A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...

Anonymous

A real guy or a gentleman would respect your decision if you don't want to be with them. It's better for them to know, then both of you to be emotionally invested in the relationship.

A guy who I met last year, through a mutual friend. We first talked on fb and I made it clear to him that I have no interest in having a boyfriend at the moment. The only reason I said that because he seem to desperate and I felt no chemistry, attractions or butterflies whatsoever.

Stupidly I went to meet him as a friend, but soon realised it was not a friend thing. It was a date and he was totally shy and standing over me. So I cut it short.

Long story short, I felt bad and still kept in contact when he messaged me. But he still insisted on taking me out to a very well known romantic building. So I decided to tell him that I don't want to get his hopes up and it's better for him to find someone who likes him and I don't want to waste our time and because he was really rude a dispensing controlling.

A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...

He did not take it well and seemed upset. He said he loved me after we met up like 3 times. Then he always texted me a few days later and acted like I never said anything which became so unbearable. He even waited for me after work and sent me anonymous chocolates at work.

He kept contacting me on all social media so I decided to block him and he sent me an audio begging me. Then he got really rude and starting sending me rude texts and making his friends send me fb messages asking if I were single.

I learned that he lied a lot to make me feel sorry for him. Since last May I stopped all contact and until this year in January I finally got the pressure off that I needed and hopefully he stops.

So I don't understand why he would not take no for an answer. He should have been happier that I did not string him along and waste our time.

A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...
A Real Guy Should be Able to Take 'No' for an Answer...
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JayParris
    Classic narcissistic behavior (not diagnosing him as a narcissist). You dodged a huge bullet.

    Him agreeing to meet up and turning it into a date was manipulative, and the shy thing was undoubtedly an act (a shy man wouldn't stand over you).

    Ignoring the fact that you said you weren't interested is an early form of gaslighting, trying to subtly convince you that it never happened.

    Once he realised that his tactics wouldn't work, he tried to punish you for hurting his ego, hoping to get a reaction.

    These are all just games that little boys play because they never learned that the world doesn't revolve around them. Every bit of this is just him trying to get his way like a child who wants an ice cream cone and his mommy said no. "PLEEEEEEEASE" "I love you, mommy" "mommy, can I have it, please?" (pretending he never asked and therefore she never said no)... and then the fit ensues... Its the exact same behavior, and in children, it's called Primary Narcissism
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Thank you for sharing your opinion. That is exactly what happened. He is very manipulative. Once I stopped con tact he would wait outside of my work and pretend to be his mum of fb messenger. He always wanted me to comment on his looks and one time I said I was hanging out with my friend I know from school and he said why should I hang out with her. That was the final strawberries. Yeah he is a narcissist

    • Omg wow!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    It's a thing that every person should do.
    Unfortunately there are a lot of pushy/manipulative people out there.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Yeah he is very manipulative

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What Girls & Guys Said

942
  • 10dsw
    A 'real' woman on the other hand should not be hanging out with a guy whom she knows is into her out of pity for him.

    I'm not excusing this guy's behavior- it's pathetic - but this is 50% your fault as well.
    • EvilPimp

      I wish i could upvote this 1,000 times!

    • 10dsw

      @EvilPimp Haha thanks. I just think it's important to see things objectively and not subjectively

    • @EvilPimp @10dsw

      That's is correct. But 50% is kinda hash because she's victimized here. Dw she didn't write it in the Mytake. That's what i thought too.

      In this case, she is a "vulnerable" person, his personality masked his "malicious/manipulative" side, that's why it took her 9months to finally end it or maybe he decided to move onto another person. The "vulnerable" person normally ends up worst.
      Luckily there wasn't too much damage this time.

      Vulnerable people generally attract these types, i don't know why (by being easily manipulated that's why?). Hopefully, she will now become more of a "real" woman... I hope she can avoid it next time by learning from this experience, she said she can, maybe, I know she's less vulnerable... but sometimes you just can't escape.
      He's "amateur" at best (keeps getting caught lying). Imagine if it was Hitler level manipulation shit going on :)

      ***MIND FUCKED MYSELF?***

    • Show All
  • YHL6965
    Why do so many women think guys don't know what "no" is. Only sick rapists and manipulators don't know this and they are a minority. It's like saying all men are killers because some men are serial killers.
    • Anonymous

      This is going way off topic. That your opinion, but I don't think all men are killers. Those sickos who does those crime does not give any option to sayou no.

    • YHL6965

      That' not my point, my point is still on how "a real guy should be able to take no for an answer" is kind of an exaggeration. Normal people know what "no" means, you can't blame normal people for the bad deeds of sick people.

    • My99legend

      I agree. This guy hardly seems normal. I wouldn't label him as a real man...

    • Show All
  • NineBreaker
    It's not just a "gentleman" thing; It's a "decent person" thing, but I speculate that maybe more men tend to behave that way. I think a lot of people are brought up to consider persistence to be a virtue, which it is. Some people unfortunately confuse persistence with obsession. There is a difference, and that dude might now know that. Based on what you're saying, he may be exhibiting stalker behavior, which is the most alarming element in all of this.

    Personally, I'm the kind of guy where if I get rejected, I move on and away completely and immediately. I think it's OK to try again, just one more time, but only after some time has passed, because the person's situation might change down the line, and may be more accepting of a chance to give you a shot. Personally, I have never done that, but I think it's OK.

    However, even if after the second time, it's a rejection, at that point the right thing is to move on completely. I think this guy decided to put himself in your friendzone in hopes that he could convince you to be in a relationship with him. The way it played out in what you've said seems absolutely pathetic to me.
    • @ninebreaker I applaud your approach and agree it's best to move on. However, a friend of mine was being pursued by some guy and she kept on telling him "no," but he didn't slow down a bit, even after she hung up on him. They've now been married for over 30 years. And my daughter kept telling some guy "no," but they've been married for only three years. For all too many women, "no" means "maybe," and men take advantage of that. Based on my own personal experience, I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for sharing your opinion. His mother introduced us and said we should be friends as we're the same age. I made sure with her if it's a friend thing, as she knew at that time I been through an awful situation with this pervy guy who hurt me.

      So when I first talked wother her son on fb, I made sure all the time I said we can be friends. Then he said to me stop saying friends. It took a month on fb before I met him. In person he seem shyou and awkward. But on fb he than became really rude and keeps lying to me. He is very manipulative and said he had learning difficulties, which I thought ok. Then gave him a chance. Then I found out he was lying. I did tell him so many times I don't want a relationship and he kept ignoring me and texting me like nothing happened. This gave me anxiety. I feel so relieved to have the space I needed now. So I can move on

  • Hal2002
    Most guys would have backed off, I myself prefer a female like you. I would rather be told the truth upfront no matter how bad it hurts my ego, than to be strung along by someone trying not to hurt my feelings.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for understanding. Yes that what I thought was best to tell him upfront, then waste both of our time.

  • Bluemax
    Very well put.

    I would like to ask that guy what, if anything, did he learn. Obviously I can't.

    So I'm going to ask you, anonymous. What, if anything, did you learn from this ordeal (which I'm sorry you had to go through)?
    • Anonymous

      I learned not to go and meet someone who wanted to date me and I was not wanting a relationship from. That's my regret giving him the time of day. Also when I say no, I should leave it like that instead of replying back to him. As when I did I felt trapped and he smart because he knew how to make me sorry for him. Also kearney not everyone is nice.

    • Anonymous

      Learned

    • Anonymous

      If you asked him he probably pretend he does not understand 😕

    • Show All
  • Chaoseverywhere
    Agree...
    if you knew he was desperate and went to meet him as a friend...
    then shut him down... he'll got over it. Hopefully, learn to make a better first impression next time.

    So take that NO!! For your own good.
    Learn. Educate.
    Cry a bit... it's ok... there's probably just dust in your eyes... Don't forget the lesson learned
    • Anonymous

      Yes lessoned learn. It took me 9 months to say no to him over and over again

    • He might too! and better himself :) In the end. It strangely sounds like you did him a favor IF he learned from his mistakes... this is a situation of 2wrongs made right? :/

    • Anonymous

      True. But he knew what he did. He lied he had learning difficulties after I told him I want to be friends, then it was a lie. Then he said his friend dI'd a few years ago that why he's lonely and need someone to talk to all night. Then after some digging I asked more questions he admitted he's not lonely and does talk to friends online. He has loads of friends. He kept saying I was like his ex as she was not interested in him. He used to moan a lot and take things out on me and his mother told him off. Then he pretend to be his mother on fb in order to talk to me and threatened me. He is very manipulative and he used his friends who really had learning difficulties to contact me on fb too. His mother is worser. I glad both of them out of my life

    • Show All
  • theharlequin
    As a guy who has taken 'no' for an answer many times, I can say this:

    9 times out of 10, when a guy takes no for an answer and moves on, the girl will suddenly decide she likes him, come chasing after him, and figuratively scream 'How can you be OK without me?'

    And after she throws her temper fits and he's still accepting 'no' for an answer, she feels rejected, and she and all of her friends spread among the local female population how much of a jerk he is for rejecting and hurting her, playing the victim of her own 'no.' This isn't theory. This is a detailed description of several events from my own life.

    The fact is, 'no' from a woman can mean no, try harder, yes, or any combination of those, and men aren't mind readers. In your story, you should never have kept contact with him or gone out with him once you realized it wasn't just friendship. PERIOD. All you did was give him an indication that 'no' didn't really mean 'no.'
    • Anonymous

      Yes, but I only met him 3 times. Then told him from the beginning that I did not want him. Then I cut all contact, I did not realise after I did that he would try and try for 9 months

    • Anonymous

      Everytime I tried. He keeps making me the bad one saying I think he's ugly and I don't like him. He just turning it on me.

    • Yes, that kind of obsessive behavior and shaming after you were very clear it wasn't welcome is bad on his part. I should have stated that before.

      But as far as you making it clear from the beginning, telling a guy you're not interested then going out, etc., is sending mixed signals. Here's one example from my life:

    • Show All
  • magicpat237
    This is true.

    I was recently dating a woman for close to 2 months. I really liked her and I wanted to make our relationship exclusive. When I asked her about it she said she didn't know how she felt about me. Fast forward 2 weeks later and she told me that she did not want to pursue a relationship at this time. While disappointing to hear, I had to accept her decision. I have great respect for her since she had the guts to tell me her true honest feelings about me and not string me along. Hopefully we can still be friends.

    This guy you're talking to needs to realize that you can't suddenly convince someone to come back to you. He should try looking at it this way and tell himself that at least he can stop wasting money on dates when it really wasn't going anywhere.

    • Anonymous

      Glad you accepted her decision, even though itshe not whate you wanted. In life you want both of you to love eachother the same. Glad you guys are friends

  • JDavid25
    Aw yeah he was outta pocket.. He should have just back off.. I don't think he should try and get another girl.. Just work on himself, and his self confidence..
    • Anonymous

      He was really confidence. If I did not compliment his haircut, he got really angry. Also was surprised I did not fancy him. I do agree with you on that he should work on himself. Also he kept taking things out on me, even his mother told him off.

    • JDavid25

      Well, that doesn't sound like confidence but more like feelin cocky through validation.. He felt good based on people tellin him he looks good.. If he were really confident he would have been like "Well, looks like this one don't like me, onto somebody who does".. LOL.. And yeah he definitely does.. And wow..

    • Anonymous

      He definitely has no game, my friend saw his pics and said no don't meet him straight away as she said he's definitely not attractive. To be honest I think only his mother give him the validation. He is really corky and he had loads of singing video on fb and it was not good. I was surprised that no one in his family told him to take the video down. That why he's like that as they lie to him to make him feel better and thanks he's all that.

    • Show All
  • InTimoreDei
    He's clearly an unstable person so no matter what or who, he would've done the same thing. He's the type that can't live alone and needs a crutch.
    • Anonymous

      Yeah and he kept saying he was lonely. He has a big family and loads of friends. That not the definition of lonely. He even sent me an audio of himself begging and crying to make me feel bad

    • Bluemax

      "He has a big family and loads of friends."

      Incorrect. A person can have a big family and loads of friends and feel lonely if they don't have someone to love romantically.

    • Anonymous

      @Bluemax I know, he meant romantically. He had girls as friends too, why did he not pursue them and leave me alone

  • xxRedRosexx
    I agree!
    Everyone should know what NO means- not saying all guys are like this, but some are.
    • Anonymous

      Yeah some guys are accepting

  • cth96190
    I can take a no.
    That was the response to about 99 per cent of my approaches, until I gave up on women. 🤣
  • tommi22
    Great advice from NineBreaker and TiMoreDei!
    Your kindness was unfortunately mistaken as a "girl playing hard to get" ploy by a emotionally unstable man.
    The more you are out in the dating world the more of these guys you will meet. So, my best advice to you is to not burden yourself with so much anxiety. Yes, his feelings were hurt... but did you cause that? Absolutely not! Please check out Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Your Erroneous Zones." The book was a real eye opener for me. You might still be able to access the entire book for free on You Tube.
    • Anonymous

      Thank you. I will not in the future think of their feelings as that a trapped to lure me back

  • prettywithpassion
    Okay, so, my best guy friend really really likes our mutual friend and she told me she just wants to be friends with him. I told him that and he was really upset. Now, he keeps telling me things she'll do and he'll ask me "Is this a sign she might like me? Does this mean anything?"

    Is he just being a hopeful person with a crush or is he being an asshole who can't take no for an answer. He's really bothering me and I don't know if my frustration is justified.
  • ThePundertaker
    A real woman shouldn’t go around telling guys what makes them a real man.

    I get the point of the take and generally agree. But telling us what makes us REAL men is wrong.
    • Anonymous

      Ok...😕

      The use of the apostrophe defines ownership of one or more people. So, if there is only one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guy's favorite cars." If, however, there is more than one "guy" involved, the phrase would be "your guys' favorite cars."

    • I’m confused but whatever

    • Anonymous

      Yeah because you don't get it, that guy means one guy. Which then I talked about the guy that I turned down. Guys with the 's' in the end means the whole entire males race. So I am not telling you guys what a real men shall be. Man means one person and men means a group of guys😕

    • Show All
  • winterfox10
    I totally agree with this post, but I find it hilarious that we have a woman telling us how to be real men.
    • Anonymous

      No I am not. We all may have different opinions on the meaning of real men. When I say it is think real men is a decent guy and won't force me to like him. Also will take no for a no.

    • Lol It's fine, I'm not taking offense. I believe there's only one set of way to be a real man. None of this subjective crap, it's okay to have an opinion.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah I know. I was just explaining 😊

  • Satine
    :( i wonder if they realize this behavior is terrifying.
    • Anonymous

      They don't. Everything he thinks revolves around hime.

  • SimpleGuy1111
    nice sexism
    absolutley double standards
    this is not only for men
    • what does real women do?

    • Anonymous

      If a men said the same thing for women that are apparently like that when they date go ahead. But I don't date women so.

  • Omar5881
    Ofc a real guy should take no for an answer and actually not be that bothered from it , as for that dude you're talking about you should end all ties of connection with him as he ain't that resilient to deal with life
  • steveguitar
    sure, even if you can't take it, you say that's cool. besides you can still use them in your imagination lol
  • OpenWine
    leme add my juice. I looked down uppon the comment section and noticed this Take is not about guys who can't stand a NO.

    it's all about solely 1 guy, 1 bad experience you made and therefore invalid in itself.

    guys can take a no, in fact I've taken about 5 NOs in the past 3 months so what gives. the issue here is that you met a guy who had RED FLAG signs all over him but you still wanted to be his friend though you clearly wrote down some of the red flags on him.
    • Anonymous

      Yes it's about him. I just saying a real guy would say No, then I gave an example about my experience with a guy who should not be like that. I did not want to be friends with him anyway, I felt I needed to because of his mother was I thought was nice. As she listen to me as when I was upset about my assault. But she manipulate me just for me to get with her son that

    • OpenWine

      well I don't know about that I wouldn't blame his mother she's another case but you know the title "A Real Guy!". a real guy only requires a penis to be a real guy at least you got them triggered responses to your take.

    • Anonymous

      A Guy mean one man, then I talked about one guy. I did not say 'guys', which mean an entire males in the world. Get with the meaning. Men means all the entire world of men and man means one.

    • Show All
  • CandacePerry
    That keep happening in my college. the guys don't understand when i say no it means no. all the guys has learning disabled.
  • JSmith925
    A REAL man, knows the answer to this before he asks the question.
    ~JSmith
  • I agree all the way and i sure wish women can do the same as well
  • mattai787
    Guys are different. I agree, this guy should have stopped asking/troubling you once you made it clear to him. Then again, you have guys who wouldn't have the guts to confront you! There is variety in everything, different people behave differently.
    I had a crush on a marathi girl in college, but I knew threw our whatever small interactions that she'd never be interested in me and that she was already dating. I forgot about her and moved on! I didn't trouble her one bit, I don't think she would even know whether I had a crush on her?
    Did I do the right thing? I don't know? Some people would say yes some would say no. But it doesn't really matter to me, I'm happy that she's happy.. It doesn't necessarily have to be for her to end up with me. If she's happy with someone else - that's cool too.. That's cause its her life..
  • RationalMale
    Ideally, no means no.

    Realistically, experience trains us that just taking a no from girls and dropping it is a often foolish idea.
  • ANK360
    i like these type of girls who know they dont want to get into relationship and they say it directly , why not cause you saved a lot of time !!

    meanwhile there are some girls who just say No and then when you take No and look for another Hot girl around cause you know you gonna get it then they gonna come from the blue and make call , try to talk to you etc. etc. and when they get break up they gonna contact you as well for such GIRLS , Here me up if someone just texted you better analyze him he might be fully into you rather than just being a fuck boy who won't get back to you after he gets into you the real men would wait for more longer time than you think to go down for physical cause he loves your soul not your body ! yeah make sure you girls check history of guys who"s hitting on you
    Tip- looking for long term safe relationships date Average looking guys they gonna treat you well ! similar to Queen if chemistry is good
  • Chris_Humble
    Sorry hun, but you don't get to decide what makes a man a real man.
    • Anonymous

      I said a guy, that means one person then i talked about the guy that i had the experience with. I would get your point if i said real guys. Guys mean all men. Come on. I keep saying the same thing, I need an update.

    • There's girls who like men who don't give up or want them to try harder to woo them. You just happened to fall upon a loser who didn't interest you and now you blocked him. Don't make such a big deal out of it. I know women love to complain, but boy it sure is annoying.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah yeah. See your saying all women like to complain, now your the one who's putting us in a category of complainers. I am not making a big deal of it. I don't care lol

  • Browneye57
    If you're not interested in a guy don't keep dialoging with him. Just cut it off.
    It has nothing to do with him being 'real' or not.
    • Anonymous

      I mean a normal guy would take a no, but he did not. He kept trying for 9 months after I cut him off.

    • Browneye57

      But you didn't 'cut him off'. You kept it going. We a already know women aren't really sure what they like, so they keep trying. If you had told him to 'fuck off' 9 months ago that would have been the end of it. :)

    • Anonymous

      I did I told him to leave me alone. Then he sent me a rude text and few days later said sorry to me. I only met him 3 times within 2 months and after I stopped seeing him. He tried for another 9 months. He's a crazy person. I definitely was sure I did not want him

  • BOUNTYGUY9
    l would take the truth from a girl l am a real man well a very nice gent
  • FýrdracaDócincel
    That's not what the majority of women seem to think.
    • Anonymous

      What do you mean?

  • NYCQuestions1976
    I only say no to most vegetables, tartar sauce, and mayonnaise.
  • jacquesvol
    Of course.
    If the 'No' hurts it'best to move on.
    • jacquesvol

      Or grow some patience...
      That seems hard for spoiled brats.

    • Anonymous

      His mother stills babies him

  • Guanfei
    I even take a yes as a no, am I twice a real guy?
    • Papavera

      Yes.

    • Anonymous

      A decent guy

  • i agree
  • NoFcks2Give
    Don't chase them...
  • John_Doesnt
    Every red pill and MGTOW guy got triggered.
  • rogermclain
    Take no
  • Revolver_
    Okay
  • Anonymous
    Men want what they can’t have. That’s so annoying. But some of them understand.
    • Anonymous

      Yeah it is so annoying. Yes true

  • Anonymous
    I usually ask a girl out once like every 8 months because that's how long it usually takes me to recover from the humiliation. I take the no. I don't ask a second time or cuss them out for saying no. I just say fair enough then I go home and vomit and cry...
    • Anonymous

      Oh no😢

  • Anonymous
    Since women are more prone to be stalkers and psychopaths after a break-up... this sexist anti-male bullshit should really be geared towards women.
    • Anonymous

      Well I meant one guy. Which I said guy, which is one person. I did not say guys, which is the entire race of males. I don't date women, so I am not an expert on what your saying. Also that said not all women are stalkers *eye roll*

    • jokercard

      Oh shit you're so oppressed

    • Anonymous

      @jokercard Males are more oppressed than you are but you wouldn't know it standing in your own privilege.
      https://i.imgur.com/aauGjhV.jpg?1

      If you disagree... prove me wrong.
      If you are only going to spew nonsense feminist bullshit and shaming tactics... don't bother.

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    Yes, he should be able to take no for an answer. Also, no one should expect someone to be their friend after they have rejected them. They also should be able to take no for an answer...
    • Anonymous

      Yeah true. Also when I kept saying friend. He said I should stop saying that and get angry. Even though from the beginning I said we be friends

  • Anonymous
    At the end of the day , they’re only women. Once men realise this they will be fine
  • Anonymous
    No means no
  • Anonymous
    Mental illness. I have experience with this but in a much more extreme case. you were right to cut him off but you can never initiate contact with him again or it starts over. You should not have met him in the first place and I'm sure you would do it differently now.
    • Anonymous

      Yes I will do, thanks. Now I stopped contact I won't give in. As that the wrong thing to do.

  • Anonymous
    That's sad, was he that ugly? If so, then he will probably end up like me (I'm a virgin in my late 30s, never been in a relationship, never had a kiss).
    Unlike him, I'm too shy and I always waited for a girl to make the first move. Unfortunately, we live in patriarchal society, so... assertive and dominant women are very rare, that's why men like me usually live and die single and lonely.
    • Anonymous

      Don't worry. I know what you mean girls do wait for the guys to make the first move. Yes my friend said he was, but it's not about looks for me

  • Anonymous
    This is why I never interact with women or acknowledge them unless they make the 1st move blatantly, I have no interest in female friends whatsoever he's the type of sucker male who falsely , stupidly hopes for women to like him, he stupidly believes the societal brainwashing BS that if he pursues women he will be rewarded he doesn't understand that there's virtually NO value in having a female as a friend or even pursuing one this would've never happened to me only suckers beg for female attention. Men are too overly interested in females I've seen too many dumb ass guys so desperate and thirsty to have female friends (I mean who needs them anyway?) or to date
  • Anonymous
    A real man can take no for an answer and will immediately be on his way to the next or etc...
  • Anonymous
    >The only reason I said that because he seem to desperate and I felt no chemistry, attractions or butterflies whatsoever.

    You could've been honest about this to him from the beginning.

    Said that, it's true he's not entitled to force you into dating him, same way you're not entitled to pity him with comforting friendship in order not to feel guilty. Rejection causes pain and it's better to be honest about it, especially if you believe others should be able to take "no" for answers.
    • Anonymous

      I did tell him at the beginning so many times. We talked on fb for a month before we met. But I regret ever meeting him. His mother introduced us, with his interest in heart. She knew he was manipulative and rude

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