A Fireside Chat With All My Single People :)

So for this to work... let's imagine we're all sitting around the fireplace, in a cabin somewhere high up in the mountains, overlooking a lake that has partially frozen over. The sun has set, the sky is an explosion of purples, pinks, and oranges. We all have just eaten the best meal ever (the details of which I leave to your discretion). We're feeling sated, a little bit sleepy, and our thoughts are a bit fuzzy.

A Fireside Chat With All My Single People :)

For a very long time, I thought I would always be alone. I kind of...created this blue world where I was always the victim and all of my negative experiences made me into this untouchable, unlovable thing. Very dramatic, yes?

A Fireside Chat With All My Single People :)

I'm a firm believer in people doing what they want to do when the time is right for them. This principle became apparent to me when one December morning, I decided that enough was enough. I'd sign up for a few dating apps/sites, put myself out there, and see what happened. For someone as inexperienced as myself, it was...quite thrilling. I was blatantly telling the world that I wanted to be with someone, that I wanted a guy in my life. Maybe that's not a big deal to some of you, but it was for me.

Within the first week, I was talking to a lot of guys. Some were interesting, some were clearly just looking for sex, some were probably homicidal... but they were all new and different. By week two, I had come across a guy that I really liked. Interestingly, he wasn't exactly what I had envisioned for myself all the years that I had been single. He was a lieutenant in the military, a philosopher, an armchair astrophysicist, a pirate at heart, and adorably Southern. The first time I heard his voice, I couldn't stop laughing because of how...well...Southern he sounded. He was a strong person and talking to him made me feel strong too- to the point where people in my life picked up on it. I had men and women responding to me in ways that I had never experienced before. It's like...he helped me open up a bit, become less guarded, and that translated into how I related to the world around me.

A Fireside Chat With All My Single People :)

Though things ultimately didn't work out between us, I am so grateful that I had him in my life for the time that I did. I learned so much about what is important to me in a relationship, what I need to feel connected to another person, and how important it is to be with someone who can challenge you in positive ways.

So what's the point of me writing this? Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching and I know that despite our intentions, we can still feel a bit hurt being single on the (allegedly) most romantic day of the year. I just want everyone out there who hasn't really put themselves on the market, or are bruised from broken relationships, to know that it's okay. We gain nothing by using our loneliness to create an impenetrable shield against the world and our fellow human beings. We have to keep going, keep putting our best foot forward.

When dating, I think the best way to approach it is to treat each person you interact with as a learning experience. You can learn about how you respond to certain situations. You can also learn about what attracts you to another person, what traits you believe to be essential to your happiness. The people you meet can also help you discover aspects of yourself that you had previously been unaware of. You might be challenged to grow, or challenged to hold onto your roots. Regardless, it's an opportunity to assess yourself and learn. If things come to an end, that's okay too. The people who change you for the better are not necessarily meant to be permanent fixtures in your life.

A Fireside Chat With All My Single People :)

For those who aren't ready yet- you will get there. It only took me 26 years to work up the courage :p Sometimes things that happen in your life will help you become ready... sometimes all the encouragement people have given you over the years will finally click with you and you'll want to take that step for yourself. I truly believe that all of us will end up exactly where we're supposed to be. Chin up, everyone :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I couldn't agree more... nice MyTake!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Thank you for sharing your story.

    I just went through a breakup myself a month ago. It was an amicable one but it's still been so painful and hard :'( He's going through a lot of problems in his life right now and I do understand/get why we can't be together... at least, not for now. Anyway, we're still friends and still talk (in fact, he just texted me as I was writing this), he gave me closure and has been so sweet to me, but it still hurts. I know his feelings for me have never changed (he still tells me that from time to time)... but yea, it still hurts </3

    It's only been a little less than a month and I'm learning to cope and adjust to it. There are days where I'd wake up crying or have to cry myself to sleep. And as odd as it may sound to others, I tell myself that no matter what, I'm still glad to have him in my life... and one day, I know I'll be able to be strong enough to look back at our relationship and think of the memories we've made and smile.

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    • thank you for sharing your story as well :) it sounds like you've been through so much this last month. it's a lot to handle but i really do think time and reflection is the best way to get through this. i think we can all find the silver lining in difficult situations if we're patient and open to it. best of luck to you :)

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What Guys Said 23

  • Good for you. You defeated your demon. It's not always easy to be true to yourself & so what if it took you awhile, you did it, congrats.
    I'm currently recovering from a failed marriage. I know that there will be another. I'm just waiting to heal a little bit more & then I'll be back out there.
    It was a pleasure to read your post & thanks for sharing. Good luck.

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    • Thanks for reading :) And I'm glad that you won't let your personal experience hold you down... It's important to take the time you need to gather yourself together... but after that, I definitely think getting back out there is the best way to move forward. Good luck to you too!

  • That's really a very wise take, and also nice to hear that your first dating experience was a positive one :D
    I had some attempts on a dating site, and made some contacts of which one was very serious. Unfortunately I became second choice :o
    No one of the other contacts was really interested, and after a month or three I gave up. In my age category there are relatively few ladies on dating sites, not easy :-(

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    • Thanks :) Being second choice is no fun, but it just means that the relationship wasn't meant to be. I hope you find someone you will treat you like their first choice, as you would to her. It does get a bit harder the older we get, but I'm still hopeful :)

    • Haha yeah, you have 14 more years to go than me so time is not working against you :D
      One day I hope we'll both be able to talk happily about our SO's and what we're planning to do together :D

  • Damn I hate it when women talking about this. They whine about being stuck single then ALL women do is stick their thumb out and tons of guys show up.
    Life must be easy for a women.

    Everything is always a guys fault. The responsibility is the guy always. Is he good enough, is he this, is he that... heck a guy who does fitness 5 days a week could have troubles dating a lazy couch potato women and be single for a longtime while the lazy chick is fighting them off.

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    • I was talking to a number of guys, but I don't think they were really interested in me. Or being in a relationship with me. Your ideal situation might be a lot of people using you for sex and then forgetting about you, but that isn't ideal for me.

      I hold myself to the same standards that I hold a partner.

    • If only all women could be guys for a month...

  • Why do exactly these "chear up" topics make me a little sad for a while. I mean it's fine and I am happy but these little reminders seem to tell me it's a bad thing being alone

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    • That's a fair point, I think I've felt that way having read other takes similar to this one. I think it's because socially... we're kind of ingrained to believe that we have to end up in pairs, and quickly too... so when someone says it's okay to not have that right now, it feels like putting a band-aid on the real issue... but it doesn't have to be that way.

    • I mean by your term it seemed like a life goal usually craved by humans and I feel it too deep inside but I don't wanna be reminded of something I have no control of. It's something that may or may not happen depending on wether I or someone else finds me and both find interest in each other which can all be accelerated by going out more which is something I don't like much. I rather play some video games at home

  • this applies for every single day, not just Valentine's day. and fyi, v-day is just a gimmick to trick people to spend money on flowers, chocolate, cards, or whatever cliche things you would buy for this occasion if you think about it. what i see this day is merely a strategy to stimulate profit for those businesses. if you wanna show love, it is forever, and not just for one day.

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  • Good take 😛
    I'm curious did his voice a turn on/off? I know you said you laughed lol. But I remember we talked a while ago on an opinion about being attracted to voices or some can turn you off.

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    • It was different. Definitely became something i looked forward to hearing everyday! Thanks for reading :)

    • Oh ok! Well that was good! It was my pleasure reading 😉😊

  • "I'd sign up for a few dating apps/sites, put myself out there, and see what happened"
    See the problem is when I did that it didn't work.
    I think it's been 5 months since I got an actual match on Tinder. And I like literally everyone. I spent 2 years on OkCupid, nada.
    I don't push people away, I'm very much an "untouchable, unlovable thing"

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  • Woww thank-you for this take I needed it for real!

    I haven't put myself out there too!!! But it's hard for a male to get a girl than a girl in general.

    I would have to be a different person altogether to get a girl... as I am a lot introverted! :-(

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  • Beautiful choice of image you choose, the last one

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    • thanks :) i don't even know what i was looking for, but when i came across that picture, it felt right.

  • Nice take and good to see you write again. I was kind of hoping you would say it worked out with you two though haha

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    • Thanks :) I don't have any regrets about it, I see now that it's worked for the best :p How's life?

    • Haha I'm glad you are happy. I'm focusing on my career. Same old stuff :)

  • I've tried every dating app short of the paysites, I've tried every way to Sunday of approaching women - from being friends first to asking them out with in a thirty minute span of meeting and chatting with them. I can honestly say that in my thirteen year span of looking for a partner, I have never been close. Now I don't even bother anymore as I feel unwanted and unloveable

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  • Good read, echoes a lot of what has been going through my head lately. Glad I'm not alone!

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    • Indeed you are not, Ribcage. That's your new name :D

    • Show All
    • Yeah but the fact that its nicolas cage, I don't know i just found it hilarious

    • I wonder if he's awareof how many memes have been based on his face :p

  • Your fire doesn't feel warm to me since I don't feel the cold anymore!! I have retreated to Antarctica where there are an abundant of other fish to live off but there will always be the rainbow one that got away on the mainland 😅
    Sounds like someone familiar ay? 😂

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  • It was a good read. Not everyone is that optimistic. All the best for the future :)

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  • Excellent job!! I could definitely benefit from doing something like that. I've been single and pretty much sworn off relationships ever since my last one failed miserably a few years ago. I definitely struggle with putting myself out there, I typically just go to work, go home, and occasionally hangout with friends. I wouldn't even actually know what to say to a woman if I met her face to face lmao 😂😩. But, perhaps I'll try doing what you did, and hopefully I'll get some good results as well. Thanks for the idea!

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  • Excellent MyTake karahiri. Have a Happy Valentine's day! I know I will even though I'm single.

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  • I'm only single because I refuse to dump my virtual girlfriend for a real one.

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  • Took 26 years to get ready for me? 😱

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  • Nice take. I'm single and fine with it :)

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  • Good take.

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  • That was really great MyTake 😊

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  • Really happy to hear about what you're doing. You have so much to offer. I hope so much you find the right person.

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  • congratulations you're a female and you literally walked outside and got a boyfriend, its not so easy for the rest of us

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    • I just want to say that I get where you're coming from. I'm in high school currently, so my experiences are obviously very small on the scale of actually applying to the real world, but in middle school I was the girl who always had a boyfriend and now, the one I've had in high school turned out to be a total ass and I can't find one single guy who's worth a damn! So lemme just say that my feelings may be less severe or important in the grand scheme of life but that I feel your pain.

    • @Frogeegurl That's not really what happened... :x

    • oops, didn't mean to tag you Frogeegurl. My comment was for the anon dude.

What Girls Said 8

  • I've learned a lot from this Take. Seriously, I admire your courage and I intend to learn from your experience.

    This just proves that doing something to achieve goals will yield results, whether bad or good. What matters is that we view the past in retrospect for the future. It's not the end for everyone! It took you nearly a score to finally take the biggest leap forward for your betterment. I hope everyone reading this will learn this from you.

    Great read :)

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    • Thank you for reading! I'm really glad it was helpful :) Nearly a score, indeed :p You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... so sometimes you just have to take a chance and jump in. Win/lose... doesn't really matter because you've done something different and moved forward.

  • I loved this take. Thanks for sharing your experiences! My first experience with dating wasn't as positive as yours, but that didn't stop me from getting up and trying again - every person who's not right for you, just brings you one step closer to the person who IS! :)

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  • Aww gingi i wanted you to marry this lieutenant and have cute little babies :( I feel like you wrote this specifically for me and i love it!

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    • glad you liked it miss fox :) hope all is well!

  • I just wanted to say thank you and I really enjoyed reading this take unfortunately I'm single this year from a toxic relationship I was and after reading this I think it was for the better that it ended.

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  • Loved this story. It's so cool things are working out for you now. I'm single but Valentine's day doesn't bother me at all. I was just going to get candy. Can't believe time flew by do fast either.

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  • What a wise and true statement. I whole heartely agree with all of it!

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  • I spent two years on dating sites after my divorce and gave up. It was such a waste of time. I think you have to be a minimum level of sexy to get any attention.

    I was really depressed for a long time but am slowly climbing out of it. Mostly I'm just trying to accept life "as is." To be content alone. I'm at the age where I'm more likely to be taking care of my mom then marrying again or traveling like I used to dream of. I think I'm grieving for what I thought my life would be.

    This was a great Take, though. Thanks for writing it!

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  • Awesome MyTake! :)

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