Why Co-Mingling Your Finances in a Relationship Might be a Mistake

[momo770]

My last relationship lasted 4 years and we actually split finances in (now) my apartment including utilities, rent, car, credit cards etc. The end of the relationship began 7 months before we actually split. I realized at that time I had made a HUGE mistake. I relied on his paycheck more than mine and got into debt with that mindset.

He made twice what I make and paid most of the credit card bills we both incurred. Once I realized we weren't going to last I took steps to paying the debt down to a manageable amount for me to pay off solely. it's very difficult to feel a myriad emotions while trying to get your financial picture in check. I learned to not "let things go", i.e. buying something (somethings) and worry about paying for it later. This myTake is not to blame him for anything actually. I made my own poor financial decisions and wanted to share my experience.

My credit took a huge hit and I'm now on a strict budget. I don't buy anything I can't pay for in cash. Wait, wait..... I take that back. I traded in my CRV and purchased a Honda Civic. This car is a long-term investment I'm glad I undertook. My monthly payment is what I can afford to pay. I have one credit card with nothing owed on it. When I buy anything (Starbucks, gaming schtuff etc), it's with cash. I save for it and make the purchase.

Budgeting is sexy! There's never any excuse to be financially irresponsible. I manage to save a little amount every week and have put it in a Roth 401K. Any future relationship I happen to be in will include a discussion of finances. I do not plan to live with a boyfriend ever again. He can treat me to dinner/drinks etc. and I can do the same. I want to enjoy going out and not worry I can't really afford to buy this steak dinner.

Don't be embarrassed to talk to about money and what your expectations are with your significant other, if it is a serious relationship. If your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't want to discuss finances, make them!

Live within your means, save for a rainy day and fall in love with your budget! Thank you for reading.:)

[Anonymous]

I'm suprised it took you so long to learn to support yourself, they should teach money management at school. I live frugally and prefer to save up for what I want rather than borrow. Credit is a trap that's why banks and credit company's are mad to extend credit and overdrafts to everybody no matter how risky they are as they make huge sums off the interest and late payment fees. My aunt is one of those fools who takes out every purchase on credit meaning resulting in her never having any money despite making good money. I sat down with her and worked out that she was paying a third of everything she makes paying off her debts and credit card interests

[Crapulux]

For utilities, rent and stuff like that, I've found the best is to have a shared account where both put an agreed upon amount of money every month to cover everything. Whereas it's 50/50 or not is up for discussion depending on how much you both make, but the most important part is that the "credit" card linked to the account should not be a credit card, rather a debit card which doesn't allow you or him to withdraw more than the account balance.

Also, don't use credit cards really. It's a scam.

[meowcow]

You don't seem to be aware of this.
The law does not give a shit whether you co-mingle your finances or not on paper. If you live with him more than 1-year, you are considered common-law. This means your assets are considered combined by the government.

If you break up, and either one of you chooses to go after half the assets (typically the one who has less money from the beginning), they can take half of the total assets.

[Oram52]

Shit really? Is there anyway to prevent this like prenuptual agreement for marriage?

[sp33d]

There is no claim to assets acquired before becoming 'common law'. In other words, it's still my house.

[meowcow]

@Oram52

It depends on the area you live. In Canada, it differs by province. In US, it differs by state.
Some cohabitation laws state that only the pre-relationship debts/assets are split 50/50, after either 1 or 2 years of cohabitation.
However, if the house is yours before the relationship, and the partner contributes to the payment of renovations or maintenance, then the partner is able to make a claim on the property.

I'm not aware of prenups for cohabitations.

[sp33d]

She can't stake a claim for the house if she paid for a few lightbulbs or got a new wallpaper for the dining room or something. If you were on a mortgage and both of you were paying it off, then yes, both parties own the property and rightfully so.

Your credit cards and leasing contracts are in our system your own problem. There is potentially a guarantor or some asset as insurance depending on what we're precisely talking about. (You can be your partner's guarantor, but your common law status is insignificant in this case)

Naturally, for whatever asset you stake your claim on, merely your word doesn't count.

[Onlythisone]

All the women in my family are supporting men... I did on my first relationship then I said never again. He takes care of his shit, I take care of mine. he does the rent and I save for big things like bailing him out of jail. Combining our money would never work because he spends whatever is in his pocket no matter how much it is and I'm frugal.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid to ask, but I hope you didn't drag that relationship another 7 months for financial reasons...
Also the problem seems to be that you were already in debt, even though he payed for most of the bills... so I don't know how the situation could ever be his fault unless he asked you not to work or spend your money on other stuff?

[gobsmacked3]

It is a different Age, but, i was always taught 'to buy for cash and sell for cash...'

hence, never saw the merits of credit cards. They are an exaggerated entity that suck people in with their charm.

The standout recently is Christmas. All try to outdo each other by swiping their plastic. Then get to January and get their bill and think 'oh fuck'. This leads to them being on the backfoot for the whole year by being behind the financial 8ball

[Kiran04]

That's fine if you aren't married, but once you are the law won't give a damn whether you kept them separate or not. Divorce courts slice wealth down the middle regardless of contribution and regardless of arrangement. This overwhelmingly affects men, but many a professional woman has discovered that divorce laws have to be gender neutral by federal mandate, thus if they make more than their former spouse its their turn on the chopping block. And they are not happy about it.

[englisc]

When you're trying to save money living separately from your boyfriend is pretty dumb. You really are bad with money, lol.

[bubble_tea]

Good take! It's always good to keep an eye on how much you're spending and what you're spending it on.

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

"Your money is my money, and my money is my money" - women

[Oram52]

I agree, and continue with this pattern by signing prenups as well. Usually people just ahve shared account/s and rest they manage on their own.

[LegateLanius]

Yes. It can be a good thing but there is that caveat where you should be used to being able to pay for you own stuff.

[Nice222]

My wife and I have been together over 20 years. Own lots of assets together but we still have separate credit cards and checking accounts.

[Krumpir]

Tiny tip: forget Starbucks.

[bubble_tea]

haha!

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea It seemsszupid, but account 3$ per cup for a month and you are at 90$. That's huge amount of money!

[Krumpir]

Seems stupid**

[bubble_tea]

What are the cheaper alternatives to Starbucks if you're a latte drinker?

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea I don't know... We don't have Starbucks in my country anyway. I just mentioned it and calculated for average price of small cup.

We do have nescaffe tho... I think for 20 servings you would pay 40HRK (6$). Try that maybe.

[bubble_tea]

Ah, I see. I think 3$ sounds rather cheap. Home-made is always cheaper than being served.

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea I really don't know. Google said it is 3$ for small black coffee. And it just goes up with addons like mocha, late, pumps, cream... Hmmm... What is the most expensive coffee you can get there?

[bubble_tea]

I've never seen anyone order small black coffee at Starbucks, I thought everyone goes there for the frappucinos and lattes. I think the starting price is around 4-5$ for the smallest cup and around 6-7$ for the largest one. Well, there are so many extra shots and stuff you can get, I don't really know. I'm sure you could pay 10$ per cup if you wanted all the extras.

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea that's expensive AF... I don't understand how can somebody pay that much money just for coffee...

[bubble_tea]

Now you understand why everyone likes to take pics of their Starbucks drinks haha

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea crazy people... They spend on coffee as much as I spend on all food for a month...

[bubble_tea]

You can get by with 10$ worth of food a month?

[Krumpir]

@bubble_tea No, 90$. My mistake

[Anonymous]

thanks. you're cool. :) good advice

[DanFlingwing]

yep...