Do NOT Wait Around For Anyone

"When is he going to ask me out?"

Do NOT Wait Around For Anyone

Ah, the dating world. So cute, so romantic, so annoyingly traditional. For the longest time, it has been the idea that men are always the pursuers, and women are always the pursued, but there's an issue here. What if the girl liked the guy first and wanted him to approach her? What if this happened before the two met, meaning the girl took a notice in the guy? Now she's stuck with having to wait on a guy when he doesn't even know she exists yet. Now there is a benefit to waiting: you don't have to face rejection and instead get to accept or reject the person pursuing you. That's a good reason why you should be the pursued right? Well not exactly.

Now it is nice to feel in control in the acceptance of your new partners, however it's much better to choose from who you want instead. If you haven't already noticed, it sucks having to wait around for the asking of that good ol' first date, and it can leave you quite depressed because he hadn't asked you yet. The chances are, he may be waiting for you too. Who knows? But I know that waiting around will surely cause you to become:

Insecure

Insecure of their feelings if you happened to catch feelings, whether it be sexual or romantic feelings. You won't care about whether or not he or she likes you if you wait around for them to attempt to asks you out. You will doubt that they like you, even if the really do, just because you waited around.

Anxious or Stressed

Mainly applying to guys, the longer you take to make a move, the more anxious you're going to be right before it happens. You do not want to ever lose control as far as women go in this situation, and waiting will surely give you those chills that you don't need.

Overanalyzing

Everything he does, including his behavior around other people, matters to an extent.. even if it really doesn't. A result of insecurity, you may be more likely to watch his every move and analyzing what he does to determine whether he still likes you or not, and no one has the time for this.

And finally, because of the fact that not everything will come to you just because you want it.

You will waste much less time by making a move as soon as you realize that you like someone. That way, you may move on with no emotional or sexual attachment, even if they were the most interesting person on the planet.. trust me, there are others very similar. You need not waste countless amounts of time waiting for someone when you could be going after what you want, because I guarantee you, if the person you're waiting on turns out to not share the same feelings as you do, you will feel far worse than the rejection you'd feel if you got rejected by a person you found interesting within a week, and by not waiting, you:

Are less likely to become attached

Especially in vain

Are able to go after what you want at will

You have control over who you want. If they like you, great! If not, move on to the next.

Get to choose which person you find most interesting

If you could choose between your favorite celebrity crush and your crush at school, wouldn't that be more efficient than having to wait for them to ask you out?

Will have less regrets after you've made your decision

Even if it was a bad one. You also get to end it right then in there because once again, you have the power to do so.

I hope this inspires some people that dating is not just a waiting game. It's a moment in life where you genuinely get to have fun and get to know those around you, going after what you really want to be with. All great dates start with a spark of attraction and a pique of interest, and so if you want it, you must go out there and get it. Not everything will come straight over to you, especially the girls, guys.


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Lopezz1999 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • This mytake is very accurate. I waited around and pursued my current boyfriend for six months. The only reason it took that long was because of how uncertain and insecure I had become about the entire thing. When there is no communication, and you base things solely off of interactions and body ques, a lot can get lost in translation. Which is exactly what happened with me. Even after we communicated our feelings, things still got lost because we were both holding back.

    Never wait around, life is too short for that. One day you'll look back and question why you didn't do things sooner, or why you waited around so long that you missed out on the opportunity. Yes, opening up and confessing how you feel is hard, but once you're doing it, it is SO much easier.

    Just think about how good or relieved you'll feel after confessing, despite getting your desired response or not.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Thank you for this article! I'm going through the same thing right now, so this really hit home. Uncertainty and rejection is really scary, but I'll try my best to make some moves as well even if it might not work out!

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  • This is a good article, thank you! I'm going through this with a guy right now, we are in the pre dating phase for the last couple of months and we have been dodging around each other getting steadily more frustrated! After reading this I'm going to try to be more forward :)

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  • No screw that. I'm not waiting. If I think it's something achievable I'm going to go for it. It's so inefficient to wait when I could be handling it completely on my own. I think anyone who has the initial feelings should probably bare the burden of admitting to liking someone, it's just way more practical. Plus I won't be subject to stupid mind games and playing tricks with myself by trying to "guess" their actions to see if they reciprocate.

    I agree with you 100% I wish more people could follow this logic.

    I don't get why it's supposed to be romantic that guys ask first anyway?

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    • Awesome, thanks! I think it's because women want guys to ask them out, making them too shy and they consider it sweet for them to do so when they couldn't.

  • people who wait are naturally neurotic. bc repetitive thought comes in the place of taking action. its the minds way of trying to compensate for the fact it wants to do something but cant/ won't.

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  • I agree with you in how we over stress things and make it more difficult than it is but I still believe that the man must be the pursuer, because if the woman is the pursuer she is taking away that instinct from him. Men genetically are more pursuers and like a little challenge, the chase. And if you take that from him he won't be interested. Of course as a woman you can't just expect your crush to make the first move just like that you gotta make yourself available, eye contact, smile at him etc. Maybe even start a conversation. But if he doesn't approach after all that or still doesn't show interest then that is it

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  • True but I wait because I'm always giving and giving. Tho I don't expect anything in return it gets tiring.

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  • good advice

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  • I am still waiting.

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  • never!!!

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  • I'm still waiting

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  • if you want it go and get it

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What Guys Said 7

  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

    One the biggest things I have about women waiting to be pursued is that they assume they are "good" enough to pursued by the kind of guy they want to pursue them.

    The female equivalent of "Does she like me?" Or "Should I make a move?" is "How do I get him to notice me?" I remember reading an article highlighting that the signals women give out to men as IOIs can be so subtle the common guy would have no clue whatsoever.

    Seems we are going in a cycle where the modern girl wants to have her cake and eat it too when it comes to gender equality. They typically want everything to be equal between the sexes apart from romantic relationships. I have also been reading some articles about feminist women being attracted to very "manly" men despite their feminist beliefs.

    I honestly think women can't have both. You are either passive and you accept whatever quality guys approach you or you can take an active role in self-improvement and pursue the guys you think you deserve.

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    • Hm, one thing I've noticed about women that wait is that they feel as though they are attractive enough because of the positive feedback they receive from men (minus their crush that they're waiting on), or are too shy to make any moves whatsoever. The rest, I agree.

  • Yep!
    In my opinion girls, who do no work at all in hope to get the guy they desire (only sitting around, waiting, twirling their hair...) deserve it when they do not get the guy they desire to ask them out.

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  • Seems there's a whole crop of girlie-men in this generations that can't make a decision, won't lead, and cry a lot. FAIL

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  • But as a fellow stalker how else am I supposed to wait for her by her car? Waiting for someone is what I do because I'm a creep.

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  • women will never make the fist move. all im asking is for women to meet us halfway.

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    • I would totally make the first move. Why not? So you say no... I'll go by myself! :)

  • Excellent my take!

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  • unfortuneately the vast majority of women remain too traditional and stubborn about this

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