A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...

A real guy or a gentleman would respect your decision if you don't want to be with them. It's better for them to know, then both of you to be emotionally invested in the relationship.

A guy who I met last year, through a mutual friend. We first talked on fb and I made it clear to him that I have no interest in having a boyfriend at the moment. The only reason I said that because he seem to desperate and I felt no chemistry, attractions or butterflies whatsoever.

Stupidly I went to meet him as a friend, but soon realised it was not a friend thing. It was a date and he was totally shy and standing over me. So I cut it short.

Long story short, I felt bad and still kept in contact when he messaged me. But he still insisted on taking me out to a very well known romantic building. So I decided to tell him that I don't want to get his hopes up and it's better for him to find someone who likes him and I don't want to waste our time and because he was really rude a dispensing controlling.

A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...

He did not take it well and seemed upset. He said he loved me after we met up like 3 times. Then he always texted me a few days later and acted like I never said anything which became so unbearable. He even waited for me after work and sent me anonymous chocolates at work.

He kept contacting me on all social media so I decided to block him and he sent me an audio begging me. Then he got really rude and starting sending me rude texts and making his friends send me fb messages asking if I were single.

I learned that he lied a lot to make me feel sorry for him. Since last May I stopped all contact and until this year in January I finally got the pressure off that I needed and hopefully he stops.

So I don't understand why he would not take no for an answer. He should have been happier that I did not string him along and waste our time.

A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Classic narcissistic behavior (not diagnosing him as a narcissist). You dodged a huge bullet.

    Him agreeing to meet up and turning it into a date was manipulative, and the shy thing was undoubtedly an act (a shy man wouldn't stand over you).

    Ignoring the fact that you said you weren't interested is an early form of gaslighting, trying to subtly convince you that it never happened.

    Once he realised that his tactics wouldn't work, he tried to punish you for hurting his ego, hoping to get a reaction.

    These are all just games that little boys play because they never learned that the world doesn't revolve around them. Every bit of this is just him trying to get his way like a child who wants an ice cream cone and his mommy said no. "PLEEEEEEEASE" "I love you, mommy" "mommy, can I have it, please?" (pretending he never asked and therefore she never said no)... and then the fit ensues... Its the exact same behavior, and in children, it's called Primary Narcissism

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    • Thank you for sharing your opinion. That is exactly what happened. He is very manipulative. Once I stopped con tact he would wait outside of my work and pretend to be his mum of fb messenger. He always wanted me to comment on his looks and one time I said I was hanging out with my friend I know from school and he said why should I hang out with her. That was the final strawberries. Yeah he is a narcissist

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a thing that every person should do.
    Unfortunately there are a lot of pushy/manipulative people out there.

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    • Yeah he is very manipulative

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What Guys Said 42

  • A 'real' woman on the other hand should not be hanging out with a guy whom she knows is into her out of pity for him.

    I'm not excusing this guy's behavior- it's pathetic - but this is 50% your fault as well.

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    • I wish i could upvote this 1,000 times!

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    • Have you gotten a restraining order against either of them?

    • @CalmDownSilly if it was to continue further i would. My family said it was harassment and should call the police. But now I am leaving soon. They won't know where I am going, so hopefully they won't keep tabs on me ano I won't cross path with them.

  • Why do so many women think guys don't know what "no" is. Only sick rapists and manipulators don't know this and they are a minority. It's like saying all men are killers because some men are serial killers.

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    • This is going way off topic. That your opinion, but I don't think all men are killers. Those sickos who does those crime does not give any option to sayou no.

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    • Yeah I understand what you mean, yes he is not normal. A normal guy would understand a no. This guy is a stalker and possessive. So yes he should not be in a category of real men or guys in genreal that is normal.

    • Exactly, this guy has a problem.

  • It's not just a "gentleman" thing; It's a "decent person" thing, but I speculate that maybe more men tend to behave that way. I think a lot of people are brought up to consider persistence to be a virtue, which it is. Some people unfortunately confuse persistence with obsession. There is a difference, and that dude might now know that. Based on what you're saying, he may be exhibiting stalker behavior, which is the most alarming element in all of this.

    Personally, I'm the kind of guy where if I get rejected, I move on and away completely and immediately. I think it's OK to try again, just one more time, but only after some time has passed, because the person's situation might change down the line, and may be more accepting of a chance to give you a shot. Personally, I have never done that, but I think it's OK.

    However, even if after the second time, it's a rejection, at that point the right thing is to move on completely. I think this guy decided to put himself in your friendzone in hopes that he could convince you to be in a relationship with him. The way it played out in what you've said seems absolutely pathetic to me.

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    • @ninebreaker I applaud your approach and agree it's best to move on. However, a friend of mine was being pursued by some guy and she kept on telling him "no," but he didn't slow down a bit, even after she hung up on him. They've now been married for over 30 years. And my daughter kept telling some guy "no," but they've been married for only three years. For all too many women, "no" means "maybe," and men take advantage of that. Based on my own personal experience, I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

    • Thank you for sharing your opinion. His mother introduced us and said we should be friends as we're the same age. I made sure with her if it's a friend thing, as she knew at that time I been through an awful situation with this pervy guy who hurt me.

      So when I first talked wother her son on fb, I made sure all the time I said we can be friends. Then he said to me stop saying friends. It took a month on fb before I met him. In person he seem shyou and awkward. But on fb he than became really rude and keeps lying to me. He is very manipulative and said he had learning difficulties, which I thought ok. Then gave him a chance. Then I found out he was lying. I did tell him so many times I don't want a relationship and he kept ignoring me and texting me like nothing happened. This gave me anxiety. I feel so relieved to have the space I needed now. So I can move on

  • Agree...
    if you knew he was desperate and went to meet him as a friend...
    then shut him down... he'll got over it. Hopefully, learn to make a better first impression next time.

    So take that NO!! For your own good.
    Learn. Educate.
    Cry a bit... it's ok... there's probably just dust in your eyes... Don't forget the lesson learned

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    • Yes lessoned learn. It took me 9 months to say no to him over and over again

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    • Wow you agree with everything I said, even though I told you I was like similar to him LOl.

      -Sorry if I "manipulated" you, don't think i did. Just trying to make you understand his thought process so next time you'll end it earlier/avoid completely the next time you run into another. You prob walk past 10 a day, just they're more controlled.

      **MIND BLOWN**

      -Dime-store psychoanalysis guy

    • Least your honest about it and not sugar coating things. You seem understanding. Are you sure your like him? Lol

  • Most guys would have backed off, I myself prefer a female like you. I would rather be told the truth upfront no matter how bad it hurts my ego, than to be strung along by someone trying not to hurt my feelings.

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    • Thank you for understanding. Yes that what I thought was best to tell him upfront, then waste both of our time.

  • Very well put.

    I would like to ask that guy what, if anything, did he learn. Obviously I can't.

    So I'm going to ask you, anonymous. What, if anything, did you learn from this ordeal (which I'm sorry you had to go through)?

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    • I learned not to go and meet someone who wanted to date me and I was not wanting a relationship from. That's my regret giving him the time of day. Also when I say no, I should leave it like that instead of replying back to him. As when I did I felt trapped and he smart because he knew how to make me sorry for him. Also kearney not everyone is nice.

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    • Well, may your next lesson be one in tenderness and love, and your next burden no heavier than a good man's arms around you.

    • Thank you. I hope I found someone

  • Aw yeah he was outta pocket.. He should have just back off.. I don't think he should try and get another girl.. Just work on himself, and his self confidence..

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    • He was really confidence. If I did not compliment his haircut, he got really angry. Also was surprised I did not fancy him. I do agree with you on that he should work on himself. Also he kept taking things out on me, even his mother told him off.

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    • Yeah true.. There does need to be chemistry, or at least attraction to start it off.. But, maybe his ex made him like that.. LOL.. But yeah he does need to work on himself.. Feel better about himself, not look for validation, and not take rejection so hard..

    • True that😊

  • As a guy who has taken 'no' for an answer many times, I can say this:

    9 times out of 10, when a guy takes no for an answer and moves on, the girl will suddenly decide she likes him, come chasing after him, and figuratively scream 'How can you be OK without me?'

    And after she throws her temper fits and he's still accepting 'no' for an answer, she feels rejected, and she and all of her friends spread among the local female population how much of a jerk he is for rejecting and hurting her, playing the victim of her own 'no.' This isn't theory. This is a detailed description of several events from my own life.

    The fact is, 'no' from a woman can mean no, try harder, yes, or any combination of those, and men aren't mind readers. In your story, you should never have kept contact with him or gone out with him once you realized it wasn't just friendship. PERIOD. All you did was give him an indication that 'no' didn't really mean 'no.'

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    • Yes, but I only met him 3 times. Then told him from the beginning that I did not want him. Then I cut all contact, I did not realise after I did that he would try and try for 9 months

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    • I am 25, I know many people my age settle down. But athe the time as well I did not want to commit. I could of led him on but I did not, he wanted to take me to an expensive building in London. But I refused and broke it to him gently. No way I am letting him pursue me and bribe my feelings with money.

    • I understand what your saying. What you said sounds she doesn't know what she wants. I never changed my mind.

  • He's clearly an unstable person so no matter what or who, he would've done the same thing. He's the type that can't live alone and needs a crutch.

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    • Yeah and he kept saying he was lonely. He has a big family and loads of friends. That not the definition of lonely. He even sent me an audio of himself begging and crying to make me feel bad

    • "He has a big family and loads of friends."

      Incorrect. A person can have a big family and loads of friends and feel lonely if they don't have someone to love romantically.

    • @Bluemax I know, he meant romantically. He had girls as friends too, why did he not pursue them and leave me alone

  • A real woman shouldn’t go around telling guys what makes them a real man.

    I get the point of the take and generally agree. But telling us what makes us REAL men is wrong.

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    • Ok...😕

      The use of the apostrophe defines ownership of one or more people. So, if there is only one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guy's favorite cars." If, however, there is more than one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guys' favorite cars."

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    • Yeah because you don't get it, that guy means one guy. Which then I talked about the guy that I turned down. Guys with the 's' in the end means the whole entire males race. So I am not telling you guys what a real men shall be. Man means one person and men means a group of guys😕

    • That makes more sense

  • I can take a no.
    That was the response to about 99 per cent of my approaches, until I gave up on women. 🤣

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  • This is true.

    I was recently dating a woman for close to 2 months. I really liked her and I wanted to make our relationship exclusive. When I asked her about it she said she didn't know how she felt about me. Fast forward 2 weeks later and she told me that she did not want to pursue a relationship at this time. While disappointing to hear, I had to accept her decision. I have great respect for her since she had the guts to tell me her true honest feelings about me and not string me along. Hopefully we can still be friends.

    This guy you're talking to needs to realize that you can't suddenly convince someone to come back to you. He should try looking at it this way and tell himself that at least he can stop wasting money on dates when it really wasn't going anywhere.

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    • Glad you accepted her decision, even though itshe not whate you wanted. In life you want both of you to love eachother the same. Glad you guys are friends

  • I totally agree with this post, but I find it hilarious that we have a woman telling us how to be real men.

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    • No I am not. We all may have different opinions on the meaning of real men. When I say it is think real men is a decent guy and won't force me to like him. Also will take no for a no.

    • Lol It's fine, I'm not taking offense. I believe there's only one set of way to be a real man. None of this subjective crap, it's okay to have an opinion.

    • Yeah I know. I was just explaining 😊

  • nice sexism
    absolutley double standards
    this is not only for men

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    • what does real women do?

    • If a men said the same thing for women that are apparently like that when they date go ahead. But I don't date women so.

  • leme add my juice. I looked down uppon the comment section and noticed this Take is not about guys who can't stand a NO.

    it's all about solely 1 guy, 1 bad experience you made and therefore invalid in itself.

    guys can take a no, in fact I've taken about 5 NOs in the past 3 months so what gives. the issue here is that you met a guy who had RED FLAG signs all over him but you still wanted to be his friend though you clearly wrote down some of the red flags on him.

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    • Yes it's about him. I just saying a real guy would say No, then I gave an example about my experience with a guy who should not be like that. I did not want to be friends with him anyway, I felt I needed to because of his mother was I thought was nice. As she listen to me as when I was upset about my assault. But she manipulate me just for me to get with her son that

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    • A Guy mean one man, then I talked about one guy. I did not say 'guys', which mean an entire males in the world. Get with the meaning. Men means all the entire world of men and man means one.

    • Another note. Got this on the Internet.

      The use of the apostrophe defines ownership of one or more people. So, if there is only one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guy's favorite cars." If, however, there is more than one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guys' favorite cars."

  • Ofc a real guy should take no for an answer and actually not be that bothered from it , as for that dude you're talking about you should end all ties of connection with him as he ain't that resilient to deal with life

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  • sure, even if you can't take it, you say that's cool. besides you can still use them in your imagination lol

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  • A REAL man, knows the answer to this before he asks the question.
    ~JSmith

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  • Ideally, no means no.

    Realistically, experience trains us that just taking a no from girls and dropping it is a often foolish idea.

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  • Sorry hun, but you don't get to decide what makes a man a real man.

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    • I said a guy, that means one person then i talked about the guy that i had the experience with. I would get your point if i said real guys. Guys mean all men. Come on. I keep saying the same thing, I need an update.

    • There's girls who like men who don't give up or want them to try harder to woo them. You just happened to fall upon a loser who didn't interest you and now you blocked him. Don't make such a big deal out of it. I know women love to complain, but boy it sure is annoying.

    • Yeah yeah. See your saying all women like to complain, now your the one who's putting us in a category of complainers. I am not making a big deal of it. I don't care lol

  • I agree all the way and i sure wish women can do the same as well

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  • Guys are different. I agree, this guy should have stopped asking/troubling you once you made it clear to him. Then again, you have guys who wouldn't have the guts to confront you! There is variety in everything, different people behave differently.
    I had a crush on a marathi girl in college, but I knew threw our whatever small interactions that she'd never be interested in me and that she was already dating. I forgot about her and moved on! I didn't trouble her one bit, I don't think she would even know whether I had a crush on her?
    Did I do the right thing? I don't know? Some people would say yes some would say no. But it doesn't really matter to me, I'm happy that she's happy.. It doesn't necessarily have to be for her to end up with me. If she's happy with someone else - that's cool too.. That's cause its her life..

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  • If you're not interested in a guy don't keep dialoging with him. Just cut it off.
    It has nothing to do with him being 'real' or not.

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    • I mean a normal guy would take a no, but he did not. He kept trying for 9 months after I cut him off.

    • But you didn't 'cut him off'. You kept it going. We a already know women aren't really sure what they like, so they keep trying. If you had told him to 'fuck off' 9 months ago that would have been the end of it. :)

    • I did I told him to leave me alone. Then he sent me a rude text and few days later said sorry to me. I only met him 3 times within 2 months and after I stopped seeing him. He tried for another 9 months. He's a crazy person. I definitely was sure I did not want him

  • i like these type of girls who know they dont want to get into relationship and they say it directly , why not cause you saved a lot of time !!

    meanwhile there are some girls who just say No and then when you take No and look for another Hot girl around cause you know you gonna get it then they gonna come from the blue and make call , try to talk to you etc. etc. and when they get break up they gonna contact you as well for such GIRLS , Here me up if someone just texted you better analyze him he might be fully into you rather than just being a fuck boy who won't get back to you after he gets into you the real men would wait for more longer time than you think to go down for physical cause he loves your soul not your body ! yeah make sure you girls check history of guys who"s hitting on you
    Tip- looking for long term safe relationships date Average looking guys they gonna treat you well ! similar to Queen if chemistry is good

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  • l would take the truth from a girl l am a real man well a very nice gent

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  • I only say no to most vegetables, tartar sauce, and mayonnaise.

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  • That's not what the majority of women seem to think.

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    • What do you mean?

  • Of course.
    If the 'No' hurts it'best to move on.

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    • Or grow some patience...
      That seems hard for spoiled brats.

    • His mother stills babies him

  • I even take a yes as a no, am I twice a real guy?

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  • i agree

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What Girls Said 9

  • Great advice from NineBreaker and TiMoreDei!
    Your kindness was unfortunately mistaken as a "girl playing hard to get" ploy by a emotionally unstable man.
    The more you are out in the dating world the more of these guys you will meet. So, my best advice to you is to not burden yourself with so much anxiety. Yes, his feelings were hurt... but did you cause that? Absolutely not! Please check out Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Your Erroneous Zones." The book was a real eye opener for me. You might still be able to access the entire book for free on You Tube.

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    • Thank you. I will not in the future think of their feelings as that a trapped to lure me back

  • I agree!
    Everyone should know what NO means- not saying all guys are like this, but some are.

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    • Yeah some guys are accepting

  • :( i wonder if they realize this behavior is terrifying.

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    • They don't. Everything he thinks revolves around hime.

  • Okay, so, my best guy friend really really likes our mutual friend and she told me she just wants to be friends with him. I told him that and he was really upset. Now, he keeps telling me things she'll do and he'll ask me "Is this a sign she might like me? Does this mean anything?"

    Is he just being a hopeful person with a crush or is he being an asshole who can't take no for an answer. He's really bothering me and I don't know if my frustration is justified.

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  • That keep happening in my college. the guys don't understand when i say no it means no. all the guys has learning disabled.

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  • Men want what they can’t have. That’s so annoying. But some of them understand.

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    • Yeah it is so annoying. Yes true

  • No means no

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  • Mental illness. I have experience with this but in a much more extreme case. you were right to cut him off but you can never initiate contact with him again or it starts over. You should not have met him in the first place and I'm sure you would do it differently now.

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    • Yes I will do, thanks. Now I stopped contact I won't give in. As that the wrong thing to do.

  • I know that type of guy, he is in love, but it will pass eventually, though, not so quickly, some guys like him can stay in love for 5-7 years, sometimes even longer, but don't worry, after a while, he will fall in love in some other girl. Guys like that are too shy, they are not capable of achieving a relationship... most of them remain single their entire life, or try to harm themselves, which eventually leads to hospitalization, or worse. All you can do is pity him.

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    • I hope he was not in lover with me

    • Love

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