Red Flags in My Last Relationship I Missed or Ignored

Red Flags in My Last Relationship I Missed or Ignored

The honeymoon phase was over really quickly

This should’ve been my first clue but I thought I could save things.

I told my family and friends very little about him and about our relationship because I knew they would call me out about our relationship

This started out harmlessly. I didn’t tell my friends and family about our relationship because I wanted to keep things private. That eventually grew to: he would make me upset and I would be so upset that I would be crying, I wanted to talk to a friend about it but I knew they would question our relationship. I knew after they would question my relationship, I would have to justify it and I hated doing that.


He blew me off on my birthday.

So this year was my 21st birthday. My family had a small birthday party at my parents house and my friends took me out for breakfast. My ex-boyfriend was planning to take me out for a camping trip, which I was very excited about. I even told him I wanted to spend time with him for my birthday and how excited I was for the camping trip. On the day of the birthday party at my parents house, things were falling apart between us. Even though he already met my family and we were planning to go camping, I still wanted him to come to the party. Even if we just did cake, presents, ate my favorite meal, and spend quality time with my family. But he didn’t. He claimed he was working all week and was going to a festival with his mom on the day of my party. I tried to hide it but I was sad he didn’t come to my party. It was long after this, that our plans to go camping fell through. I was upset because I really wanted to spend my birthday with him. He promised to make other plans for my birthday but he never did.

Red Flags in My Last Relationship I Missed or Ignored

He didn't check to see if I was okay when I got hurt at work

I was at work when a violent patient of mine choked me. It was only for a few seconds but she squeezed hard enough to leave bruises and I had difficulty swallowing for a few days. I told him what happened because I felt I had to be honest but he never once asked I was okay. I have friends, coworkers, and my manager that are still asking if I’m okay.

I was working twice as hard to keep our relationship on track while he did very little

I remember on a few different occasions, I’d be so upset about doing 75% of the work for our relationship that I wished I was single. I was the only one making plans, sending texts, making phone calls, and working on our problems.

He had bad trust issues

When I was using my phone at all, for any reason, he wanted to know what I was doing. If he was on the phone, and I even glanced in his direction, he would go on and on about how I had nothing to worry about.

He suddenly became unavailable

Which was a huge downfall from seeing each other 2-3 times a week and how he used to send me texts throughout the day asking how my day was going. He got a new job at a fast food place and while I was happy for him, he made zero time for me after that. He had time for his friends, time to go to work, family, time to play video games, but didn’t have time to text me back when I wanted to make plans. It felt like he didn't care anymore because he wasn't showing interest in my life anymore.

This is a quote from Dr. Cox from the show, Scrubs.
This is a quote from Dr. Cox from the show, Scrubs.

He didn't make an effort to spend time with my family and friends

He even mocked a friend of mine. He welcomed me into meeting his family and friends. But every single time I suggested him meeting my friends or spending time with my family, he deflected by saying he was busy spending time or schedules wouldn’t work.

We never fought. Not even when our relationship hit the beginning of the end

He always caved into my grievances but his actions never showed real change. I would tell him the things that bothered me and he promised to change things, but his actions showed that he never did.

He had a dark past he refused to talk about.

He served two years in the Army and he was deployed to Afghanistan fresh out of high school at 17. I respect his service and always will. But the fact that he left me in the dark about what he went through put distance between us. It’s obvious he saw awful stuff because his PTSD and sleep paralysis is bad. For example, if he heard sudden music he would jump and it’d scare the crap out of him even if the music wasn’t loud at all. He refused to get help too. He said he saw plenty of doctors and nothing worked so he gave up, but he hardly put effort into finding help in the first place.

I stayed in this relationship even though I was unhappy because I thought he cared enough to fix things. He really didn't. He eventually broke up with me saying that since he was re-enlisting in the military, he had to let me go because he doesn't believe long distance relationships work. I knew he was planning on re-enlisting for quite some time but I didn't know he felt that way about long distance relationships so I wonder why he kept dating me for so long. I know plenty of people make long distance relationships work, they fail when people stop trying.

Red Flags in My Last Relationship I Missed or Ignored

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What Guys Said 13

  • Its a sad account of life, But I think the one who is more troubled is your ex. With PTSD he had is own demons to fight and needed help not a relationship , he is probably not capable of one. This part of reinlisting , that is escapeism the forces woundnt take im back , he's damaged goods. He most likely came up with this to get out of relationship.
    But as you said you saw the red flags,( proceed at your peril )
    Thankfully he gave you a way out...

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    • I think so. He was already having difficulty getting a job so I think that's why he went back. The military was all he knew.

  • It sounds like you were dating Hooch https://youtu.be/4mmRYwGrazc

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  • From bojack horseman
    You know, it's funny... when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

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  • I don't understand why girls feel the need to tell their friends and family everything that's going on in my relationship. I consider that to be a huge red flag. If you have a disagreement, suddenly it becomes me vs the panel of all her friends and family. And if it doesn't go her way, the implication is that she'll be "reporting" me to them. No thanks. Go date your friends and family if that's your attitude.

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  • I've been there.

    There are something's is better not to force. Like a wise budy told me, if there is love everything is simple, if there is not, everything is complicated. Easy fact of life.

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  • That one where he didn't care when you got hurt. I'd say that alone but would be a reason to drop someone.

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  • Sometimes you can only do your best, If it doesn't work at least you tried. Keep saying hello to him and making him know you care.

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  • Such good advice. Sorry you had to go through that to get there.

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  • Hey I'm sorry this happened to you. You deserve so much better. I hope things get better for you.

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  • You'll find someone better.

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  • "Red Flags That Are Guaranteed To Keep Me Interested"

    😒

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    • That must totally be why we're still together 😑 Dipshit who didn't read a word of the take.

  • very true the phrases

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  • Good take thanks

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'm so sorry this happened to you. I understand 100% how you feel about the not caring. I had my first boyfriend at 20. I put my heart and soul into the barely 4 month relationship. I'll keep it short but my doctor found a solid lump in my boob. I got a painful biopsy to check to see if it's cancer. I told my boyfriend a week before the appointment. After it happened, he didn't call or text. He didn't ask or anything. I texted him asking him if he knew what happened that day. He said no. I got so angry. I told him I had my biopsy and it was all new to him. He didn't apologize until the very last minute. He said that he's bad with remembering and he even forgot his birthday once. He told me that I need to be on top of that for him. To help him remember. This guy told me he loved me and I was wife material. He also only played video games all day every day after work. We saw each other once a week. I dumped him and I feel like I should have dumped him sooner but I sacrifice dating him longer for realizing I had life shattering anxiety and overcoming it. I know your pain in some way. Also my lump wasn't cancerous, thank god. There are better guys out there.

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    • That sounds like my relationship. He said we'd be together forever and said I was perfect. At first we watched lots of movies together. In the beginning he would work 16 hour shifts and still insist on seeing me so I felt he cared and I truly felt special. Then he just played video games all day and said he was too tired to see me after a 12 hour day. I'm happy to hear the lump wasn't cancerous and he put you through that alone.

  • People get into relationships for selfish reasons, it's just a matter specific to that one. The other accepting the relationship may feel like an equal, master/ sub, or something entirely disconnected from the first. Why did you accept that you worked twice as hard? Did you feel half as worthy? Often men ignore emotions (wow NEWS!) and thus often one side feels neglected and disconnected emotionally. But even a boss and a subordinate who he sees once a month have a dedicated relationship, just not the kind of relationship a married wife would expect when her 5 children need the support of both parents..

    If you feel someone else can provide a better relationship, OR you feel you could handle your life with less complications without your strained partner, that is something you will have to address. But I do suggest you give him the opportunity to address the issues you feel need to change before you just walk away.. Just don't wait 2 months to see the changes..

    xox, and luv yourself first..

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  • His mom. She still cleaned his house and did his laundry... and managed his money and it goes on & on.
    Great mom skills but that don't teach your boys necessary life skills or appreciation for the amount of work it takes to do these things
    And I will NEVER measure up cause I'm not trying to raise a selfish man child

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  • Beautifully Done, hun.
    You left Out "Player, Immature, For Some, hun, Girls who May have also Had that Problem with Them. xx

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  • Okay, now I really wish wattpad werewolves where real. Then, I could be a werewolf, God would per me up with a mate, and there would be no problems in the world.

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  • Nice take

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  • I'm going there.

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