The honeymoon phase was over really quickly
This should’ve been my first clue but I thought I could save things.
I told my family and friends very little about him and about our relationship because I knew they would call me out about our relationship
This started out harmlessly. I didn’t tell my friends and family about our relationship because I wanted to keep things private. That eventually grew to: he would make me upset and I would be so upset that I would be crying, I wanted to talk to a friend about it but I knew they would question our relationship. I knew after they would question my relationship, I would have to justify it and I hated doing that.
He blew me off on my birthday.
So this year was my 21st birthday. My family had a small birthday party at my parents house and my friends took me out for breakfast. My ex-boyfriend was planning to take me out for a camping trip, which I was very excited about. I even told him I wanted to spend time with him for my birthday and how excited I was for the camping trip. On the day of the birthday party at my parents house, things were falling apart between us. Even though he already met my family and we were planning to go camping, I still wanted him to come to the party. Even if we just did cake, presents, ate my favorite meal, and spend quality time with my family. But he didn’t. He claimed he was working all week and was going to a festival with his mom on the day of my party. I tried to hide it but I was sad he didn’t come to my party. It was long after this, that our plans to go camping fell through. I was upset because I really wanted to spend my birthday with him. He promised to make other plans for my birthday but he never did.
He didn't check to see if I was okay when I got hurt at work
I was at work when a violent patient of mine choked me. It was only for a few seconds but she squeezed hard enough to leave bruises and I had difficulty swallowing for a few days. I told him what happened because I felt I had to be honest but he never once asked I was okay. I have friends, coworkers, and my manager that are still asking if I’m okay.
I was working twice as hard to keep our relationship on track while he did very little
I remember on a few different occasions, I’d be so upset about doing 75% of the work for our relationship that I wished I was single. I was the only one making plans, sending texts, making phone calls, and working on our problems.
He had bad trust issues
When I was using my phone at all, for any reason, he wanted to know what I was doing. If he was on the phone, and I even glanced in his direction, he would go on and on about how I had nothing to worry about.
He suddenly became unavailable
Which was a huge downfall from seeing each other 2-3 times a week and how he used to send me texts throughout the day asking how my day was going. He got a new job at a fast food place and while I was happy for him, he made zero time for me after that. He had time for his friends, time to go to work, family, time to play video games, but didn’t have time to text me back when I wanted to make plans. It felt like he didn't care anymore because he wasn't showing interest in my life anymore.
He didn't make an effort to spend time with my family and friends
He even mocked a friend of mine. He welcomed me into meeting his family and friends. But every single time I suggested him meeting my friends or spending time with my family, he deflected by saying he was busy spending time or schedules wouldn’t work.
We never fought. Not even when our relationship hit the beginning of the end
He always caved into my grievances but his actions never showed real change. I would tell him the things that bothered me and he promised to change things, but his actions showed that he never did.
He had a dark past he refused to talk about.
He served two years in the Army and he was deployed to Afghanistan fresh out of high school at 17. I respect his service and always will. But the fact that he left me in the dark about what he went through put distance between us. It’s obvious he saw awful stuff because his PTSD and sleep paralysis is bad. For example, if he heard sudden music he would jump and it’d scare the crap out of him even if the music wasn’t loud at all. He refused to get help too. He said he saw plenty of doctors and nothing worked so he gave up, but he hardly put effort into finding help in the first place.
I stayed in this relationship even though I was unhappy because I thought he cared enough to fix things. He really didn't. He eventually broke up with me saying that since he was re-enlisting in the military, he had to let me go because he doesn't believe long distance relationships work. I knew he was planning on re-enlisting for quite some time but I didn't know he felt that way about long distance relationships so I wonder why he kept dating me for so long. I know plenty of people make long distance relationships work, they fail when people stop trying.