and a lot of years wondering why I couldn't find someone. Turns out that I had a lot to change about myself and if I were to go in a relationship right now, with some current problems that I have, it wouldn't be the ideal 100% thing I deserve, if that makes sense. Aside from that, I want to get healthy as well since I've got some love handles and I know that that'll instantly boost my self-esteem.

Anyhoo, like someone posted here, we're only in our early twenties. I thought I was still twenty a couple of months ago. It goes by insanely fast so far, it's scary. Your kind of guy is out there. I know because mine is too. I know because I've actually overheard guys, really handsome guys inside and out, saying the same things about this crazy hookup culture and "where all the good girls are". The last one I heard that from when I went to the cafe looked like HENRY CAVILL. Lord have mercy. Lol.

Be patient and know that in the right time, the right things will happen because you're trusting in whatever you believe in to happen (the universe, fate, God). Not to get all deep but I can relate a lot. Again.

Have a good one. :)

[applesandoranges22]

life is more than being serious and working. this is something that younger people often understand but as a lot of people get older, their spark diminishes. Not only do a lot of young people see that as a bad thing, but a lot of older people often have the same opinion. When you reach a certain point in your life, you will realize how much time and effort you put into ''serious'' things and will have regret although dont get me wrong, to much of anything is never good. do you think you will be happy after getting your bachelors degree in the long term? im only 19 but I have seen this with some people. Older people finally getting degrees and once they get the job they dreamed of due to hard work, they are still not satisfied. im not saying stop working for your goals, but dont take it to an extreme

[MagiAlphaOne]

My advice is to remain an unkissed virgin that other girls sometimes make fun of. It sounds "old fashion" but the numbers/data/statistics are on YOUR SIDE. The video below will start at the 14 minute mark and has the statistics. VERY INFORMATIVE. Feel free to watch the whole video.

https://youtu.be/um3EmS9DKsI?t=14m1s

[thetundrawolf]

It's rare you see wisdom on this website... Thank you...

[MagiAlphaOne]

@thetundrawolf , thank you for your gracious compliment. GREATLY APPRECIATED!

[Robin48]

@thetundrawolf

OK, now I what you to develop a question dealing with wisdom. We two will talk about this. That what wrong with most people. No wisdom, no insight, no knowledge, no common sense.

[Tony1974]

Dear Pink Anon.. clearly you can get a date if you want to. You are the only reason you are single. As a young woman, you have almost all the power when it comes to dating. I'm sure you'll do just fine once you find a suitable partner. My suggestion for you would be on-line dating as it will give you access to more options and allow you to take your time.

Good luck!

[MarkRet]

I didn't date at all until my mid-twenties. I'm married now, but love and relationships have their ups and downs. Being single can be ok, too. Hang in there. I wish you well with whatever you do.

[Unit1]

MarkRet, I am interested in one thing: Can I find a woman, who does not want marriage? It seems, that 95% of all women ultimately need marriage or they won't be "happy" or "feel loved" as they say.

[MarkRet]

@Unit1 - I've encountered quite a few women who say they aren't interested in marriage. The only thing that changes their minds is if they come across that perfect guy for them. The ones who don't change their minds are probably better off staying single.

[Unit1]

But I am interested in having a long term relationship with a lady and staying unmarried but committed only to her. To me marriage seems like a waste of time, money and you risk your assets when a divorce is filed.
I kind of doubt your last statement but everything is plausible.

[Kayla45]

I'm not 20 (yet..) but I can relate to this, I still am having trouble dating.. I almost ended up losing hope IF this guy didn't ask me out. Now I'm in a stable and steady relationship, but honestly Valentines Day is still depressing because of all the lonely past years I've spend by myself.

It's not a huge deal though, I have some friends that are in their mid-twenties that never even kissed a boy before. They seem to get by alright, happy and stuff.

[CurlyBookWriter]

1. I am slightly picky and i know that's bad
2. I am still working on how to be a better person\working on my glow up
3. I am reserved\ shy and it is hard for me to open up to the opposite sex
4. I feel as though that guys are picky too
5. And honestly... I think that i might like girls too..

[rushthesand]

Reasons why I haven't dated yet:

1. I'm "meh" looking.
2. Ridiculously high standards.
3. Awkward as hell.

[windknowsmyname]

Very reasonable and your core beliefs are your own. I just hate the fact that the dating scene and rules ( which I have none) has changed for the worse and people think they should treat each other the same. Which Infact will not work for everyone.

[Smarter]

your 20 and no it not to late stop letting society tell you what is and is not. Find a nice sober guy who will dance with you. I would but not many like to dance and if they do they shake a booty and claim that is dance. I know age is a thing in your day. Someday it may not be.

[skype1000]

Do you feel un-noticed, feeling like people walk by and feel like they not really noticing you? Almost as if you felt like grass. People see grass, but without really even looking and then walk right past it.

[Anonymous]

1-4 + a dose of social bluntness and awkwardness when my friends left or i couldn't find something to do or talk about also i felt my dancing looked bad not that i think most of it looks good.
I'm 24 now hooked up a few times in uni from clubs and made out a few times also with girls from clubs but between work probly having to force carisma to much , and most of the "signs" being very unclear never managed to get something serious.

[Anonymous]

Women choice for being single. HOLDING out for 6'2 aesthetic, Chad to be their boyfriend.

Men choice for being single. It was never a choice. Women just don't like them until they need them for provider role.

[FallOutBoy2001]

Did you read any of this?

[LoveJones1]

Dont worry I'm 24 and never dated or had a serious relationship. But, you're time will come soon, same applies to me. Good things goes to those who wait.

[ProfessorScrewEyes]

I wish you the best of luck. The only thing that is preventing me from dating is all the rejections i keep getting

[myTake Owner]

You'll get there! :)

[Myrrh_]

Persistence is key because eventually one, the right one, will say yes.

[JustCallMeLeon]

You sound like you want to apologize or something. I dont understand. Why do you feel you "have to get this off your chest"? You re 20, and you bever dated. So what? Its no big deal.

[myTake Owner]

I don't think it is a big deal either but it's really annoying that everybody just assumes I'm single because I'm too boring or unattractive, which is why I wrote this Take. :)

[Anonymous]

Good thing you actually choosed and feel ok with your current state, it isn't nearly as comfortable when it isn't voluntary.

[Anonymous]

i didn't date my first girlfriend until i am 26. now i have broken with her because i miss being single because having relationship with her is just too damn tiring. having to deal with me own issues, i have to deal with her's because she was too clingy and dependent. so staying single isn't that bad either.

[Anonymous]

At least for you it's largely a choice.

For many of us no matter what we do. No matter how far we lower our standards we will never get into a relationship.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Everyone has their own reasons. Didn't date until 27 and I still don't date just for the sake of dating.