I Survived: How I Overcame My Abusive Relationship

[Kitten967]

*Trigger warning contains talk about abusive relationships*

Love? What is love?

Some people say it's the best feeling ever, others say it can destroy you. I agree with both, although I think it depends on the person you fall for.

The first person I ever fell for destroyed me. Made me think life wasn't worth living. Then the second person I fell for loved me for who I am and helped me fix myself; that in my eyes is the best feeling. This is my story of both love and survival.

I first fell in love when I was 14. Well I thought it was love but I was just young and stupid. For the first six months of this relationship everything was great. I thought I had met the love of my life. I thought he was great that was until he started showing his true colours.

My grandmother, who brought me up, passed away. I was heart broken. My boyfriend was less than supportive. He would tell me off when I started crying, he started seeing me less and would complain about anything. I thought things would get better in time so I stuck around.

About a year later I believed things had settled. I had started living with my boyfriend once I left school and things seemed to be going good. Then once again his true colours began to show.

He started controlling me. He started telling me who I could and couldn't speak to and hang around with. I thought he was doing it because he cared about me and just wanted what was best for me. Then he started telling me when I could or couldn't go to sleep, he started blaming me for things I didn't do and he started calling me names. He would call me worthless, useless, fat and that no one would ever love me. I tired to leave, oh how I tired to leave, but he always found a way to make me stay. He said he would change. He never did.

My moods were getting worse, I barely ever smiled, by this time we had been dating for two and a half years and things had only got worse. He would shout and argue with me for no reason nearly every day. He began using me for sex and wouldn't take no for an answer. I started crying my self to sleep wondering if I'd ever get to leave. I started to self harm to relieve some of the stress. I stopped eating in hopes he would stop calling me fat. I tired not to talk so that I wouldn't upset him. I tired to do everything he told me to do. My attempts were futile, nothing changed, until one day he came home from work and told me he had met someone new and that he didn't love me anymore. I packed up my things and moved back to my home town the morning after.

My friends kept me sane and occupied during the day but at night I was on my own. Left with the thoughts of the past. I believed every word he had ever told me. I blamed myself because I thought he was right. I believed I was worthless and that no one would ever love me again. I believed that because I thought I was broken beyond repair. That was until I met the person who would actually truly care and love me.

I met him through work. Something clicked instantly when we met. Nothing felt forced with him. He made me smile without trying. A week after we had met we walked to my favourite place to watch the sun rise. While we were there he asked me to be his girlfriend. I thought it was both romantic and sweet. Of course I said yes.

I had told him about my past and all of my flaws. He told me I was perfect and that my ex was the one with the problems. He told me everyday how beautiful I looked and how lucky he was to have me. Really though, I was the lucky one, he helped me rebuild my self and gain my confidence back. He made me want to smile and laugh again.

I never thought I would get out of my abusive relationship but I did. I never thought I'd be loved again but I am. I still have my low points but my boyfriend always puts a smile back on my face and makes me feel whole again.

If you ever feel down or feel like there's no hope remember you can survive. I did.

[Jackblue]

You were not stupid when you were young, it sounds like he was charming at first. It is a shame about the new woman he met though. It would only be a matter of time before he started treating her the same way he did you. Hopefully she found a way out too.

[PrincessPie]

I'm so glad you're happy now and with someone who treats you right..
I can relate to this my take.. I hope anyone in a abusive relationship realizes that the problem is never them and its always the abuser and these people don't ever change.

[PrincessPie]

Thank you :)

[sawno]

What shocks me is that he was the one that ended it in the end, i always assumed a girl would eventually be so fed up she would be able to leave but it looks like his manipulation and grip on you was very tough to beat even if you knew he was a monster. Luckily you got a guy you deserve, because girls vunerable to abuse like this are also often the most caring and the most loving.

As for girls or guys reading your story and hoping you typed a way to get out of this on your own, i wan't to let you know that getting out on your own might not be possible for everyone. He knows you well, knows exactly what strings to pull to make you stay and is a king of manipulation. Best thing you can do is inform a good friend you can trust and ask them for help. That way if he puts nonsense in your head that makes you want to stay they can talk you out of it and remember you off the fact you gave him enough chances. After all at this point in the relationship you generally no longer love him, the only thing your in love with is your hope he will be the person he once was.

[Goodwifie]

One thing I know is that you are lucky that he let you go.
Mine threatened to stab me on the night that I tried to leave him.
Same thing with verbal abuse.
He stalked me and threatened to have his mates beat me up.
In the end I had change my phone number because the threats were still coming followed by apologies and I love you's.
Even when he moved back to the country where he came from it still didn't stop letters, cards flowers.
Even three years later I got a birthday card from him.
I was living with my boyfriend and my mum handed me the card when we got to my parents house, I told her to stop telling me about any letters/cards and just bin them.
It kinda dampened the mood when it we announced that we'd gotten engaged.

[sawno]

Thats horrible, you expect them to stop after a while but this guy sounds like he has some sort of mental disorder. You became a very unhealthy obsession to him. Its indeed best to flatout ignore and block these types off guys and to not encourage any of this behavior as it will only get him more focussed on getting you back.

[CubsterShura]

This is so relatable. Both my boyfriend and I have suffered with terrible relationships in past, but we're just so happy with each other especially because of our personalities matching, we deeply understand each other, except that he's older and a lot more mature. My ex was my junior and yet very abusive in a very immature way. Learned a hard lesson to never date a young boy again.

I'm so happy to know you've found your guy. May God bless you two. :)

[CoolSky01]

Yeah i dont feel sorry reading this take, no offense but its not like you were jailed in alcatraz, he's a human being and so you are, worst case scenraio you go to the police station, report him and get his ass dragged to prison, yet you stayed for over two years despite him being a little dick , it seems like you dont have good judging skills and you did this to yourself from what you're saying.

[PrincessPie]

Its not always that easy though... thats a pretty insensitive opinion.. i mean when you have feelings for someone its hard to just wipe them and leave.. abusers never start out being this way or they wouldn't be able to do it.. i mean at first they usually treat you like you're the best thing on earth to them... its not like she went with someone who treated her like crap from the word go.

[PrincessPie]

I mean she was also only 14.. that is still a child... judgement is not the same when you're a adult to when you're a teen.

[CoolSky01]

@PrincessPie understandable, yes abusers start as nice people, but we as should also have a level of dignity and understanding of the world around us, when someone who was always nice starts treating me really bad i usually begin to wonder what went wrong, i will distance myself and stop interacting with that person and as a last resort maybe have a talk with them if i need to do, but under no circumestances i will stick around and get the shit they throw at me, that is not an option and i will not allow to be treated like that.
maybe its just me and iam unlike everyone else ( well i already know iam differ from most guys) but feelings to me are something i value as long as the other person is nice and is benefiting me, the moment that person is hurting me its safe to assume that something went wrong and i shouldn't stick around any longer be it a friend, lover or co worker, doesn't matter , if you dont look out for yourself no one will, except for family.

[CoolSky01]

@PrincessPie yes she was too young, but she left school and went to live with him which means she had a good level fo understanding, so we're not talking about someone who has no idea whats going on

[PrincessPie]

Its really good you can do that.. but unfortunately a lot of people get there confidence knocked so much they can't manage to see the light and feel they're not going to find anything better.

[CoolSky01]

@PrincessPie I was young once at 18 i had feelings for a girl, she was nice, cute and she liked me and i was inexperienced, as a result i did my best to please her and over time she started being more and more distant, til one time she told me she loves someone else ( i knew him, he was an asshole) and i felt really bad for a bout 2 weeks, then i thought about it and i said to myself " well she's just one girl, she's not special, iam still me and i dont have to take shit from , she doesn't want to be with me its her loss" as a result i stopped interacting with her, i focused on improving mentally and physically , i got to a point where she and all the girls i came in contact with found me very good looking and appealing , basically i was so cold she even cried once, i taught her a lesson and from that day on i became a new person, my feelings are for a few peopel only not for everyone .

[lumos]

"no offense but its not like you were jailed in alcatraz"
Physically no, but she was jailed in a mental Alcatraz. Which is what people like you don't seem to understand when it comes to abuse. Also it's not as easy to "just" get the person dragged to prison, often there is not a whole lot of evidence for the abuse, especially if it's just verbal. And even if there is some evidence, the abuser might not be dragged to prison. Plus, all of that costs a whole lot of money, so there's that.

[CoolSky01]

@lumos yes, but she clearly left when she wanted to so he was being an asshole but never forced her to stay

[lumos]

What is it that you don't understand? Of course a lot of victims of abuse aren't forced to stay. However, they are often brainwashed into thinking that the abuse is the best that they can get. That staying in the relationship is better than being alone. That they don't deserve better. That the abuser is doing them a favor by staying with them, despite them being so "disgusting, fat, dumb" etc. You can't use logic or reason when trying to understand a victim of abuse. What they're thinking and feeling is the result of a lot of manipulation, and essentially brainwashing. So even if they technically aren't forced to stay, and the abuser isn't threatening them, they might still feel obligated to do so because of the reasons mentioned above.

[CoolSky01]

@lumos then that differs from person to person, strong minded peopel with enough cleverness and understanding of life won't ever be in that position, inexperienced people who think they've figured it all usually end up in such situation , thats really all there is to say about it , all in all it comes down to what kind of a person you are, and sadly she wasn't the smart kind.

[lumos]

You're undermining how powerful some manipulators are and can be. Being a victim of abuse doesn't make you less smart, or more pretentious. That's a very narrow view on what it takes to be manipulated and quite frankly I'm not at all impressed by your victim blaming either.

[Hans222]

I was really happy to read the happy end of the story, the beginning was quite sad before it got even worse :o
Let's hope the butterflies will now prove to have been justified :D

[adamski24]

I love it, it's beautiful sorry you had to go through all that so young in your life.

Stay strong and believe in yourself more and tell yourself that you're a strong beautiful woman everyday.

From what I've found out about you from the communication between us both I find you a really nice and warm hearted person and friendly.

[scooogy]

This Take makes me wonder why such men ever deserved to exist.

[red324]

Did you watch one of those lifetime movies and learn that way? :P

[dogfish]

it's a great thing you escaped that horrible beast and i'm happy your ok now

[Wontstop]

nah im good
all i hear is excuses

[independentman]

How you deal with those memories now?

[CorruptedDocument]

lost me at trigger warning

[Anonymous]

glad that u overcome of it

[John_Doesnt]

Good for you.