Why I Stopped Dating

Why I Stopped Dating

Hello everyone! I'm going to tell you my reasons for why I stopped dating a few years ago and why I just forget about my crushes and have moved on from the dating scene.

1. I was rejected a lot

I've approached so many different guys and they all rejected me. It was always 'you are just not attractive to me, not feminine, too tall, not thick enough, not thin enough, not funny, not shy, not happy enough' and it's understandable. I'm below average (I'm not super ugly, just slightly below average for a woman). I'm not bitter over it and even though rejected hurts I'm getting over it. I'm not interested in putting myself out there and getting rejected again.

2. I don't want a partner or kids

I mean isn't the point of dating mating and reproduction? I don't want children and just not interested in a family. Sure, I fantasize from time to time what would it be like if I dated someone and married them and had kids but that's it, I don't actually want it to happen.

3. I don't want to give in to the pressure

The only time I feel bad about not having a boyfriend or having my first kiss or whatever is when I get made fun by others. I'm working on accepting who I am and not caring what others think but it's not easy and I get called things like 'Dyke, lesbo, too ugly/tall to find a man'. Other than that I don't think too much about not having a man by my side.

4. I'm perfectly fine being single

Seriously, I'm not sad or bitter over it. Im not angry. I don't feel the need to go out and date and reproduce. I don't get depressed that I'm single or had a bad dating experience. I don't understand why I get made fun for it. I'm not so desperate that I'll die if I don't find anyone. I've accepted that not everyone will find someone, and that's fine (sometimes it doesn't even have to do with looks).

5. I've never been approached before

Contrary to popular belief, not every girl gets approached. I've never, ever been approached before. I've certainly gotten the 'wow your friend is so gorgeous can you talk to her for me/give me her number' a few times but no one ever flirted with me or asked me out or approached me, and I get it. I'm not attractive. I don't look shockingly beautiful or done up or anything. It's fine, that's something you either have to accept or be bitter over it and I've chosen to just accept it. If I ever get approached in the future maybe I'll give the guy a chance, but I doubt I'll ever get approached.

All in all, I've stopped dating and I'm happy with who I am as a person and don't mind being unattractive or single forever. Some people aren't meant to find someone or start a family, it's not like humanity will go extinct if I don't find someone Haha. And I don't know why people think there is something wrong with someone who is single, I am fine and nothing is wrong with me lol.


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Most Helpful Guys

  • I've given you words of encouragement before, so I won't do that again since what I told you is still applicable. I do, think, however, that this is just frustration speaking, which is completely understandable. You're way too young to say you'll never get a boyfriend, and a time-out from asking guys out is appropriate when you're frustrated.

    Every time in my life I've heard a woman say she is ugly or unattractive, I've found myself in disagreement. Someone will find you attractive- the lucky guy just hasn't met you yet. Don't give up, just stop thinking about it for awhile.

    One last thing- the most enjoyable date I ever had in my life was with a really tall, heavyset woman who thought she was really ugly because guys were not approaching her. Looks are not everything.

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    • I'm not frustrated , I'm just not interested in dating anymore. I dont understand why everyone places such a heavy importance on it, and I'm fine with being alone. As for being unattractive, thats something I've accepted and you're going to have to take my word for it I guess. I'm not calling myself 'ugly' I'm not exactly hideous , just below average.
      As for dating I honestly feel okay not dating anyone. I dont see the issue with staying single forever.

    • Well, what matters is that you are happy, or at least OK with it.

  • I took seven year off from dating, and it really helped me a lot. Maybe this could help you, too. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, and by yourself. Frankly, right now you come of as insecure and needy. If you've been getting rejected a lot, this is natural. However, regardless of what every fad product might say, natural is not always healthy. Once you learn to be secure with you, you'll quit giving of the smell of the broken. This will help you attract more guys, and better ones, should you decide to come back... Or you might be like me and end up addicted to living a life at half-price and by your own rules alone.

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    • Well I'm definitely still insecure , but I'm not needy. Quite the opposite since I realized I dont need to be in a relationship to feel complete or to have someone in my life. I'm perfectly happy this way actually, I dont get depressed over it or anything.

    • @Letitgoogoo That's a good first step. I know it sounds cliché, but one cannot really be part of a couple until they've learned to be the whole of themselves. I used to have a lot of trouble dating when I was younger, too. I was a shy because I was homeschooled, which led to me getting rejected, which made me insecure, and it just snowballed a lot until I took some time off to fix the common denominator in my failed relationships. You wouldn't believe how much of how people see you comes from how you see yourself. You can't expect other people to give you a chance if you aren't ready to give yourself one, and continuously beating yourself with rejection is the worst thing to fix that. I'd give you advise, but you seem like you've got it together already. Just know what you want out of yourself and your life, and always go for it. Failing is just not getting what you want, but not trying will never give you what you want, so the surest way to fail is not to try.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't believe you are happy being single, I can read between the lines of the things you're saying and it doesn't scream being fine with being single. Whatever you're going through, I hope you grow from it and find peace. Sure, being single is not a bad thing but only if you really want to be single and not just faking it.

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    • I'm not faking it , but thanks for your concern. I'm completely happy and I dont need this idea of society instilled in my brain that I need to date or be with someone to date. That is exactly the reason of what causes insecurities and unhappiness , is when others pressure me and judge me. And I dont need that in my life :).

  • #1 - we all get rejected at some time or other. Can't say I have never been rejected. But that is what guys do to mask their own insecurities. And let's be honest, they get rejected too.
    #2 - I agree, there is no point of dating if you are not looking for a relationship, unless you are just looking for sex. But you know, people change their minds over time so you never know..
    #3- These girls who make fun of you? They are the ones who go through relationship after relationship and wind up single mothers.
    #4 - I agree, after being burned many times I'm enjoying being single.
    #5 - You act like all guys find it easy to approach girls. They have self confidence issues too you know. You will never know the guys who wanted to approach you but were too shy or thought they didn't have a chance. Maybe you should try approaching a guy. And I don't mean the hot guys. I'm talking about guys like you who may not be a looker, but may be a really a great catch and who have love to give..

    Maybe they need a dating site for rejects, geared at people who get rejected and those who never get approached. I imagine you could get 1,000 matches just in your own town. and one more thing, many girls look pretty plain without makeup, even Katy Perry~ Hugs ~

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    • I was with you until number 5 , you should read number one again. I approached different types of guys and almost all of them were average to below average in terms of looks ( I was attracted to them regardless, but from an objective point of view they weren't 'hot' ) . I didn't even say it was easy for men to approach women , like I said I approached tons of guys and got rejected. I did all the approaching. No ones ever approached me before.

    • And I understand these girls put In effort into their appearance but some honestly look good either way and get approached and flirted with a lot. I personally dont wear makeup or my hair down often , just who I am.

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What Guys Said 36

  • I have to laugh at some of the replies. Just more examples of the collectivist mentality that can't cope with anything that doesn't fit their preconceptions, so there "must be something wrong" with the person. Baloney. There is nothing wrong with choosing to not date.

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    • Exactly. Not everyone has to live the 'married with 2 kids ' lifestyle. It seems as if making a personal choice that doesn't fit with the majority must mean 'I'm the one with the wrong thing' when it's just a personal choice, there is no right or wrong here.

  • I'm a single dad , working FT , that hates BS and game playing. Hence I will never date again. Single women are celebrated in most Western countries , it is the age of " I don't need no man " after all.

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    • Believe it or not I only get shit for it, it may be celebrated by some but most people dont have that mentality and tend to look at you as a 'loser' if you dont date whether man or woman.

  • Humans are social creatures so when someone wants no one it is an odd occurrence and that is a reason why people are surprised when you say you want to be alone forever. You are quite young as I am as well and you may change your mind. I would keep your options open, but that doesn't mean go for the first guy who crosses your path.

    I am tall and think a tall woman would be ideal, so do many other guys.
    Also, if a guy really cares about "thick" and all the other crap then he isn't worth pursuing anyway.

    I am Christian so dating to me is finding a person I can live and experience life with and grow as a Christian, marriage is to come before God and get His blessing, also marriage is the joining of two people becoming one family, and having kids would be a great journey to teach them and let them live a life which is a gift even though life is harsh at times.

    I wouldn't let people who judge you kissing be a reason, "the pressure" is all an illusion, a relationship isn't about the people judging you it is about the person the two people.

    You can do what you want but if you keep up that perception then sure you will probably be single, I just mentioned what I thought

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  • "I mean isn't the point of dating mating and reproduction?" - not really.

    The idea of dating is to be with someone that compliments who you are in so many ways, and the being there for you, thinking of you and doing things for you, helping you, guiding you, enjoying fun together, laughing together, intellectually stimulating you, a generally making your life more rewarding, etc etc.
    That's not mating and reproduction. Sure that can come out of being with someone, but it's not the point of it. We *could* (?) ... do mating and reproduction without ever dating (tho not likely in reality). It's a different thing.
    I suppose we could go with 'but nature intended' .. but we made it more complicated than that. Dating (and people needing people [for the most part]) is a part of who we are.
    And.. I don't want marriage or kids either. Not everyone does.

    Anyway, that aside; there's a lot of contradiction in what you've said that suggests you may well be happy with it all now, but deep down there is a suppressed hate for it. And I'll tell you this for free... you might not mind "being single forever" now (you are only 20 after all), but you will mind in your later years if it's still the same.

    I hope it doesn't, and I hope you do find happiness with someone that also doesn't want kids or marriage etc. And I wish you all the best along the way.

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  • There is nothing wrong for not wanting to date. A person shouldn't be pressured into wanting to be in a relationship because that's what society expects. Dating is hard work and for some people, it's not worth the effort.

    As long as you're happy then that's all that matters. You keep doing you, Elsa :)

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  • All valid points and I respect your opinion. I know for myself, I would like kids and do want a partner. I do wish you the best and thank you for this mytake because it helps to see what girls like you really think about and feel

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  • It's fine. Just don't think you can justify it with your peers. It's not normal, it's a sign of social maladjustment. Perhaps you'll mature a little more and meet mr. right at the right moment and things will click.

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  • Shoot you could be describing me there. I'm 45 and I've had a real date one time in my life. I've mostly quit trying too, I'm fine with it. We don't all need to be in a relationship to be happy. Real happiness comes from within anyway.

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  • Sorry for that. Perhaps you haven't realize liking someone for a relationship doesn't come from "destiny", it comes from choice, and when we end with someone who completely disappoint us, more than once, is not because life is terrible. The reason behind it is related to the believe that finding the right one is like finding a treasure, or experiencing a miracle. NOT TRUE. If you want to find the right person you got to have clear what you are looking for in a SO. Obviously is not gonna be a fairy tail relation, that person will have differences with you, only make sure those differences aren't huge.

    A way to make it easy is to point out 10 positive attributes you are looking in a SO. If of those 10, 5-6 doesn't match with what you are looking (if for example you meet a person and get to know her/him better) , you know is a NO, NO.

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    • I keep getting rejected is the point , I can't get a guy even if I wanted to. And no ones approached me before for me to even say no to.

    • I know your feeling, don't give up.

    • What do you think is so unattractive about you?
      Like, what is your height and weight?

  • I respect your decision
    Ther's someone who will sing you this song for sure
    Keep the faith
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8stN0eGVAk

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  • I disagree agree with so many aspects of your post, so many that I can't even type a response long enough to describe my discontent for your world view. Your mentality is wrong.

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  • The meme is "Forever Alone":

    i.ytimg.com/vi/gq4MU_hfoGg/maxresdefault.jpg

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  • Nothing wrong with not wanting to date. Truth is some people are just happier alone and single but that is a concept some find hard to grasp.

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  • Welcome to the club lady! Just for this. Give me a fist bump. :-D

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  • Jesus fuck girl you know how many times I got rejected by women throughout my life before finding the one?
    And in pretty hurtful ways too. Good god women don't know how to take rejection.
    Jump into the shoes of a man's life, we're the hunters and constantly pursuing, man our lives are constant daily rejection from moment one when we first get into the dating game until every now and then we get maybe the odd yes that turns out to be a fake number (if you're me). And I have also never been approached before.
    I still have fucking appearance issues and insecurities thinking I'm unnattractive.
    And every guy on here is right too, this is really fuckin' meaningless without a pic to base all this off of. Shallow, I know, but realistic, I don't give a fuck, we're all shallow creatures inside, accept it or lie people.

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  • I'm sure you are a lovely young woman, don't let arsewholes Discourage you from finding true happiness.

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  • Totally done with drama and being an emotional pincussion

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  • Hey we should make a club for all us long time singles

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  • I'm perfectly fine being single - GOOD! Single life is WAY less complicated!

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  • I'm in that same boat as well,..& I'm not going to lie, I can be bitter about it.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I stopped dating for these reasons too. I'm perfectly happy being single, and I'm happier single than I was in a relationship. Relationships make me feel tied down and stressed and I didn't like that feeling. Now that I've been single for a couple years, I feel so much more free to to whatever I want whenever I want and I can talk to and hang out with whoever I want, whenever I want. All I need are friends, my family, and my dog.

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    • I agree with all you've said , relationships are too much work and putting my feelings on the line and risk the chance of getting rejected over and over again or having to put in work to my appearance to be attractive and sometimes it's still not enough? yeah no thanks haha.
      I dont understand the judgement and pressure society places on finding a partner. I wish people would just accept my decisions and not judge me for being single , but unfortunately I still get judged for it.

    • I agree, relationships are way too much work. And I also don't want to put my feelings/heart on the line because 9.9 times out of 10, I'm going to get my feelings hurt and my heart broken so I'd rather not have to deal with the consequences for the sake of societal norms. Why not just think for yourself and do what's right for you?
      I don't understand the judgement and pressure either. I have a lot of cousins who are younger than me (18-20) and they're getting married and having kids and I'm just here with my dog, and I'm happy being single

  • It's okay if you stopped no one can obligate you but being in one feels nice, sharing your life with someone is cool but no pressure to get into one if you don't feel like it.

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  • Man! I love this. Some of your reasons are just like mine!! I also have other reasons, but it feels so nice to see someone who shares the same idea!
    This is great and dont ever let people tell you otherwise! ;)

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  • Iguess You have never dated then how could u say u stopped dating. just try someone u will like that feel

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  • we are strong indepedant woman and we are in the same sailing in an ocean of easy fish

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  • there are even worse than that. most people date for social proof and fucked up ego reasons. which renders dating toxic af today.

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  • What are some goodness qualities you can list for yourself?

    That is only if you wish to have a different out look in life and build confidence.

    Otherwise your view will affect the other aspect of your life, like the kind of job you do...

    WHAt job do you do?

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  • I have a very different reason as to why I stopped dating. I used to date guys purely because I didn't want to be alone. Even I don't like them I went out with them and made them feel the connection was there, then I tell them I actually don't like them that much and move on to the next. What made me stopped this horrible act was when I went out with a guy that never dated... we kissed and he told me it was his first kiss. I felt that instant guilt wash over me... like I have stolen his first kiss and I didn't even like him (just like how mine was taken) and I was sad about it.
    After some therapy sessions with my psychiatrist I learnt not to ever do that again to find pleasure in the expense of others and now I would only accept date from people who I truly like.

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