People say ‘If’ is the biggest word in the dictionary. Recently I have found a new one ‘Hope’ which to me is even bigger.
Recently I have found dating to become difficult. In my mid-thirties it is already a bit of a nightmare as the ‘perfect’ candidates are hard to come by. I have no problem dating a man with kids but there are potential pitfalls with jealous children, jealous ex’s, etc that I would rather stay clear.
I met a man who ticked all my ‘perfect’ boxes recently and created more boxes I never knew existed. We went on a date and got on really well, we went on our second and it was even better. By the time the 3rd came around (which he arranged part way through dinner on the 2nd) he cancelled.
I didn’t and still do not understand why this is. We got on well, we were both grinning for days afterwards and so I looked to his reason as to why we did not go on the 3rd date. Well firstly he assumed (we all know what people say about assuming!) I wanted something serious right away and while I really liked him and quite frankly he blew me away, I still did not know how we would continue to get on or if we would become anything. I do not rush into relationships these days with a failed marriage behind me by my late 20’s! He also said he had been thinking (here is a piece of good news because rarely when a man thinks does it work out well for the woman) and he was not 100% and he thought he should be. WHY?! IT WAS AFTER 2 DATES! So it got me to thinking what is actually behind this.
I know what most of you are thinking, girl is in denial and can’t admit he just isn’t that into her. Well I am sure you can already see I have a personality and I have a heart of gold which is sufficient to allow for me to be picky. I am also a retired model who looks about 24 and have the legs, body, hair and face girls hate me for when they see me. I wish they didn’t and realised it is often a curse but there you go. I didn’t come on too strong, I wasn’t too distant, everything was just right to a point where it was easy. You know the sort? You are on a date and conversation is as easy as breathing, you laugh and create inside jokes from the start. You just click click click and what’s more is there was a huge physical spark too.
So what is his problem? Well lets see… Is it possible for this:
He doesn’t want to risk jumping out the plane and the parachute not opening. See when we fall for someone we all take the jump and hope it will work out ok. Has he simply lost hope? Does he not have hope because of me? Does he realise how much I am hoping he will change his mind and realise what he is missing? Does he hope I will move on? See this word is always there…. Hope.
It used to be a positive word but now I am not so sure… it is negatively impacting my life. Well all I can do is hope he changes his mind, hope he comes back and hope he realises that he can trust me enough to have hope he will survive the fall. Surely he realises that it is too late to stop the jump, he is already mid air but he is putting holes in his parachute?
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