Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day


One of the most tedious ideas in dating advice is the idea of 'nice guys finish last' and 'girls love bad boys.' It's a truism that never seems to fully go away- the idea that women love assholes and will pick them over the self described nice guys.

Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day

One of the biggest mistake people make is assuming that it's asshole behavior that makes bad boys appealing.

Now to be fair, it is an understandable mistake to make. Guys who are frustrated by their lack of dating success often look at the singular causes for their failure especially when it feels as though they've been following the path that society and pop-culture had told them to follow.

Instead, what makes bad boys more attractive is the behavior that tends to exist alongside the more negative traits. It's not the asshole behavior that makes the bad boys attractive- it's what they do that nice guys DON'T.

Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day

For Example:

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a shy nice guy has a crush on an attractive woman. He spends weeks trying to tell if she likes him back. Then...after days of building up his courage he makes his move.

That, of course, is when he discovers that she's dating someone else. Not, mind you, because being an asshole is attractive but because they didn't hesitate.

Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day

The problem for so many nice guys is that they are afraid of rejection. They refuse to make an approach until they are 110% sure they'll succeed. They'll dress it up in any number of excuses- they want to wait until the moment is right, they don't want to make it weird- but it all comes down to the same problem problem: they don't want to take the risk of getting hurt.

Meanwhile, some asshole whose interest starts at the cleavage amd ends at her crotch rolls up on her, and while the asshole may as well not be as good of a match for her as the dogged nice guy, he still is the one who actually asked.

Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day

The asshole may not like her as much, but he actually took his shot. The nice guy doesn't get a chance because, frankly he never got in the game in the first place.

Why Women Actually Give Assholes the Time of Day
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Most Helpful Girl

  • TayTay21
    This isn't really true. Most girls go for bad boys over nice guys because they're attracted to the air of danger and mystery. Nice guys don't have that, so girls pass on them, even when they have everything going for them. The author of this wouldn't give a nice guy the time of day if he begged her for a month, so I don't think their problem is that they don't ask girls out.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • Guanfei
    Well then, I hope I won't hear any woman complain again that "all mens are assholes" and "chivalry is dead" or "nice guys don't exist".
    If you're attracted to an asshole, face the consequences and shut up. And most importantly, never go complain and cry on the shoulder of the nice guy, because you'll forget about him anyway as soon as the asshole will vaguely apologize.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • hellionthesagereborn
    Half true. The other truth is that many women will reject the nice guy because he isn't "exciting" enough for her, women like drama and assholes (who in my experience are not so much confident as they are overcompensating for their internal fear of not being good enough) provide that. Further more I would like to point out that by your own admission these women go after the asshole even though he isn't a good match, doesn't that speak volumes about women? That they will accept a proposal from an asshole while ignoring the good guy (because that's generally what it is) simply because the asshole asked first? I mean you talk about confidence and the nice guy not taking a chance, but what does the woman do? Sit by passively because she is to much a coward to make a move herself and as a result she ends up with an asshole guy who could not care less about her, by your own admission. Doesn't that say something about women? Now generally I would agree that men need to be willing to ask more HOWEVER women have made that increasingly more difficult for men. They now refer to any man who approaches them that they feel they are above as creeps and they let every one know about it thus tarnishing the reputation and ego of the man. its not a simple not interested its an attack on his reputation. They can also accuse him of sexual harassment or what have you if he does not say the exact right thing. Women also say they want a nice guy, but then ignore him creating conflicting messages for the men, women and society in general have been shaming men for being men for decades and as a result more and more men are afraid to approach women. So again, I think this doesn't really say much about men but says a whole lot about women, and its not particularly flattering. The fact is women are biologically wired to want drama, a man who is emotional with a woman implies that he cares about her that he is still invested in the relationship, so assholes exploit this (either knowingly (players) or unknowingly (man childs aka assholes). I also think that part of it is due to women having in general beaten down men to the point where most men don't know what to say or how to act around women because it will inevitably result in him having his reputation destroyed or his life ruined, women do not have a good grasp on what is masculine and what is not so you get assholes who are exhibiting a pseudo masculine characterstics which women mistake as masculine.
  • 2Real4U
    I'm super confident and come off as a player/asshole that's arrogant, caveat is I am a genuinely nice guy (which women say they want to change a bad boy to). But I'm mgtow now and don't give a f*ck as I am indifferent to it all now, why? Because women are confused/messed up, schizo to a degree, they want a bad boy then complain that they are bad, well no shit, nice guys don't get them wet, bad boys do (biology - dominance), then you get a dominant nice guy and even then it's not enough lol, f*ck off... I get approached daily and I just hit eject/reject as women are messed and I'm tired of games, wasting my time (very valuable) and money/emotions on undecisive beings. This post is true and real, which is even more sad, whatever best to those still in the 'pool', I'm taking my fishing rod and six figure income and doing me, travel the world and do things for me, I will always value what I bring to the table and won't ever monkey branch myself lol cheers... I don't sugar coat anything, like it, don't like it, I don't care! Just trying to help... cheers.
  • 10dsw
    I think you're almost on the right track. Almost. The fact of the matter is that many assholes are driven people. Not only do they not care about women or rejection (which is attractive in itself) but they are also driven to be successful and oftentimes go far in life (which is also attractive)
  • Prof_Don
    Paragraph 5 is spot on! Too many guys are focused on avoiding rejection at all costs... and rejection is inevitable!

    The key for a guy to be successful dating, is to approach women ALL the time, and get rejected repeatedly , until rejection doesn't affect him anymore.

    Unfortunately THERE IS NO WAY TO AVOID THIS STEP! Just go through this process and get it over with 👊
  • argonfreeman
    You've done a lot of typing on mainly 1 thing: contradiction, although i'm not surprised.

    If you cannot see anyone but yourself in a relationship I feel sorry for you and your ego. You need a reality check.
  • Kawabanga1
    there's some truth in your words indeed, but you forgot something... what is an asshole?

    it seems that men and women both have their definition for an asshole, for a man an asshole is someone who is a trouble maker, law breaker, violent, very aggressive and gives no shit about anyone... are there men like that? indeed they do exist.

    but what is an asshole for a woman? its the guy doing his thing, not giving her his time of the day, not approaching her when she clearly sees he is confident and wants her, he is cocky and knows his worth and doesn't care as much about her cause he knows he can easily have her (not always true but thats how he acts) he isn't neccissarily violent or aggressive but he isn't someone she can tame and make her bitch.

    in my honest opinion women do want the second kind of asshole, he posses all the good qualities while maintaining very little cons as opposed to the first one, its really a matter of calibertaion , and those who can balance it out will succeed.
  • chriss
    It really depends on the individual.

    You cannot assume that every nice guy or bad boy is the same.

    For all you know they could have a personality disorder which makes it different from your perspective
  • Dio1982
    Women feel attracted to three things:
    -social status

    Being an asshole one can fake confidence and high social status. And it also helps with looks.
    Female attraction is not negotiable, and women don't care about assholes, really. It is all about the feels. And when she feels attracted, she is yours to take.
  • TripleAce
    well I've noticed it even happens with guys... I myself also chase the ones that give me a hard time lol

    it's because it give us satisfaction to 'fix' something... it satisfies us to have gained one step closer --> it's like achieving goals. you feel good

    so we chase that feel good
    when there is nothing to fix aka good relationships, we lack that 'buss' that runners high you could say
    • azzntittiz

      Oh I see...

    • TripleAce

      Buzz* not buss lol

    • TripleAce

      Don't you think so?
      I think so

      Its why i chased this girl with a sexy fat ass
      Even though she was such a pain to me lol

    • Show All
  • Belgie
    There are plenty of boring nice guys who became boring assholes, and still never get laid.

    Nice guys who blame their "niceness" on why they have no game, are just doomed to celibacy.
    • Lol true.
      A nice loser is still more appealing than a sore loser.

  • cavmanier
    I'm sorry, but this is 💩 The girl liked the guy that didn't think about asking her out, instead of the guy that did. How would she know if a guy thought about asking her out for 3 weeks? That makes no sense to me.
  • Bandit74
    I think it's mostly about looks. In most cases when a girl falls for an asshole, he is usually above average in terms of physical attractiveness and that is what allows him to get away with being an asshole.

    Physical appearance is the most important factor that determines the quality and quantity of girls that a guy is able to sleep with.
  • bloodmountain1990
    Just because you get laid or get a girlfriend doesn’t make you an asshole.

    Going by that logic, every guy who’s ever been laid, had a girlfriend, etc would be an asshole.

    You don’t have to be an asshole or abusive to get women, just don’t be a pushover.
  • es20490446e
    Women give assholes the time of the day, till they get to know them better.

    Then they realise they are not only as boring as everyone else, but also a waste of human.
  • If you have to be a A-hole to be confident then you're a piece of hot trash to begin with.

    And I agree, that nice guys main problem isn't that they are nice, but that they're sissies.

    Women hate sissies.
  • AD240pCharlie
    Nice guys confuse being confident with being an asshole.
    Nice women confuse being an asshole with being confident.
  • BigJake
    What you gloss over in this take is that the hypothetical woman you describe has zero agency in deciding who she wants to date. In your model, the woman is a passive automaton, a blank slate, a cypher who is incapable of expressing interest in a man. That's a huge knock against women today, who claim to be in charge of their own lives. But I agree that it's better for guys to be up-front with girls.

    What girls don't understand about why guys act like this is that we were raised to be respectful towards girls and to not go where we aren't wanted. When girls don't show interest in us, we make the very logical assumption that they aren't interested. "Bad boy" types tend to assume that they're universally desirable, which is narcissistic and delusional but is apparently attractive to girls.
  • A-mac
    Low self esteem. It's easy to slip into thinking that Asshole is as good as it's going to get.
  • Kiran04
    Because women love assholes. We already know this. Treat women like shit and they love you. No one is surprised by this. Least of all men.
  • skytatoe
    Well it is kind of a dick move to refuse to tell someone what time it is if they ask you. So I get it, its common courtesy xDDD
  • ovoxo_
    The reason women like assholes is because they connect very well with them mentally/emotionally since they're all rotten inside and "assholes" themselves 😊
    • azzntittiz

      That's how I feel about men. I think they treat garbage bitches better because they too are garbage humans.

    • ovoxo_

      Men do not date "garbage bitches" we avoid them actually. Men like nice girls.

    • azzntittiz


    • Show All
  • Browneye57
    Don't confusing 'nice' with 'kind'. An alpha male isn't necessarily NICE, but certainly kind.
  • Good_Behavior
    I don't know if I agree with this. Being forward doesn't seem to be the real tickler though I do agree that hesitation isn't useful either.
  • TheNotorious
    Idc about this whole shit for every girl that i friendzone i get 2 more back
  • Phil_
    yeah right... I'm a "self described" (lol) nice guy, and this post just triggered me... It shouldn't since it sounds quite immature, but well who cares...
    Supposing I have a crush on an attractive woman, spend time overthinking things before acting and find out that she chose an asshole instead... What a relief! I just avoided myself to engage with a stupid person! Ho, that's rude? I don't care, I prefer dating women with a damn brain, not a "first come, first served" marchandise... Still rude? Do you know what free will means? This post just deny the fact that (attractive) women can choose a nice guy instead of an asshole... I won't do that, I'll stay a nice guy no matter what and without an hesitation... My. Goddam. Way.
  • lord_chilled
    There is some truth to this but basically, women just f*ck assholes and then marry the nice guys, because they can.

    They couldnt do that because back in the day men had higher standards. You wouldn't wife up the town bike. Guys these days are pathetic and wife up anything.

    Men did the opposite when they could as well, still do it. F*ck slutty girls, and then marry the nice, good girl.

    Its just people trying to have the best of both worlds.

    If you are a "nice guy" just get a nice girl before anyone gets to her and claim her already. Then you wouldn't have a problem
  • jjhonn
    This is definitely true. But also the opposite is not false.
  • Tohhru
    what's just as annoying if not more is these takes on why you girls like those dumb guys
  • fredrick89
    Nice take for nice guy, no need to be nice to women
  • John_Doesnt
    Because most women enjoy being abused.
  • Hungry_Shark
  • pleasestopthis
    This is so true.
  • CT_CD
    Women like assholes
  • disgustingweebtrash
    Women love assholes
  • Nice222
    This is so true
  • Bourne96
    What the fuck is confidence anyway?
  • Silver158
    is it because the asshole asked for the time?
  • rockrewls
    I'm an asshole... Do I win something?
  • Anonymous
    its this simple you women like sin
    and when men sin you become attracted to us

    I have tested it out myself
    and it works

    which is why I call girls stupid
    but it's the same for men

    when girls sin we become attracted to them
    the human race is stupid
  • Anonymous
    Thanks, a little interesting.
  • Anonymous
    I don't think behavior has as much to do with it as you suggest.

    I think people (not just men or women) in general are confident, and unfortunately also assholes because they are attractive, and attractive people get a lot of benefits in life that unattractive people don't, and that can have an effect on your ego and personality.

    Some nice guys are attractive and would probably benefit from being more confident, but the ones that aren't likely got that way because of their looks which are subpar. Women like assholes because better looking guys often happen to be assholes so they end up together. The ugly men that are assholes are alone forever, and for everyone else it's a coin tossup whether or not a woman will take the time to get to know them or just thoughtlessly accept the first man to approach her. Hopefully this doesn't come across as damning of women because men do the same thing with one difference: if an ugly woman expresses interest in a man she is practically guaranteed sex just for making the effort, what she might not get however is a committed relationship, that's for the hot ladies only. I think this is just human nature.
  • Anonymous
    Ok be an asshole. Ok done.
  • Anonymous
    Yes, this is what I tell women every time I see a "why do I end up with assholes" question or a "where are all the good guys, why don't they approach me" type questions. Assholes indulge your desire to avoid rejection yourself in the same way the shy nice guys do. The only difference is that men aren't afforded the choice of doing nothing and waiting as a strategy for finding a partner.
  • Anonymous
    Are women ever afraid of rejection (if not something worse) to talk about how it's for men?
  • Anonymous
    There's a shred of truth to what you said. Though society doesn't help a lot and a lot of third wave feminism doesn't seem to be helping either. The meaning of harassment, has changed from persistently bothing someone when they said no or want you to stop, to bothering someone once (or respectfully giving someone unwanted attention unknowingly). So yeah it makes sense why you'll have a lot of guys want to make sure that the girl wants something to do with them more than platonically before asking them out. Even more so if the guy is the kind of guy who's really trying to respect women (and if he's a bit inexperienced).

    The reason women give assholes the time of day over a nice guy (wanted to put that in quotes since it's subjective but didn't want it to be confused with "Nice Guy TM") is because they have issues that they haven't sorted out yet, or they're not really nice themselves. If they have problems if they'll keep going back to an asshole. If this weren't true, then you wouldn't have a lot of women complaining about nice guys not existing and all men being assholes.

    Those are also the same type of girls that nice guys shouldn't want. They should look for someone who's not damaged, while improving themselves and their lives. They should raise their standards and look for women who meet them, and if they never find someone they should be the person not to care because their happiness comes from their self and they're already living an awesome life single.

    Also note I'd like to point out that the term asshole is as subjective as nice guy and a lanket statement. I'm pretty sure nobody is 100% nice or 100% assholish, but somewhere in between.
  • Anonymous
    Great mytake!
  • Anonymous
    you have a poor understanding on how we are attracted but hey you are not Tyler you are a next door girl. i agree with the core message though.
  • Anonymous
    So essentially women are so narasistic that unless a male does the chase, she won't give him the time of day even if she likes him because she needs to feed her ego and "be the girl he wanted".
    • Anonymous

      The when a guy does make an effort and women don't like him, they start a bullshit #MeToo bowel movement to shame and destroy males who "actually took a shot" because of nonsense scapegoats like "Unwanted advancements"

  • Anonymous
    SO basically if I am not up front bothering a girl saying HEY DATE ME, they'll be more likely to say yes with no second thought... Isn't this a bit... dumb? and maybe... naiive? Just because assholes seem to get girls does not make it right. This is also a broad brush as not all guys and girls are the same. I've seen cool bros get girlfriends before too. They are not assholes. And these people seem MUCH smarter too and it's no wonder. Telling nice guys "hey you don't rush and actually try as fast as assholes, so don't be suprised you don't win" is a bit bullshitty. It's laying down another excuse for girls to prefer assholes. Sure, maybe an asshole is often more confident, but this is the same confidence that then leads to arguments, arrogance, communication breakdowns, fake love and many times, rape. If you love a guy just because he actually is confidence, but you realize he's an asshole, why reward him by continuing to be with him? It just makes being an asshole better, so more guys try it. Then the girls out there that are actually SMART that go BEYOND whether a guy is first to ask them out are stuck with guys acting like assholes because it becomes the thing to do to get girls and the SMART girls end up alone because the trust level is low. With SMART guys, they see a majority of girls fall for this "confidence first" BS and stop bothering so much with women. Sometimes, the smarter boys and gals meet each other, but since they remain minorities, it's often harder to find each other. That's the way I see it and I am sure many agree. Case in point, STOP making being an asshole as a good thing. It's not. Idc if the author of this is a famous super model when offline, I would never date somebody with this kind of shallow thinking and SMART men who usually are the ones who have more respect of women anyway, think the same. If you want to date dumbasses, go ahead. But let people who prefer smart people over dumbass "confident" assholes do thier own thing.