“What ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity” — Olivia Wilde
Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. But while it’s quite normal to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic insecurity can sabotage your success in life and can be particularly damaging to your intimate relationships.
This scenario shows how insecurity comes to play in a relationship :
“She isn’t attracted to me anymore. She never acts as excited to see me when I come home. Why can’t it just be like it was in the beginning?”
“She takes forever to answer my texts. Doesn’t she miss me when I’m gone? She used to always laugh at my jokes. Do you think she’s interested in someone else?”
“It’s because I’m losing my looks. I’m away too often. She doesn’t think I’m fun anymore. I can’t make her happy. There’s something wrong with me. She wants someone better.”
It's normal and understandable :
Nothing awakens distant hurts like a close relationship. Our relationships stir up old feelings from our past more than anything else.
Relationships shake us up. They challenge core feelings we have about ourselves and evict us from long-lived-in comfort zones. They tend to turn up the volume of our inner voice and reopen unresolved wounds from our past.
How to deal with it:
Maintain your independence, we must know that each of us can be strong, knowing that we are a whole person by ourselves, the other partner is a blessing in our life but not a necessity to be happy.
Focus on what you offer instead of what you feel you lack; this will change your perspective. If the other person doesn’t appreciate what you have to offer, that’s his or her loss.
A healthy relationship is comprised of two healthy people. Becoming overly enmeshed in a relationship can lead to poor boundaries and a diffuse sense of your own needs.
Build your self-esteem, Feeling good about who you are is a win-win for the relationship. You get to enjoy the sense of well-being that comes with genuinely liking yourself, and self-confidence is an attractive quality that makes your partner want to be closer to you.
(I get that this one is easier said than done, but I believe as humans we can achieve anything we put our minds to, and it's okay to seek help, either from friends and family or a professional therapist).
Keep your identity, Trust yourself not to hide your feelings, trust yourself to make sure your needs are met, and trust yourself that you won’t lose your sense of self-identity. Trust yourself to know that if the relationship isn’t working, you will be able to leave and still be a wholly functioning individual.
What your partner thinks or feels doesn't affect who you truly are.
People will come and go, at the end of the day, you only got yourself, and that has to be more than enough.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Insecurity has ruined my past relationship, jealousy too
I'm always terrified
thanks for sharing!