My boyfriend liked a picture of a girl in lingerie. What should I do?

Question

hello everyone, anything I type now might sound weird because I’m in a bad place right now. I used to check the accounts of the girls my boyfriend followed on Instagram early in our relationship because I felt insecure and curious. I admit that was a bit crazy of me but at the time I thought it was okay. He used to like pictures of his “friends” in bikinis or lingerie so I told him at the time that it hurt me really bad and that I felt disrespected. After that, I thought it would end and he showed me that he changed. So I stopped checking for a while.
Today, I was just curious to see what the girls were up to bc I kinda got invested in their posts. I guess I was thinking “I wonder what they’re up to these days”. And then I saw he liked a picture of a girl (who he used to be acquaintances with) in lingerie. Someone he doesn’t talk to and someone I’ve mentioned before in the past that bothered me. I sent him a message telling him that I need space and I feel disrespected. It wasn’t the fact that he liked it (although it hurt). It was the fact that he did something that he knows would hurt me. I was about to drive an hour to bring him stuff to make him feel better because he’s sick. And I feel so sad because I spent so much time making a care package and I feel like it was all for nothing. I wish this wasn’t as important as it feels but I am really hurt. What should I do? What is a normal and healthy response to this situation?
(Just a side note, I am religious and so is he, so my ideas of modesty and relationship expectations might be different from someone who isn’t.)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm religious too so I understand. I was talking to a guy like this once. We had been talking for about 2 months when I literally caught him looking at some girl as we were on our way to the beach together. That made me feel so hurt, I cried right there seeing him. It also made me feel so bad that I thought I was going to change and be like that girl so that he would like me. (That girl was a little bigger than I was, I'm thin, but I started working on eating more, very bad idea, you never change who you are for a guy. Unless your making good changes of course) I felt like I wasn't good enough. I would also kind of do the same as you did, and check the profiles of the girls he was following. Saw he was following a bunch of girls that didn't post or dress the best stuff. I was very hurt and thought I wasn't good enough for him. Then, when we stopped talking, he got with someone else 2 months after, and He was looking at me while he was with his girlfriend. I have come to see, and some guys told me that boys like that rarely change. They have a problem within themselves and they are so used to looking or getting what they want that they will just do it out of habit. I was told by a guy, these are the types of guys that end up checking out other women when your married and not really fully invested in you. I am not sure if that is the case with this guy you were talking to. But If he can't respect you now, you should ask yourself, "Will he respect me when we're married". Or even if you don't plan on marrying him, he knows that would hurt you, I'm sure any guy with a brain knows that isn't anything a girl would want. He needs to learn to respect you and earn your trust back. you deserve someone who will respect you!

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

Shame on him. So disrespectful of him. He has a good christian woman with values and you do sweet nice stuff for him and yet he doesn't appreciate you. Who does that? what a horrible thing to do. He is a womanizer. Speaking from experience I would spend time baking cookies and brownies buy present and guys who I dated in the past took me for granted while they were messing around with the other woman. Looking back I can now say I forced myself way to much and they didn't care. I would dress cute get my hair down spendbthree hours working out each day and guess what I was still rejected by my new ex back then boyfriend. I learn now at my age at 31 no matter how beautiful you are or you could wear a beautiful outfit go to the salon to look cute if a guy doesn't love me he doesn't love me. I've learn the hard way. Don't rush forgiveness on him. Think of yourself put your well being first I made the mistake of neglecting my well being what didnI get heart broken. Treat yourself go to the spa. Or go out of a frozen yogurt take time to think fornyour self what is best for you. Pray to the Lord ask the Lordnto put the rightful spiritual men for you. Because you are very religious and this guy isn't religious he is living in the world that's going to be a huge issues. I was blinded by love it is true love blindfolds people. I made the mistake of not include God into my plans for marriage I didn't pray about my ex also I got married really young. What happened I got hurt in the long run. I am happy to help. But please take time to have a nice relaxing peaceful time think for a moment and pray fast about it if possible. Always happy to help take care.

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Okay. I have three things for you. First of all, guys have (and always will) check out pretty women. In fact, women even check out pretty women. Always been this way - always will be. Even your grandpa probably had pinups on the wall in the garage and Playboy built an empire on nothing more than a magazine of pretty women.

Second, social media is the poison of healthy relationships. The sooner you depart from it the happier you will be. Rather than make people feel connected - it makes us less connected to those around us. It’s mental lies and propaganda pipelined into our lives and brains and robs us of reality.

Third, I’ve never known a confident and self-assured woman to be threatened by the presence of an image of another woman - from a poster, to a magazine, to a movie, and now: social media. Work on you and be able to understand the presence of another woman in your orbit DOES NOT reduce your worth. When I socialize I try dearly to do so with people who have qualities & abilities I wish I had more of. Build up YOU until you recognize that your boyfriend is with you for his own reasons.
You find out he’s messaging these girls or communicating with them then you sure have something to be upset by - until then I’d take it for what it is: immature but relatively harmless behavior.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You have every right to feel the way that you do because your boyfriend is a disrespectful person , and only cares about himself , the fact that he is still liking girls’ pictures after you asked him nicely not to , shows he doesn’t truly value you or respect you as his girlfriend, and that’s something only you can decide on whether you want to continue being in a relationship like this or walk away , because how would he feel, if you were liking other guys’ pictures and he told you it hurt his feelings, but you still go and do it anyways? In a sense he is cheating on you by continuing what he is doing and you have a right to dump his ass and find yourself someone that is more respectful to you. Because what he is doing is not innocent , if I like a girls’ pictures of her on a bikini or lingerie , my intentions is to let her know I am checking her out and that I am interested in her , so don’t allow him to sugarcoat his decisions to like these girls’ he is clearly being up to no good

Apple1996 · Answer

Tell him you are gonna start watching girth master on OF and get him equally as jealous

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Look, I’m a woman too, so I know exactly how I would feel, if i’d worked so hard to make a care pack, and drive an hour to get it to him, only to find out he did something I specifically asked hime not to do because it hurt me! I also used to be very religious, I’m Jewish, and I was converting to Christianity, so I understand the biblical principle. But when Jesus said that if you so much as look at a woman with lust in your heart, you've sinned! But you need to understand that Jesus, was trying to make the point that NO amount of “works” will ever get you into the kingdom of Heaven, because I’m adding even more sins that are human nature, so it is impossible for you to do these things, because they are instinctual!

Men are going to at women, and the very first thing that 98+% of them will think is would I have sex with this woman? Whether it's an in person meeting in an office, or whether he's just walking to a shopping mall. Every single woman he looks at he immediately thinks yes, yes, yes, no, maybe, yes, yes, yes! I think expecting any man to NEVER look at other women… well, it’s just being unrealistic. Also you don’t have a ring on your finger! What right (except the right to be treated respectfully) do you have to tell him who he may and who he may not like or follow on Instagram? Could you imagine, in 2024, if a woman said “My boyfriend is so unbelievably controlling, he actually tells me who I can and cannot like on Instagram. He's literally told me that I am specifically not allowed to like any images from a friend I've known for years!” People would call that abuse if a man did it to a woman. Why do we women get special privileges when it comes to abusing our partners that men wouldn't even want let alone get!

I want you to imagine 35 years from now; You have been married for over 30yrs. He's been an excellent husband, he's never laid a hand on you in anger, and whenever you have an argument, if he's wrong, he always apologizes (and most of the time when he's right, he's still apologizes!). You have three amazing kids, four grandkids, and another on the way, and he was the absolute best father to those children that you could've ever hoped for. He has never cheated on you, not even once, nor did he even ever give you reason to suspect him of cheating. He has been your life partner and very best friend for over half your life! You pick up his phone and see that he just liked a bunch of pictures of women in bathing suits and lingerie… Do you leave him because he committed adultery? All he did was look at some pictures on the Internet and click “LIKE❤️”, Face it, under your religion (very nearly my religion), looking at a woman with lust in your heart is adultery! So again… Do you leave him, and divorce him? Because if the answer to that question is no? Then why are you making a big deal out of it now? Your choice right now is to simply accept that all men are like this, but most men lie to us and tell us that they would never do that, but they do it behind our backs, they just have an account that we don't know about! So you can reflect on this, and learn to just accept the human nature of ALL men. Or… You can change the timeline completely, you can break up with him, over something unbelievably petty in the big scheme of life! (The thing is, you cannot see into his heart. He may have just liked the picture as a way of being supportive to an old friend), and you can never speak to him again and lose that 30+ year marriage, those children, those grandchildren, and that best friend who would do anything in the world for you

I am an expert in my field. I am telling you that men are hardwired to want to have sex with as many beautiful women as possible! Our society, and especially the religions of the world don't allow that! (which makes it all the more amazing when you consider how many men are good, honest, faithful men!) But that does not change the fact that psychologically, men are wired differently to women, they seek sex, while we seek relationships! That is why women are the gatekeepers to sex, while men are the gatekeepers to relationships! God designed us to want different things. God designed women to look for safety and security in a man. Someone who could protect us and our children, and bring home food at the end of every day! God wired men to look for as many mates as possible! I would understand if you had written that he's having long protracted conversations with these women, because that would be extremely disrespectful! But he only looked at some pictures, and liked one! You will not stop him from looking at pictures of women online! And if you try, he will simply create a different account, and like them with that account. Or he will simply only access Instagram from their website using a different using username.

So yes, I understand why you feel this way. but I don't understand why you would throw away a potential lifetime of beautiful marriage, children, and being a best friend to one another over the fact that he looked at pictures! Because if you're not considering breaking up with him, why would you even ask the question? I think you'd be making a mistake to break up with him, you can try talking to him again, but just remember if he ordered you not to like a certain person's pictures, and not to look at any images of any men whatsoever on Instagram, you could call him controlling and abusive, and the sad thing is you would be right!

Aubrey97 · Answer

Well, you're right to be upset that he has told you he'd stop and is continuing and that you've made him aware you find it disrespectful and he does it still knowing that. It probably won't change. It's up to you if you want to have that conversation on more time and perhaps make the consequences more clear to him and see how it goes. Maybe he will get it and maybe he won't. Usually one conversation and things not changing is enough for me but it's up to you if you think another might get your point across. Otherwise, he's apparently just less invested in the relationship than you and watching all these things online is more important to him than your feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

When was younger, I thought like you. When I accepted who i was and comfortable in my own skin, I stopped changing myself to please a man to fit whatever he wanted. Also, I realized I can't change a man. You'll grow out of this phase.
I understand my husband is going to look at women. It's like a reflex for them. He also understands I'm going to check out other guys and girls sometimes. We trust each other to do the right thing. It saves tons of worry, and frees up that time you used for more important actions and thoughts.

JesseP1nk · Answer

You sure those picture he liked was not the old ones? Before he promised not to watch them anymore... But if he did... Is that normal and healthy response from you? - i think so. He deceived you by telling he will change - he did not. No point of take revenge by liking guy pictures/OF or something like that - because you dont believe it. And this make you feel worse. I think you should just dump him and move on. He probably say something like "i will change" - well... haven't we heard that before...

Anonymous · Answer

If you told him it upsets you then he should have stopped it. That is disrespectful towards you especially if you've told him how you feel.

The amount of skin on show on social media is ridiculous. But it's allowed. I try to not follow those types of accounts, but then bam for some reason a meme account or a facts account has a picture of a girl in a bikini for no reason!

My point is: It's hard to avoid, but if he was serious he wouldn't like the images.

However even if you're with someone doesn't mean you can't appreciate other people. And I'm not saying appreciate them as in sexualising them. Both woman and men should be able to see someone of the other gender and think they look nice or they are attractive, without it being a thing.

ruby_mk · Answer

I don’t think when he likes them he really thinks much about it men look, they like it and then they scroll. It’s really not that deep and I’m saying this being a girl. I think your emotions are very valid to feel this way. And he should be more considerate about it, because at the end of the day it is a reflection of your whole relationship

Moreover he might even imagine you when he likes those women in lingerie

Makeushiver · Answer

Was it from public media or was it private and from someone you may know? I think that would make a big difference. Guys simply like the photos of attractive women, the fewer the clothes, the better. Unless it's from someone you know, chalk out up to testosterone and don't worry. If from a mutual aquaintance, that would be different

Kelley1 · Answer

First, stop being a fool expecting men to go against their nature, and second, stop being a snoop. It is not possible for men to not appreciate pretty girls whether they are in lingerie, shorts, miniskirts, bikinis or most anything else. It has no more effect on your relationship than if he enjoys good food, or a view of nature. If you expect men to go against their nature, don't have a boyfriends and absolutely never get married.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Your boyfriend has landed himself in trouble with you because he didn't stand up to you in the first place. He took the coward's way out.

What he should have done is when you told him to stop with the bikini and lingerie stuff, is said no.. if you don't like it, leave. Thus giving you the option to accept it or not.

DishLady · Answer

If you’re so insecure about this guy, drop him. But frankly, just clicking on photos of body parts is similar to watching porn for them. It might not be tied to anything he personally feels for a girl on IG.

AlinaJanowska18 · Answer

I think it depends a lot on the stage of the relationship

n1n1999 · Answer

Everyone has their dealbreakers. You should sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart conversation with each other. He might feel like it's not a big deal, but you do. If you have communicated that you don't like him doing that, then you should reconsider whether you will be a good match in the future.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Buy a box of paper clips.

MisterWack · Answer

Lingerie is hot, how about you wear some and he’ll show you how much he ‘liked’ it.

MsProsperity · Answer

Delete social media or stop checking your man’s account. If you want to be happy

slatyb · Answer

How does that affect you? Is he ignoring you to look at a screen? That would affect you. All you can do is tell him how you feel.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Dump him. Things will only get worse.

DreamLife7 · Answer

1. He doesn't like you 2. Why tf are u asking us what to do? Are you that weak and insecure and ugly? 3. Why tf are u stalking? 4. He's not ur boyfriend you labeled him that. He doesn't like u

Hannajenky · Answer

Maybe stop stalking him online if you don’t want to hurt your own feelings

BetaBucks · Answer

Three options: Lose weight  Dump this guy Arrange a threesome with one of these girls

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Did he agree to block the ones you asked him to stop looking at?

Anonymous · Answer

You should put on some lingerie and send your man noddy photos.

Staximus · Answer

It's not that big of a deal, you need to work on not being so insecure.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

OMG the world is ending because my boyfriend liked a picture of a hoes thirst trap!

Iron_Man · Answer

You’re gonna have to set up the rules talk to him about it

Anonymous · Answer

Leave him, if you can't handle a relationship don't have one and become a nun

Anonymous · Answer

Did you tell him how it made you feel hurt? If not then maybe you should

Jessikaah91 · Answer

Go find a photo of a naked guy and like it lol

molonski2 · Answer

Nothing.. Just get on with your life.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i can't answer this without the picture

Anonymous · Answer

Break up with him without a second thought

MrsVioletta · Answer

The best solution is a rupture 💔

Anonymous · Answer

Why are you with this disrespectful person?

My boyfriend liked a picture of a girl in lingerie. What should I do?

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My boyfriend liked a picture of a girl in her underwear on Instagram?

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My boyfriend liked a picture of a girl in her underwear on Instagram?

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