Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

I am a PRO!!! I've been internet dating since the beginning, when Meg Ryan messaged Tom Hanks and it pinged "You've got Mail!"

Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

Some of you probably don't remember this movie, but it was pretty cutting edge... in 1998. Back then some people actually still "dialed up" to access the world wide web. I was single at the time, prior to a failed marriage. Needless to say, I tried Match.com and back then it was free! Fast forward 20 years and here and there I have dabbled with online dating. I've been on POF where I met John, a man I dated for a year. I've met people off Facebook, like Jason and Richard and Bill, all of whom I only stayed with 3 months each, and I knew previously from high school. I'm currently on Bumble. But alas, I've had 20 solid years of internet dating experiences (excluding the 8 during which I was married). When I went back online post marriage A male friend of mine rehauled my profile. I needed a better photo. I needed to be more direct to better filter potential dates. I THOUGHT my profile was great but a guy I trusted and was not romantically interested in me, my best friend, was telling me it wasn't good. So in his honor, I am taking the time to let guys know what comes off as cringeworthy.

The shirtless Venus Urbino photo

For those of you guys not into art history, there is a famous painting by Titian, Venus of Urbino. She lounges in a chair and coquettishly stares at the viewer.

Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

This was considered very risqué and seductive for the time. Some men must have remembered this from school because I have seen many a shirtless pic of a man in his bed on online dating profiles

Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

WHY??? Is it normal for people to take half-naked selfies in bed... just for themselves? Maybe you think this makes women think of you in bed and therefore you think it makes them think of sleeping with you. Let me assure you it does not! It makes us wonder why you are alone taking selfies of yourself ALL THE TIME! Like is nowhere sacred from the camera's lens? Is this all you do in your spare time? Take selfies??? If you feel like your chest is your best feature and you need to showcase it, set up a "candid shot" at the volleyball tournament or show a pic of you paddle boarding on the bay or a trip to a random water park. You are a guy! glamour shots in repose simply don't translate!!!

Never been Married, No kids

I love how men write this well into their 50's as a badge of pride. I'm not totally against this phrase if one is 30 or younger. I'll even give leeway to those in their 30's who live in areas like New York City, where on average people are single until they are older. But if you are 40 and above this is a HUGE turn off for most psychologically healthy women. WHY didn't anyone want to marry you?? Do you have commitment issues? Are you impossible to please? Can you not keep a woman happy long enough for her to even consider having children with you? Maybe you are infertile??? If your answer is yes to any of the above, it doesn't make you a particularly good candidate to date, no offense. I mean, sure, noex-dramaa, but healthy people who have exes have healthy relationships with them. People who were never wanted by anyone ever or never wanted anyone themselves typically have greater psychosocial issues. Don't advertise this if you want to meet someone decent.

The 2nd amendment Photo

Internet dating has often gotten a bad rap, because often you are meeting strangers. I am safe and only meet in a public place for instance. I tell people where I am going. I guard my drink! I am responsible but I still want to meet people. I just take safe guards. So should you! So this photo makes no sense to me.

Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

I get that you like to hunt! I eat meat. It's all cool. But seriously!!! Why are you posting photos of you, a stranger, with an arsenal of weapons?!? It's a hobby, but until we KNOW you, don't think it hasn't crossed our minds that not only do guns kill animals, they can be used against humans as well. This photo could scare away a potential victim, errr, I mean date, who would be very supportive of her mate hunting on the weekend for sport. But let's save the photos of your big gun for the NRA application! List it as a hobby, sure, but don't show us the weapon you plan on using us after the first date to kill us. It makes us nervous.

This site is GREAT!

So you finally start messaging. Great! And you tell her how much you LOVE this site. Which begs the question, why are you messaging her now? I'm all about positivity. Turn that frown upside down. But if you are thrilled being on line you probably aren't likely to get off of it, even when you meet a great gal and date her for a while. I'm not asking you to wear your heart on your sleeve for everyone to see, but tell a girl you want to meet someone and haven't yet. show a little vulnerability in your response. Let her know you are on line for the same reasons she is, whatever they are.

Knight Rider Photo

I'm glad you like your car. I like mine too! But I'm a soccer mom so my SUV probably isn't as cool as your Ferrari.

Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating

Yes, I enjoy being picked up in a cool car. But no, if you are a goon no matter if your car can send me back to 1955 and has a flux capacitor, I will not be interested in you if you show me a picture of it. In fact, showing me your cool car is a turn off. I am proud of my collection of ceramic dogs! some are worth thousands!!! But my online dating profile is not the place to show them to you. You can see them when I invite you into my home. I can see your car when you pull up to the restaurant. Let's save these reveals for the appropriate time and place. Otherwise I will think you are more interested in flash and speed then you are in human connection. A photo of your V8 will not entice me.

Honorable mentions;

A man who takes photo's of photos. If you can figure out how to digitize your photos bite the big one and go to the Genius Bar. It's not rocket science. Misogynistic photos. While your guy friends will love the pic of you flanked by cheerleaders, most women don't want to be reminded that professional cheerleaders are hotter then they are and this is your ideal. It doesn't make you look desirable, It makes you look shallow and insensitive. Photo's with no friends. If you have no friends this says volumes. If no one wants to be in a photo with you ever this says volumes. None of these volumes are good...

Have any thoughts on what makes a profile a dud? Share!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What makes a woman's profile a dud:

    1. "If you are ___, we are not a match. If you are ___, I don't want to meet you. I don't date anyone who was stupid enough to vote for ___," etc.

    2. This picture is great of you are looking for a hookup:

    but not if you are looking for a relationship. Is that the best message you can send a guy?

    3. Your main profile picture is you and you kids. Yes, we know you are a package deal but the purpose of the picture is to show us YOU.

    4. Your main profile picture is you with a guy's arm around you and you have cropped off the rest of his body.

    5. You standing in front of the Eiffel tower. (I have seen at least a hundred of these pictures.) We get the message: you love travelling and that is what you will expect of we get into a relationship with you. So is that why you are looking for a guy? Want someone else to buy your ticket?

    6. "I'm not sure what to write about myself!" Well, if you're not sure, then why did you write anything at all? With all of the videos you can find about creating a profile, you should know what to say. . . unless you don't think this is very important.

    7. Restroom selfies! WTF?

    8. "I like walks on the beach." Everybody in the universe says that. If they all did it even once a month, there would be endless parades on the beach, access would be rationed, and the beach would be closed once every week for repairs.

    9. All the profile pictures are taken from a distance and there are no full face photos.

    10. A woman says she has "a few extra pounds," and she has no full body photos. I think I know what she is hiding!

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    • I agree w this one for sure!

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    • NUMBER ONE!!! Fuck I hate that... reality check you are not the center of the universe bitch nor is anyone reading that long list of bullshit... thats kinda the point of a dating site so people can interact and decide if they want to continue interacting... its so goddam narcissistic and self absorbed.

    • @Blake0048 That negativity is a real relationship killer and it is an art to recognize and respond to it quickly!

Most Helpful Girl

  • They also take it too seriously, their expectations are too high. ... some girls never reply because their account is inactive or a fake

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Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 42

  • Step 1 don't be less than a 10 in hotness. Step 2 don't use dating sites in the first place, they're a waste of time and money

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    • They're not a waste of time and money, they are what they are. It might be harder to have success if you can't present yourself as an attractive person on them, but that's life.

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    • A close friends son met his perfect match on line. It can happen. But personally I think most tell a lot of lies. Be careful what you reveal. In person dates may just want to notch their belts too. Its not easy today to avid all pitfalls.

    • @Gisele69 it can happen but it's rare

  • I loved the movie YOU GOT MAIL... cute dog!

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  • Now let's write six for female online daters:

    (1) Duckfaces, Starbucks

    Nothing screams "I'm basic!" more

    (2) Married two times, under 30, two kids

    Nothing screams "I'm looking for the next provider!" more

    (3) Cheerleaders!

    Exactly what every guy wants to see... a girl flanked by 10 orbiters at the local watering hole!

    Otherwise good take. Also, I disagree with the photos with no friends part. I don't post my life on Facebook so naturally I take very few photos with people.

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    • I was gonna write 3 more but got lazy =P

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    • At the same time i make 6 figures. I will NEVER support a man like I did my ex husband!! I wouldn't need a man with a certain salary and once in a relationship I'd be fine doing my part if he were ill or lost his job. But a man should be stable and have a CAREER to date me

    • Then don't date men who don't have careers. Problem solved.

  • > WHY didn't anyone want to marry you?

    I found this hilarious, cupcake. Do you have any clue? All my ex-GFs wanted to marry me. The last one screamed it as she came, every fucking time. No kidding ;)

    Men have zero incentive to marry.

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    • Hahah, I don't doubt this one moment. It's such a ridiculous thing to say, as if men are the ones begging for long term commitment and financial burden all in the name of this thing called 'love'.

      When I meet a girl, I'll usually just 'see her'... And I always know at some point she's going to start pushing for a relationship. And then later on she'll start pushing for ME to ASK her to marry me so then she can turn around and make it seem like I was the one who was desperate for it.

    • Um... i stated in my profile i was married. Doh! And have received several proposals since. But... ok

  • There's a dating site on my country called "Adopt a Guy" and there you can see what kind of guys get more attention, as they have a karma score based on views and interactions.

    Basically they guys who are muscular AND show off their muscles, specially if shirtless, receive far more attention from women.

    So stop bullshitting yourselves.

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    • There's something called the law of 100 in dating. It means if you hit on 100 girls at least 1 will sleep with you. Number of interactions is irrelevant to my topic. Attention is irrelevant. My topic is about quality interaction and connection.

    • If there's back and forth messaging it's for a reason.

  • The second one kind of stings. I am 34 on my way to 40, heheh, and I have never been married or had any kids, although I want to. I am shy (working on that), a late bloomer of sorts, had body issues (obese), etc. I have been in a long-term relationship and a few short-term, but nothing cohabitating. You could say that makes me a risk, but I have seen and heard of women who have dated and married a lifelong bachelor who was well in their 30s.

    For others, it might have been that things didn't work out. Is that necessarily the guys fault only? That doesn't mean he is afraid of commitment, is abusive, or any other type of dealbreaker.

    I think that is the main problem with dating, especially online dating, these days. Too many misconceptions and false assumptions. Why not just date and find out how a person is rather than doing all this judging?

    I know not all women are so quick to brush a guy off because of certain things in his past like not ever being married or having kids, just as not all men will brush off a woman who has had 2 kids by different fathers and/or slept with over 30 guys. It really depends on the person, how compatible you are, if there is a connection, and so on.

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    • Please don't worry. My cousin married a man who never married or had kids and he's an awesome guy. I don't think all women feel this way. I try to keep an open mind. Best of luck to you. :)

    • @Lovetolearn47 Thanks for the encouraging words! I think it is tough out there for everyone, especially since many people date, get into multiple relationships, and still haven't found that compatible person to spend the rest of their life with. There are so many reasons that make someone "damaged goods" to another person, and that is a shame, especially since everyone has room to improve and grow. We talk of others about what they can do for us, almost as if they are commodities. That is not how I see human beings and I am sure there are plenty of women who feel the same way I do.

    • There are. And it's super nice to hear that coming from a guy. Kudos to you.

  • I remember that movie. It isn't that long ago (yet I don't remember correctly, when it was) since I saw it. I remembered it from childhood, so…I needed to see it again, with more developed brain. Aaaand…not for me.
    I strongly believe, that there is only one mistake, what guy can do regarding online dating. Going for it. It's a waste of time, nothing more. There are billions (10^24) dudes and approx. 1/10 girl, judging on…well…everything actually.
    There was a poll here, recently. Basically, rating of advices regarding dating, or something like that. Like if girl give advices to some guy how to set up profile. And most people rated advices from opposite sex as unhelpful.
    Hey, I have no friends and no photos with someone. So, what? I am suddenly bad? God, speaking about shallowness. Maybe I am not extrovert, how about that? And maybe I just don’t want to be on photos. Basically, maybe I’m not like everyone else/your idea of norm.
    I’ve done my fair share of mistake, being on dating sites. Not anymore. I have no desire to be like goods on shelve, and girls just picking…

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  • lol you're stupid like woman decide if they want to have kids, i know plenty of handsome man in their 40s that dont want any kids and have hot gfs. Stopped reading after that

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    • I know plenty of loser guys who are desperate fpr companionship in their 50s and 60s because they passed up commitment in their 30s and 40s. Hmmm

    • Who wants to be stuck with, put up with or care for any looser at any age. Grow up and develop a mature not old attitude. Women now inherit, work and invest.

  • The online mistakes are not guys being who they are online , its you not accepting guys online who are being themselfs. Why have you been online so long?

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  • THis is not a bad mytake. But there are some things that seem judgmental.

    Women seem to have double standards. They can have all of the bed selfies and fake propped up pics they want online... but if a guy does the same thing it is outrageous? You get weirded out by a guy who takes a bedroom selfy but would rather him go to the extreme to set up sporty shots with his shirt off like it is a modeling shoot? Double Standards.

    The whole part of never being married or having kids bothered me as well. The only reason why it would be a turn off is if you are someone who has stereotypical standards that society places on the roles of males and females in society. I myself have been guilty of judging this part of a profile as well. I get weirded out by people who dont want kids. I get weireded out even more by people who are at least 35 and still single. To me it means that they are bad in relationships and risky. But that's me being judgmental.

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    • I don't think its a double standard. I think women who post them are going to find a bad caliber of dates too.

      I don't post pics of my body on my profile and I'm fit. If you feel you have to I'm just suggesting save photos you might send sexting for after you meet someone.

    • I see. So your position is save those pics for sexting? I take it you are cool with sexting then?

  • Stupid mytake.

    Why the hell would I put my friends in my photos? Will you be dating them? Did it occur to you that maybe they don't want their pics on someone else's dating profile? I specifically exclude pics with other people.

    Never been married, no kids, is bad? So you DON'T want to know if a man has other obligations, has to pay child support, has a crazy ex, etc? A lot of guys don't WANT to get married in their 20's or even 30's. Why get married when you can still get attractive tail with no obligations?

    Based on your mytake, I can understand why you've been on dating sites for so long...

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    • My article is about finding someone to DATE, not have sex with... Thats simple to find off line. Well for me anyway.

    • That is what I meant; at some point some guys want something more permanent, but because they weren't ready to settle down before you assume there must be something wrong with them.

    • If they are iheit 40s or 50s, the majority of time, yes.

  • Nice take! Definitely good tips for people serious about relationships through online dating. Unfortunately, lots of online dating has become an easy way from people to hook up. (Probably why guys use those photos, but I don't know.)

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  • I met my now ex wife in 1997 in an aol chat room, that lasted 17 years so I’ve been on some of those sites since and don’t make any of the mistakes you talk about but I’ve noticed women are still very selective in their later years and don’t bother to know me and go by my pictures only that are normal poses and are not like the ones you mentioned. Maybe it’s just the area I live in

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  • Mistakes That Guys Make On Internet Dating Through My Very Limited Worldview and Life Experience

    Much better!

    Oh look it's a chick shooting an AR-15, oh look it's a chick damned near spread eagle in her profile picture, oh look its a chick (usually black) #TeamNoKids

    Men don't take dating advice from women (or our mothers) because 1. We know its a lie. You say you want X but your last 10 boyfriends have all been Y. 2. Have you ever dated a woman? No? Thought so. What you think/say you are attracted to and what you date are often complete opposites. Having done this experiment myself, your profile is pretty much irrelevant. And the girls on these sites are usually the left overs.

    Men, not looking for hookups, don't bother. They'll waste your time. They're not there to meet people they're there to have their delicate sensibilities stroked.

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    • Just because some women are nuts and do dumb things on their profile doesn't mean men who do the same come off as great catches to normal females. SMH

  • I upvoted only because of your use of "coquettishly." Well done.

    There are some decent points in your take, especially about gun pics. The one about "never married no kids" is kind of harsh, and it's a shame that you feel that way.

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    • I see the point about never married/no kids, and I'm one of those men unfortunately. When I see a woman on a site that is almost 40, never married and no kids, I start to wonder why. I wonder if she has big issues, spends all of her time working, or has never been serious about a relationship. Of course, on the other hand, when they are divorced, their ex may cause issues, or they may even be rebounding from the divorce. It's an age that it's really a lot harder to meet someone without a lot of potential for problems. The women I've met at this age never married have had psych problems except for one that was single because they spent time taking care of a dying family member

  • The single biggest mistake guys make with online dating is...

    Attempting it if they don't have women throwing themselves at him in real life.

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  • The biggest mistake of online dating is doing it at all xD

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  • Some additions to your list:

    1. Being on an Internet dating site in the first place

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  • How Ironic, guy's are the complete opposite.

    1. Half naked selfie if you're hot we'll swipe at least and then deal with the talking later.
    2. Woman who is divorced twice with 2 kids is an instant turn-off for most guys
    3. A girl who has a hobby like ours is an instant attraction point
    4. We want to come across as upbeat and fun for the girl.
    5. A girl who likes cars? Even more attraction.
    6. Don't be the girl who takes group photos with hot friends, and only leaves her selfie last... because it's ALWAYS the less attractive one.

    With all that said and done, even for relationships, the only rule that matters for guys on dating sites is being attractive. Which is basically the whole premise behind bumble (i believe women have to choose first?).

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    • Thank u for adding what u did about hobbies & what makes us more appealing. However, from most girl's point of view, ur last paragraph sounds really sad. NOT judging u, or other guys here, bc u have the right to feel the way u feel, but thought u may want to know how that opinion translates to the opposite sex. The answer: SHALLOW. That's probably not your intention, but fact is, that is how women will take it.
      If all someone wants, male or female, is a hook-up, then yeah, I can see how physical attraction is all that matters. But there are people of all ages $ backgrounds on these sites & for different reasons. people in my age group are usually looking for a genuine relationship. That said, looks ARE important, but they are not ALL that's important.
      When guys message me w/out even reading my profile, I can tell, bc they will tell me I'm hot, & when I check their profile, I see we have nothing in common. I won't even answer those guys, bc it's obvious all they cared about is my looks. Not keepers.

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    • @Lovetolearn47 Hmm it’s better to get some attention I’m guessing, rather than no attention at all. And a pic where you’re showing off your body doesn’t have to be literally half naked, a fitted dress shows everything off without appearing easy... but wearing a baggy jumper and some old jeans doesn’t.

      That being said, the quality of man you find on online dating sites is not going to be high in general, then filter out the ones who want a relationship... and you’re left with a literal handful. Honestly the best advice I can give a woman is to avoid dating sites altogether.

    • Gotcha. I think I have a few outfits that might do that. Thx! I've actually met some decent men on them, just not ones that were the best match for me, and know of many good people who have gotten together from them, so I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater and say that all men on there are not good men. Just like not all of us women on them are immature, gold-diggers psycho-bitches, lol. thanks again for the selfie advice. :)

  • yea but those are the guys that are getting messages from girls lol
    the one with the Ferrari and the douche foot with his shirt off in bed

    lol

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  • The only mistake is not knowing when to quit and just quit sites like those altogether. If they aren't getting any results after a certain amount of time, such as a few months to maybe a year then they're better off quitting them early than later as that might save them further frustrations and disappointments.

    The only other mistake is that they bother to try and use those kind of apps and websites and take them seriously as if there are any guaranteed results or hoping for results from time and effort spent on them. It's just one of those things where "your mileage may vary". Some users may get good and consistent results, but not everybody does. If only they realized that from the beginning and only experimented with those sites and apps to only test the waters and nothing more beyond that.

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  • Agreed. I think the biggest mistake guys make is trying to appeal to other guys. I'd be very disturbed if I was a woman who saw a guy posting his hunting photos.

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  • Internet dating is the problem. Most guys I know use internet dating for hookups. If a woman needs internet dating then she's not worth dating.

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    • Wrong! Lots of dating is for hook ups or notching your belt. Personally I would be cautious of all potential liars anywhere. My friends son met his perfect match on line. Married.

    • @Gisele69 and the divorce rate of couples who met online is?

  • Ladies feedback please, i never really enjoy taking pictures of myself so i have none. Rather then going out there for the sole purpure of taking cheesy pictures of me involving random stuff i plan to take a profile picture showcasing my hobbies (I am a geek) by having them in the picture. Its posed but it does convey who i am much better then me randomly somewhere outside attempting to make it look legitimate.
    Would you fall for a picture that showcased a guy's interests rather then something taken in the wild? Or am i at a loss here until i have random pictures taken off me?

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  • "glamour shots in repose simply don't translate!!!"

    Yes they do, if you are hot.
    And that is pretty much all that matters in internet dating.

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    • Also, photos with friends are an absolutely terrible idea, really.
      I just feel like you did a "things guys on dating sites do that I IN PARTICULAR don't like" without much of a thought about whether your feelings actually translate to the rest of the populace.

      I think it might have to do with you being near 40 and thus being unrepresentative of the average dating app user.

    • I disagree. People generally like people that have friends. I don't think they should make up the bulk of photos, but one saying "hey! Im not a social leper!" Is nice.

      And no healthy female wants to date a narcissist. So yeah, if you want meaningless attention, go with repose. But maybe weeding out the women who are drama and crazy (who like narcissists) is a good thing. Just saying

  • I'm not taking advices from a 50 years old soccer mom.

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  • Mistake #1 - they attempt to date online.

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  • I had a nice take on this... :)

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  • I kind of disagree with the first one.

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    • As for the second amendment photos, it all depends on what kind of photos they are.

  • Yeah

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  • Show more from Guys
    12

What Girls Said 9

  • How about "I like long rides to nowhere." I read that and think "how BORING can you get?" But so many men write that. I want short rides to and amusement park or concert! Haha!

    You nailed it with pics of their car, being half-naked in bed, and showing pics of being a hunter or fisherman. Many women greatly dislike seeing dead animals, even though we eat them once they are prepared. It's just different seeing them freshly killed...

    How about once you start texting with them on your cell they start sending you UNSOLICITED pics of themselves, with no explanation, AND they are often suggestive. I always tend to think, "how conceited are you?" If they want a pic of us, just ask. But not for a revealing one. We want you to want US, not to be pretty sure that all you want our pic for is to beat off to. Once in a relationship, well then that's flattering ;-)

    When they don't fill in the answers to their profile and instead write "just ask." We've put all that effort into ours, which is an indication of the effort we'd put into a relationship, and would like to know that you would put the same effort in. If nothing else, so as not to waste our time asking you all those questions that we could have just read about and gotten a good picture of our compatibility from.

    More than one pic of your dog. Not a good strategy.

    Photos of them only in sunglasses. I've seen some men look attractive IN them, but not out.

    Multiple muscle shots at the gym. There's a classy way to show off that body you've worked so hard for. One pic is enough and it doesn't have to be in a wide-eyed shirt. A shot at the beach or pool with a big smile gets you many more points in my book.

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  • I think most men make the mistake of cheating on their online partner, by looking at porn and nudes of other women and flirting with more than one woman. It is sick what guys and girls can do online. I prefer dating someone who I can see and trust.

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    • Unless he or she is a moral person they can't be trusted period, regardless of technology used or not.

      Trut is about morals not technology.

    • No such thing as an online partner. If there's no physical and sexual energy there, you can't expect him to be loyal in your 'online relationship'.

  • Thinking they can fake being young when they are sick and old and pretending to be a stud and live vicariously through bs on these sites. I know someone who does this and lies.

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  • I like the shirtless picture lmao and the second amendment photo

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  • DONt forget the:
    -“my kids come before you. They are better than you” kind of guys.
    - (profile summary): “I like music, hunting, food, HMU”
    -“just ask”
    -The guys that swear up and down they are good and always get fucked over. Then right when they don’t get their way, KABOOM rage.
    -The one’s that come off as very materialistic.
    - ones that lack effort in their summary

    People seem to like the beginning of my profile.

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  • How is being unmarried at 40 such a bad thing? Yeah some guys have commitment issues and what not but also it's not impossible that he just hasn't met the right person. Better than someone who got married too young or without really knowing the person and then becomes a divorcee.

    Also why should be put photos of him and friends on a dating site? What if a girl finds one of his friends more attractive and asks about him? He's not trying to set up his friends. It's about him. Not them. Also I would personally not feel that comfortable if a girl friend put a photo of us in her dating profile.

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    • But I do agree with the shirtless on the bed, hunting (gross!) and "This site is great!" points. Especially "This site is great!". Like if things move forward you want them to get off it.

  • If men try snapchat filters I promise women are gonna chase you.

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    • What do you know about men or women for that matter? You're 14. You probably think the ideal 'man' is Jacob Sartorius.

  • I think they are just online to clown around and get nudes for their cum buckets.

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  • good points

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