How to know if he's just friendly or a player? Will I have a chance to shoot my shot?

[Anonymous]

This classmate first attempted to talk to me in the fall 2023. Coincidentally, we got classes together again in spring 2024. He's always the person to talk to me first, I never went up to him. I'm an introvert and I'd always mind my own business or not talk to anyone. There were a few times he would come talk to me about his classes, cheer me up with a smile randomly when we are in our group projects [we were not in the same group], he would compliment me a lot like "good job" "cheer up (my name), you got this" "you can do this!", he'll wave very cutely at me a lot when I enter class, lean to me, some days it seems like he's waiting to walk with me or talk to me when we're alone, he likes to joke with me in a light hearted way, and he'd ask a lot of questions about me. He's an extroverted guy and talks with everyone but I'm only seeing him treat me this way. I caught feelings for him after 4 months of getting to know him in our light conversations. I ended up texting him first because I wanted to shoot my shot. I asked him to go out for coffee for his bday with a smirk emoji. He asked me "Are you trying to ask me out?". I hesitated in panic so I told him he was being delusional and that I was only trying to be considerate towards his bday. Plus I told him "says the guy that kept flirting and verbally love bombing me all semester with the side eye emoji". He wrote back with "My bad girl, I was reading the emojis wrong. I didn't mean to come off that way, that's just how I am with women". He never said yes or no to the coffee. After a few talks and jokes about him being a player. He says "I'm not a player. We are going to leave at, you haven't truly seen me flirt." Then he switched the subject. Overall, he seems to be a good friend. He wasn't dry in our conversations and we had a meaningful long paragraph text of our interests of life for 4 days straight. Seems like I'm in a unrequited love the whole time lol I still like him. But should I continue to pursue him?

[SueShe]

Yes, his behavior is the behavior of a player.

He seems only to behave that way with you and apparently not with other girls. That means that he has specifically singled you out because he is aware that you are an introvert and likely to fall for his tricks. An extrovert person would not fall for it because they can see right through him.

He is testing you to see if and when you are ready. The fact that you took the initiative to ask him out for a coffee made you a perfect victim in his eyes because he knows that you will be ready for picking whenever he wants. He just wants to let you wait a little longer until you are ready.

Have no illusions, once he got what he wanted from you, he will drop you and move to the next victim.

[danira]

if he behaves diferently with her it is because he is attracted to her and finds her different than the other women ; how asinine is it to call that "being a player" ?

[SueShe]

@danira I know from experience and people like him have attempted this scenario with me but I will not be fooled by those type of people that only seek to get into girls' pants and nothing more.

[DishLady]

“Continue to pursue him”? No. He’s a loser. Go get a life and stop hanging your hopes on some guy.

[Shy_Steve]

Usually if you see him talking to other Women especially more than Men and if He speaks up in group chats then He is usually a Player.

Their the Guys you find Attractive anyway aren't they?

[Sevenpointfive]

to shoot your shot? is that basketball groupie lingo? groupies aren't worth the time

[imtiaz45]

To determine if he's just friendly or a player, observe his behavior and consistency. A player often gives mixed signals, flirts with many people, and is vague about his intentions. In contrast, someone genuinely interested will show consistent attention, respect your boundaries, and make an effort to get to know you personally. Pay attention to how he treats others and whether he follows through on his words. If you feel a genuine connection and his actions align with his words, you likely have a chance to "shoot your shot." Trust your instincts and communicate openly about your feelings. read

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hiY3JUfGs-A

[danira]

You denied it was a date (it was, but you chickened out) when he asked you that question. He asked if it was a date because he wanted to clear out the nature of your meeting (I would do the same if it is not clear to me if it is a date or not), black or white, no loose ends. Then you went on and fired accusations of him being a player (based on what, if I may? up to now he doesn't show any player signs)
So he concluded it wasn't a date, and left it there -- which is the correct action in my books if he had any romantic interest in you.

It seems you lost a good romantic lead, probably due to immaturity.

People bashing this guy are morons. He did nothing wrong.

As for "should you pursue him or not", if you are interestedin dating him (dating, like adults, no "hangout" crap) you can try to ask him on a date, specifically using the word "date" and mentioning a definite day, time, place and activity.

[Nikki1989]

Good Grief!

[RossyBoi]

Be just friends with him. Never date a classmate as it will become extremely awkward for you when you break up.

[Asker]

We are the same major but we won't be classmates anymore. Some classes he took, I haven't taken yet. And there are some classes I'm taking next semester that he'll be taking next year. We will be taking different classes for our last two semesters in college before we graduate next year. But I plan to invite him to my graduation party.

[spartan55]

Don't think he is interested.

[DrPepper12]

Yes. Next question.

[In_Trance]

Talk to him

[Asker]

He doesn't have social media and we won't have anymore future classes anymore. We've been only texting through discord. He did tell me he will not delete his discord just incase I need to ask him anything and he'll check it once in a while. The last response I made, he only reacted to it. How else should I continue the conversation again?

[In_Trance]

Ask for his contact number and call him

[shesochic12]

Hey, honestly reading your post and your comment here, it seems like he's not interested in you. He never accepted the offer for coffee and seems just like a really "friendly" person. He probably likes the attention but he doesn't seem to "want" you. Remember, guys that are really interested will pursue. He should've gave you his number by now or said hey I want to delete discord here's my number so we can talk instead of just leaving you on there and saying he'll check back "every now and again." You deserve better. Nuff said.

[Asker]

@shesochic12 Thank you. You had the most honest and great response. I really appreciate it. And it does seems like it too of him not being interested in me. I'm just gonna move on from him.

[shesochic12]

:) glad to help. Best wishes!