Dating Outside Your Race

Dating Outside Your Race

About fifty times a day, someone is asking on Gag, "should I date someone outside of my race," or stating that, "my parents/friends don't like my partner because s/he is not my same race, what should I do?"

Here's the thing. If you are a person who wants to date someone outside of your own race, there is nothing stopping you from doing so. There are no laws in the US against it. If the only reason all those other people are questioning your relationship or you, IS solely because of your partner's race or skin color, know that you are treading in the racist waters. You don't need to make excuses for others or try to justify their actions because they are family or friends. Know it for what it is. I don't know many people who like someone else only because they 100% are the same race as them. Good relationships aren't built on skin color or race alone; there is something about the other person that attracts you and that you like beyond the exterior--otherwise, you wouldn't even want to date them in the first place.

Dating Outside Your Race

You can try, and I hope you do, to change the minds of racist people or family who think otherwise, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of times you can't and never will because they are set in their racist ways or it's been handed down and taught to them, that 'this is the way it has been and should be for all time'. If someone like your parents still think race mixing is some huge problem or they are going to shun you or never accept your partner, they are going to do it because they are racist.

You can't change your family, but you shouldn't allow their racism to change who it is you are and what you believe and want for your own life. When you give in and agree to break-up for no other reason, than your partner's race, you become no better than your parents or friends, by helping to further perpetuate stereotypes and racism.

Dating Outside Your Race

You need to find something in yourself that is stronger than that. I've heard people say, well, I can't go against my parents will, and they're like in their late 20's or 30's and living on their own. It's like, when do you get to live for yourself and make your own decisions about your own life if not when you no longer live with your parents and are on your own? If a parent questioning your relationship based on race alone is the thing that is going to break you and make you just ditch someone you love or like, then I doubt you really had anything real going on with that person anyway if that's all it takes. If you really like or love someone, you're willing to fight for them and what they mean to you. If it's not "the norm," make it one. It starts with you saying enough is enough, I want to date the person who makes me happy regardless of their skin color or where they did or did not come from.

Dating Outside Your Race

There are people who have been jailed, beaten, and even killed, so that at least in the US, you are free to date and marry whom you choose, and you should take that to heart, and not continue to make their efforts in vain if you want to date someone outside of your own race. In the end, I don't think the real question for you would be, what do I do if others have a problem with it, but are you in actuality, the one that sees some problem with dating outside your race?


10|6
2143

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm white , I don't discriminate, I've been with white, Puerto Rican, and black so far and no one really had much of an issue when I married a black women , that marriage lasted a long time but I'm divorced now but that had nothing to do with color, just the usual problems.

    5|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • My family has several interracial couples and we're very accepting. Without some of those couples a lot of us wouldn't have been born. I myself tend to date outside of my race. I've been lucky enough not to experience negative feedback from family or friends. There is a friend of mine that refuses to date outside of her race, but the thing is she's my age and hasn't dated at all. She white and a lot of black guys like her. She'd rather stay single and never date, than date outside of her race.

    1|0
    0|0
    • My family is the same way, and I'm glad you haven't had to deal with any issues. I wish more people would be so lucky. There are more and more people these days who are asking the question, "why is it important to just only date my own race," if it's about looking for like, or love in a partner. Skin color doesn't make someone better or worse for someone. That person's actions and how they actually are as a human being, do. Your friend may never understand that, and she's welcome to date whomever she sees fit for herself, but in the wait, she may also really be missing out.

    • I think the more people ask that question and begin to date more outside of their race, it will become less of an issue. As you mentioned skin color shouldn't matter when it comes to finding love or a life long partner. Unfortunately, I think my friend will be single for a very long time. And in her old age she may finally realize this. And it's just so weird that she thinks this way considering the fact that her mother remarried outside of their race.

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 42

  • I am black. I come from a white family. The only women I have dated are outside my race. Never dated a black chic. As a matter of fact, as a black guy from the preppy suburbs-most black chics treat me mean and disrespectfully.

    I have gone to dances and gone on dates with every race. I dont discriminate. I see sexiness and beauty in people not color.

    With all that said, I've only pretty much dated white chics.

    I am going to be blunt. It is a beautiful experience dating outside your race but it is also extremely painful. You see the ugly side of your country and humanity. You also sometimes see the prejudice or ignorance of your partner. No matter how understanding and compassionate, a white woman cannot know what it is like to be a black man in America and vice versa.

    Another painful reality, when you date outside your race, the most intense hatred and disrespect will be from people within your race. If you are white, other whites will be snoodie and judgmental. If you are black then black women in particular will be scornful and territorial. Judgments will fly. Black brothers will see your white girlfriend purely as an exotic sexual conquest achieved or a sexual trophy rather than a woman or a friend. Black men will come up to you with longing licking lips and be like "Damn bro! You tapping that? Congrats man!"

    This is a well written article. The pain is truly worth it because true love is worth it. But I will warn you to be prepared because the struggle is real. When you date outside your race and even marry you are carrying the stereotypes and burdens of society with you. marrying a black man? Well, statistically black men will make less over their lifetime compared to a white man. Dating a black chic? Black women are the most discriminated and underpaid in America over a lifetime. Dating a white chic? Chances are she might make more money than you-are you manly enough to handle that or will it depress you?

    Oh and your children? Boy will they grow to be beautiful and mature and wise. But being mixed race is a painful experience I wouldn't wish on a child despite its blessings.

    I'm keeping it real guys! Its worth it but the struggle is real! Love and love hard!

    1|1
    1|1
    • Oh, I know all that you speak is true. My brother married outside our race, and has a biracial son. My sister in law sometimes tries way to hard when she's around our family. Maybe she stresses out about it, but we like her and have no issues with their relationship. She does get super defensive against others when it comes to race issues to the point where I'm like, I don't know if you know this, but we KNOW you're not racist, LOL. She grew up in a state where the black population was 0.3 or something, so she never really experienced racism because there weren't people for racism to actually exist where she grew up with everyone being the same. Her parents are sort of cool with their relationship, but her brother is not...

    • Show All
    • he's black. Before meeting my sister in law, it never occurred to me that there were people who had never met anyone black, but a lot of people from where she' from grew up like your friend, and visiting her home town was so strange because we stuck out big time. We got a lot of stares. I felt like a celebrity with people always watching me, but like your friend, they were all incredibly friendly. Curious, a lot of them, but friendly I suppose for the same reasons as your friends. They had no blue print, no fear unless it had been fed to them, and what was even better, was that it wasn't fake politeness where you know as soon as you leave, they are like relieved you're gone. I wish more people could just see us like the humans we are. I don't judge a person I don't know until they give me something to judge them for, but it's frustrating when you get it all the time---someone has something to say about something you've not even done.

    • Oh. okay. Yeah. The black guy is immediately stereotyped as a thug. but if he is not a thug and is educated then white people feel threatened by the intelligent black guy.

  • I think the whole problem with our society on this subject and posts like these, is the acceptance of this concept of "race". It doesn't matter if you think interracial relationships are bad or good at that point. If you think you are racially different than other people then it becomes then your relationship becomes this novelty. It has this special feature because of this weird concept.

    In actuality, the only reason for your differences have to do with culture. Your spouse or boyfriend was just raised in a different culture than you. He isn't some weird genetic equation. You two won't mate and create a third race or some mutation. I just think using that language is problematic.

    When you focus on the actual differences between you and he, your family, his family, then that's when a conversation can take place that makes sense. It might make the argument for intracultural relationships stronger. It might make the argument for intercultural relationships stronger.

    You can get to an actual understanding of why reasons against intercultural marriage vary from group to group. And you can actually start addressing those issues.

    Did you see the movie "The Big Sick"? Kumail's parents are not Pakistani supremacists. They simply feel that Kumail is rejecting them and their culture because he has chosen to be with an American woman. It isn't that they think they are better than Americans or anything like that. Their culture has always had arranged marriages. That's what they do.

    And to just dismiss them as racists without understanding that this is a cultural issue, is just missing an important conversation that we have to have in this nation. Of course, I am all for intercultural relationships. I am in one now, I have had them before. But these issues are way more complicated than the dull concept of race.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I'd date or marry a girl regardless of race if I like her. I was pretty shocked when I realized so many people won't date someone purely because of their race. It makes no sense to me. Hopefully it's not all because of racism.

    I've heard a few other white guys who are so racist they won't even date a white woman who has] ever had sex with a black or Latino guy... which I find contemptible. Hopefully they have their own difficulties with women who won't date racist assholes.

    3|1
    0|0
    • yea, I heard two guys on this site refer to girls as ''mud sharks'' truly disgusting

    • @imbored2252 at least their racism is working against them. Think about all of the potential women they're blocking themselves off from. More for us, I guess.

  • Well said. It's people's fear of what others think of them and their own insecurity that shows up when they overthink decisions like this.

    Two sets of my parent's grandchildren will be mixed white/Asian and they either like it or leave it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I'm a white guy who would love to marry a Japanese or Chinese woman.
    img.alicdn.com/.../T1HUaAXixgXXcFNkZ__080251.jpg

    1|0
    0|0
  • I always was attracted to black women. Got tons of shit about it over the years. Had many bad experiences dating African American women as I found 90% undatable. (Promiscuous, bad credit, inability to budget money, kids by dead beats, and a weave/nails/ designer label addiction that was the equivalent of a car payment). Ended up marrying a wonderful Jamaican woman who was none of the above. My parents are dead but I'm certain I would have caught hell until they got to know her and her family. Who cares what people think? They don't share your bedroom.

    3|3
    0|0
  • Granted you probably have a good starting point from someone with the same background but that doesn't mean dating from outside your ethnicity is wrong. It means you learn more new things, and thats never bad

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree race mixing should be done freely without judgement, im all for it. However I dont think the only reason why older generations (and maybe some people in the younger generations) are only against race mixing for racist views.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I have to admit, when I met my white friend's wife and found out she's black, I accused him of having Jungle Fever. He eventually admitted it and we moved on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Go look at the HAPA reddit forum... the amazing hatred and fury is enough to make you think twice about how popular white men with Asian women is, ugh.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I've know a lot of mix raced couples and I think it can be great, because people are people you know.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dating outside your race can be an eye opener and a cool experience. You learn about others opinions and about yourself/partner.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Who would I tell? Or need to? Back then I assumed information was already being collected. This information is useless. It can't be stopped anyway. It only translates when its already too late!

    0|0
    0|0
  • my racial preference is Asian so I would.
    I don't actually find white women attractive or any other race but Asian so I will XD

    0|0
    0|0
  • Amazing that the US Supreme Court didn't strike down such laws until 1967! Just two years before the first man on the moon.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not gonna lie Dating outside my race is hard I do't how others do it But When I find out I'll come back and give you my response

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dating outside the race is a good thing but dating outside the religion is not advisable.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've had several interracial relationships and apart from some fundamental cultural values differing I see nothing at all wrong with it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • lol you are throwing away your entire family thats irreplaceable for a relationship you dont even know is going to last.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Actually, if they are willing to shun you, they are the ones throwing away your relationship. Keep in mind, I'm talking about parents/friends/other who are specifically telling you not to date based on someone's race alone. That IS racist, and by simply agreeing with them and going along with that, what does that make you? Parents are NOT always right.

    • Show All
    • @imbored2252 Yeah, right about the time he started saying things like my tribe and we stand together, like this was a war he was fighting 3 centuries ago and not 2017, I realized, like you said, this guy is a lost cause and I stopped reading. If everyone is jumping from the bridge, this guy jumps gladly. No thanks.

    • Literally current year meme.

  • I have dated mostly out of my race. My serious relationships have never been the same race.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is only 1 human race and I find any and all attractive, given they're my type of course lol.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No thank you. My beautiful Hispanic/ Latinas women for life. ❤

    0|0
    0|0
  • Which is better a red car or a green car? They all work the same way, you spend money on petrol (gas) and it goes a hundred miles, then you need to get your credit card out again. "When hunger comes knocking at the door, love flies out of the window" as the saying goes.
    My parents hated one another because my father didn't earn enough and the bank kept threatening to reposes the house. Best marry a girl from some shity 3rd world banana republic, your shity little flat and minimum wage job will look like luxury compared to what she's used to back in her own country, till she realises she's slowed to divorce you and marry someone better. What's the point? Black or white, Indian or Chinese, you'll just end up making eachother's lives misseriable.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm mutli racial. My father is white, my mom is Asian. It was hard for me to date in high school because I attended an all white school. Non white girls from other schools loved me. That's why all my girlfriends are from other schools. That's why I was always overlooked at my own school. I could not transfer schools either.
    Then the most fucked up thing happened close the graduation senior year. The white girls in my grade started liking me. Im glad I'm out of my high school now and I don't feel like a minority anymore. I feel like girls in the real world want me now. Despite interest from some white girls, in my class, I rejected all of them who asked me and moved onto the college when my tan skin is accepted.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well said. couldn't agree more

    0|0
    0|0
  • Great read

    1|1
    0|0
  • cool

    0|0
    0|0
  • I needed this

    1|1
    1|0
  • I needed this

    1|0
    1|0
  • Nice Take

    0|0
    0|0
  • Show more from Guys
    12

What Girls Said 20

  • My mum recently told me that her family were not happy with her marrying a white man. I do not feel that tension now but apparently, that used to be very bad. Unfortunately, where I live, there are not a lot of black women dating white men. It is usually the other way around. I have a couple of aunts and uncles who are dating white people. My cousin has a child with one and is going to marry her. My brother has a white girlfriend. So I am blessed that my family (on my mum side) is very accepting. My father comes from an area where there are not a lot of black people and that sometimes shows whenever I go my dad's side of the family.
    So I am half black half white. I personally do not fancy white men that much though. Sometimes people in my surroundings find me weird for that. They will say that because my father is white, it should be logical that I like white men as well. I am not saying that I am ruling out the possibility of dating white men, it is just that black men are more of my taste.

    I love interracial marriages because I think that you should marry the person you love and your children will be part of different cultures. That is one positive aspect of my life at least.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't consider any other person "outside my race" as usually the main difference are cultural. I'm attracted to guys who share common upbringing and values. I'm mixed race (Asian/White/Black) and I've been approached by men from all ethnic groups at various times and tend to have more white men legitimately interested in me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Let's flip it. If your parents divorced and dated/remarried a different race that you felt uncomfortable around, how would you feel? I'm not for or against. Just emphasizing the sensitivity people have around other races.

    0|0
    1|0
  • My brother is white and my sister in law is black- they have the cutest kids. I think dating outside of your race is perfectly acceptable

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't mind dating other races, but we do have to have the same beliefs. I'm Christian and won't reject Jesus for anyone.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've never seen what the big deal with interracial dating is. Even if I grew up in a culture that does discriminate against them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If I love him I have no problem, just I am more attracted to my own race. Like attracts like, you know.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm Asian, and I find it harder to find a cute Asian rather than a cute white guy. Maybe it's because I'm taller than most of them? I don't know

    0|0
    0|0
  • In theory I'm not against it, for me or for others. If it happens, it happens.
    But in practise I just happen to be naturally more attracted to Arab men, or Middle Eastern men in general (Turks, Kurds) and some North African Amazighs like Kabyls.

    Even when I happen to like a non Middle Eastern men, they happen to have a similar look to middle Eastern men. I have seen that is some dark Balkan men, some Italians and Spaniards/Portugese, and some Latinos.
    For example Maluma is latino but he easly could pass for an Algerian Arab or Kabyle.
    www.omgvip.com/.../maluma-vip.jpg

    With that being said, I have found other men from other races really handsome too, but i have a thing for dark features.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm not dating outside my race but I don't care if others do

    0|1
    0|0
  • Dating people from other racial groups and cultures can be a rewarding experience. =)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've always dated outside my race.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You date who you want to date / marry

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think people should be able to date whom ever they please. Love is not confined within a single race. However, from a personal stance, I have dated outside my race, but found the cultural differences were just too much to sustain a relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think this only addresses the issue very superficially.
    For one, I guess it's being directed at American people. There's a photo of one American girl and her Japanese husband, but dating interracially AND someone from a completely different culture are two very different realities.

    Then getting along with someone or being in a relationship, sharing intimacy with them or becoming/ making them part of the family, all of them are also entirely different things that surpass the issue of "racism".

    0|0
    0|0
  • who cares about what race you're dating? it's 2017

    1|0
    0|0
  • I love that people date outside of their race. Skin tone shouldn't matter. It doesn't define the person or determine how attractive they are. I have no preference on race. I've been attracted to guys from many races. If I'm attracted to you, I'm attracted to you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • it is so good.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Is 2017! Who cares what someone chooses to date or not date

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't like to date outside of my race because i feel less safe since I know there's always gonna be disapproval. If people can't handle the backlash and care what others think i don't think they should date out.

    Great take though, I'm tired of the racial does _____ like _____. Yes they do but that doesn't mean he or she will date you

    0|1
    0|0
    • less safe? lol are your parents racist?

    • Show All
    • are you from the united states?

    • @imbored2252 yes but i live in a diverse area

Recommended Questions

Loading...