Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

I am 62 years old. I have used online dating sites three times in my life: 2007-2008, 2015, and 2017. I am not looking for hookups, FWB’s, casual sex, ONS's, etc. I want to find a woman for a long term relationship

1. who I will eventually love,

2. who arouses my desires,

3. whom I trust, and

4. whom I respect.

It would be nice if she did not try to change my life too much. I am an old Southern boy and I am not giving up fried chicken! Or barbecue! Or good Scotch whisky!

Even with all those qualifications and restrictions, I have had good experiences with online dating. I found partners for long term relationships in 2008 and 2015. At present, I am dating someone exclusively but it is too early to tell if this will become a long term relationship. Ultimately, all of those previous relationships ended but my partners were good women and I do not regret being involved with them. I would not have met them if I had not used online dating, so I am an advocate for this aspect of the digital world.

I read questions periodically from someone asking for some suggestions to improve their success with online dating. Others think that online dating is a ridiculous joke; I suspect that they have not had much luck so maybe they, too, need some suggestions for how to improve the experience.

Maybe all of these suggestions won’t work for younger people but I know that some of these suggestions should work with all age groups.

1. Be honest with yourself about your goal. What are you all about? Are you looking for a serious, long-term relationship that might lead to marriage? Are you just looking for casual dating with no commitment? Looking for hookups? Threesomes? Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Be honest with yourself. Guys, if you are 24-25 years old and you are getting tired of dating the girl du jour and you have actually started to think about one day being a father . . . it's time to admit that you want to find a wife. You don't need to say it out loud and you certainly don't want to blurt this out the next time your guy friends come over to watch a football game and drink some beer . . . but you do need to admit it to yourself.

2. Pick the right dating site. Some online sites cater to a particular crowd. Christian Mingle appeals to a certain sector. Black People Meet has an obvious target population. Other sites seem to be geared towards older people, while some are notorious for promoting hookups instead of relationships. Oh yes; there is also that Ashley Madison site; I guess you know what they are all about.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

I am a 62 year old guy who looks and acts a little younger than 62 and I am looking for a long term relationship; Plenty of Fish worked well for me. I tried match.com and met a few women but I also had frequent messages from obvious scammers and I thought that many of the profiles were either bogus or were very old and did not represent current users. Tinder has a reputation as being a hookup site; maybe you can find a serious minded partner there but you will probably have better luck on other sites. On the other hand, if you are looking for a friends with benefits, Tinder may be ideal for you.

Find a website that gives you a higher likelihood of success at finding what you are truly looking for. Do some internet research, read reviews (and pay attention to who operates the web site that provides the reviews) and ask your friends for recommendations.

3. Paid vs. Free? If there is an option for free vs. paid membership, consider the paid membership. It usually offers more possibilities for communicating and the costs are not prohibitive. What you are seeking is too important to worry about saving $50-60 (unless you just don't have $50-60, in which case you need to be thinking about how you can afford to date at all.)

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

4. Take a sneak peek. Before you create a profile, use the option of perusing a site as an unpaid guest, especially if you can view profiles. This may sound weird, but . . . after you have looked at some profiles of the opposite gender, look at profiles of users of YOUR gender and orientation. Know what your competition is. If most of the guys on a site look like stoners or drunks just looking to get laid . . . you need to know that. If most of the ladies post pictures of themselves in lingerie . . . you ladies need to know that.

5. Don't pick a stupid username. This is not a good time to show your sense of humor. How many girls will be interested in a guy who calls himself IFartALot? I would probably not even read the profile of a lady whose username is NoLongerAWhore. Choose a username which gives a complimentary reference to your character or your interests. A username like IAmAnHonorableMan will get the interest of many women in my age group. Think about what will be appealing to the opposite gender in your age group.

6. Post pictures; lots of pictures! Profiles with no pictures get very little attention. Guys, don't post pictures of you not wearing a shirt, hanging out with some unidentified girl (unless it is obviously your mother,) drinking beer, driving a jacked up pickup truck, etc. Your pictures project an image of you. What kind of image do you want to project?

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

This photo was actually posted on a Plenty Of Fish profile that I reviewed- very briefly reviewed! What message do you thing this picture conveyed?

Properly written, your profile should be persuasive. Think about things from the perspective of the opposite gender. What would a girl want to read in a guy’s profile? She wants to know that he is a strong male but, if she is 25-26 years old, she also wants to think that a potential partner has grown up and left his childish ways behind him. Believe it or not, most girls who are in their mid-20’s or older are not impressed if you have achieved immortal status on the latest and greatest video game, but they will be impressed if you have established yourself on a career track.

Ladies, if you post pictures of you in a sexy teddy, guys will assume that you are interested in hooking up. Pictures of you in front of the Eiffel Tower? They'll assume you are high maintenance. Guys want to know that you can have fun and they obviously want to see that you are attractive. If you are looking for a long term relationship, a guy also wants to see that you look like you could become a good mother to his children (yes, guys actually think about those things on occasion, and especially as they get more serious about relationships.)

Make sure that your pictures are current. You are hopefully going to meet the guy and, if your pictures don’t accurately portray you as you now look, his first question will be, “How old are your profile pictures?” Good relationships do not begin with deception.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Don't use glamour photos. Everyone can spot those immediately. We all know that glamour photos rarely look like the actual person, and the guy will wonder why you needed to resort to pictures that don’t look like you.

Review and revise your pictures occasionally. Regular users of dating sites periodically search profiles and a new picture may get someone’s attention even if they have previously seen your profile.

7. Write a profile that is different than others. Several women who contacted me were impressed because my profile had no misspelled words, no typos, no stupid slang, and it conveyed an impression of intelligence. I was trying to attract an intelligent woman and being careful with my profile made an impression on the women I wanted to attract. If you are trying to attract a partner who doesn’t care about intelligence . . . enclud sum dum goofee stuph like this.

A profile should briefly explain what someone would learn about you if they spent several hours talking to your friends. What is your educational level? Occupation? Smoker or non-smoker? Religious? Strong political beliefs? Ever been married? Interests and hobbies? It should also briefly describe what is truly important to you? Are you devoted to stray dog rescue? Save the whale? Passionate college football fan?

Guys, women will read your profile before they respond to your messages. Don't say the stupid cliches that everybody else says, like "I like to take walks on the beach." If everyone who claims to like walks on the beach actually did that on a regular basis, there would be daily match.com parades, access to the beach would be rationed, and the beach would be closed once a month for repairs! "I like to take walks on the beach" is interpreted as “I don’t really know what to say so I’ll say something safe and hopefully it will make me sound cool.”

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

If you are looking for a serious relationship, say things about yourself that would make you sound like a good catch. ("I like to spend time with my nieces and nephews . . . I've worked at the same job for three years . . . I'll be starting college in January," etc.) Talk some about long-term goals, so you don't sound like one of those guys whose major concern in life is having beer and cigarette money for the weekend.

Ladies, guys will look at your pictures and MAY read your profile before contacting you. Just in case they actually read it, tell them what you are looking for. "I want a man who will take me for rides on his Harley on Sunday morning." That's very clear. If that's what you really want, why waste time with guys who don't ride? I don’t own a Harley, I don’t ride, and you will never hear from me.

"I want a guy who will treat me like a lady and who opens doors for a lady." The guys who can’t even spell chivalry will think you are retarded and skip over your profile. Who cares what they think? You never want to meet them.

8. Get a second opinion. Ask a very trusted friend of the opposite gender to read your profile and give you some feedback on the impression it makes. I have done this before and you may get some significant insights if you do this. At one time, I had a few comments in my profile that I thought were humorous but the lady told me that they sounded angry. I immediately deleted the questionable remarks.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

9. Keep revising your profile. As you spend some time communicating with other users, you will get some comments about your profile. You will decide that certain words or phrases in your profile are conveying a bad impression of you. Change it! There is always room for improvement, so don't be complacent.

10. Don't focus on one user as the object of your desires. You may see a profile of someone who seems to be perfect for you. There are a few obstacles standing between you and walking Miss Perfect down the aisle.

She may not exist. Yes, it may be a fake profile.

She may not be an active user. Maybe she created a profile because that was required before she could browse the site, she did that once, and she has never returned.

She may have already found someone and be dating them exclusively.

She may not think you are a perfect match.

"She" might be some bald-headed, middle aged guy sitting in a lousy apartment somewhere in Russia, trying to scam desperate guys out of their cash. I had several users who responded to emails with stories about being overseas, they had a medical emergency and ran out of money, they need cash to get home, and would love to have a passionate meeting with me as soon as they return home.

She may not be exactly what her profile represents. When you meet her, she may be a huge disappointment.

11. Guys, contact many women. Most women on dating sites create a profile and then wait for guys to contact them. Some women will be assertive and initiate contact, even at my age, but the contact is usually a rather trite “Hi there!” When I was active on POF, I probably received two or three such messages per week. When grown women do that, it's not cute like if your puppy did that!

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

The more women you contact, the greater are the odds that you will receive an interested response. When I was active on POF, the response rate for emails I sent was not higher than 10%. You won’t necessarily recognize them, but there are many profiles that are either fake or were created by women who wanted to browse but they never subscribed and they never became active on the web site. So, send out many messages so you know that at least some of them are reaching “live” users.

12. Don’t assume that a user is active simply because the web site says the user was last online 2 hours ago. If the web site shows when the user was last active, don’t rely on that bit of information to have any validity. If you leave your laptop, tablet, etc. turned on and you don’t actually log out of the site, it will show you currently online even if you haven’t actually browsed the site in the past week.

13. Don't send a "canned" message.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Your pre-prepared message may be cute and clever but most women will recognize that it is canned. Their reaction? “He isn’t interested enough in me to take the time to read my profile and write something that’s actually intended for me? I’m supposed to respond even though I know I’m probably only 43rd on the list of women who received this same message today? I’ll show him!” Fail! Epic fail! And she may have been an ideal match for you.

Read the woman's profile and say something in your message that indicates you read it. Women want to know that you care about more than just how big their boobs are. "Hey, that's really cool that you're such a big college football fan," or "I have a friend who recently moved to your hometown," or “I’m a classic rock fan, too. The last concert I went to was Journey.”

14. Guys, keep your initial email relatively short. Five or six sentences should be quite sufficient. Anything longer may make the recipient think that you are too eager, too anxious to establish contact, and probably a loser. That is not necessarily a valid conclusion but you won’t get a second chance to correct a bad first impression. So, avoid anything that sounds too serious. “Hey, that’s cool that you’re looking for a serious relationship. I’m ready to get married now, too.” Send that and you’ll never hear from her again.

15. Ladies . . . PLEASE respond. Girls, many of you will receive a message, and you then will read the sender's profile and decide that you are not interested without even reading the message, so you will delete it unread. As soon as that occurs, if the sender is a paid subscription user, they will receive a notification that the message has been deleted without being read. Imagine how very cold that feels for us!

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

You can help to make this a kinder and gentler world. Yes, some of those messages were canned messages but some were written especially for you. Read every message and send us a reply, "I appreciate the expression of your interest. After reading your profile, I believe that we would not be a good match. Good luck in your search." Do you think of yourself as a kind person? Prove it!

16. Guys, online dating is very scary for women. Understand that online dating is scary for women. They could be corresponding with Jack the Ripper without realizing it.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Do everything that you can to allay their fears or concerns. Tell them that you don't want to be pen pals forever but you don't want to rush them into meeting you before they are ready. After exchanging a few messages, give her your cell phone number. Let her call you. She feels safer when she is in control of this. Talk on the telephone a few times before suggesting a meeting.

17. Your first meeting. WHEN SHE IS READY, agree to meet her at a public place that will be safe for her. A coffee shop on Saturday afternoon is a good safe meeting place and time. A bar at 10 PM is not. You may know that you are safe and harmless but she doesn’t know that; from her perspective, your apartment is not a safe meeting place, not for your initial meeting. Some ladies may be interested in meeting you for dinner, but some will not, so give them a choice. "Would you like to meet at the Caffeine Fiend on Saturday afternoon or meet for dinner Saturday night? Someplace like the Olive Garden or Outback?"

When that first meeting has come to an end, don't suggest that she get in your car to go somewhere else. Again, from her perspective, that is not a safe thing to do. Don’t try to rush things. Just let the date come to an end.

18. Escort her back to her car. At the end of the meeting, ask her if you can walk her back to her car. If she does not want to see you again, she will probably decline the offer. If that is what happens, thank her for the opportunity to meet her but ask if you can call her again. Don't assume anything and it is a perfectly good question to ask. If you don’t think you want to see her again, tell her that you appreciated the chance to meet her but you think the two of you are not a good match. Most women will appreciate your candor. You don’t need to say, “and I hope I never see you again!” That goes beyond candor and she may pull out a gun and shoot you. I'm just sayin' . . .

19. To kiss or not to kiss? Some women consider the first meeting to not be a date while others do. Even if she considers it a "date," she may not be expecting a good night kiss at the end of the first date. Trying to get that good night kiss when she is unprepared may ruin an otherwise successful meeting.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

If you feel a definite attraction and you sense that she also feels an attraction . . . no one ever lost points by asking, “May I give you a good night kiss?” If she says, “Yes,” that is not an invitation to exchange slobber and remove her tonsils by suction. Give her a simple kiss on the lips – no tongue – but you can make the kiss last for a few seconds. If she wants anything more passionate than that, she will let you know.

20. Have realistic expectations. Most first dates, whether facilitated through online dating or the more traditional methods, do not result in long term relationships. You may have 5-8 first meetings before you meet someone who is worthy of the investment of your time and attention. As is true of all dating, you will have many one-time-only meetings, fewer two-or-three-dates-but-ultimately-unsuccessful relationships, very few long term relationships, and – hopefully - only one who you decide is The One.

21. Don't let the process bring you down. You will encounter some jerks and rude people but don't let them make you disrespectful of others. Have standards for how you treat others and base those standards on how YOU want to be treated by them. That is the Golden Rule.

Twenty-One Tips For Successful Online Dating

Treating others with courtesy and respect does not always get you treated with courtesy and respect in return, but if you use other people’s behavior as a justification for being rude or disrespectful, you will have allowed those people to bring you down to their level. Maintain your own standards and always follow them and others will respect you!

I hope this helps. Good luck in your search for The One!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yet another great Take from you, my friend! I remember briefly trying Plenty of Fish in the mid-00s, and I was so put off by the way I was treated.

    First of all, I'm no small girl. I would openly admit, I'm 175lbs. However, by actually saying the number compared to seeing me, one would think, 'Uh.. what, where's all this 175lbs you said you had?' That's because women lie about their weight all the time. I should have just said I'm 140. It would explain the big boobs. But instead, I would give the guy fair warning, I'm no small girl but I can't help but be photogenic, and when you see me, my weight is distributed in the right places. Nope. If a guy freaked out at the number, I was called fat and the opportunity to meet was over. Funny - since I can turn heads on a daily basis without the need of online dating.

    The next thing that irritated me was the negative reaction to a rejection. I was told not to bother responding, or told TO respond. Every person is different. To the ones I thanked and wished them luck on their search, they often pushed me for "feedback". WHY didn't I like them, WHY can't we just talk? Why, why, why? You don't need to know why, why, why. A woman like me isn't interested in a man like you - period. Not that something is *wrong*, it's that I identified key compatibility mismatches. They had kids, and I don't want stepkids. They lived far away, and I wasn't willing to be in a long-distance relationship. They were blond, and I like dark hair. I don't know - whatever - it just wasn't what I wanted. Some other lovely woman would look past what I don't want and they would be better suited. Simple.

    I would get called names. Some names worse than others, and along with it, some unsolicited feedback that I was "single for a reason".

    Let me tell you - burning a bridge helps you not. It could very well be that my first reaction was to not get involved, but what if the next day I had a change of heart because I couldn't stop thinking of how cute the guy was in his picture? Just when I thought maybe I should write back I could have said to myself: "You know what, that guy seemed like he might have been a match, I should write him and tell him so... oh wait, I see he wrote me a message! How sweet! Let me click and see what he said... oh... says here he wants me to go get cunt cancer and fuck my father instead... oh... I see. I guess I made the correct call."

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    • And for godsakes be realistic with the person you are looking for. One guy told me his Woman Wish: she needed to be attractive (duh), athletic and sporty, feminine, traditionally female (good cook, etc.), intelligent and educated, loves to travel, and had a career. He said of the seven requirements, I only fulfilled two of them. (Which two, your guess is as good as mine.) I quietly thought that he basically just described Angelina Jolie, and if he ever found such a creature, let me know because maybe I might want a relationship with her! Instead we just parted company – online.

      People need to understand that an athletic girl isn’t necessarily going to mean she loves getting dressed up, nails done, wear perfume and be that supermodel you hope to get. If she’s full of nails and clothes that are too good, she might not want to muck herself up in the kitchen. If she’s career-driven, she’s only going to have so much time in the year for travel. People need to be fair about their wants.

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    • @Lovetolearn47 If you treat other people badly because they treat you badly, that means that you are not any better than them. When you decide that you will not treat people better than they treat you, you have decided to abandon your own sense of morality and allow other people to set your standards.

    • I hear you. I myself would much rather get a reply that it's not a good fit than none at all. But I have also learned to have a much thicker skin. When I don't answer, I'm not intentionally treating someone badly. Going from what I'd heard from my guy friends, that's the best way to handle it. I used to answer every single message, saying kindly that I didn't think we were a good match for x, y, and z. It was only after getting that advice that I stopped answering those I wasn't interested in. Maybe a good compromise would be to answer briefly, and THEN ignore any later msgs from them. I just don't want to spend a lot of my precious time on the duds. I'd rather invest my time in the matches with good potential. End of the day, I wholeheartedly agree with the golden rule though. Never intended to be mean.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I knew most of these, I think my problem is my profile its self. I mean I've edited it numerous times and still no real luck. I rarely get any responses. I mean I don't let it get me down but still. I do go through and read profiles to make sure the woman I may talk to is someone I would actually like to spend time with. I make sure to craft messages as best as I can to that particular girl. There has to be something I'm doing wrong but I just don't quite see it I guess. Another thing is is that I use online dating as a supplement to dating offline so it's also not my entire focus by any means.

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    • Have you had your profile read my a trusted female friend with a request for brutally honest feedback?

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    • Show your profile to an opposite sex friend or sibling, cousin, etc.

    • yep, will do.

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What Girls Said 23

  • I agree except for the username part. If I saw a guy w/a profile of Honorableguy, I would skip that profile. In my experience whenever a guy claimed to be honorable, the good guy etc, he was actually the opposite.

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    • Perhaps women in my age range are less suspect of a man's sincerity. I can see women being distrustful of a guy claiming to be a good guy, but the gist of that section was "Don't pick a stupid username," and I still think that IFartALot would be a horrible username for a dating profile.

    • That's def a terrible name lol.

  • I love this take. I hate when people say online relationships don't work. As if real life relationships work really well? Honey if your relationship with that person didn't work online then it wouldn't work in real life too. They act like all real life relationships end up in marriage and no online relationships end up in marriage. The only thing that ACTUALLY becomes a challenge is the difference in ethnicity which can be easily handled if you're committed to know about your partner. I've dated two guys, both online but long distance is the last excuse I'll give for us breaking up. I have a friend dating a guy for over a year online and they're even more goals than real life couples.

    They do all silly things together. If one stays up for studies, the other also stays up for give encouragement. During holidays they buy clothes in matching colors, they video call all the time and what not. Because of this, distance never matters to them. They meet only twice and both were amazing dates. Communication is key in any relationship, especially long distance since your partner can't see you in person thus you have to leave no detail behind when talking important stuff.

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  • Great Take! I also had success on Plenty of Fish, were I met my previous long-term boyfriend. Now that I am single and looking to date again, I have been trying Bumble with some success. I see online dating as a tool; you get out of it what you put into it.

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  • Extremely smart mytake! Love it!
    And this is coming from a person who'll most likely never use online dating - since I'm paranoid about those kinds of things... xD

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    • You don't need to be paranoid but you do need to be careful. If you are single when you are older, it may become a more attractive option for you.

  • I totally agree with checking out profiles of your own gender if you are heterosexual. I learned a lot by creating a fake Plenty of Fish profile as a guy and looking at women's profiles. Other sites, like ChristianMingle, will let you see profiles of both genders.

    This is one thing I don't like about you Harmony because you are limited to the people that the computer matches you with, and can't actually browse. At least that was the case a few years ago. I also had to wait days for them to give me a match.

    Match. com I didn't have luck with. I saw the same profiles all the time and the guys didn't respond. I think they were old profiles and there weren't too many in my age / education / income group.

    Honestly, I have found that lowering my income and education levels on my profile causes men to contact me more. When they find out I have a master's degree and earn a certain amount, they get intimidated. I've actually had them tell me point-blank "I'm intimidated" when I contacted them. On the flip side, I read a lot of profiles from men who were successful who really just wanted arm candy. They might say they want a woman with a great personality, but they really want her to look like a model too. So I stopped bothering with them.

    It's a very frustrating process. Guys do appreciate it when women contact them, though. Even though I gave up after two years, I do know at least three couples who met online and are now happily married. So it can happen.

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  • Your'e such a great man online ^_^ mister :)

    hehe
    Love your post

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  • I see online dating as a last resort. For the most part, it's a waste of time.

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    • That may be your experience at your age, but there are many, many people who have met their future spouse through online dating sites.

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    • Fair enough point. I still stand with it being a last resort though.

    • At your age, you have many more opportunities to meet potential partners in person. That will change as you get older. If you are young and you don't need to use online dating, don't use it.

  • I was thinking about joining one. Thank you for the tips

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  • I met my guy online just bc I was on there not even being serious I just wanted to see who was on there, it turned out to be pretty alright

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  • Very informative, I've tried in the past but this gave me some great tips if I decide to try again.

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  • I've never done online dating but if I ever do I'm referring back to this! It's great!

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  • There's a risk of putting too much pictures online. THe nigerian hustlers will steal them all and use it to pretend it's you instead. No fair play there.

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    • They will steal pictures from FB and other social media if you don't have them protected.

  • Great take. It seems as though this is a woman's world when it comes to dating online. Why do you think that is?

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    • I don;t think online dating is a woman's world, especially for older people. Every woman who has a profile online wants a relationship with a guy but most of them are scared of online dating so one of the things they do is to raise their criteria so they think they will "weed out" the obvious pervs and players.

      I went on POF in May and had first dates with six different women by the middle of July. If a guy uses his head and does the right things, he can easily get dates online. Many guys post profile pictures of themselves hunting (many women hate hunting,) or with some other woman (it might be their sister but the caption never explains that,) they post extremely short profiles. they are too forward about sex, and they have misspellings and grammatical errors in their profile. Those guys can cuss and fuss and say that such things shouldn't matter, but. . . I don't do those things and I got good results all three times I used online dating.

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    • I guess he wants to take her out and show her off. The funny thing is this... for over 35 years he was married to a pretty attractive woman. But she could have cared less about him. At the age of 62 she cheated on him. Took money out of his retirement and bought another man a car. She was a hoe... pretty pathetic at that age.

    • Pathetic also that he stayed with her for 35 years when she didn't love him.

  • you just gotta be Hot supposedly

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    • Do you really think that on;y hot people get dates from online sites? Have you ever tried it?

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    • well I've never tried to or even considered. but I think real romance could come out of it.

    • Once you have your first meeting, it's just like dating someone who you met through a friend. You get to sort through many contenders and sort out the obvious non-contenders. Dating is a numbers game; date enough people and you will find one that you like. Where else can you meet 5 or 10 new people in one day, every day?

  • Great take, thanks for sharing

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  • Great take, from someone not looking.

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  • Can I ask you something asker? How do you find time to devote to your law career and also be active here on GAG? I'm really impressed with your overall knowledge!

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    • I stay very busy. Monday nights, I am an advisor to the local chapter of my undergraduate social fraternity. Tuesday nights are not committed. Wednesday nights are my church choir practice. Thursday nights I volunteer in Teen Court. Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for my girlfriend. I also serve on my church council and I am a trustee of our charitable foundation. I occasionally volunteer time with Legal Aid and I live with and take care of my 86 year old mother and 87 year old stepfather.

      The more I do, the broader my perspective becomes! AND I love working with teens and young adults!

  • Good stuff

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  • Interesting thanks

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  • Lot s of good info

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  • Nice Take

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  • Very well researched and thought out

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  • Thank you for sharing

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What Guys Said 26

  • Damn.. you are on top of it! LOVE THIS.. I learned quite a bit! I can't get #21 through my clients heads.. they use it as an excuse every time... and guys don't even think about #16...#9 is also important and if I can add.. if you change up your profile weekly.. the site puts you in an algorithm that jumps you to the front of the line for more people to see! Works like a charm... great read.. thanks again man!

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  • When I used to use dating websites, I had dates with at least 15 women, casual sex with two women, and dated two women. Still, I don't like online dating, and I reluctantly don't recommend it.

    Since leaving online dating for the traditional face-to-face courtship, I have slept and dated more women than in the two years I focused sourcing dates on the internet.

    I think it's a matter personal preferences and experiences. Online daters unconsciously or consciously idealises the attributes they seek from a potential date, which is very worrying.

    Online, as a platform, emboldens daters to project false image and understanding of themselves. It makes users lost their sense of sensitivity and humanity towards a fellow human being.

    Even worst, users make judgement of the "whole you" on pictures and bio-psychographic info that lack context, which is something that makes traditional dating so great.

    Nonetheless, I did interact and meet many women online, which upgraded my knowledge and understanding of people, and society I live in. I interacted and dated women I probably won't associate with in the physical world, such as obese women, single mums, alcoholics, psychopaths, scammers, etc.

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  • I generally agree. I had good luck on match. com when it was almost the only functioning dating site. However, women are under no obligation to respond to every message. The most attractive women are flooded with messages. Answering every one would take hours per day. There's no point in spending time replying to a message that gives no indication the sender read your profile.

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    • True, but she won't know if the message was written specifically for her if she doesn't even read it. And, for those that were written specifically for her, how long does it take to type, "Thanks for the message but I don't think we are a good match. Good luck!"?

    • The most attractive women may receive over a hundred messages per day, most of them just cut-and-pasted. A guy who spends no time writing a message is not entitled to a response. Besides there are guys who will take any response as a positive sign and continue writing.

  • I met my current girlfriend of 9 months and counting, on OKCupid. All this is excellent advice!

    The process can be daunting online, but the key is to make online dating the secondary way to meet someone. Real life interactions are ALWAYS best, and should be the primary source.

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    • I agree about IRL contacts but this will become more difficult as you get older. The usual wise advice is to not date anyone who is a co-worker; if it goes bad, you don't want an angry ex spreading stories where you work. The same rationale suggests that you should not date anyone who attends the same church. By the time you get to be 40-50 years old, your family and friends have probably already try to match you with all of their singe friends. If you go to a bar to meet women, you meet the kind of women who hang out in bars! What's left? Online dating is a definite advantage as you get older.

  • Sometimes when I have to wait for something, I take comfort in knowing that thousands of beautiful Russian women are waiting for Me.

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    • I'm sure they want to be very passionate with you as soon as the two of you meet. . . at least, that's what they always told me! :)

  • You can easily get dates online that don't go anywhere or amount to a hill of beans. [shrug]
    Catfish much? :)

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    • Other may have had that experience, but I have not. I have met some very nice women though not all were good matches. When I ended my LTR in May, I went online and had six first dates within the next six-seven weeks. I would not have had that many first dates if I was relying in women who I met otherwise.

  • Pretty good dating advice, I guess there is some hope with online dating still for me

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    • It's never too late!

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    • That is one of my pet peeves about online dating, and you can bet that the profiles of those women say something about "I want a man who isn't self-centered and who knows how to communicate."

    • Yeah ironic isn't it

  • Woah, superb Take, even though I have no experience with dating online. Many of these principles should be applied to outdoor dating, as far as being direct with what you want.

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  • These tips don't apply to frog dating websites. Just saying.

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  • I expected this to be like 21
    "Delete your account and go talk to someone" 's.

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  • Yes indeed. This is a quality take indeed.

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  • 21 tips?

    Why not just follow rules 1 and 2?

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  • Thanks for sharing!

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  • Interesting lol

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  • Changed my perception

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  • Thank you

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  • Dating site algorithms are meaningless and don't work.

    TL;DR: Dating sites don't work.

    washingtonpost. com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/11/11/the-one-thing-about-matching-algorithms-that-dating-sites-dont-want-you-to-know/? utm_term=.23d1145ff565

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    • Thanks for the update. I'll notify my current girlfriend that we need to break up! And all the couples that have actually gotten married can line up at the courthouse to wait for their turn to get divorced.

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    • Like talking to a brick wall...

    • You are the one not listening to facts. These are not statistics that I fabricated.
      media.tenor.com/.../tenor.gif

  • Here for the points

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  • Good read, thanks

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  • get good pictures i always find that one hard.

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    • The pictures should be a mix of posed photos and candids. Show yourself engaged in a hobby. But avoid pictures that have anyone else in the foreground.

    • I have hobbies tech meetups and less frequently sports
      but the photos I have are mostly me both facing the wrong way and in a group of pepole.
      what im thinking is I know there's a video online of me crashing/flipping a go kart and one of my friends knows the guy that took the best footage of the crash.
      and i have one of me paragliding
      So i could see if i can extract hopefully 2 reasonable photos from there.

    • no guarantee i can though

  • I just approach and meets girls in person from the start. I encourage other guys to start approaching more in real life rather than online. You have a better shot meeting someone in person.

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    • At your age, that is a realistic option, especially if you are already socially active and meeting potential dating partners. As you get older, online dating becomes a more attractive alternative.

    • Absolutely true. The pool gets smaller as we age, lol.

  • nice LONG one

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  • Thanks for sharing the tips

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  • Good take! I need to try some of these things. I'm really burned out on online dating right now.

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  • Thanks for the tips.

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  • come on man 62 and this research? you should be getting prepared for after life!!

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    • That is a very unkind comment to make to someone who is trying to offer helpful advice.

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