To all those women that are never approached by men: Do you think we are the problem?

Anonymous

Sadly, I hate to say that I fall in this category of being invisible. I see women all the time that have men pursuing them and I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Regardless if I’m skinny or fat I’m always alone. I was never approached in HS or college. I’ve only ever been noticed online. The rare times I was approached by men in person, they were odd and not someone you’d want to be around. I hear beautiful women are approached all the time and have men lining up to meet them. While here I am, attempting to be the best version of myself, and I’m always alone. After a while, you can’t help but wonder if you or these men are the issue. “How ugly am I?” is a question you begin to ask yourself. I don’t know how often you’re complimented but it feels like these people are lying to you because your lack of dating prospects fails to measure up to how other people perceive you. It’s a path of learning to love yourself. And to those men that avoid the invisible women, you all are the issue and I hope you enjoy being single or date a women that makes your life miserable.

To all those women that are never approached by men: Do you think we are the problem?
To all those women that are never approached by men: Do you think we are the problem?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • AlienParasite
    I've never been a very approached girl, but it's not like I've never been approached, and I have get to be approached for the kind of guys I like sooner or later...

    Also discovered that when I was single before my current boyfriend, I many times missed good opportunities because I wasn't noticing subtle approaches, or denied them because I was so sure that it was just on my mind, I kind of had very low self steem to believe those subtle signals were true.

    Due to those experiences of missing opportunities I've learnt is not necessary for guy to approach me, specially because I like a type of cute boy who is usually shy, so what I learnt is to see and don't deny those subtle signs, and don't worry to make the first step, that doesn't make me less valuable, not at least for the kind of boy I like... more the other way, it makes me look emotionally strong and confident, which is nice.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1752
  • Logorithim
    It's usually not just one thing since this does not occur in a vacuum. You can make yourself more approachable, though, it most cases, or, better yet, approach a guy yourself.
    • cjennaa

      I agree. Whenever I like someone I am so worried they'll find out so I purposely ignore them, don't smile, avoid eye contact, even act standoffish.

      I don't even know why I do that, I guess I assume they won't like me and will probably make fun of me?

      I blame it on the trauma of being bullied in school!

    • Bluemax

      Very well put, Logorithim.

    • Bluemax

      @cjennaa
      I commend your self awareness. And I'm sorry you were bullied. Have you taken steps to overcome your anxieties?

    • Show All
  • btbc92
    No. We are not the problem if the guy has no courage to go up to a woman, get to know her, be a friend, and see if they are compatible. They keep making so many excuses for why they don't want to approach. They approach to date, the approach for sex, and then when you say no, all of a sudden your the worse person on the planet and deserves to die alone.

    We CAN be the problem, however, when we see the kind of person who we KNOW could be right for us and we do NOTHING to communicate this to that person. We're too busy playing flirting games instead of just acting like actual adults and get straight to the point. I only chose to date with male friends, not strangers. And any stranger that approaches me I let them know that I refuse to date unless we friends. Guys who look from afar and do nothing will have NOTHING going on between me and them. I don't know them and don't owe them anything. I'm not even concerned with such people. No backbone lets me know you have nothing to offer and possibly not a leader type of man. A man with no confidence will make me too much of a 'man' in a relationship and make me feel very insecure and untrustworthy of him. Serious people, no matter how crimpling shy they are taking a risk and take a chance. That's courage. People who do nothing are cowards, which it cannot be respected.

    They're approached because their beautiful and a guy just wants to screw. Any guy with common sense would like to get to know you. Maybe you're in the wrong places to mingle and actually making friends. Isolation is often a sign that something is wrong if your communication skills, have social anxiety, is socially inept, etc, something that our society doesn't approve of and thinks its a disease that needs fixing. Don't worry, I go through the same problem. But it sounds like to me your also dealing with gossiping also, which will deter people from you too. Just get out of those situations.

    BUT your issue also is entitled for wrong reasons and you sound too bitter. That all needs to change. You owe them nothing as they owe you nothing. Just be happy and live your life.
  • ChronicThinker
    Okay, so, you're literally saying that because men aren't attracted to you they deserve to be happy?

    That's not self-love honey, that is insecure bitterness. No one who actually loves themselves has to find gratification in the misery of others.

    So, you're a plain Jane, so what? Lots of girls are, they still get approached. Chances are your body language could be off, or your obvious insecurity is easy to read and that's making men choose not to approach you.

    Also, ever think of approaching yourself? You can't expect everything to fall into your lap just because you've seen it happen to other people.

    Work or get over it.
    • Anonymous

      I believe you meant unhappy not happy.

      I don’t believe one’s lack of self love can be so evident especially from a non verbal stance. But my lack of fortune in the love dept personally. You must empathize to some degree

  • Iwant2kno
    The last line just made my day! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

    I have to say, it’s not men’s fault. Sometimes they have been rejected so many times by beautiful women they they stop trying, they avoid approaching. Some end up feeling intimidated by women! But that’s them. I’m wondering if they are not willing to approach, why don’t you? That would prevent so many uncertainties too! 😊
  • HikerDude
    You can't blame men for avoiding invisible women, any more than invisible men can blame women for avoiding them. Both the problem and the solution lie within yourself.

    The interesting thing is that you touch on the core issue here in your use of the term "invisible women." The key in dating is to make yourself visible, to put yourself out there, to make it known you want someone. A lot of people have problems taking that step because of self-esteem issues from their past. Either they were bullied, or treated as garbage by their families, or grew up poor and ostracized from the mainstream. Those experiences taught you to expect rejection, so in many ways you don't even try.

    There is hope, though, but it comes from exactly what you stated as your next goal--learning to love yourself. Self-esteem and self-confidence is at the core of what makes people attractive. When you are proud of who you are you will project a sense of peace and joy that will draw others to you. But you will also draw a lot of negativity as well, because being highly visible makes people the targets of ridicule for the jealous and the bitter among us. That's why you need to build up a reserve of self-esteem inside yourself. The minute you step out and claim something for yourself, the vultures of the world will try to dispossess you of it. Self-esteem is the armor that will keep them all at bay.
  • dantetheexplorer
    I'm sorry. But any woman who thinks that just being physically attractive entitles her to attention of any kind is egotistical and narcissistic. It's the same as "Nice Guys" going: "But I have a car. A job. A house. Why don't women want a Nice Guy like me?"

    The whole "I'm beautiful. Why can't I have men approach me?" is just the female equivalent of the Nice Guy's "I have a decent job and make good money. Why don't women want me?"
    • -Asca-

      Car job and money have nothing to do with being nice, and "nice guys" don't think that either.

    • @-Asca- There is a mile of difference between the Nice Guys (TM) that exists in pop culture and genuinely nice guys. The fact that I used uppercase should make it abundant clear that I am referring to the former, not the latter. The Nice Guy (TM) phenomenon has been with us for more than a decade now.

    • -Asca-

      I know, but there's a reason why Nice Guys (TM) don't call themselves Financially Stable Guys. They think they are nice and respectful and therefor women owe them attention.

  • AynonOMouse
    You could try approaching a guy that you like instead of expecting the man to always be the one to do it.
    • Anonymous

      But why do other women get all the attention and I’m always avoided and alone? That’s my issue.

    • Q-tipBoy

      Try to create cheerful atmosphere around you and make yourself get noticed.

    • It may be that the kind of guys that are interested in you also happen to be the kind of guys that don't normally approach anyone. So there may have been multiple guys that liked you, but they were hoping you would have initiated something with them instead. They may be shy or something like you.

  • lernulo
    Well, if you don't even give a chance to men who really go for you, you can't blame men who don't go for you.
    After it.
    I think you must start to love before asking to be loved.
    About be the best versión of yourself, it means more that just doing activities, you must learn about yourself where you are good, where you aren't and be confortable with it.
    I see you don't say anything good about the men who looks for you and even about yourself those are bad signs.
    • Anonymous

      I’ve attempted to lose weight and what not. Be more active. Get a degree. Practice mindfulness. So yes I’ve tried.

  • Adam19E
    AS A GUY THAT NEVER GETS APPRAOCHED AND ALWAYS GETS REJECTED AND HAS NEVER HAD A GIRLFREIND, I can relate to this... im invisable to women and when i approach i find myself failing and I've asked out women in all shapes and sizes from all diffrent races and cultural backgrounds. It just never works for me like it does for other guys... the only time a woman will give me attention is when she needs an emotional tampon who can tell her how great she is and that everything is gonna be okay. Im done being the emotional tampon.. if i cnat get a date and all where gonna do is have me explain how great you are forget it. Im tired of being freindzone all the time but it never ends. I cry a lot because of how alone and isolated I've become and its made me crazy... isolation for months can make anyone crazy and I've been isolated for my whole life... i dont know why this is happening to me and why i got this shit waste of a life but hey... beggers can't be choosers. It means i can't have standards, it means i can't use dating apps because i get no matches anyway and it means I'll be forever in limbo because ill never get to experinace and know what being with a woman is likem
  • DovaahKitty
    No one is to blame but sometimes women should do the approaching.
    • Anonymous

      Are you sure no ones to blame?

    • Yea no one is. If you aren't getting approached then do the approaching.

  • genericname85
    sitting and waiting and hoping for approaches is bullshit. that happens super rarely. if you want it, go and get it and don't sit around hoping things will fall on your lap.

    you don't do this in your career do you? so why do this in your love life?
  • MrConceptkitten
    You might be so beautiful that guys are intimidated by you. Why do you think whenever you are on tv the guys at the bar daring them to go talk to the woman?
    It’s terrify! It shouldn’t be because beautiful women are just well formed molecules. They are people like anyone else.
  • NineBreaker
    Maybe you live in a community where men dont usually approach random women. I never have, and never will.

    My mama told me not to talk to strangers. I understand that everyone is a stranger until you get to know them, and sometimes you need to approach them to get to know them.

    I know, it sounds a bit paradoxical.
  • Despite
    Depends on where you're looking for guys or vice versa. But no I don't women think women are THE problem.
    • Anonymous

      Oh I know they’re not lol

    • Despite

      I was never really approached much by females in high school or college either (so join the club of guys), like actually approached though. But oh boy if she did approach or even if a woman does now then watch out - babe alert. But she has to be a kind, considerate, and gentle girl generally for me to take a liking to her advances. Girls can be inconsiderate when approaching guys (much like guys can) but many times her being inconsiderate is cute even. It's cute regardless because I respect her power to tell me things so that we can both move along together or not together. I feel like some guys are not as used to being receptive towards a woman's approach like women do when a guy that they like approaches them. Overall, pls approach and tell your friends.

  • MackToday
    It isn't just your looks that make men avoid you. If you seem mentally unstable in some way, that will do it much more so. You did wish misery on men simply for the personal choices in women that they are entitled, even duty bound by nature it's self to make. That does seem a bit unhinged.
  • Number39
    A lot of males assume that looks matters (Yes it does in dating) so most men hardly approach these days out of fears of rejection and the radical feminism as well.
  • Yes because it's impossible for a man to approach me if I never leave the house
  • nameuser1
    I'm gonna tell ya as a man there's a lot of very attractive ladies I could have approached and didn't a lot of it is self doubt and that she's to good for me thing or outta my league now that I'm older I speak to everybody it's probably not you it's guys trying to figure out themselves and being just as self conscious as anybody else idgaf what they say
  • MoneyBeets
    there's an epidemic of weak beta males and radical feminists.

    Men need to act like men.

    There's problems with feminist women but who would date those losers?
  • Kiran_Yagami
    It's not just about looks. It's about being approachable. Do you come off as someone people want to be around? Do you project a personality that makes people feel comfortable? Looks are only half the battle.
  • AllThatSweetJazz
    Obviously you have to either learn to approach or pick from what you got.
  • intjgamer
    These days it's better if the woman approaches the man. Men rarely reject a woman's advances. So go and try it out. If he is a real man he will be polite and at least talk to you for a while.
  • marcult
    I would describe myself as very Intelligent, patients, loyal , kind , love , compassion , passionate , understanding, sincerely , honest and I have big heart.. am easy going man with sense of honor, creative, and humorous
  • nvestan
    I would say, love yourself and go for it.
    many very attractive women dont get approached even though they have many men around them. why is that, men are afraid of them.
    I you think you are fat, get in a gym.
    if you think that you lack something, then work on it. Many issues are because you are scared and afraid. But you can solve it, and only you.
    ie get educated. and stop being lazy.
    I speak from personal experience, as its alike for men and women. there are many awesome guys who are afraid of approaching women, and get a nice date, with an awesome girl, even though they aren't afraid to approach or talk to a decent women.
  • Bluemax
    People can't control who they are and aren't attracted to. They can control how they react to their attraction and make wise decisions about it, but they can't control the attraction.

    These men who have approached you who you find off-putting, can you control not being attracted to them?

    Most people who say they aren't attractive are wrong. Most people who are unattractive can do something about it. As for the ones who *are* unattractive and can do nothing about it, it is no one's fault that people don't approach them.

    As for the ones who *think* they're unattractive but are wrong, or who could make themselves more attractive, then they bear some responsibility for not being approached.

    Have you considered approaching men? Do you think perhaps you are being perceived as aloof and/or unapproachable (this was a real thing with me, btw)?
    • Bluemax

      P. S. Jessica Alba with blue eyes is awful... just awful. Her dark brown eyes are a work of art.

  • Sweatyotterr
    Times are changing women should approach men more often
  • Gedaria
    You can be part of the problem. Making your self as if you don't want to be approached.. And guys too frightened to say hello...
  • LongKock
    You have self esteem issues. Who cares what these Beta Males say? Love your life. Look at my profile pic. Do you think I give a fuck what others think about me? No! I am the Captain of my ship.
  • nojokecarmichael
    It might be your body language. Use open body language that says your approachable
  • brittslitt
    I dont want to be approached unless he's hot, has a career and fat wallet. No I'm not the problem I have standards as I should
  • apple24
    I rather not be approach. I get very uncomfortable. But if you want be approachable then do what I do... lol Make eye contact and smile... lol I sometimes think I am literally invisible to guy... so I went to a rock indie band n I kept looking at the musical and he kept looking at me. So much that the girl singing looked at me and then at him. lol I mean if I want to keep going futhur I would have approach the musican at the bar and ask him questions. lol But beside that not many guys approach me. The few times I did get approach it was older and homeless people. Or when I lost weight some guys would make short convo when I was waiting for the bus... lol Or be in a place where you can be yourself and people around you will truly notice you.
  • BrokenEmpathy
    I don't understand what makes it so hard for you to take initiative instead, other than assuming we're all potential abusive misogynists
    • sanic101

      Your username fits so well with your statement

  • young_old_soul
    Well, I can point out exactly what you are doing wrong. You have this bitter, defeatist attitude that is a huge turn-off. Nobody is going to approach you if you have this chip on your shoulder, trust me it's very easy to tell. Especially after reading the part at the end, where you wish for every guy who "avoids the invisible women" to be alone or "date a women that makes your life miserable." This doesn't sound any different from what male incels say. It's not everyone else's fault for rejecting you if you don't even accept yourself.

    Once you realize that your attitude is most of the problem, and learn how to fix that, your luck will improve.

    I've had this conversation before with many different guys and girls. All of them either realized that their attitude was the problem and fixed it, and suddenly became able to get dates, or they refused to and continued to blame everyone else but themselves, and are still alone.
  • AJC997
    Yeah this confirms to me that extreme plastic surgery is the only way I can get a date. Unless your 9/10, 6 feet tall, have millions of dollars in the bank- women hate you
  • yeeeeeeeet
    This makes me wanna go ask out the next random woman I see.
  • smartman12
    It's the standards of most women in America that is the problem not women in general. These high standards created the MGTOW movement.
  • -Asca-
    Here you are, drowning in self-pity, while those guys that actually approached you are probably thinking the exact same as you are.
  • wanna2
    I'm pretty much the same way, I see beautiful ladies falling for some of the sorriest excuses for men. I don't get it either.
  • eMaNnUeL
    That last bit at the end makes you sound really unpleasant. Also you have to look at it from the guy's perspective. I think a lot of women seem to forget men are human too. We aren't gonna approach someone when we don't feel there's gonna be good results, everyone has a fear of rejection. Not to mention men have become less likely to approach women in the 1st place with how much it's becoming a taboo to do so, but MANY things can impact why guys are or aren't approaching you. Sometimes it may be your fault, other times it may not. Things like your own appearance and body language impact them, things like setting impacts them. Who you're with will impact this.
  • Mahof
    Somtimes you have to look in the mirrors and see that the problem is looking back at you.
  • Nobody is the problem. The solution is talking face to face. If rejected, move on.
  • baby19361936
    First love yourself, then everything will fall in place
  • AdmiralSirJohn
    There is a simple solution to the problem of the invisible woman: the invisible man.

    He's not hard to find. Just look for the loneliest, most unapproachable guy in any situation. The guy sitting in the back or in some dark corner, looking absolutely useless.

    Show interest. I mean REAL interest. Sit down or fall into step with him and just say it.

    "I'm looking for a boyfriend and I think you might be him."

    But initiative is important, because the invisible man is completely clueless.

    Some, like me, are so clueless that it takes a frying pan to the back of the head.
  • John0100
    I never approach women at all but if you wanna talk why not.🤷🏽‍♂️
  • carinasummer
    there is no blame but there is a way to approach women or men that you don't know which is ethical
    • Anonymous

      Are you sure there’s no blame?

  • LtJackass
    That took a sharp 180.
    • Anonymous

      360v

  • faithie_Artist
    Because that’s what males are suppose to do
    • Anonymous

      Exactly my point lol

  • labit178
    Do you have a resting bitch face?
    • Anonymous

      So I’ve been told

    • labit178

      Smile at guys you like

    • maximus99

      RBF guarantees that most guys will just ignore you.

  • Secret6620
    There is no blame
  • Why on Earth do we have to do the approaching?
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