You're-probably-a-lesbian, and other falsehoods.
When I was single, sometimes men had laid out their charm, hoping I’d pick up on it or be flattered. When I didn’t give them the response they wanted, I discovered that rejection is just not an easy thing for some people. So badly, the guy felt the need to insult me just to "get me back" for rejecting him. I was sometimes accused of being a certain way, or feeling a certain way in order for the man to justify why it’s surely not them, it’s me.
Here are some of the ridiculous verbal spankings I’ve received that weren’t true:
“Oh, I understand. You must be a lesbian, then?”
Newsflash: just because a woman isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian. For a man to think he is just so great that she could only be declining because she has no interest in all men is going to find there are an awful lot of lesbians out there. No one should be this conceited to think he is at the top of the heap as far as men goes, and the only way to not be attracted to him is because to her: all men are not attractive. The conceit proves that she just made the right decision. By the way, being a lesbian is not an insult per sé - but as a straight woman, it's a falsehood that doesn't need to be assumed.
“You just don’t like me because I’m too ugly for you, right?”
Wrong. It doesn’t explain how so many "unattractive" men have wives and girlfriends. I myself have dated men traditionally unattractive because I simply have different taste in men. I’ve turned down big guys if they also have big mouths. If a man wants to believe the woman is shallow rather than look in to a deeper issue of what might have turned her off (in my case with said-guy, his boorish and bullying behaviour), he will use this crutch on every woman to remain in denial.
“You’re a bitch. No wonder you’re single.”
For not giving you my number and simply not allowing our interaction to get to the next level? That’s right. I must be a bitch. You asked for my number, and I just said no. How awful of me for not providing you my direct contact information, therefore exposing a personal part of me to you, opening me up to hate-text messages and phone calls if things go badly. I should have been flattered and given you my number out of thanks. I should have seen your efforts of simply asking, and given it to you out of pity. Had I done that, I surely would have been a bitch then too.
Saying no doesn't automatically make the woman a bitch. Sure, if she's actually being scornful, insulting, making fun of you and that sort of thing - then yes, she's shown her colours - be glad she turned you down. But for just turning you down? Give her a break. You might be surprised by her reasons, and saying no up front can be just as courageous than to feel obligated only having to tell you later she wasn't interested.
So let's presume that yes, the women you're trying to ask out are heterosexual, they might turn you or another guy down because of her own personal reasons and preferences. Sometimes, yes, it is the guy.
Here are 10 typical reasons if it’s personal for her:
1. She’s got a boyfriend/husband.
2. She’s single, but pursuing someone else.
3. She’s afraid of revealing something she's ashamed of or will be judged for.
4. She just got out of a relationship, and wants to be alone for a while.
5. She’s inexperienced and not ready for dating.
6. Her religion prohibits dating, or dating you depending on your faith.
7. Being alone at this time in her life is golden.
8. Her therapist or AA counselor has suggested she remain single for a while.
9. She’s a single mother, and is selective about her future.
10. She has a life-commitment such as work or a move coming up, preventing her from starting a relationship.
Sometimes, yep – it’s the guy. Here are 10 possible reasons:
1. You remind her of someone else, possibly an ex or someone she dislikes.
2. You appeal to her, but you might have said the wrong things.
3. Your first-impression hygiene or appearance is off-putting.
4. Your name is also her dad’s name. (Makes calling out your name during sex just terrible.)
5. You’re with idiot friends, and she wants no part of your social circle.
6. If she saw that you just hit on another girl before her, she doesn’t want to be second-choice.
7. She thinks you just moved on her too quickly.
8. You talked all about you, complained about your ex, and didn’t even ask her a question about her.
9. She found you/added you on social media and didn’t like what she saw.
10. You’re not her type. Period.
I hope this clears up some doubt for some guys wondering why, if they’re seemingly so awesome, why a woman doesn’t want anything to do with them. It’s not meant to make men feel worse, but to try to understand why your wonderfulness wasn’t enough for a woman to act on.
(Once I turned a guy down who asked me on a date for the simple fact that he looked almost identical to my brother. Do you know how disgusting of a thought that was for me? Here was this otherwise great guy, who I know would be perfect for another girl – but if I was physically sick thinking of what it would be like to kiss him, what sort of future would we have? ...I had to turn him down.)
Sometimes, it's just for the best.
Thanks for reading!