In My Experience Dating Is Pretty Hard If You Are A Western Man

[Lorenz965]

I have been single for a year, been putting myself out there almost from day 1, there have been plenty of girl that have caugh my eye, thing is, apparently i can't give them what they want, god knows i tried, but apparently im below their standard.

Whats is this standard? only god knows, what i do know is that it dosnt involve being a well read, athletic, tall introvert, that dosnt cut it anymore.

Maybe im boring, maybe i would be more succesful if i started smoking weed or drinking, maybe i need to stop treating women like human beings, maybe im shooting myself in the foot by being polite but fuck it, i was raised like that, im not going to change that so the party girls give me the time of day and i shouldn't.

Im no different that my dad, a nerd with a good sense of humor, by no means the soul of any party but you can bet your ass i can make people laugh their asses off or talk about deep interesting shit.

And yet, here i am, after a year of putting my balls in the chopping block or how girls magazines would say ''Putting myself out there'' with only a couple of french kisses with moderatly attarctive girls to show for my blood swear and tears.

Girls i know you want a guy that makes your tummy tingle, its great that you have standards but for fuck s sake even the chads are going thirsty.

Jokes aside, i think the sexual market place is really unbalanced, there are plenty of decent, honest, and yeah, good lookig guys who are missing out because the girls they like have ridiculous standards, as things are, you can't show any weekness, you can't be a little nerdy or awkward because any girl whos is slighly above average or even average looking will loose any attraction for him.

There is nothing wrong with having standards but for fucks sake, we can't be Tyler Durden all the time.

Pictures included just to make emphasis in the fact that im not some salty ugly incel, just an average guy who feels the game has become an uphill battle for guys.

[cashbackkid]

Have you considered that maybe you seem to chase or be attracted to the "wrong" type of girl? I agree with a lot of your points initially about the sexual marketplace being unbalanced, but the "ridiculously high standard" thing applies to both men and women. Women have been taught/told for YEARS/DECADES/CENTURIES that they are not beautiful enough. Us men have only been under the microscope very recently in comparison. Do Hollywood and the media exacerbate the problem on both sides in order to sell products/services for each sex to achieve becoming or finding the "perfect, ideal, partner"? Yes absolutely. But just because you see something on tv, or in a movie, or a magazine doesn't make it reality.

That's where my second point I'm about to make comes in. I think age and environment as a lot to do with your situation right now. You're in college right now correct? I had a very similar experience in college. Very sexually frustrated. The media promises a lot of sexual liberation and exploration in college, but unless you're one of those alpha male party boys, that promise isn't quite fulfilled. The thing is, and I don't mean to stereotype or generalize here, if you look at the type of girl those kinds of guys pull (the hot party girl), they're not typically the brightest, emotionally deepest, or most passionate about anything aside from tequila and fireball right now. That's okay. It's college. No one knows who they are yet. Everyone's still figuring that out. And because they're still figuring out who they are, they are a lot more susceptible to the media and marketing telling them who they are and what they should find attractive.

My main point in all of this is that the energy you spend and the frustration you feel trying to pull these kinds of girls who are still figuring themselves out would be better spent working on yourself, or courting a woman who's got herself and her life figured out a bit. Girls want boys. Women want men. Look for someone with common interests, go to a local metal show or a bar that books bands instead of DJ's. You're well read? Go the library. You're athletic? Try a local hiking trail or intramural sports rather than the gym. But if you're striking out at parties and are tired of that, try something new.

Also, side note, my heart goes out to you as a fellow introvert. Lord knows it's difficult, (but not impossible) to court women as an introvert. Especially in large social settings like a college party. Anything we try in that environment is gonna feel fake and forced and inauthentic, or in girl world, "creepy" because yeah they can pick up on that. Very easily.

[Benedek38]

Dude, there's zero reason not to date you - you are hot, you claim you are reasonably intelligent, and you seem like a cool guy. The thing is, you are making the mistake ofof being too passive. I know it sucks to have to take advantage of your assets, because I don't like to be vaik either - but for heaven's sake, post a shirtless picture of yourself on an online dating site (Tinder comes to mind), write a funny and/or intriguing bio, and you will have an endless supply of available women to choose from. I fucking guarantee it. Plus I tried it myself, and I am way less attractive than you.

Just initiate, and try to stand out in the crowd.
I don't know if you are doing this, but what turned my life around as an introvert, not even kidding, is staring people, especially women, dead in the eye. I am of a relatively smaller stature (5'8"), and but if i get on say, public transport, and I see a cute girl across the bes/tram... I know I probably won't talk to her, because the circumstances are not right. But I still look at her. Check her out. And when she catches my eye, I will look her in the eye as long as she retreats and looks away, and accepts that I am interedted in her, and she can't do shit about it. And guess what? Most girls slip a little. They make an awkward smile, or look away fast - boom, you have power over them now. And when you will see how much power you have over them, when you see that they DO desire you, you will see all your opportunities that you failed to see. The key is always to be confident, stand opright, occupy as much space as possible, and work your assets. You got a nice body? Wear tighter T-shirts, maybe shorts. Maybe tank tops.
You like metal? Fucking bust it in your earphones as loud as possible. What are you listening to? Let's say Iron Maiden. You are standing somewhere, leaning over something, and you are blasting Maiden in your headphones so loud, that cute girl across the corridor can hear the humming. And she will think "what a fucking jerk, annoying me with his music... I can't do shit about it... should I just talk to him? No, then I will probably fuck up, and say something stupid" and BOOM! You got her doubting herself. That was the trick. Now she knows YOU are strong, SHE is powerless. And now the next step is to show that you sre not only cool and alpha - but considerate too. And NOW you go talk to her, introduce yourself, make small talk, when you've gaslighter her.

[Benedek38]

To put it simply, women see if you are a man of character - proud, unwavering, decent, but not someone to fuck with. That's what they want toto see, that's what you gotta give them. Some will not be receptive, some will be - but I think we agree that these are good qualities by themselves for a man, and a woman who appreciates them is probably a woman worth dating in the first place.

[Ellie-V]

Oh my gosh. Where are you? Do you travel or have you been to different cities?
You don’t have to be some type of sports god or famous comedian to get a good date. There are so many girls out there (in America) who are looking for guys JUST LIKE YOU. I’ve seriously never known a woman who wouldn’t enjoy the company of a guy such as yourself. Maybe you need to get out more.
But I will say, being socially awkward may be a slight hinderance. If you don’t know how to talk to women how do you expect to grab their attention? I mean you are good looking but obviously looks aren’t everything.

[Lorenz965]

I live in Santiago, its the chilean capital, chileans are a very peculiar society, 2 thirds of guys my age are doing drugs, the collective self steem is pretty low, depression rates are pretty high, etc.

I know i dont have to be famous, thing is at least in my university the type of woman i like have certain arquetypes of dudes they would date, the womanizers who go to every party, do drugs and behave like narcisistic idiots, why do they like them? maybe its the confidence they project i dont know.

Of course looks aren't everything, personality matters a lot as well as inteligence, at least for me, i like girls with strong character who can keep up in a conversation, talk about politics, history, philosophy, etc its 50% looks and 50% personality/intellect for me.

And regarding being socially awkward, is not that i can't talk to woman, i mean a year ago i had a girlfriend, i have some insecurities like most people but i can talk to girls, but for some reason the moment i show interest in a man to woman interaction they loose their interest in me, the moment i show any form of weekness in the form of caring about what she wants to say poof there goes her interest, maybe its the fact that i lived 20 years of my life in Venezuela a different society with different social rules, maybe chilean girls dont like it when a guy shows interest in her, i dont now.

[capncool]

You already check a lot of the boxes girls look for, but it sounds like you might be a bit lacking in confidence. If you think that getting a girlfriend or regular sex is what will make you more confident then you're looking in the wrong place. If you're insecure and needy then the only girls you'll attract will also be insecure or needy, by dating them at most you'll get a bit of validation but you'll also run into a slew of problems.

To become more confident you don't have to become something you're not, you simply have to change your mindset.

[bamesjond0069]

Party girls are losers. Stop thinking they are wonderful, alchoholic drug addict attention whores are LOSERS. wouldn't you think an alcholic drug addict desperate for attention man was a loser? Tits dont change that.

Not saying dont date or hookup with these girls or even be nice but treat them as they deserve not like they are so wonderful.

Also, its ok to have standards of not wanting skanky ho girls. I dont particularly fk with hos so yeah its harder to date but so what? I also dont ever have shitty girlfriends who mistreat me or cheat and stuff like that. Guys who date hos typically have to deal with that shit a lot.

[Saville_Row]

In my opinion, is possible that the type of girl you are searching for is not in the places you are looking for in the first place.

For example, if you are in a bar or a club, you will find all sorts of hot girls but I bet a great majority of them will have those mentioned high standards, will get drunk as hell and display behaviour you will not be comfortable with in a relationship. They may want less that what you want.

If you really want a good girl, attractive or not, you first need to connect over something more than a drink. Enroll yourself in activities you enjoy, like that nerdy hobbies you mention. It's possible you'll find someone out there.

[CindyRuns]

You must be... as the song says... "Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places". I adore guys just like you. If I was still single, I'd be asking you for your phone number !!!

I'd also add that I am a women who most would consider having above average looks who is married to a very average guy who I am totally in love with and who loves me.

Don't change... just find someone who appreciates who you are !!!

[cavmanier]

You seems like you check the boxes of what many girls want. Finding a girl is a numbers game. Input more girls into your funnel.

[cavmanier]

Thanks for the upvote. Also, I haven't tried online dating, but I've heard it's really bad. I bet you'd have much better success by talking to and meeting girls in person.

[wfthry]

Input more girls into your funnel.

Made me laugh 😂

[cavmanier]

@wfthry Yeah it's business jargon lol. It kind of sounds like the girl is inputting into him though.

[Jager66]

Social degeneracy is the problem.

Feminism has pushed dysfunctional hate propaganda for so long that it has saturated our culture. The result is that there are very very few decent women left and they are hard to find.

[NerdInDenial]

You can’t live your life based on the external validations of others. If you can’t get a girl, then it’s time to find another path.

[Anonymous]

Reality check boy!! Unless you're very handsome or black, these feminazis don't want you. They'll treat you like shit and ridicule you.
You'll notice some of the shallow trash here think you're attractive... maybe you should look them up? But keep a blade on you... in case they try to be bitches.

[Anonymous]

Forget their standard, it is time to lower your own. If dating is the goal, remove your standards all together. You can have someone by the end of the week.

[weirdoweirdo]

I'll have to disagree on like.. Your entire mytake..

[Lorenz965]

Would be cool if you explained why though.

[weirdoweirdo]

I've never experienced anything of the like and I have never been "putting myself out there" no I still get girls who have been interested in me and Im not tall, confident (I may seem so but Im really not), not the most athleatic nor am I the smartest either but not the dumbest tho.

I can't relate to you in any way and I live in Sweden were the sterotype is "hot blonde girls everywhere"... I've never experienced girls having "ridiculous standards".

[Lorenz965]

The fact that girls in sweeden are more open when it comes to man to woman interactions to the point where they even aproach dosnt change the fact that in other countries and or cultures the game is pretty hard, for example here in Santiago you will never see a girl aproaching a guy unless he is like the perfect male 10, because this is a very superficial society in the sense that people specially girls care too much about their social status and aproaching a guy apparently makes said social status go down, i do get what you mean though, i lived 20 years in Venezuela a more gregarious, relaxed and open minded society when it comes to man to woman interactions and i did get aproached a couple of times even though i was over weight and very shy, thing is im not in Venezuela anymore, im in Santiago de Chile a modern western capital and i think im not wrong when i say the game in this city es pretty unbalanced and hard for guys.

[weirdoweirdo]

Well most people dont see Chile as an "western country"... Its a pretty shitty definition for the word... like its pretty much all 1st world countries which are developed not just countries who are west of who fuckings knows what...

[Lorenz965]

Chile has a GDP thats very similar to you average european country besides when i say "Western" im talking about countries with a christian and greek philosophy background that influences its culture, im also talking about a country with a capitalist economy and westernized institutions that date back to the illustration period in France, Chile checks every box and thata why i believe it is in fact a western country.

[TonyRyanAgain]

I have no problem with women at all, never have. Some guys just have no luck i guess.

[Lorenz965]

Well to be fair you are 32, thats like the peak when it comes to male value to woman while im 22, my hormones are high and making my thirsty as fuck, besides i still need to learn a lot to reach my potential.

[TonyRyanAgain]

To be fair i said never have, it's not like I've ALWAYS been 32, lol.

[Lorenz965]

To be fair i didn't read that part, you dont have to be a dick about it.

[maaaaax]

OP is mentalcel. Read all of his replies. It becomes very clear. I bet he's a regular on lookism too (and if he's not, he will be LOL)

[Lorenz965]

@maaaaax Not really a mentalcel, i dated a couple of attractive woman, all im saying is i have being going through a very long dry spell and that girls dating standards are highter than the ones men have specially when it comes to behaviour, im 6ft tall, athletic and good looking why would i be a mentalcel (Guy who think is not attractive enough)?

[Leafpool2]

Maybe all women are different and there's no one way to trick them into liking you so you have to develop like, an actual personality.

[Lorenz965]

Maybe i already have a personality and you are making a very superficial assumption.

[Jager66]

lol.. wtf?

that is one hell of a lot of hate and bigotry there Leafpool2. Maybe it's time to check yourself?

[Anonymous]

Solution to your troubles: shave that "designer neck stubble". It looks horrible. You are welcome.

[Opinion Owner]

IMHO the 3rd world is much more about money status than looks, for obvious reasons (I don't know much about Chile, specifically). Why is your English so good BTW?

[Opinion Owner]

money & status

[Lorenz965]

Because its pretty easy to learn English lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you shorter than average where you live? I agree with the other commentators that "the West" almost never includes Latin America.

[Lorenz965]

Im 6ft tall and the national average is 5,5.

[Lorenz965]

www.google.com/search This looks pretty western to me.

[Opinion Owner]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_world

[Lorenz965]

''The Western world depicted in blue according to Samuel P. Huntington's Clash of Civilizations (1996).[1] Latin America, depicted in teal, is either a part of the West or a distinct enough civilization intimately related to the West and descended from it.[2]'' From the same article you sent.

[Opinion Owner]

English. stackexchange. com if you really want to debate it, but most native English speakers (as you already noticed) don't include Latin America in "the western world".

[Lorenz965]

So? i care about what the Academia and or experts say on the matter, lets be real, most native English speakers couldnt find Brasil on a map.

[Opinion Owner]

It's a question of language. Native English speakers are the gold standard here. If you choose to speak English, and refer to yourself as "Western", you've failed. by the way I looked it up for you, and Chileans are 52.25% European, on average. https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms7472

[Lorenz965]

That fuck, why whould English speakers be the gold standard for anything specially when they era technically wrong? do you even know what are the distinct cultural elements of the western culture?

[Opinion Owner]

English.stackexchange.com/.../meaning-of-western-world-and-alternative-terms (No Chile. Sorry, boyo)

[Lorenz965]

The opinion of some random dude in a forum, thats your evidence... Ok look dude, its obvious that you are too proud to admit you are wrong but that dosnt change the fact that you indeed are wrong because from a geopolitic, sociologic and historic point of view South America and specially Chile are part of the western world. Chilean institutions are based on the western idea of separation of power, our culture is deeply influenced by christianity, our music is deeply influenced by rock, rap, blues, etc all genres with a western origin, you clearly have 0 intellectual authority in this subject, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Agreed, it's difficult for most men to find someone whereas women always go for a small percentage of the male population

[ChocolateCheesecake]

That's you? Very cute

[John_Doesnt]

Having a steady job is hard.

[tartaarsaus]

r/niceguys

[Lorenz965]

Not really a nice guy though, im polite yes but i dont give people basic human decency expecting something in return.

[joanofarcher]

Honestly, I find guys who use the pejorative "niceguy" to be pretty creepy in their own rite. And usually MUCH closer to that description than they seem to realize.

[tartaarsaus]

@joanofarcher ok.

[villageidiot]

@joanofarcher You're pretty creepy yourself there Joan!

[Anonymous]

Girls are not interested in westerners?

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take