Don't let anyone push you around!

[Starfishlover]

Hey guys!

One of the many tiny things that I love is getting inspiration as to what to write about!

Let me begin by giving you a background story of what inspired this rant *ahem* myTake.

I am on a website called meetup. I was at work and at lunch break. I was looking through my phone and noticed that I got a message from the meetup app! I clicked on it and oh my gosh, the dude looked like he should be in Bold and the Beautiful. I was excited so I decided to chat to him. He called me after work and I genuinely thought he was awesome! I mean come on! A guy who I would pay to talk to me is talking to me for free!

So later on, I wanted to take a break from technology and actually have some time without my phone. I offered to see him on Sunday and I was under the impression that he agreed. I told him that I am going to close my phone and he agreed. I closed my phone and when I opened it the next day, to my utmost horror, I received 26 messages. TWENTY-SIX MESSAGES! One of them asking if we could catch up Saturday, I politely said that I already had plans with some girlfriends. This is his next message.

"Oh, so you're going to see othere guys you mean"

EXCUSE ME?!

After day one, he is about to meet queen super bitch. I put my foot down.

I wrote him this message:

Dean, let me give you a quick warning. Please do not mistake my kindness for weakness. I do not appreciate you questioning me therefore, if you are wanting to be in my good books then you must follow the following rules. You will NOT ever be rude to me. You will NOT question me and you WILL continue to mind your own business. You are not my employer, father or boyfriend/husband therefore you are NOT entitled to any explanation.

He didn't like my attitude.

So ladies and gentlemen, I will be writing a take explaining why you shouldn't let anyone push you around, how to stop them in a firm but polite manner (but knowing when to give a good whoop arse).

Now, I have the reputation of super bitch here. I wasn't always like this. I was the biggest push-over you have ever seen.

Yes, yes I was. I was what you would call, a "yes" woman. I like spoiling people and people took advantage of that. When you are young, you are extremely vulnerable and you do want people to like you and think of you highly. I get that. That was my dream too! I just developed a backbone a few years ago. So without further ado, here is my guide to not let anyone push you around.

1) Practice saying no

I am not saying you should be a grumpy biddy, no don't be like that. Give some people your time and energy but when you don't feel up to it, it is DEFINITELY ok to say no. Life is extremely long and your goal is to not cause burnout upon yourself. Look at websites like this to get you started.

https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/10-guilt-free-strategies-for-saying-no

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/a3290/how-to-say-no-nicely-1108/

https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-say-no-to-anyone-even-a-good-friend

2) Yes, you will lose "friends"

And why in the world would you like friends to burn you out? Let me tell you a story. I am an only child and I did struggle to make friends when I was younger. I had an older friend and I was sooo excited that she agreed to be my friend. She was pretty and popular. The "in-crowd" type. We went shopping together and the bitch made me carry her shopping bags. Yes, she did. If she asked me now, I would be like this.

"Bitch, carry your own damn bags" and say it with a jokey laughter and walk.

3) Be around sassy people

Learn their tricks. Learn how to throw shade and cut someone down when they need it. ONLY when they need it. Another example, I was at church a couple of months ago and this girl comes up to me, silently put a "welcome" sign around my neck and said "Gee, this looks amazing on you. Noora can you please be on welcoming today?". No. I smiled, took it off and said this "Oh it looks better on you, Katrina. And no. Sorry". That's it! I didn't feel I had to offer her an explanation. Which leads to my next point.

4) You are your own person

You are not owned by ANYONE. You have a life of your own and you are created with free-will. Exert your human right. If you don't have an explanation regarding your actions, don't explain then! You don't have to. Just say "no" and smile. Like this guy.

5) It will feel shit at first

Yes, you will be met with an unbelievable sense of guilt. Ignore it. You will be miserable if you go ahead with it anyway (plus exhausted). So, it's best to feel guilty. That feeling will go soon.

So there you have it. Hopefully this helps you in life :).

Ciao! And keep saying no- but only when you want to!

[Shorty1991]

Amen to that! 😊
I used to be a big pushover, I was the kind of person that would be a shoulder to cry on and go out of my way to help my friends.
Was it appreciated? . . . No. Pressuring me into being like them and doing whatever they did. I stuck out like a sore thumb. I put my foot down and told them, I don't want to be like you to mix in with the crowd. I would rather be my own person. Where were they when I needed them? 😔 You give them an inch they take a mile. As a result, I was left feeling stupid and naive. I lost a lot of friend's but I never regretted the choice I made, the whole lot of them were a bunch of users that never really gave a shit about me.
But I have found a true friend, one that I can trust. He is worth ten of them. Im not do trusting of other people now. Quality is better than quantity.

[Dan2287]

Thanks for this - I'm still a huge pushover most times (people pleaser) I have to constantly remind myself to say no and not make excuses

[MaskedSanity]

The guy was a colossal asshat, but you overreacted beyond reason.

He tried guilt tripping and control after pretty much no interaction, so he's obviously an asshole not worth anyone's time. But your reply to him only revealed how pompous and conceited you truly are.

You wear this "bitch" title like a badge of honour, but you don't seem to understand that you're not actually assertive and confident like you'd like to believe. You're just a bitter woman that doesn't know how to properly interact with other people after getting burned for being too much of a doormat in the past.

Being firm in declining something is one thing, however all of your examples are indicative of an angry woman that thinks she's too good for anyone or anything. Your examples are that of a passive aggressive teenage girl, much like the ones you chose gifs of from "Mean Girls".

Being a pushover is shit, but doing a 180 and turning into queen bitchalot isn't any better.

You're on a road to a very lonely life if you continue with this aggressive persona. A life filled with many cats and much resentment towards people for not "understanding" you.

Turning into an insufferable person because certain people took advantage of you is not the right way to go about becoming stronger.

You are not stronger than when you were a pushover. You are in fact a lot weaker, because you allowed your past to affect you in such a negative way as to turn you into a very angry, very snippy, very conceited and contemptuous individual.
Your past didn't make you grow stronger, but broke you to the point of retreating within and building large "bitch" walls around yourself for fear of ever being taken advantage of again.

You deemed that assholes's message as an unforgivable assault of your very being, hence the long-winded textwall of "me me me, how dare you say that to ME!".

You know how a truly confident woman would have handled that message? She would have laughed at it and moved on. Myself, I'd probably troll the shit out him because it's truly comedic gold worth milking to the last drop.

But you EXPLODED. Your message to him was a reflection of your damaged soul, not strong will.

You need serious help dealing with your past because right now it's incredibly self-destructive.

[whyisitso]

I agree with this so much. I have always been that super-duper kind person, who everyone tried to take advantage of. So now I have grown to be quite sassy but still polite. I am very sensitive and understanding to others. I give in too much, but now I have learnt from a several bad friendships and one relationship with a guy that took advantage of my kindness. I have kicked out those people from my life and because I am quite proud I have learnt to let go. I feel a lot better now, but still two years ago I was always feeling bad if I told how much crap I can take. I am happy I have learnt to say "no", "stop" and "goodbye".

[Anonymous]

"When you are young, you are extremely vulnerable and you do want people to like you and think of you highly"

Yes. Unfortunately, I'm still like that and not even that young anymore. I'm used to people not liking me, but it still affects me somehow. It's weird.
Even on this stupid site, and that's the reason I'm going anonymous now.

Hopefully I can grow a backbone someday and be someone.
Congrats to you.

by the way, think the guy was only joking there. You should have mentioned the 26 messages instead. That was way scarier.

[bomba78]

very good :-) so true. Some people are lucky and are born assertive, others have to learn it.
i had to learn the hard way. Now I am a "super bitch" like you (with people who deserve it) and loving it. Being assertive and respecting ones own wishes and needs is the key to happyness. Sounds self absorbed, but it really is about not taking shit from anyone for free and for no good reason.

[martyfellow]

Yes, being assertive is a learned behavior for many people. There are the naturally nasty, of course, who don't NEED any practice, but most are like you were, too nice for their own good.

When did you know you had mastered the skill of standing up for yourself?

[Azara]

nastiness isn't assertive. its aggressive.

[TheBraveLion]

I completely agree with this, especially number 4, I had friends encouraging me what career I should take when they clearly knew what I wanted to do, this was a few years back where I listened to them... -_- but recently I said fuck off to them, not allowing their bullshit to get to me! Thanks :)

[Bea123]

Thats Right Definitely dont be a pushover and dont let people take advantage of you! Its like being a doormat, everyone just walks over you! Good mytake 👍

[bloodmountain1990]

Great take, I've definitely been a pushover in the past and it got me nowhere. I'd rather say no and find out who my real friends are then be a yes man only to eventually find out I'm being taken advantage of.

[DruBiEN]

This was something I really needed at the moment. I have other bartenders pushing me to work without taking a leave while they were on the vacations themselves on the major bar nights.

[Lynx122]

I learned this stuff when I was about 12, but I don't say no quite as eloquently as on that website. Something for me to work on I guess :).

[DizzyAster]

"3) Be around sassy people"

Or
Tell them they're being an ass. I do that all the time, people usually get the message.

If you are talking about people who are "silently" dissing you, then yeah.

[Keenisha]

I went through a similar thing with losing "friends" by saying No more often. I'm glad that I realized they were just using me.

[KawaiiPie67]

Great take and I think U gave awesome and realistic examples of how to say no in social settings.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who responds like you did has issues. You should have just blocked him or told you not to message him again. I don't know how you got damaged, but you need to get it sorted out. Being proud of being a cunt isn't attractive.

[skeptic007]

so If I feel like killing someone and then I do it
I shouldn't apologize for how I feel, see this is stupid

[skeptic007]

sorry forgot you are a women lol

[FilthyPervert]

I am like this, it's not a nice way of life and leaves me quite lonely.

[Notreallyhere]

A nice "fuck off" never hurt anyone. Great take.

[ThisDudeHere]

This should be self evident.

[ASOdeath]

You sound like what's the word oh yeah b**** lmao

[ShayanMortazavi1]

This MyTake, it's good